Naked Science Forum
General Discussion & Feedback => Just Chat! => Topic started by: Karen W. on 23/09/2008 18:24:34
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Like this...
Itsy Bitsy teenie weenie Yellow polka-dot Bikini
She was afraid to come out of the locker
She was as nervous as she could be
She was afraid to come out of the locker
She was afraid that somebody would see
Two, three, four, tell the people what she wore
It was an itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini
That she wore for the first time today
An itsy, bitsy, teentie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini
So in the locker she wanted to stay
Two, three, four, stick around we'll tell you more
She was afraid to come out in the open
And so a blanket around she wore
She was afraid to come out in the open
And so she sat bundled up on the shore
Two, three, four, tell the people what she wore
It was an itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini
That she wore for the first time today
An itsy, bitsy, teentie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini
So in the blanket she wanted to stay
Two, three, four, stick around we'll tell you more
Now she's afraid to come out of the water
And I wonder what she's gonna do
Now she's afraid to come out of the water
And the poor little girl's turning blue
Two, three, four, tell the people what she wore
It was an itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini
That she wore for the first time today
An itsy, bitsy, teentie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini
So in the water she wanted to stay
(From the locker to the blanket)
(From the blanket to the shore)
(From the shore to the water)
Yes, there isn't any more
OR
The One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater
Well I saw the thing coming out of the sky
It had one long horn and one big eye
I commenced to shakin' and I said oo-wee
It looks like a purple people eater to me
It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater
Sure looks good to me
Well, he came down to earth and he lit in a tree
I said mr Purple People Eater don't eat me
I heard him say in a voice so gruff
I wouldn't eat you 'cos you're too tough
It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater
It sure looks strange to me
I said mr Purple People Eater what's your line
He said eating purple people and it sure is fine
But that's not the reason that I came to land
I wanna get a job in a rock 'n roll band
Well, bless my soul rock 'n roll flying' purple people eater
Pigeon-toed under-growed flyin' purple people eater
one-eyed one-horned it was a people eater
What a sight to see
Well, he swung from the tree and he lit on the ground
he started to rock really rockin' around
It was a crazy ditty with a swinging tune
Wop bop a lula wop bam boom
one-eyes one-horned flying people eater
Ooh, it sure looks strange to me
Well he went on his way and then what do you know
I saw him last night on a TV show
He was a blowin' it out and really knockin' them dead
Playing rock 'n roll music through the horn in his head
[Back to the Shrine]
Please add some funny song luff as Neil Might put it!
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My mom taught me this one when I was a kid...
Did you ever think
When the hearse went by,
That you may be
The next to die?
They wrap you up
In a big white sheet,
And put you down
Six feet deep.
The worms crawl in,
The worms crawl out,
The ants play pinochle
On your snout.
And then you turn
A grassy green,
And puss runs out
Like whipping cream.
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I have heard that one too.. Good one!
"The Streak" Ray Stevens
Hello, everyone, this is your action news reporter with all the news
that is news across the nation, on the scene at the supermarket. There
seems to have been some disturbance here. Pardon me, sir, did you see
what happened?
(Witness):
Yeah, I did. I's standin' overe there by the tomaters, and here he
come, running through the pole beans, through the fruits and vegetables,
nekkid as a jay bird. And I hollered over t' Ethel, I said, "Don't
look, Ethel!" But it's too late, she'd already been incensed.
(Chorus)
Here he comes, look at that, look at that
There he goes, look at that, look at that
And he ain't wearin' no clothes
Oh, yes, they call him the Streak
Look at that, look at that
Fastest thing on two feet
Look at that, look at that
He's just as proud as he can be
Of his anatomy
He goin' give us a peek
Oh, yes, they call him the Streak
Look at that, look at that
He likes to show off his physique
Look at that, look at that
If there's an audience to be found
He'll be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique
(Reporter):
This is your action news reporter once again, and we're here at the gas
station. Pardon me, sir, did you see what happened?
(Witness):
Yeah, I did. I's just in here gettin my car checked, he just appeared
out of the traffic. Come streakin' around the grease rack there, didn't
have nothin' on but a smile. I looked in there, and Ethel was gettin'
her a cold drink. I hollered, "Don't look, Ethel!" But it was too
late. She'd already been mooned. Flashed her right there in front of
the shock absorbers.
