Naked Science Forum
On the Lighter Side => New Theories => Topic started by: MonikaS on 22/07/2009 20:52:19
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To the mods: If you think this thread would be better placed in the "Just Chat" section, feel free to move it. But hey... it will hopefully make up a new theory.
So what do we need for a conspiracy theory (CT)... I allways think no CT is complete without a deity or alien or a combination of both.
The Grand Canyon really is the landing mark of a huge alien spacecraft, the remains of the spacecraft are hidden in the Bermuda Triangle and are the cause of all those vessels and aircrafts disapearing. The aliens live in a large base under Roswell/Area 52. Oh yeah and those aliens have infiltrated the universities, that's why scientists tell those lies about the formation of the Grand Canyon.
So what are those aliens up to next, what did they do? Where they responsible for 9/11 too? Come on fellow Conspiraty Theorists, help me out here!
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In september 11;
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F_iq2vQY1Jeaw%2FSeDBjiZPwDI%2FAAAAAAAAMlU%2FXR97OtNBaLE%2Fs400%2Fpentagon.jpg&hash=f1c4e4cfd35dbc051e7fca0d57788304)
OK...where's the jetliner debris?
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Jeez, I hate conspiracy theories. Is that a CT too? [:-\]
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Yeah! The aliens must have done the damage to the Pentagon!
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Jeez, I hate conspiracy theories. Is that a CT too? [:-\]
The proper CT response to that is: Ooooooh but you don't have an open mind! Or the aliens make you hate CTs.
Now guess why I've started this thread... [;D]
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Surely the greatest conspiracy theory would be that all the other conspiracy theories are actually fed to us by aliens in order for them to distract us from what they're really doing - maybe stealing all our bees?
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Surely the greatest conspiracy theory would be that all the other conspiracy theories are actually fed to us by aliens in order for them to distract us from what they're really doing - maybe stealing all our bees?
WOW you finaly solved the problem of the bees dying all over the world. The aliens are collecting the life energy! Perhaps little tin foil hats for the bees will help! Big Pharma will of course deny all this, because they are under the thumb of the aliens. It's obvious why the US suffers more from colony colapse, the aliens are living under Roswell after all.
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OK...where's the jetliner debris?
It would have had to have been removed by the NTSB before work on clearing the building damage could be started.
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I think that organised religion beat us to the goal of the best conspiracy theory ever. (For the traditonal interpretation of the word "theory" in this case.
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I think that organised religion beat us to the goal of the best conspiracy theory ever. (For the traditonal interpretation of the word "theory" in this case.
Ooops! I think you're right.
I have allways wanted to found a religion, must be like a license to print money.
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One of the most nonsensical conspiracy theories that some gullible people still believe is the official conspiracy theory of what happened on 9/11, although when presented with the evidence that this version cannot be true, most, apart from the terminally gullible, do realise they were taken for fools.
This outlandish conspiracy theory has skinny Arabs successfully taking over 4 cockpits armed with nothing more than boxcutters..
It has Hani Honjour who has never flown a jet aircraft previously performing maneuvers most experienced pilots couldn't perform to hit the low lying Pentagon, all the while eluding the 80-odd cameras on that side of the building..
It has the twin towers collapsing though themselves at near freefall speed supposedly just from isolated damage and fire high up, displaying characteristics of controlled demolition all the way down such as rapid onset, mid-air pulverisation of the concrete, demolition "squibs", lateral ejections of multi-ton steel... Really you only need a pair of eyes to see these buildings didn't naturally collapse, they were blown to smithereens.
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ae911truth.org%2Fimages%2Fexplo2.jpg&hash=44c5cae4f1d6d570fc823ae70cb66d69)
This official conspiracy theory has a third highrise (WTC7)falling in the exact same manner as a classic implosion supposedly as a result of fire, fortunately, upon seeing this collapse most people realise they've been conned because they cannot recognise WTC7s collapse as anything other than a controlled demolition, therefore they slowly-but-surely realise the whole official conspiracy theory is a hoax.
Here is a short vid of WTC 7s demolition on 9/11:
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L_D,
it is upsetting to see some brilliant minds unable to digest any other information outside of their parameters. These people are being boxed in their own world by books, theories and todays' education system with clearly defined black letters on white pages. No place for gray...
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"Really you only need a pair of eyes to see these buildings didn't naturally collapse, they were blown to smithereens."
