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Offline LeeE

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Computer related jokes
« Reply #50 on: 22/04/2008 15:53:10 »
Many years ago, 'Computing', an IT trade newspaper in the UK ran a competition on it's 'back_bytes' page for IT haikus and gave the following as examples to get people started.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Endless others exist.

:)
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #51 on: 22/04/2008 18:04:21 »
Look guys, I opened this strand as computer jokes. I think you should start a binary talk strand as I would really like to hear some good jokes. Nice to know I've started something for you lot but lets stick to the topic. I like the haiku though, think we should have a whole strand on them too.
« Last Edit: 22/04/2008 18:06:22 by Make it Lady »
 

Offline Nobody's Confidant

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« Reply #52 on: 23/04/2008 13:40:39 »
Look guys, I opened this strand as computer jokes. I think you should start a binary talk strand as I would really like to hear some good jokes. Nice to know I've started something for you lot but lets stick to the topic. I like the haiku though, think we should have a whole strand on them too.
Haiku is only two lines.
 

Offline science_guy

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« Reply #53 on: 23/04/2008 15:58:00 »
no, a haiku has three lines, where the first and the last have the same number of syllables.  the most common being 5-7-5

here's an example.

haiku's are easy
but sometimes they don't make any sense
refrigerator

;D
 

Offline LeeE

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« Reply #54 on: 23/04/2008 16:47:49 »
Correction needed?
Depends on definition.
I forsee conflict.
 

Offline Nobody's Confidant

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« Reply #55 on: 23/04/2008 17:26:53 »
This "haiku" makes no sense
And very rarely has meaning
Who invented it
 

Offline science_guy

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« Reply #56 on: 24/04/2008 03:53:00 »
42

'tis the maning of life...

soooo... if my computer crashes... will typing in 101010 revive it?

hold on a minute... what was hitchhikers guide thinking? september 10 2010? hmm...
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #57 on: 24/04/2008 10:57:22 »
spooky!
 

Offline Poetic-Justice

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« Reply #58 on: 25/05/2008 16:40:34 »
Here are some funny virus jokes:

Quote
Federal Bureaucrat Virus -- Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of
which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Dan Quayle Virus -- Their is sumthing rong with your compueter, ewe
just can't figyour out watt.

Gallup Virus -- Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 38% of
their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 margin of
error)

Paul Revere Virus -- revolutionary virus doesn't horse around. It warns
you of impending hard disk attack 0 once if by LAN, twice if by C:

Politically Correct Virus -- never calls itself a "virus", but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."

Right to life Virus -- Won't allow you to delete a file regardless of how
old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you first
see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot Virus -- Activates every component in your system just before
the whole thing quits.

Mario Cuomo Virus -- It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Oprah Winfry Virus -- Your 200 megabyte hard drive suddenly shrinks to
80 Meg, then slowly expands back to 200 meg.

AT&T Virus -- Every three minutes it tells you what great service your
getting.

MCI Virus -- Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too
much for the AT&T Virus.

Ted Turner Virus -- Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Arnold Schwarzennegger Virus -- Terminates and stays resident. It'll be
back.

Government Economist Virus -- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.

New World Order Virus -- Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.

Terry Randle Virus -- Yells "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
"Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas Virus -- Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve Virus -- Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Michael Jackson Virus -- Hard to identifiy because it is constantly
altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it
will trash your car.

Congressional Virus -- The computer locks up, screen splits eratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for
the problem.

Airline Virus -- You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian Virus -- Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.

PBS Virus -- Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis Virus -- Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self
destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service
stations across rural America.

Ollie North Virus -- Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Nike Virus -- Just Does It!

Sears Virus -- Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
power supply, and a set of shocks.

Jimmy Hoffa Virus -- Nobody can find it.

Congressional Virus -- Runs every program on the hard drive
simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish
anything.

Kevorkian Virus -- Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.

Imelda Marcos Virus -- Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up
then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all
on expensive shoes it purchases throught Prodigy.

Star Trek Virus --Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
before.

Health Care Virus -- Test you system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and
sends you a bill for $4,500.

George Bush Virus -- It starts by boldly stating, "Read my test.... no
new files!" on the screen, proceeds to fill up all the free space
on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congress
Virus.

Cleveland Indians Virus -- Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

LAPD Virus -- It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC
and erases them in "self-defense."

Chicago Cubs Virus -- Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last
in the reviews, but you still love it.

Sean Welch Virus -- Brags and brags about how good it is and yet even if
you say you hate it, you really don't.

Wanabe Virus -- Wants to be like Mike.

Michelangelo Virus -- Paints a picture of the Mona Lisa on the screen then
says, "Voiala".

http://www.computerjokes.net/ [nofollow] also has loads of funny jokes!
 

Offline Gabe2k2

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« Reply #59 on: 11/09/2008 22:49:22 »
what does PCMCIA stand for

People Cant Memorize Computer Industy Acronims

A customer told me of a ploblem he had with his computer after about an hour of trying to help I told him it was Undoubedley a PLBSAK problem and asked him to fetch the unit in as I could remidy the situation the other employees looked at me and wondered if I had found some new virus or spyware problem to which I responded no It just the Problem Lies Between Seat and Keyboard problem !
 

Offline Don_1

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Computer related jokes
« Reply #60 on: 12/09/2008 17:28:54 »
A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'


A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #61 on: 12/09/2008 17:52:48 »
Very good, I have e-mailed it to all my friends. Now they think I'm funnier than I really am. Wo,ha,ha,haaaa
 

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Computer related jokes
« Reply #61 on: 12/09/2008 17:52:48 »

 

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