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Author Topic: bipolar depression  (Read 7235 times)

Offline starburst

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bipolar depression
« on: 01/08/2004 16:39:46 »
does bipolar depression have any effect on brain mass and IQ? will it cause a decrease in brain mass like shizophrenia? will childhood-onset schizophrenia cause the person to be stupid? i read frm a report that schizphrenia causes a decrease in 10 IQ points or more... :(

*worried*

what is considered an auditory hallucination? i mean i keep on hearing voices in my head, sometimes they pretend to be God, sometimes they become other things, but still all of them sound like my own voice...so are they still considered auditory hallucinations? or just me talking to myself? and if i talk to myself in such err...crazy ways, does that mean i'm crazy??? >_<!
« Last Edit: 01/08/2004 16:42:10 by starburst »


 

Offline jai

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #1 on: 02/08/2004 00:08:18 »
dont know about the brain mass stuff,the  IQ stuff is possibly related to a reduced attention span. as for the voices, generally an auditory hallucination is generally considered to be a hallucination if the person thinks that it is someone else talking to them. that can be the voice of god, the devil or just some passing 'thing' , but the person definitly feels that it is someone outside of themselves and that they are not controlling the voice.

sounds like you are not crazy, though from my experience crazy people are the best! but if you are really worried why dont you get it checked out? go to more than one doctor, DO NOT TAKE JUST ONE OPINION and make sure that you feel comfortable and trusing of that person. they need to know the whole story, so dont hold back. and remember, if you dont agree or you dont like, KEEP LOOKING!.

yes, but.........
 

Offline chris

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #2 on: 02/08/2004 12:21:13 »
People with positive symptoms of schizophrenia (e.g. voices) usually experience 1 or more voices, which can be people they do or do not know, coming from outside the head. The patient lacks insight into the origin of these voices and repeatedly says that they are coming from outside and that they are real.

The voices can be persectory (you're worthless etc), can offer a 'running commentary' of what the sufferer is doing, or may include specific commands. Sometimes patients won't co-operate with doctors because their voices tell them not to.



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Offline starburst

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #3 on: 03/08/2004 15:13:10 »
what if the voices that i hear sound like my own? that wouldn't be considered as auditory hallucinations would it? tho i still think that the voices i hear come frm God...[xx(] man i really am pathetic

don't think being crazy is gd...saw a woman on the bus today and she was talking to herself, the plastic bag that she was holding had the seroquel brand name on it...urgh, what if i turn out to be like her when i grow old? [xx(] scary...besides coz of all this stupid mental illness and stuff, i don't have much friends in school, i feel too uncomfortable being with them...urgh [xx(] not really a gd thing, i live like some miserable wretch, condemned to live in darkness...its really tiring and living doesn't seem worth it after all...urgh [xx(] sucks to live like this when ur teen yrs is supposed to be the primetime of ur life...

[xx(]

besides, i couldn't give a damn abt this mental illness anymore, my o level prelims are in 3 wks time! starts in the 2nd wk of september...and to think i am still unprepared for it...maybe i shld kill myself b4 the o levels start...hmm that would be the 2nd wk of oct? maybe the 3rd wk...
« Last Edit: 03/08/2004 15:16:22 by starburst »
 

Offline neilep

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #4 on: 03/08/2004 19:27:12 »
Starburst....go and see your doctor will ya ?....is your family giving you support ?...do they realise to what extent your having these symptoms ?...it sounds to me (from your posting in the god thread) that you also have a low self exteem...please find the strength to act and see someone, speak to a teacher at school...else, see a doctor who can refer you to a specialist..............do it !!!.....and regarding your comment above about not having many friends.....same here....but you've got friends right here on this site !!

'Men are the same as women...just inside out !'
 

Offline gsmollin

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #5 on: 05/08/2004 19:08:33 »
From your post, I would conjecture that you do have depression, but it is not caused by schizophrenia. Schizos do not make the choices you are making. You should seek help.

OBTW, flunking your exams is not the end of the world. Contemplating suicide is pointless. You should start studying, then you won't spend so much time worrying about failing.

The "prime of your life" is today. Tomorrow it will be tomorrow. There is only now. Learn to live it.
 