(Chorus)
He ain't crude, look at that, look at that
He ain't lewd, look at that, look at that
He's just in the mood to run in the nude
Oh, yes, they call him the Streak
Look at that, look at that
He likes to turn the other cheek
Look at that, look at that
He's always makin' the news
Wearin' just his tennis shoes
Guess you could call him unique
(Reporter):
Once again, your action news reporter in the booth at the gym, covering
the disturbance at the basketball playoff. Pardon me, sir, did you see
what happened?
(Witness):
Yeah, I did. Half time, I's just goin' down thar to get Ethel a snow
cone. And here he come, right out of the cheap seats, dribbling, right
down the middle of the court. Didn't have on nothing but his PF's.
Made a hook shot and got out through the concessions stand. I hollered up
at Ethel, I said, "Don't look, Ethel!" But it was too late. She'd
already got a free shot. Grandstandin', right there in front of the
home team.
(Chorus) (Witness):
Oh, yes, they call him the Streak Here he comes again.
Look at that, look at that Who's that with him?
The fastest thing on two feet Ethel? Is that you, Ethel?
Look at that, look at that What do you think you're
He's just as proud as he can be doin'? You git your
Of his anatomy clothes on!
He's gonna give us a peek
Oh, yes, they call him the Streak Ethel! Where you goin'?
Look at that, look at that Ethel, you shameless
He likes to show off his physique hussy! Say it isn't so,
Look at that, look at that Ethel! Ethelllllll!!!
If there's an audience to be found
He'll be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique
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My mther has tuberculosis
She only has one lung,
she spits up her blood in a bucket
and dries it and chews it for gum
Dentine, Dentine,
She dries it and chews it for gum! Yum, Yum
(An aberration of a Dentine chewing gum commercial from the late 50's early 60's)
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OH MY GOSH......... LOL Thats horrible!
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Not a song, but words & phrases strung together:
Great Barrier Reef Nottingham and egg you on top of a busting out all over the top lads and lassies full of meaty chunky boys and girls come out to play at silly buggers.
For the benefit of those non UK or not old enough to remember, Lassie was a dog food brand with the slogan 'Lassies full of meaty chunks'.
Or how about,
Stretched across a bilge tank,
Can't you see it now.
Half a ton of kippers,
Backside of a whale.
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Or the song by Hughes Corporation, 'Rock the Boat'.
Our love is like a ship on the ocean,
We've been sailing with a cargo full of,
Dulux emulsion.
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Reptiles and Samurai from Oingo Boingo
Reptiles and Samurai
Inhabit my head
Invading my dreams
Sleeping in my bed
They battle but they never die
They hear what I hear
Watching thru my eyes
They don't like what they see
Reptiles and Samurai
Are under my skin
They hide in my mind
They speak with my tongue
They run amuck in my terrain
They are not friends
But they are forced reluctantly
To share my brain
1ST BRIDGE
Reptiles have silly grins
Dark eyes--shiny teeth--some have fins
Samurai they smile never
Serious--pretty swords--very clever
CHORUS
Sometimes I watch you from this place way in the sky
Your face is young and shiny transformed right before my eyes
Without warning, without reason
To Samurai and lizards
reptiles and Samurai
Samurai and lizards
Reptiles and Samurai
Reptiles and Samurai
Inhabit my head
Invading my dreams
Sleeping in my bed
They battle but they never die
2ND BRIDGE
Reptiles have pretty scales
They run real fast--they like to bite--some have tails
Samurai like their water hot--very brave
They eat raw fish--they fight alot
CHORUS
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And, of course, just for us "weird" scientists...
From my heart and from my hand
Why don't people understand
My intentions
Weird....ooo!
Weird Science
Plastic tubes and pots and pans
Bits and pieces and
Magic from the hand
We're makin'
(Weird science)
Things I've never seen before
Behind bolted doors
Talent and imagination
(Weird science)
Not what teacher said to do
Makin' dreams come true
Living tissue, warm flesh
(Weird science)
Plastic tubes and pots and pans
Bits and pieces (and)
Bits and pieces (and)
(Bits of) my creation--Is it real?
It's my creation...my creation
It's my creation
Weird Science
Weird.....ooo!
(Weird science)
Magic and technology
Voodoo dolls and chants
Electricity We're makin'
(Weird science)
Fantasy and microchips
Shooting from the hip
Something different
We're makin'
(Weird science)
Pictures from a magazine
Diagrams and charts
Mending broken hearts (and makin')
(Weird science)
Something like a recipe
Bits and pieces (and)
Bits and pieces (and)
(Bits of) my creation--Is it real?
