Naked Science Forum
General Discussion & Feedback => Just Chat! => Topic started by: elegantlywasted on 23/11/2006 05:52:41
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****WARNING: THIS IS MAINLY ME VENTING ABOUT THE MORON I LIVE WITH****
How do I go about telling my roommate that I'm not giving up my apartment on saturday so she can get it on with a random... I already told her I wasn't leaving and that she should go out and get to know him first, before spending an evening in (idle hands and all....) and yet she is still asking me if I'm going to be around... I'd like to call her a stupid cow and tell her to find a new place to live, but that isn't really an option... help me?!
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MEG,
I am going to be blunt about my Questions, not choosing sides! Do You have your own rooms in this arraindements! I know you just said in other threads that you are a few days from turning 22 years old. So I am assuming you are both of age and two consenting adults! Am I correct? Are you sharing the rent? Are you Sharing a bedroom or do you each have your own? Did you have an agreement to not have relationships with others when you chose to take on a roomy? If nothing was agreed on and said as part of the living arrangements then she would be within her rights to take on any relationship she chose.. Of course it would be polite and certainly more curtious for her to get a room for the night in a motel, but technically if she pays rent with you It would be her perogative to have a guest.. Perhaps not of your liking and I agree with you that perhaps she should get to know him or her better first but I found when I had a roomy It ddoesn't work like that. You are roommates and unless you are sharing a single bedroom you would probably need to allow her her relationship as it is hers!
You sound like someone who cares a great deal for your mate. I am sorry it is an uncomfortable position to be in.. There are a lot of pros and cons with roommates. When I was in that position I found myself feeling like a third wheel and seen alot of late late movies. In my place we had a studio apartment 1 room and a bathroom. the livingroom Kitchen and the bedroom were the same room! It was awkward to say the least. If you have a concern regarding your own safety then I would say more. that would be different!
Sometimes roomates have partners and it is difficult, especially if your roomy has many partners.
I roomed with my friend for a year and then I rented a place of my own, as I was way uncomfortable being in the same room with the other two.. Some might like that kind of thing... HEE HEE, I won't mention names, but Certainly for me I am a very private person and do not like to share that kind of intimacy with a third party, I am way to shy!
You should consider all of the questions and maybe add a few of your own and maybe someone else can help too. I feel for you in this situation as it is uncomfortable...
If we had our own private bedrooms, I would have been fine with the situation as I feel that my friends relationships are not my business unless it impacts me directly in a negative way.. My situation was one we mutually agreed upon so I held up my end. And when possible helped her out and went out! Sometimes I played scrabble with my best bud, my mom! LOL I survived and it was a learning experience.. I hope you figure it out.. It's ok to come here to vent, we all do! It's a great comfort!
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Hey Meg I am back,
You are too old to be calling people names, LOL! I know its's frustrating. Is this person a close friend? Are you in a financial bind if she was to move out? Getting angry is not going to help solve the problem. Have you explained to her that you are uncomfortable in this situation? I don't mean telling her she should wait to get to know him as that is a choice for only her to make, and it might make you seem to be coming across to controlling in her eyes. If she is of consenting age it is not your choice...so what you want to get across to her is that it makes you uncomfortable to have a "stranger" in the house, especially overnight, as you don't know him.. I don't know if that would help, but you don't want to come off being bossy or motherly as you want her to reflect on your feelings as a human and not your feelings as to her morality! Does that make any sense or am I not with it here! Just trying to help you think it through! Come back and talk to me.. let me know how it goes ok?
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Thank you for letting me vent and I do get your point Karen, but its more of the fact that it is actually my apartment (my lease, Ive lived here much longer and her rent is paid to me, all utilities are in my name etc.) And we do have seperate rooms, and she has chosen not to have anything viable for entertaining in hers, which leaves the living room (common area) and not to sound immature, but i pay the friggin cable bill and everything else is mine... I only have a roommate to help with the rent, not to have a friend.