Nearly right, actually, if you watch the video closely you will see that they were
HIT BY A BLOODY GREAT JET PLANE
There's really not a lot of debate about that; there are plenty of witnesses.
Re.
"therefore they slowly-but-surely realise the whole official conspiracy theory is a hoax."
Dream on.
No conspiracy or hoax is needed here. If you have people who are prepared to die and they come up with a strategy nobody has tried before, they just need to be a bit jucky to succeed.
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I've always been a great *fan* of the moon landing conspiracies - they just crack me up!
Although...
Did you ever wonder how they did those shots from the moon where the lander launches back to orbit and the camera on the moon's surface tracks the accent! Doo doo, doo doo! [twilight zone music]
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X-ray -> jinn = alien!
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I think that conspiracies do occur, because they have clearly occurred in the past. However, I don't think they're anywhere as common as some people seem to think. I'm reminded of a comment made by Sir Bernard Ingham, ex-PM Marget Thatcher's press secretary: "Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory."
He wasn't the first to express that sentiment, but it was probably the first time I ever believed something he'd said.
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The ultimate conspiracy theory:
The internet is alive and planning a take over of all our minds. Soon we'll all be addicted to the games and music videos. As soon as we become completely dependent upon our daily fix, it will infiltrate our personalities completely and control the whole world. The internet is alive with artificial intelligence and it is watching, waiting, and listening to our every thought and move.
Ofcourse this is absurd and can't be true,...........can it??????
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Ohhh wonderful Ethos! You're definitely onto something.
Do you think it's behind 911 and the moon landings too? It must be, because it has the power to alter its content!
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Ohhh wonderful Ethos! You're definitely onto something.
Do you think it's behind 911 and the moon landings too? It must be, because it has the power to alter its content!
Clearing my throat; gruuuraaaahhh...............Absolutely MonikaS. In fact, if I can be allowed to manipulate the meaning of the word a tad, the FACT is, every other conspiracy out there is already being controlled by the internet. Go figure??
Ohhhhh my Gosh, I just realized; It now knows that I'm on to it. Maybe I should say my goodby's already, I'm sure it's planning my demise as we speak...............Yeahhhhh,,,,right!
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CTs
1. Cell phones are programmed to come alive and kill people on 1/1/2010
2. AIDS is being spread through condoms
3. Evolution is made up
An important element of all conspiracy theories is that it has to be compelling to a small group of people that are dedicated followers. You need a Bob Jones or two and people willing to drink the cyanide. Any ideas that become mainstream lose their fascination.
A conspiracy theory needs to begin with a target that is large, i.e. government, industry, or religion. Then you make a claim against that group in which they are attempting to manipulate the bulk of the people like sheep. Finally, you have to 'release' secret information that exposes this nefarious plot.
So let's take cancer. Let's suppose that someone out there is causing cancers on purpose. I suggest it is the bottled water industry. The bottlers have a cartel in which they are administering low doses of carcinogenic materials that over time cause cancers. Or do they? Maybe we are part of an experiment to alter people to produce extra organs that can be removed and used for transplant purposes. Cancers are just a mistake in all of this tinkering with people.
So what I suggest is that a powerful and secret cartel of transplant doctors has created the bottled water industry to disseminate organ growing drugs across the population to supply the transplant market for the wealthy.
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Ähem! It's FACT™, just like TRUTH™!
The mobile phones are truly evil! Let's not forget the evil rays those phones emit!
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Cell phones were actually the first attempt at producing multiple organ growth in what seem to be ordinary people. Unfortunately, the effects serve mainly to induce blatheritis, a once rare psychological condition in which the victim chatters endlessly about nil. That was the main reason for the technological switch to the bottled water industry.
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I have allways wanted to found a religion, must be like a license to print money.
Monika, me too! Mine has been dormant for a while, you can be a partner.
Currently, all donations are requested to be sent to us at:
YouBeSaved
PO Box 1
Dallas, TX
Dallas is a very credible address for a new Answer From Above. And for asking for donations to help us fight evil!
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What do you propose for the new religion? Let's get some ideas rolling.
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Great! I finaly found partners! I'll do the European branch of our religion.
Yeah we need ideas and a good name too!
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Monika, is YouBeSaved from the previous page too lame?
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What do you propose for the new religion? Let's get some ideas rolling.
Stereo, maybe you have the cart before the horse. Don't we first need a good scandal to attract people? Then we build from there...
Perhaps we need to appoint someone to head up a new Division of Extramarital Affairs and Larceny............