It's my creation--I do not know
No hesitation--No heart of gold
Just flesh and blood--I do not know
I do not know
From my heart and from my hand
Why don't people understand
My intentions . . . .
OOoo OOoo OOoo, weird science
Magic and technology [voodoo dolls and chants]
Weird Science
Things we never seen before [behind open doors]
Weird Science
Not what teacher said to do
Bits and pieces (and)
Bits and pieces (and)
(Bits of) my creation--Is it real?
It's my creation--I do not know
No hesitation--No heart of gold
Just flesh and blood--I do not know
It's my creation
It's my creation...ooo!
my creation...OOOOO!
my creation
It's my creation
From my heart and from my hand
Why don't people understand
My intentions . . . . Oooh, weird
OOOooo OOOooo OOOooo
weird science ooo!
Weird
weird science ooo!
(oh whoa-oh whoa-oh whoa-oh)
Bits and pieces
Bits and pieces and
weird science ooo!
weird science ooo!
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Prelude, After the Gold Rush.
Well I dreamed I saw the knights in armor coming
Saying something about a king
There were peasants singing and drummers drumming
And the archer split the tree
There was a fanfare blowing to the sun
That was floating on the breeze
Look at mother nature on the run
In the twenty-first century
Look at mother nature on the run
In the twenty-first century
I was lying in a burned out basement
With the full moon in my eyes
I was hoping for replacement
When the sun burst through the sky
There was a band playing in my head
And I felt like I could cry
I was thinking about what a friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie
Thinking about what a friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie
Well I dreamed I saw the silver spaceships flyin'
In the yellow haze of the sun
There was laughing, crying and colors flying
All around the chosen one
All in a dream, all in a dream, the loading had begun
Flying mother nature's silver seed to a new home in the sun
They were flying mother nature's silver seed to a new home
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Ernie, the fastest milkman in the west (Benny Hill)
You could hear the hoof beats pound
As they raced across the ground
And the clatter of the wheels
As they spun round and round
And he galloped into Market Street
His badge upon his chest
His name was Ernie
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
Now Ernie loved a widow
A lady known as Sue
She lived all alone in Linley Lane
At number twenty two
They said she was too good for him
She was haughty, proud and chic
But Ernie got his cocoa there
Three times every week
They called him Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
She said she'd like to bathe in milk
He said alright sweetheart
And when he finished work one night
He loaded up the cart
He said you wanted pasturised
Coz pasturised is best
She says Ernie I'll be happy
If it comes up to me chest
And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
Now Ernie had a rival
An evil looking man
Called Two Ton Ted from Teddington
And he drove the bakers van
He tempted her with his treacle tarts
And his tasty wholemeal bread
And when she saw the size
Of his hot meat pies
It very near turned her head
She nearly swooned at his macaroon
And he said now if you treat me right
You'll have hot rolls evry morning
And crumpets every night
He knew once she'd sampled his layer cake
He'd have his wicked way
And all Ernie had to offer
Was a pint of milk a day
Poor Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
One lunchtime Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door
It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four
And as he leaped down from of his van
Hot blood through his veins did course
And he went across to Ernie's cart
And he didnarf kick his horse
Who's name was Trigger (Trigger)
And he pulled the fastest milkcart in the west
Now Ernie rushed out into the street
His goldtop in his hand
He said if you want to marry susie
You'll fight for her like a man
Oh why don't we play cards for her
He sneeringly replied
And just to make it interesting
We'll have a shilling on the side
Now Ernie dragged him from his van
And beneath the blazing sun
They stood there face to face
And Ted went for his bun
But Ernie was to quick
Things didn't go the way ted planned
And a strawberry flavoured youghurt
Sent it spinning from his hand
Now Sue she ran between them
And tried to keep them apart
And Ernie pushed her aside
And a rock cake caught him underneath his heart
And he looked up in pained surprise
As the concrete hardened crust
Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye
And Ernie bit the dust
Poor Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
Ernie was only fifty-two, he didn't want to die
Now he's gone to make deliveries
In that milkround in the sky
Where the customers are angels
And ferocious dogs are banned
And a milkmans life is full of fun
In that fairy dairy land
But a woman's needs are many fold
And Sue she married Ted
But strange things happened on their wedding night
As they lay in their bed
Was that the trees a rustling
Or the hinges of the gate
Or Ernies ghostly goldtop a rattling in their crate
They won't forget Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
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oh my..... those are really great lyrics..LOL!!