And I guess you would really have to live with her, and hear her stories about her deceased boyfriend (7 months ago). This is why I am trying to tell her (bluntly) that if you sit on the couch you will have nothing to do but fool around, and thats totally cool when youve gone out a few times, but I am not comfortable havign some random guy in MY home.
If you can't tell, I dont like sharing too much. And yah I'm aware I sound like a two year old, but when you constantly come home to find your things moved, papers thrown out, your juice emptied from the fridge... it builds, and I am near my breaking point, and she does not listen when I ask her not to do things. I now have a therapist because of this situation, but I cant afford to visit him. I would give her her 60 days notice but its really hard to find a roommate this time of year.
It's gotten to the point that its not my home anymore, she has her parents place to go to whenever she likes, Lord knows she talks to her mother 3 times a day (600 minutes on my last long distance bill) I don't have that luxury, I mean I do not live at home anymore, she goes to school and her parents are 30 minutes down the road. I am tryng to start my own life, and have my own place and things, and it is really hard. Anyways, I realy should stop typing now, I'm getting emotional...
thanks :)
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It is really hard and I have been there believe you me! There is a book out there called Landlords handbook or some such thing I was a land lord, You don't have to own the property to have to abide by the landlord rules. You might see if you can find out about this book! If she is paying you rent for her room.. then she has rights. You do to. and you can do a walk through with her and write up a legal paper , keep a paper trail of your agreement otherwise you won't have a leg to stand on. So if you don't have a paper agreement get one written up and make sure she signs it. If you don't want certain things bothered you need to make sure you have that in writing. Where do you live ? Laws are different all over. I am in California.. I don't think you sound like a two year old. I think you sound frustrated and upset. That's ok. We all get that way sometime or the other! I am no exception thats for sure! I hope you find peace in your situation please know I feel for you and understand.. It is a difficult situation to say the least!
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My my my what a sticky wicket of a situation. I know how you feel though, I've had a similar situation before. If she is bringing back this bloke then it sounds like it will be for a hows your father session. But then again she might just want to have a nice quiet night in, romantic style.
But you're right to feel upset, it's a situation that sucks. But just remember, when starting out for a relationship or what not everyone is a random. She might just be wanting to see what he is like on his own, without people around.
You could let her have the place to herself, or you could not. It's entirely up to you.
If you're not going to leave appartment then if she asks again tell her a little sternly that you are not going out, you feel that you shouldn't have to just because she wants to entertain a new fancy, but you will give her space to enjoy. But don't fly off the handle with her, as it will make living together a little bit more uncomfortable. If you give a little she may well do the same. But if she doesn't, then you will be in your rights to blow a fuse
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Nice advice Daniel!
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Are you sure!? [;)]
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Yep, It sounds sound to me, and advice is just that advice! I hope meg that something helps.. let us know how it goes!
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well thank you guys, but I have decided to buy a lock for my door, and head out of town for the weekend. Whatever happens, happens. But I'm putting the child lock on the digital cable so that no interesting movies are ordered.
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Good Job!
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You cut off the porn!!!!!!!! (https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesmilies.com%2Fsmilies%2Fconfused0053.gif&hash=c8eb85e6051ab3b2c90dc6e49177cf0d)
That is so mean [;)]
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WHAT PORN?
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That's what the child lock does, cuts out the naughty channels [:(] [>:(] [;)]
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OH YES MEGS POST! I forgot about that!
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Years ago we had a video unit which had a child lock on it. I guess so kids wouldn't end up taping over something important like porn. Anyway somehow some one activated the lock, we had no idea so my dad gave the company where he bought the thing from. So after a 5 min conversation my pops turns the remote over looks at the back, turns it round again and unlocks the video. The locking instructions were on the back, what a clever place to put them [::)] [;)]
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HEE, HEE, HEE,THATS FUNNY!
