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Author Topic: Modern Art  (Read 7378 times)

WIZBIT_69

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Modern Art
« on: 28/09/2008 14:30:40 »
So I was listening to the radio the other day and I herd that Damion Hurst was selling loads of 'art works' for loads of cash, and I just thought, 'this is ridiculous anyone can produce this stuff the whole things a con'.

So how about we all post our own Artty ideas.

Here I go:

I'm gonna rip up a piece of floor board, spray it yellow and then nail it to a pigeon, how much do I get for that?

No wait, I'm gonna spray a chair pink, super glue a dead rat to it, throw on some tinsel, how much do I get for that?
 
No better still, I'm gonna write on a little chalk board 'Greed is good' then nail a potato to it and then pickle it, how much do I get for that?

I can go on, and I will;

I'll take a paving slab, write 'communism sucks' in blue crayon, chop it in half, then glue it back together the wrong way round, how much do I get for that?

Easy money... ???
-------------------------------------------------------------


What a joke, the art market has become; you want a proper piece?

here you go:

You will need a large crystal jar with wings on it, with a 24 carrot gold, diamond encrusted lid.

You then chop this in half, attach one side and leave it opened, so the two side sit next to each other, you then reseal the two half's so you effectively have two half jars that you can put things in, attached on one side and open like a book.

You then take two photos of Damion Hurst, on the back of one you write 'Money Rules' you then stick that on the inside of the left jar half with his photo looking out and the text looking into the jar, you then stick a 5.00 note in the bottom of the jar, and fill it up with jellied eels, you put the gold half lid on top and seal it shut, then over the top of his photo you write 'averace' and 'fame'.

You then take the other photo and on the back of that write 'it's all bXXXocks' you then stick this photo in the other half jar with the writing facing out and his photo facing into the jar half. So when you look at it straight on, left side you have the photo, right side you have the text. you then put an 'Apocalypse now' dvd in the right jar half and fill it with pickled onions and seal that half shut using the other gold half lid; you then write over the text 'death' and 'nihilism'.

You then find an Ivory fruit bowl decorated with swirls.

You then buy the 'skull of diamonds' wrap in in a towel, take one hammer and smash it to pieces, you then place the bits in the Ivory fruit bowl with some rotten fruit. and you place the jar on top of the bits of skull and rotten fruit, put some fairy light around the bottom of the fruit bowl and there you go.

I name this piece:

                          "I shall call it mini-Hurst"


And just to finish it off, I say to anyone with the cash and inclination:

                            "Go make that for us"
 


 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #1 on: 28/09/2008 19:00:41 »
Well I would buy all those. How much do you want for them? My friend Gull E. Bull likes them for his beach home.
« Last Edit: 28/09/2008 21:24:27 by Make it Lady »
 

blakestyger

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Modern Art
« Reply #2 on: 28/09/2008 19:18:09 »
It's worth remembering that Beethoven was considered to have gone too far with his 3rd Symphony, Mahler got booed at the first hearing of some of his earlier Symphonies and T S Eliot's poem The Waste Land was considered as shocking in 1920 as Hirst's Cow in formalin was in the 1990s.
Just because you "don't get it" does not make it invalid - it's how culture progresses, by breaking with tradition.
 

Offline LeeE

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« Reply #3 on: 28/09/2008 21:39:56 »
Talking about art and actually doing it are two entirely different things
 

Offline RD

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« Reply #4 on: 28/09/2008 21:50:50 »
Quote
Ray Hutchins, a 66-year-old artist from Staffordshire, protests Chris Ofili's winning of the Turner Prize by placing a large heap of manure on the steps of the Tate Gallery in London along with a sign, reading "Modern Art is a Load of Bullsh*t". He also said that "A real artist who can paint should have won the Turner Prize." Hutchins states that while he disliked 1995 Turner Prize winner Damien Hirst's work, Ofili's work was the "last straw".
http://www.artnotart.com/f-sensation.html

Ideally Ray's manure pile & sign should have won him the Turner prize.  :)


« Last Edit: 28/09/2008 21:54:59 by RD »
 

WIZBIT_69

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Modern Art
« Reply #5 on: 29/09/2008 11:00:12 »
It's worth remembering that Beethoven was considered to have gone too far with his 3rd Symphony, Mahler got booed at the first hearing of some of his earlier Symphonies and T S Eliot's poem The Waste Land was considered as shocking in 1920 as Hirst's Cow in formalin was in the 1990s.
Just because you "don't get it" does not make it invalid - it's how culture progresses, by breaking with tradition.