I really love it.... fun stuff!!!! YAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
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If it's silly you want, how about this one recorded in 1961 by the brilliant Tommy Cooper:
DON'T JUMP OFF THE ROOF, DAD
____________________________________
Daddy came home from work tired
His boss had been driving him mad.
The kids were all shouting, the dog bit him too
His dinner was nothing but boiled over stew.
I guess it was then he decided
Up to the rooftop he'd go
He was about to jump off when
The kids started howling below
'Don't jump off the roof, Dad
You'll make a hole in the yard
Mother's just planted petunias
The weeding and seeding was hard
If you must end it all, Dad
Won't you please give us a break
Just take a walk down the park, Dad
And there you can jump in the lake.'
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POOR DADDY! BOO HOO.... Very odd lyrics.. Good though!
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POOR DADDY! BOO HOO.... Very odd lyrics.. Good though!
Tommy Cooper was a very odd man. I went to see him at a local performance many years ago when he had the audience in stiches before he even came on stage.
Try this quick snip from his TV show.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNo__vsZCtE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNo__vsZCtE)
Here's the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iPPyMRWydQ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iPPyMRWydQ)
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I read a bunch of his jokes.. I liked him.... funny man!!!
thanks for the links I will go see and listen.....
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A poem, not a song but very funny.
The Battle of Hastings
I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings,
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became King of England,
And 'Arold got shot in the eye.
It were this way - one day in October
The Duke, who were always a toff
Having no battles on at the moment,
Had given his lads a day off.
They'd all taken boats to go fishing,
When some chap in t' Conqueror's ear
Said 'Let's go and put breeze up the Saxons;'
Said Bill - 'By gum, that's an idea.'
Then turning around to his soldiers,
He lifted his big Nonnan voice,
Shouting - 'Hands up who's coming to England.'
That was swank 'cos they hadn't no choice.
They started away about tea-time -
The sea was so calm and so still,
And at quarter to ten the next morning
They arrived at a place called Bexhill.
King 'Arold came up as they landed -
His face full of venom and 'ate -
He said 'lf you've come for Regatta
You've got here just six weeks too late.'
At this William rose, cool but 'aughty,
And said 'Give us none of your cheek;
You'd best have your throne re-upholstered,
I'll be wanting to use it next week.'
When 'Arold heard this 'ere defiance,
With rage he turned purple and blue,
And shouted some rude words in Saxon,
To which William answered - 'And you.'
'Twere a beautiful day for a battle;
The Normans set off with a will,
And when both sides was duly assembled,
They tossed for the top of the hill.
King 'Arold he won the advantage,
On the hill-top he took up his stand,
With his knaves and his cads all around him,
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
The Normans had nowt in their favour,
Their chance of a victory seemed small,
For the slope of the field were against them,
And the wind in their faces an' all.
The kick-off were sharp at two-thirty,
And soon as the whistle had went
Both sides started banging each other
'Til the swineherds could hear them in Kent.
The Saxons had best line of forwards,
Well armed both with buckler and sword -
But the Normans had best combination,
And when half-time came neither had scored.
So the Duke called his cohorts together
And said - 'Let's pretend that we're beat,
Once we get Saxons down on the level
We'll cut off their means of retreat.'
So they ran - and the Saxons ran after,
Just exactly as William had planned,
Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
When the Conqueror saw what had happened,
A bow and an arrow he drew;
He went right up to 'Arold and shot him.
He were off-side, but what could they do?
The Normans turned round in a fury,
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till the fight were all over bar shouting,
And you couldn't see Saxons for dust.
And after the battle were over
They found 'Arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with an eye-full of arrow
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
By Marriott Edgar (1880 - 1951)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKTB2jmVccg&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKTB2jmVccg&feature=related)
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And this is a northern song about love in the hen house and other foul places.
The Bantam Cock
The Bantam Cock
He was a fine upstanding bantam-cock
So brisk, and stiff, and spry...
With a springy step, and a jaunty plume,
And a purposeful look in his eye
In his little black laughing eye!
So I took him to the coop and introduced him to
My seventeen wide-eyed hens
And he tupped and he tupped as a hero tupps,
And he bowed to them all, and then,
He up and took 'em all again!
Then upon the peace of my ducks and geese
He boldly did intrude
And with glazed eyes and opened mouths
They bore him with fortitude...
And a little bit of gratitude!
He jumped my giggling guinea-fowl!