Offline starburst

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #6 on: 06/08/2004 05:45:24 »
wouldn't want to speak to a teacher anyway...for they do know abt me, abt my condition, have sent me for counselling, but i feel so disgusted by the whole thing...it feels 'yucky' in a way...and if i told my teacher abt this, she wld get all worried and wld call me out of class to talk to me, and when she does that, the class looks at me in a 'weird' way...they know abt me...coz last yr when i cut myself and another teacher found out abt it, she called me out of class and later scolded the class for not noticing it (she did this when i was out of class, only knew abt it when a friend told me). i don't want to go for counselling anyway. only 'bad', 'stupid' ones go there...you know those rebellious kids...who fail all their exams...so does that mean if i go for counselling, i am in a way like them???! that's horrifying, i wld never never ever ever want to be like them... i know its wrong to think of them in that way...but still the stigma of being classified as one, being seen as one, is enough to stop me frm going

have started studying, though i don't know if my efforts will make my failing grades jump to an A1...i hope so it will, but then again that's unrealistic isn't it?

flunking my exams is the end of the world...the o levels are impt, where can i go if i don't do well? >_< nowhere. my life might as well end

some good news...i got back my chem revision test 2 paper today...i got 28/40, that equates to 70/100, an A2! if i had 2 more marks, i wld get 75/100, an A1! haha...considering that the night before the test i didn't manage to get any studying done...and only managed to study the next morning, right before the test... hehe... :)

thanks neilep for letting me know that i have friends here :)
« Last Edit: 06/08/2004 05:46:23 by starburst »
 

Offline jai

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #7 on: 06/08/2004 10:42:41 »
ok honey, so i was one of those kids that went for counselling, at the time i wished that i could have gone outside of school, and this is probably a good idea, see if you can find someone to talk to that is not connected with school. apart from this, the councelling at first made me feel yucky too. after a while though, i realised that that was just because there were some very stupid people out there who told me that i should never need help from anyone else and that i should have all the answers without having to ask anyone. much the same people who told me that school was the best and most important days of my life. absolute cr*p!

so i went for counselling, in my case it was for bullying, the weird thoughts and fear came later, a good counsellor will give you options, they can help you determine if you have an 'illness' (and then help you sort it out) or they can help you figure out why you think like you do and again help you sort it out. it sounds like you have had some pretty serious stuff happen in your life and you need someone to help you sort through it all and figure out what to do with it. that is the wonderfull thing about our minds, we can learn to change them, change the way that we think about things and see things. this is very hard to do when you are on your own, it is like being inside a box and trying to find the way out, but when you have help from the outside it is much easier.

neilep was right, you do have friends here. if you ever need to chat you can come on here or send me an email.

and dont worry about school to much, school smoool, it is just a place that they send us to try to fill up the box. you have a whole life ahead of you and in that life you can be anyone you want to be and do anything that takes your desire. it is just a matter of how you think about it. the other really good thing about accepting help from people is that it allows to give help to others, and that is a wonderfull thing that makes you feel real good.


yes, but.........
 

Offline neilep

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #8 on: 06/08/2004 19:28:54 »
STARBURST is our mate.

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Offline gsmollin

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #9 on: 08/08/2004 23:28:03 »
I am glad you decided to do some studying. Really, it can help you, if only because you aren't thinking about your problems when you are thinking about something else.

This is key. You need to have an avocation that you enjoy. School is supposed to help you achieve that. If you are not studying things in school that you want to be studying, then why are you there? You must answer these questions, then decide if your school is the right one. This is something a counselor may be able to help you figure out. You have to find happiness in your life, and school should be contributing to your happiness, and not being a cause of depression.

Flunking your exams is not the end of the world. I'm not encouraging you to flunk them, but rather suggesting that your anxiety is misplaced. If you flunk your exams, it just shows that you are wasting your time and money in the school, and need to find a better place to be. On the other hand, it sounds like you are quite capable of passing them, and becoming a better person at the same time.

Seeing a shrink can be very good for you. Please don't feel stigmatized. Get yourself the help you need to straighten out your life. Then you can get on with it, and leave this deperession behind you. Good luck!
 