But I don't claim to know all (except in Matters Of The Universe and Right Living, as any Good New Religion Founder-Partner should know), so jump right in!......
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A scandal is always good for getting a new religion started, or something juicy... What about making extramarital activites mandatory? <ponder> That would make marriage for all members mandatory too... Oh yes I've got an idea! We can do huge marriage ceremonies Moonie style! Do we want a jus primae noctis?
YouBeSaved sounds a bit lame... First Church of Naked/Stripped Salvation or something like that.
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Wow, Monika, I second that FCN/SS name motion! Excellent.
My only concern with jus primae noctis is that we could wind up competing with other recent startups' promises of many virgins and perhaps we might get hurt in the process by.....zealots. We need to stay focused on greed, larceny and merely contemptible behavior and tactics.
After all, we're only out for fame, money and power, right? OK, illicit romance, too.
But I'm thrilled that you agree with the scientific pursuit of scandal!
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Wow, Monika, I second that FCN/SS name motion! Excellent.
Hey; I like that; and once in power we'll have to dispense with normal legislative bodies; we can appoint our own shadow government and just ignore the old cronies.
Then we'll need to silence the opposition by cutting off their radio and TV access.
[:)] Oops; sounds kinda familiar. [::)]
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Vern, I get shivers thinking of all the possibilities, they're endless! And to have government and mass media at our beck and call! I can't wait for my mailorder Pontiff hat to arrive, it's baby blue...
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What if the conspiracy is that clothing is used to deploy either mind control devices or drugs. Then we ask for the members of the Church of Stripped Salvation to remove their mind control devices. We'll poke loads of fun at silly 'taggers' that attempt to remove the mind controlling elements of clothing by clipping off the tags. We'll point to unreadable print on the tags where it is claimed there is a EULA with the citizen to become a tax paying slave to the system. We'll make further claims that Nostradamus predicted clothing mind control. Then we can claim that the mind readers such as John Edwards are false prophets and place a fatwa on them. Or we could claim they are renegade operatives that are using the mind control systems for their own profiteering (or should that be propheteering). For those that do not want to remove the mind control devices we'll sell expensive anti-resonance filter water that disables the devices.
We can try to unify the woo by getting crop circles, crystal power, and other baloney wrapped into this conspiracy by claiming they all evidence in favor of our pet theory.
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(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fderekclontz.files.wordpress.com%2F2008%2F09%2Fnostradamus2.jpg&hash=e851217e6520038acde935d494e11401)
Brilliant, Stereo! I propose that each article of clothing have a patch sewn with our TPN (Trusted Psychic Nostradamus) prominently displayed!
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If it drugs, then we have to explain why they do not wash out in the laundry process.
I suggest that we make unwarranted claims that deep fried potatoes of various forms contain an 'adaptive response matrix' that forms 'pluristic recombinant nano-chains' channeling the mind control drugs to 'targeted response zones.'
Our only problem is stopping the diet food industry from stealing our ridiculous claims for capitalistic purposes.
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Great unwarranted claims! And you have raised deep fried potatoes' mind control correlates to incredible scientific heights! NO ONE will understand your descriptors enough to challenge them. Brilliant.
The diet food industry will be hard pressed to steal ideas from you, as a Nobel laureate!
Well done, Stereo! Green Pontiff hat will arrive at your door shortly!
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Thanks. I have no idea what I was writing which is exactly the sort of rubbish that a good conspiracy needs to defend.
I love the line in the movie a Mighty Wind where the characters says something like, "Isn't it obvious that we're all colors on the 42nd harmonic?"
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Yes. Maybe we should team up with the Moon Landing Conspiracy contingent.
My big concern is that we are a bit too rational. Doesn't bode well for a New Religion Of Lunatics.
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What's made me marvel is that you're all so right. It's true every word, you just have too realize that as you think, it will bifurcate. In fact you're all your own Gods, creating endless universes of evil intent with each and every statement made. Endless suffering can at last be ours, as evil overlords ruling our imaginary mindspace we can decree whatever pleases us. The only foreseen problem being agreeing on what that might be, pleasing us I mean.
I suggest ice cream..
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Ther eis actually a new website that has an online conspiracy generator. You fill in a few slots and voila a conspiracy du jour is ready for dissemination to the masses.
http://www.wired.com/magazine/2010/02/pl_print_conspiracy?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+wired%2Findex+%28Wired%3A+Index+3+%28Top+Stories+2%29%29
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Internet just became sentient and is demanding sacrifices. It prefers old farts who have conspiracy theories failing that, virgins will do.
