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Author Topic: I love these sort of stories  (Read 3238 times)

Offline DoctorBeaver

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I love these sort of stories
« on: 09/08/2008 09:06:29 »
An organ grinder has been banned from performing because council chiefs think he and his monkey are a risk to the public. Paddy Cooke was hired as street entertainment for Ripley, Derbyshire, but the council said that a general risk assessment was needed before he could perform. “I'm not a danger to anyone, and my monkey isn't - he's battery-operated,” he said.

 :D

(But on a more serious note, how much of taxpayer's money will the risk assessment cost? - DB)

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A care home apologised after a woman of 90 was given her wish of being served fish and chips by a man wearing a thong and see-through apron. Woodland House, in St Austell, Cornwall, said that staff had overstepped the mark.

(it's a good job she didn't ask for sausages! DB)

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A tropical shrew with a taste for alcoholic nectar has been identified as the hardest-drinking creature in the world.

Pentailed tree shrews have such an appetite for alcohol that each night they imbibe, weight for weight, the equivalent of a human downing up to nine glasses of wine.

Their capacity to hold their drink and keep a clear head, however, puts human boozers to shame. After a night supping at the jungle bar the shrews are not even unsteady on their feet, let alone being copiously sick or starting drunken fights.

(I bet the buggers never buy a round - DB)
« Last Edit: 09/08/2008 09:20:53 by DoctorBeaver »


 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #1 on: 09/08/2008 15:48:33 »
I think the nursing home staff acted wisely. What do they want her to do, vegetate 23 hours a day until they are fed?

Dang, someone 90 years old deserves a little fun!

Send her for a night on the town with a rowdy gang of shrews and send Paddy along for entertainment!
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #2 on: 09/08/2008 19:20:43 »
I think the nursing home staff acted wisely. What do they want her to do, vegetate 23 hours a day until they are fed?

Dang, someone 90 years old deserves a little fun!

Send her for a night on the town with a rowdy gang of shrews and send Paddy along for entertainment!

Well said!
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #3 on: 09/08/2008 20:03:48 »
Thing, thing a thong!
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #4 on: 10/08/2008 01:58:19 »
Thing, thing a thong!

And while the 90 year old is out on the town, keep MIL(F) LOCKED UP!

She'd take any man from anyone, even the elderly! (desperate woman that she is.)
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #5 on: 10/08/2008 02:19:17 »
You sound as if you speak with the voice of experience.
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #6 on: 10/08/2008 02:36:59 »
Yes, and I didn't even get a MIL(F) t-shirt!
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #7 on: 10/08/2008 02:38:14 »
How terribly fortunate for you.
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #8 on: 12/08/2008 16:31:33 »
I'll make you a T-shirt, how fat, sorry what size are you?
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #9 on: 13/08/2008 00:36:25 »
The size you wear - er,  Sorry, a shirt two sizes smaller would do quite well. As I remember, when I woke that morning I wondered where the new chair cover had come from . It wasn't there the night before. The I realized that the material was rayon and that it was your underwear. I must have been VERY drunk that night.
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #10 on: 13/08/2008 12:04:14 »
T-shirt offer withdrawn!

I don't wear underwear so neeeer!
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #11 on: 13/08/2008 16:54:10 »
But, but, but --- oh thats what we were speaking of, your "xxxx"
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #12 on: 13/08/2008 16:55:56 »
We were not talking about Australian beer at all!
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #13 on: 13/08/2008 21:50:53 »
Yes we were. That is what we were drinking that evening. Foster - or did you forget that in your alcoholic haze - along with the rayon underwear you wore at my request?
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #14 on: 13/08/2008 22:11:40 »
The static electricity was fun! The drink was four x though, not Fosters.
 

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« Reply #14 on: 13/08/2008 22:11:40 »

 

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