Offline starburst

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #10 on: 11/08/2004 15:00:56 »
was just thinking abt how i've wasted this whole year getting all depressed, suicidal and stressed. haha, that's really pathetic. to the extent that i went round looking for the perfect building, the one that's tall enough to kill me if i jumped off it. i remember the day i was supposed to kill myself. i planned to do it after school, just take a bus to any place and just look for a building to jump off. when i stepped off the bus, and looked towards the building where i was supposed to jump off, i chickened out and went home. quite pathetic. i didn't even sit on the ledge like last year, where i went to the school's roof-top, slit my wrists with a new pen knife i bought from the bookshop and sat on the ledge. saw my legs dangling in the wind and suddenly felt very scared. i wondered if heaven really existed and if God would banish me to hell for killing myself. i wondered how dying would feel like. chickened out again and slowly got down from the ledge.

i don't really know when i had a relapse. all i just knew was that in the beginning of the year, i suddenly didn't know who i was anymore, how i used to be like, what i liked etc. i couldn't remember anything. thank god i kept a blog, and when looking through the entries of last year, i had an idea of who i used to be.

haha, ok whining over.

wouldn't really want to go for counselling anyway. the counsellor says cheesy stuff like 'i believe that you can do it...' -_-" hearing her say it, with the most earnest of expressions, makes me feeling like getting up and just run out of the room, run to anywhere, just to get that disgusting feeling out of my system. eventually i end up *usually* playing mind games with the counsellor. its very fun. i'll go to see the psychiatrist, though he isn't of much help though, he just gives me meds and listens to me. i've heard of behavioral therapy but he doesn't seem to carry that out with me. seems like he doesn't know how messed up i am. though he does know that i am hiding alot of stuff from him. in the end i always end up with the feeling that no one really understands me, and so i usually give up the sessions, be it the counselling or the shrink.

the more i type the more i'm beginning to feel like one of those losers depicted in james frey's memoir: a million little pieces. haha, so i guess i'll stop here.

thanks alot for the support, i'm very touched. :) *hugs everyone*












 

Offline sprite190582

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #11 on: 11/08/2004 15:36:41 »
Have you tried to talk to some one who does not know you? Sometimes they can help more than someone who does know you! You talk about school so I guess so I am guessing you are under 18 (if I am wrong please correct me). Try Child Line 0800 1111. They are completely confidential, there number will not show up on your phone bill and they will not tell any one what you say to them. It is free to phone. They may be able to answer some of your questions and point you in the direction of someone who is an expert in the field. Also, how do you get on with your doctor (GP), could you go to them for support? Once again it is confidential. Unfortunately I am not a doctor and cannot offer answers to your questions but one thing I know, from experience is that when ever the problem is it is always easer to tackle it with support and there is an answer and solution to everything so, please do not give up.

Alex
 

Offline neilep

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #12 on: 11/08/2004 19:11:30 »
STARBURST is still our mate !!...don't know what else to say to you except, stick with it kiddo !!..I always try to deal with my depression as just a passage of time that you have to get through, cos, when I think of all the years ahead I just know life IS GONNA GET BETTER..YAYYYY !!...so, try not to let ' this moment' get ya down...cos the next ' moment ' is one step nearer to when things will GET BETTER...........soooooooooooooo glad you did not go through with ' it' cos we only get one chance at THIS life and I believe that sometimes it's supposed to be hard Starburst cos where's the challenge otherwise ?....rise above it and before you know you'll be spreading those wings......and think of all the people who are affected  by you.........and...You've got us on board now cos YOU are our mate xx xx x x x x x x x x (big huggy wuggys to  our pal Starburst)
....oh...and don't forget to give yourself permission to pat yourself on your back for all the good things you have done....even if you consider them trite....'WELL DONE' for pouring your heart out here, for instance, and WELL DONE on getting a great result with your studies too !!

'Men are the same as women...just inside out !'
« Last Edit: 11/08/2004 19:14:30 by neilep »
 

Offline jai

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #13 on: 12/08/2004 10:16:20 »
hi there again, have just remembered some sites that you might find interesting, it gives you an idea how common depression is and you can read what other people are going through and see that you are not alone and that the other people who are experiencing the same sorts of things are not loosers. the first site is aimed at teenagers and you might find that it is a bit young for you, however it is fun and self explantatory, it also gives you some idea how cognative and behavioural therapy work. the second site is more of an information base, it has links to other sites around the world, one called bluepages is especially good if you are based in the uk. the downside of both these sites is that they are based in australia (hence how i know of them, being australian myself), however like i say, they are very informative and can help you find links to sites based in other contries. hope that you like them, i know that when i was depressed it was very hard to try to be analitical about anything, much less anything that involved making myself feel better, however, it is worthwhile trying. on one of the sites, i cant remember which, there is is list of different types of treatment and an overview and assessment of how they work, this is very interesting. also remember you can write talk here anytime.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx

yes, but.........
 