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It was and it wasn't. We all wanted to record a film we hadn't seen for ages and because of the lock we missed the first 5 to 10 mins. If I remember correctly you had to press and hold the play button to lock. Well for anyone who doesn't change the batteries in their remote you will know that you will press the buttons harder and for longer [::)] [;)]
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LOL LOL!
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I miss that VCR though, it was a 6 head so the picture quality was better plus the pause was good as well [;)]
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Yes I remember my old one. When you hit pause it was stable no shaking or distorted picture you could actually go see what it was you were trying to get a better look at!
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Exactly.......great for...... [;)]
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YEAH I still have them and keep saying I am going to buy a new belt for that machine one of these days.. Instead I bought a new machine! LOL I even know how to fix said broken VCR!
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Elegantly wasted....sit in the living room with them....you control the remote so watch the news, a documentary...something that will eliminate the mood...she has to stop this behaviour and respect your wishes...also, cut the long distance off of your phone if possible or tell her she must pay for long distance...take the phone out of the house....yes, you have to be rude as she is being rude to you and taking advantage of you...
hang in there...have to go to work now...
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Hey Loretta Have a good DAy at work!
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Elegantly wasted....sit in the living room with them....you control the remote so watch the news, a documentary...something that will eliminate the mood...she has to stop this behaviour and respect your wishes...also, cut the long distance off of your phone if possible or tell her she must pay for long distance...take the phone out of the house....yes, you have to be rude as she is being rude to you and taking advantage of you...
hang in there...have to go to work now...
What happens if it's a nature documentary about mating [;)]
She could always get a payphone though, that'll rain on her parade [;)]
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:) you guys are great. and thanks to Loretta for letting me know that I am allowed to be mad (thanks!!)
Anyways, I ended up going home and low and behold, mr new guy (whatever his name is) ended up spending the night. I'm glad I left a pile of dishes in the sink and a box of tampons on the counter (he he)
And of course the problems continue to pile up, such as her friend who was screaming obscenities while I on the phone with my grandmother, and the fact that her stupid cat peed all over my Christmas tree... I cant wait until August when I can move
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Sorry things are so tense. I know it can be very stressfull! Good luck until August my dear!
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I have to ask whether at the end of the day the rent she is paying will make up for all the costs, but psychological and financial, that she is going to cause you?
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I am having a day at both jobs...requested the rpm to rethink her way of thinking about my raise today after "rave reviews in the excellency of how my reports look monthly" Turned flat down...she gave me another compliment on something else...I just asked her, "does this reflect more money?" She stammered around and said uh, no...Not even 15 mins later this gentleman with a huge railroad company (I won't mention the name)watched me perform during a serious issue and said he wanted to hire me for his company in front of the bosses and I thought they were both going to faint...it was a joy to see them turn pale...hehe Then they were kissing my behind so much I asked them when they were leaving for the day as I was not able to get my work done with them there and I would like to go home on time today...lol They finally left after staying much later than normal...I did slip the gentleman my number and he left smiling...I hope it is a position I can perform...??? A fair pay would be nice too...oh, geez, let me throw in no more than 10hrs a day...hmmm, sounds like I am asking for too much, doesn't it? LOL
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Elegantly wasted....sit in the living room with them....you control the remote so watch the news, a documentary...something that will eliminate the mood...she has to stop this behaviour and respect your wishes...also, cut the long distance off of your phone if possible or tell her she must pay for long distance...take the phone out of the house....yes, you have to be rude as she is being rude to you and taking advantage of you...
hang in there...have to go to work now...
What happens if it's a nature documentary about mating [;)]
She could always get a payphone though, that'll rain on her parade [;)]
Dan, even the better! It would serve the young lady right if Elegantly wasted would comment and say such things as, wow, I had no idea gorrillas could do things like that? Or what a technique? Are you guys going to try that position? LOL Embarrass them...yes, the young lady may change her mind about impositioning her when there is no agreement made to as such...