He thrust his attentions upon
Twenty hysterical turkeys,
And a visiting migrant swan!
And the bantam thundered on!
He groped my fan-tail pigeon doves,
My lily-white Columbine,
And as I was lookin' at me budgerigar,
He jumped my parrot from behind!
And it was sittin' on me shoulder at the time!
But all of a sudden, with a gasp and a gulp,
He clapped his wings to his head!
He lay flat on his back with his feet in the air;
My bantam-cock was dead!
And the vultures circled overhead!
What a noble beast!
What a champion cock!
What a way to live and die!
As I dug him a grave to protect his bones,
From those hungry buzzards in the sky,
The bantam opened up his eyes!
He gave me a wink, and a terrible grin,
The way that rapists do....
He said, "Do you see them silly daft buggers up there?
They'll be down in a minnit 'er two!
They'll be down in a minnit 'er two!"
JB
APR99
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(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmilies.vidahost.com%2Fcontrib%2Fblackeye%2Flol.gif&hash=527db703a0cc6088ff7730a628ffda21)(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmilies.vidahost.com%2Fotn%2Frealhappy%2Fxxrotflmao.gif&hash=9305e8f5c6835b89f937b9431e9e9fbf)(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmilies.vidahost.com%2Fcontrib%2Flilly%2Fhmm3grin2orange.gif&hash=7a2f59dc32e24fe5463b4a8b699f21b5)(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmilies.vidahost.com%2Fotn%2Frealhappy%2Fmhihi.gif&hash=b67e7da1685d85c3f56715b9a33446c1)
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SHARON!!!!! [:o]
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This isn't a song but a monologue and is best read aloud in a slow north-country English way.
It dates from the early 20th-century and would have been popular with holidaymakers at the seaside in theatres during the evening.
There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool, That's noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom , Went there with young Albert, their son.
A grand little lad was young Albert, All dressed in his best;quite a swell,
With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle, The finest that Woolworth's could sell.
They didn't think much to the Ocean: The waves, they was fiddlin' and small,
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded, Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.
So, seeking for further amusement, They paid and went into the Zoo,
Where they'd Lions and Tigers and Camels, And old ale and sandwiches too.
There were one great big Lion called Wallace; His nose were all covered with scars,
He lay in a somnolent posture, With the side of his face on the bars.
Now Albert had heard about Lions, How they was ferocious and wild,
To see Wallace lying so peaceful, Well, it didn't seem right to the child.
So straightway the brave little feller, Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took his stick with its 'orses 'ead 'andle And pushed it in Wallace's ear.
You could see that the Lion didn't like it, For giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im, And swallowed the little lad 'ole.
Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence, And didn't know what to do next,
Said " Mother! Yon Lion's 'et Albert," And Mother said " Well, I am vexed!"
Then Mr. and Mrs. Rarnsbottom, Quite rightly, when all's said and done,
Complained to the Animal Keeper, That the Lion had eaten their son.
The keeper was quite nice about it; He said " What a nasty mishap.
Are you sure that it's your boy he's eaten ? " Pa said "Am I sure ? There's his cap! "
The manager had to be sent for. He came and he said " What's to do ? "
Pa said " Yon Lion's 'et Albert, And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too."
Then Mother said, " Right's right, young feller; I think it's a shame and a sin,
For a lion to go and eat Albert, And after we've paid to come in."
Then off they went to the Police Station, In front of the Magistrate chap;
They told 'im what happened to Albert, And proved it by showing his cap.
The manager wanted no trouble, He took out his purse right away,
Saying " How much to settle the matter ? " And Pa said " What do you usually pay?"
But Mother had turned a bit awkward, When she thought where her Albert had gone.
She said " No ! someone's got to be summonsed", So that was decided upon.
The Magistrate gave his opinion That no one was really to blame,
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms , Would have further sons to their name.
At that Mother got proper blazing, " And thank you, sir, kindly," said she.
" What, waste all our lives raising children, To feed ruddy Lions? Not me!"
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Blakestyger - that was written by Marriot Edgar & made famous by the incomparable Stanley Holloway.
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Yes - and you can hear him read it on You-tube. [;D]
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Yes - and you can hear him read it on You-tube. [;D]
It's a classic
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Very good.. I loved it!
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Blakestyger - that was written by Marriot Edgar & made famous by the incomparable Stanley Holloway.
Hastings was written by Marriot Edgar too. In fact he wrote tonnes of comic poems...tonnes.