Offline starburst

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #14 on: 14/08/2004 13:05:08 »
i tried talking to someone once, calling up this hotline in my country named 'Twinkle Friends' and the person sounded disinterested and bored when i told her abt my problem, it was some friendship thingy, and she just dished out the usual thing: focus on your studies and don't bother abt her. i felt insulted, that she didn't bother to really listen to me and just gave up and put down the phone. i'm never ever ever going to call them up again. urgh >_<  besides i don't really know how to talk abt the things i feel inside of me, its really difficult to and grasp the feeling and describe it

tried out the moodgym, its great, thanks jai :) thanks again neilep :) [big huggy wuggy to everyone]

haha, feeling really horrible now. i really suck that's what i think. i'm thinking abt my life and thinking abt what an idiot i am, to not have calmed down and just do it, instead i just had to freak out, stress myself out and worry myself to death, and doing nothing in the end. and look now, i've wasted so much time, and i'm whining again...hahaha, i really hate myself. mmm don't think i'm going to reply, i feel so stupid for whining, like an idiot kid, so ****ed up for being this way...hahaha my life is ****ed up,i've messed it up, and now i've got only 4 more years to the big 2-0, and then i'll be an adult, and to think that i've wasted much of my adolescent years on this...its really funny and stupid and disgusting and makes me angry makes me want to kill. i'm stupid, i know that, i hate myself. i used to think life is really difficult but now when i'm calm and thinking things through i realize that its not  really as bad as i thought it was, my anxiety made it appear to be bad. now what i need, crave for is time. i'm an idiot, i can't control myself, can't stop myself from playing when i'm supposed to be studying and in the end to control myself, i invent an imaginary person to control me, to criticise me, to shame me, to scream at me, to kill me, to dish out punishments when i feel angry at myself, and to comfort me when i feel horrible. haha that person is indeed insane yet the person is perfect, he/she is good at everything, compared to it i am nothing.

urgh, i feel disgusted with myself. thanks everyone, i don't think i am going to reply, haha feel too disgusted with myself anyway. i really really feel like cutting myself, have stopped since feb, but i don't think i can control my urge to do it anymore, it would feel good to punish myself for being so ****ed up, it wld be even better if i had a gun and could shoot myself through the temple, or maybe a whip would be good, yup whip myself bloody. haha not going to reply anymore, feel too disgusted and ashamed for spilling all this out.

tried
 

Offline starburst

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #15 on: 16/08/2004 14:46:31 »
erm...i'm not angry at everyone, just angry at myself. i'm really sorry if i made anyone think that i was mad at them...

ok i think i have to get going now...erm, probably won't be coming back for a while, feel really bad
 

Offline neilep

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #16 on: 16/08/2004 17:10:02 »
Just make sure YOU DO come back....like it or not, you have friends here....and you better believe it....you're our mate !!

'Men are the same as women...just inside out !'
 

Offline sprite190582

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #17 on: 17/08/2004 10:30:55 »
Ditto. I agree with Neil, please come back.

Alex
 

Offline gsmollin

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #18 on: 23/08/2004 17:39:33 »
You've got 4 more years til the big 2-0? Don't worry about the time you've wasted being depressed. Let me do that, since I have only 6 more years til the big 6-0. What you need to worry about is tomorrow. You can re-invent yourself, every day if necessary, when you're only 20-4 years old. S**t honey, you're just a kid. You need some help growing up, and there's no shame in that. Go see a psycho-therapist, and BE HONEST. Get your problems out where you can see them. Then you can kill the depression instead of the other way around. I have known a number of young people, struggling like you are, and the sooner you get some help from someone you can trust, the happier you will be. Don't wait, get help now!
 

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Re: bipolar depression
« Reply #18 on: 23/08/2004 17:39:33 »

 

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