The Naked Scientists

The Naked Scientists Forum

Author Topic: ooh look!  (Read 7862 times)

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« on: 02/08/2008 21:13:30 »


HA-HA - bet you didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!


 

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #1 on: 02/08/2008 21:40:49 »
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.
 

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6564
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #2 on: 03/08/2008 01:37:25 »
But this is the Dead Parrot Sketch!
 

Offline LeeE

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 3382
    • View Profile
    • Spatial
ooh look!
« Reply #3 on: 03/08/2008 08:54:35 »
Blessed are the cheesemakers.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #4 on: 03/08/2008 10:59:03 »
One of my favourite Python sketches - from The Holy Grail:-

Villager: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
Bedevere: But how do you *know* she is a witch?
Villager: She looks like one!
Other Villagers: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
Bedevere: Bring her forward.

(a young woman is pushed through the crowd of villagers to the platform. She is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her face on top of her nose, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks funny because her nose is closed by the carrot.)
Witch: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
Bedevere: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
Witch: THEY dressed me up like this.
Villagers: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
Witch: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!

(Bedevere lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is in
fact rather small.)

Bedevere: Well?
One Villager: Well, we did do the nose.
Bedevere: The nose?
Villager: And the Hat. But she's a witch!
Villagers: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
B: Did you dress her up like this?
Villagers: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
One Villager: yes.
Villagers: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
Another Villager: (hopefully) She has got a wart...
B: What makes you think she is a witch?
Villager: Well, She turned me into a newt!!

(pause)

Bedevere: a newt?

(long pause)

Villager: I got better...
Villagers: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
B: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIET! There are ways of *telling* whether she is a witch!
Villagers: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us!
B: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
B: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Villager: More Witches!
Other Villager: Wood.
B: So. Why do witches burn?

(long silence)
(shuffling of feet by the villagers)

Villager: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....wood?
B: Goooood!
Other Villagers: oh yeah... oh....
B: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood?
One Villager: Build a bridge out of 'er!
B: Aah. But can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Villagers: oh yeah. oh. umm...
B: Does wood sink in water?
One Villager: No! No, no, it floats!
Other Villager: Throw her into the pond!
Villagers: yaaaaaa!

(when order is restored)

B: What also floats in water?
Villager: Bread!
Another Villager: Apples!
Another Villager: Uh...very small rocks!
Another Villager: Cider!
Another Villager: Uh...great gravy!
Another Villager: Cherries!
Another Villager: Mud!
Another Villager: Churches! Churches!
Another Villager: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck!
Villagers: (in amazement) ooooooh!
B: exACTly!
B: (to a villager) So, *logically*...

Villager: (very slowly, with pauses between each word) If...she...weighs the same as a duck......she's made of wood.
B: and therefore...

(pause)

Villager: A Witch!
All Villagers: A WITCH!


(they do consequently weigh her across from a duck on Bedevere's largest scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the duck.)
Witch: It's a fair cop.

Copyright Monty Python , from Monty Python's The Holy Grail.
 

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6564
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #5 on: 03/08/2008 20:14:10 »
And now for something completely different (In memory of Bev - Dr. Beaver, that is. He is the one imitating Cleese)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=nxNyoAMqRXQ&NR=1
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #6 on: 03/08/2008 21:08:45 »
PERV!  [:(!]
 

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6564
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #7 on: 03/08/2008 22:04:33 »
See - he just got angry. NO DENIAL!

It's him alright!
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #8 on: 03/08/2008 22:19:20 »
It's a fair cop, guv.
 

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #9 on: 04/08/2008 17:48:33 »
Intercourse is a woody sound.
 

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6564
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #10 on: 05/08/2008 01:49:38 »
Intercourse is a woody sound.

Be careful, the next time it happens you might easily find The Beaver gnawing your bum.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #11 on: 05/08/2008 08:57:50 »
That is extremely unlikely.
 

Offline rosalind dna

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2019
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #12 on: 05/08/2008 12:07:40 »
good one Doc
 

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #13 on: 06/08/2008 17:27:25 »
My Butt cheeks are made from the finest mahogany.
 

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6564
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #14 on: 07/08/2008 00:35:53 »
That's sort of flabby; mine are iron wood.
 

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #15 on: 07/08/2008 17:18:04 »
So you can play golf with them.
 

Offline LeeE

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 3382
    • View Profile
    • Spatial
ooh look!
« Reply #16 on: 08/08/2008 00:00:23 »
Hmm...  a few friends and I once tried playing 'nose pool'.  Chalking up was easy enough but mis-cueing could be a bit painful.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #17 on: 08/08/2008 00:13:13 »
Hmm...  a few friends and I once tried playing 'nose pool'.  Chalking up was easy enough but mis-cueing could be a bit painful.


I know you can score a bogie at golf. But pool?
 

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6564
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #18 on: 08/08/2008 15:08:10 »
Yes, it happens with bad cases of post-nasal drip.
 

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #19 on: 08/08/2008 18:18:47 »
Thank god it was just your noses you were chalking up.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #20 on: 08/08/2008 22:45:07 »
Thank god it was just your noses you were chalking up.

 [:0]
 

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6564
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #21 on: 09/08/2008 00:55:15 »
When you live in Dover, there is not much else around.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #22 on: 09/08/2008 08:20:10 »
When you live in Dover, there is not much else around.

Apart from illegal immigrants.
 

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #23 on: 09/08/2008 20:29:02 »
And chalk! and blue birds and Vera Lynn.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #24 on: 09/08/2008 20:33:28 »
And a borstal. And cross channel ferries.
 

The Naked Scientists Forum

ooh look!
« Reply #24 on: 09/08/2008 20:33:28 »

 

SMF 2.0.10 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines
SMFAds for Free Forums