Sorry I get Hurst's' work and the reality is he has just been regurgitating the same stuff for years. There is a place for some of it, but really today all Hurst actually seems to care about is money, and really I feel that actually he himself; holds art in contempt.

He doesn't even make his own pieces hence:

Talking about art and actually doing it are two entirely different things

I completely agree.

If Micheal Angelo's' assistant made 'David' would it be a Micheal Angelo?
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #6 on: 29/09/2008 18:00:42 »
I've done David a few times and believe me he is a work of art!!!
 

blakestyger

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« Reply #7 on: 30/09/2008 11:14:33 »
I've done David a few times and believe me he is a work of art!!!

Overshare!
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #8 on: 30/09/2008 13:13:40 »
What? I was using America speak. They always say they have done Paris or even done Europe. Well, I've been to Italy a number of times and I've done David.

EE, I don't know, some people have smutty minds!
 

Offline RD

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« Reply #9 on: 01/10/2008 04:02:01 »
What? I was using America speak. They always say they have done Paris or even done Europe.

One of the Hilton Hotel heirs ?, the 1980s Swedish rock group ?     :)
« Last Edit: 01/10/2008 04:05:14 by RD »
 

Offline Don_1

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« Reply #10 on: 01/10/2008 08:51:54 »
I've done David a few times and believe me he is a work of art!!!

Overshare!
What? I was using America speak. They always say they have done Paris or even done Europe.

One of the Hilton Hotel heirs ?, the 1980s Swedish rock group ?     :)

No. We all know what she means, she was just trying to cover her slip. Got the cheek to accuse others of being smutty!!!!

Brazen Hussy.

Meet you 'round the back of the bike shed tonight at 8pm. Don't forget to bring the 'food mixer'. Shhh! Tell nobody.
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #11 on: 01/10/2008 22:40:01 »
Food mixer hey, that gives me an idea for a possible Turner Prize winner!
 

Offline RD

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« Reply #12 on: 01/10/2008 23:21:14 »
Food mixer hey, that gives me an idea... 

Damien has already created a painting by spinning the canvas...



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Hirst-Beautiful.jpg
 

WIZBIT_69

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Modern Art
« Reply #13 on: 04/11/2008 16:34:45 »
Well I would buy all those. How much do you want for them? My friend Gull E. Bull likes them for his beach home.

Well rather than ask if your nuts, or moan about how people like you are half the problem, why don't you do:

           WIZBITS MAGICAL MAKE YOUR OWN MORDERN ART CHECKLIST....YEAAAHHH

1. Get a [please incert name of object]

2. Cut it in half and paint it [please incert a colour]

3. Stick in back together the wrong way round and write on it [please incert phrase rich people will like]

4. then nail it, glue it, or somehow attach it to a [please incert name of dead animal]

5. throw over it [please incert here name of shinny substance eg. glitter]


                          Congratulations on completing your modern art piece!

You must now take that to an art dealer, stick it on the table and say "How much do I get for that?" 
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #14 on: 04/11/2008 18:59:36 »
I shall drink a pint of Guinness to represent the transient nature of existence.
 

Offline Don_1

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« Reply #15 on: 05/11/2008 12:38:21 »
I'll join you in a pint Doc, Cheers!
 

WIZBIT_69

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Modern Art
« Reply #16 on: 10/11/2008 15:28:42 »
So anyway:

'KATE MOSS IN GOLD WITH LEGS BEHIND HEAD'

Interesting piece, some may say that it's sexist, as it reduces women to nothing more than sex objects- blind fools! I just think the guys being gallant.

Anyway:

Dealer: "Is that yours or did you just do Wizbit magical checklist?"

Artist: "Wizbit Who?"

Dealer: "Sign here"
« Last Edit: 14/11/2008 10:53:57 by WIZBIT_69 »
 

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« Reply #16 on: 10/11/2008 15:28:42 »

 

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