Naked Science Forum
General Science => General Science => Topic started by: neilep on 27/02/2004 00:22:29
-
I have a fiend who just lost a member of their family and to my knowledge a week has gone by without a show of grief....I personally believe it's healthy to 'let it out' as i think it's good to express these feelings to aid the working through the grieving process. Now I realise not everyone is comfortable with the vocal expressions of grief at funerals and I know that some will cry and sob while others would betray their feelings in other ways. I suppose as long as the feelings manifest their way into consciousnous then how they appear on the surface is secondary. Err.........I think I've just answered my own question haven't I ?....but if you have a comment I'd appreciate it, especially if this is a topic worthy of this site ie: is it scientific ?
'Men are the same as women...just inside out !'
-
I think that burying ones grief is a bad thing because it will cause problems later. It needs to be worked through.
What you didn't mention is how close your fiend [sic] (I can't resist [:)] ) was to the family member they lost. Sometimes families aren't all that close even though they are supposed to be according to the "norm" as promulgated by popular media, "feel good" fiction, churches etc. Sometimes the "loss" is as much a relief as a loss. Which can lead to some pretty messed up feelings if the person feels they SHOULD be grieving but aren't.
I hope your friend is OK and works the situation properly to put it in their past and move on with their life in the happiest way possible.
----
John - The Eternal Pessimist.
-
I vaguely remember reading about the stages one goes through after a loss. There were about a half dozen stages, such as shock, denial, rage. I made those up, but you get the idea. Your friend may still be too shocked to react yet, or as John suggested they may not have been that close to the deceased.
John, you [sic] fiend!
-
Thanks John, Thanks Donnah,
It was my friends grandpa and they were very close indeed. The loss was sudden .I know inside he is grieving,and I suspect that he is merely numb right now as you suggest Donnah it's probably just the first of many phases and I agree John that burying the grief could provoke problematic issues later. The outward mourning will come for sure. Many thanks
'Men are the same as women...just inside out !'
-
According to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, I think the four stages were denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance. And you can go through them more than once before you're resolved, and then too, you don't have to go through all of them to resolve either. So maybe he's in the denial stage, I'm not sure, cause maybe fiends deal with grief differently.
-
Ta Nanc....I can understand the denial, anger and acceptance but the bargaining !!!..what's that all about ? Is it to do with agreeing with oneself to come to terms with the loss ?
Incidentally, I gave my friend a big hug today and he cried, such a release, and he felt so much better, as did I.
'Men are the same as women...just inside out !'
-
Hugs are the best medicine.
-
Maybe we're overanalyzing the whole thing. Maybe he was just trying to be stoic. But the deal was with coming to terms with death, goes sort of like if your doctor tells you tomorrow you have terminal cancer and you're going to die, first you'd be in shock and not believe it (denial), then you might say what did I do? Why is this happening to me? It's not fair. (anger), and follow with I just hope God lets me live until I see my daughter get married, or I attend my son's graduation, or maybe more like I won't die as long as I keep my weight stable, or I take this shark cartilage (bargaining). At some point, you realize regardless of anything, you're going to lose the battle, and maybe you make your will, make peace with your enemies, stop taking chemotherapy, etc. (acceptance). Dr. Ross felt like these reactions were universal among all people in accepting death. Don't know cause I haven't studied death that much. Usually spend my energy trying to thwart it.
-
Bezoar, did you get that from Simpsons?
In Simpsons the episode where Homer ate the puffer fish (fugu) and has been diagnosed death; he went throughthe same 5 stages.
(In the episode)
Fear: I'm gonna die ..(not quite sure I haven't watched it for a while)
Denial: No way, because I'm not going to die.
Anger: Why you little...!
Bargaining: Come on Doc you've gotta help me I'll make you worth a while
Acceptance: Well we've all got to go someday.
Tom
-
lol, this bit always make me laugh
Angel
-
[:D]DOH !![:D]
'Men are the same as women...just inside out !'
-
Tom,
Maybe the writers of the symptoms got it from Dr. Kubler-Ross. I see I missed the first stage of fear. Forgot about that one, but that's supposed to be the progression of emotions.
-
Yeah I think you are right, I'm not surprise that it is published as a book because it's such a major issue on the patient and the family, young doctors will like to know how the patients are likely to react.
Tom
-
Yep, Dr. Kubler-Ross was a nurse first, then became a doctor, and she started studying death and the death process because she realized what a neglected area of medicine it was, and that docs didn't know how to help their patients through it. Even worked with dying children. Very interesting reading.