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:) you guys are great. and thanks to Loretta for letting me know that I am allowed to be mad (thanks!!)
Anyways, I ended up going home and low and behold, mr new guy (whatever his name is) ended up spending the night. I'm glad I left a pile of dishes in the sink and a box of tampons on the counter (he he)
And of course the problems continue to pile up, such as her friend who was screaming obscenities while I on the phone with my grandmother, and the fact that her stupid cat peed all over my Christmas tree... I cant wait until August when I can move
You have a right to be mad...it is your choice...
dishes and tampons a nice touch...hehe
I guess you have to look at how much she costs you with long distance and groceries too...what rent she pays you, does it compensate you enough for this? Is it worth waiting until August? Your sanity depends on it...hmmm, there is a thought...buy some depends and put them all over her room before they arrive...awww, what a nice impression that will give the young man...hehe sorry, I just don't behave when people do things that are not right...do you have a written agreement? As she could just up and leave you stranded paying rent....
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See the problem isn't her up and leaving one day, its getting rid of her. When I was looking for a roommate, I was looking for exactly that, some one to pay me for the other room, and she wants a best friend. By laws I would have to giver her 60 days notice to kick her out, but those 60 days could be rough, especially when there is no other point than my sanity (fleeting as it may be). I figure in april or may I will ask her if she would like to take over the lease and move out, go live with the sister. I think I can handle five months, I'll just have to start working alot more :)
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Meg,
Can I ask you a few questions
Do you really like your apartment?
Is it convenient for work, shops and everything else?
Are you paying a decent amount of rent?
If yes why not fight for it? I realise that if you gave her notice that she would have to move out things could get worse, but in the long run you would be able to have your apartment back he way you like it.
When you said the problem wasn't her leaving it was getting rid of her, did you mean that if she moved out she would still want to stay in touch?
What's so wrong with becoming friends?
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Good point!
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Daniel, it could be like a business transaction....my rpm asked me to dinner at a German restaurant after she discovered I can speak a little German and she was talking back to me, which shocked me! I am not sure what her real motive is to invite me out, but I know it is not for no business meeting for sure...but will join her some evening at Adelweis...to just see what is up her sleeve for sure...LOL I can't be her friend, and will keep it strictly business with her when at work...hehe
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Hummmm does sound like she has something up her sleeve!
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I know...I think she wants to dig information out of me...oh, yeah, like I would tell her what is going on? She may have to take Ida to a Mexican restaurant...it was weird to talk to her in another language...OMG! I was rusty, she was pretty good...
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I would have fallen onmy face!
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I was so shocked she could understand me and she with my rusty German....I was a bit embarrassed and so glad I didn't say anything stupido! LOL It is funny in our office as I can speak a few languages German, French, Italiano, Spanish...bossy speaks Spanish, Tarek speaks about 6 different types of Arabic, Indian, and some French....so we all have some fun speaking in other languages at times to confuse one another...hehe Bossy Spanish is different in some ways with the dialect...
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Thats so cool! I am working on my french, but it is slow going!
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Okay, sorry to bring this up again but she has really outdone herself this time!!! Last saturday night I went out to a bar (Mooses) with some friends from work. This morning at around 7:30am I get a phone call from John, a guy I apparently met saturday night at a DIFFERENT bar!!!!!!!!!!!!Long story short I asked him to describe what "I" look like and he describes my roommate. Now without getting too into details, this man decided to, in the first 10 minutes of talking with him, tell me about how he refuses tohave sex without a condom and describes in detail, the lack of sensation they cause, and then preceeds to tell me about personal details of his "member".
This creeper has my home phone number, from which he can get my address. I am afraid for my safety now.... what do I do???? kick her out??? change my phone number???
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Okay, so her boyfriend says they were out of town that night... so that means that there is some chick who looks like my roommate giving my phone number to strange men... grrrreat....
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bless your heartie..change your number!