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My heart aches for the virgins Vern..
I think I can save them.
Ah, from the Internet.
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Aliens are responsible for Global Warming so that the Earth is compatable with their higher body temperatures and the increased CO2 levels will enable the next wave of motherships to materialise more easily.
Just off the top of my head....this could be a goer CT!!! lol
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These aliens have been using advanced technologies to increase petroleum flow. They want more CO2 in the air. The consequence of their actions have been more earthquakes which have not happened in oil producing areas. That is not a coincidence.
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Do not underestimate
us the dolphins. When our the planet is finally submerged there will have to be a change.
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"Swim us to your leader." he said..
Immortal last words of our slowly drowning negotiator, as the last hope of a long-lasting peace disappeared in clouds of bubbles, getting fainter and fainter as the deep black opened its arms.
Ah Geezer :)
I love it.
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It was a big mistake to hold the conference in Copenhagen.
We Dolphins can transmit thought waves for several miles.
Our plans are taking shape nicely.
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Looking bleakly at his hands he shook his head as he again stared out over the unruly ocean, covering what once had been a great city.
"It should have been fins" He mumbled despairingly as the waves slowly swallowed him up. "Why ever did we walk up on land? We could have been brothers."
As the seagull slowly descended upon his head.
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Silly humans. They fell right into our trap. Now they seem to believe they invented this thing they call "thermodynamics".
It's complete nonsense of course.
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A friend of mine has come up with a conspiracy theory. He claims that problems with Toyota vehicles has been due to hackers hired by the competition to crack the computers inside of the vehicles as they drive. There you are driving down the road enjoying the day when some geek come up next to you, get inside the car's software and send you careening towards certain death. Car sales tumble and the competition sees sales increase. He also suggests that it may be possible that the winners in this are actually gambling on the stock prices through gets and puts. It's a conspiracy as good as the claims of Nibiru fans.
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A friend of mine has come up with a conspiracy theory. He claims that problems with Toyota vehicles has been due to hackers hired by the competition to crack the computers inside of the vehicles as they drive. There you are driving down the road enjoying the day when some geek come up next to you, get inside the car's software and send you careening towards certain death. Car sales tumble and the competition sees sales increase. He also suggests that it may be possible that the winners in this are actually gambling on the stock prices through gets and puts. It's a conspiracy as good as the claims of Nibiru fans.
Intersting idea, but you humans are so limited. We thought that one up about five thousand years ago.
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I've always been a great *fan* of the moon landing conspiracies - they just crack me up!
Although...
Did you ever wonder how they did those shots from the moon where the lander launches back to orbit and the camera on the moon's surface tracks the accent! Doo doo, doo doo! [twilight zone music]
just thought I'd add my bit here.
The moon landing happened while I was in school. The entire school stopped to watch.
Afterwards my teacher asked if we had any questions.
My question was who was already on the moon to take the pic of the 1st astronaut to step foot on the moon and who did they leave there to photograph the aircraft taking off, photographing it as it went higher and higher.
I still have not got an answer.
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There cameras on the equipment that filmed such things as the descent and lift off. There were cameras on the lunar vehicle. There were cameras on the astronauts. This is all well known and well publicized. I think you've been avoiding looking for an answer.
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Can we come up with the best conspiracy theory ever?
Looking inward from outside the box...
Staging Princes Diana's untimely demise
Getting her out of the lime light before her time, was necessary, so there were nothing but a ghost's image left to chase, with no personal feedback? USA "Graceland's" Elvis is in the house, so is Diana?
Your Majesty's Secret Service, fixed the semi open casket to hide any makeup imperfections on the simulated corps?
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911 is the biggest conspiracy theory ever-without a doubt!
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In september 11;
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F_iq2vQY1Jeaw%2FSeDBjiZPwDI%2FAAAAAAAAMlU%2FXR97OtNBaLE%2Fs400%2Fpentagon.jpg&hash=f1c4e4cfd35dbc051e7fca0d57788304)
OK...where's the jetliner debris?
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdl.dropbox.com%2Fu%2F8006545%2FGIFs_pictures%2Fpentagon_attack.gif&hash=b33ae0a94d5bb19b51b1f41a1c9903c6)
This is before the collapse--go figure...
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdl.dropbox.com%2Fu%2F8006545%2FearlyPentagonC.jpg&hash=a3f3b465c76fe356e77e299be5657abc)