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Author Topic: Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?  (Read 37431 times)

Offline SteveD

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« on: 10/02/2009 06:43:16 »
Monday February 9, 2009

I have an allergic-like reaction to sexual activity. This is not caused by childhood sexual or emotional trauma. It is not caused by the lack of emotional intimacy or the inability to commit. It is more like an alcoholics reaction to alcohol. After sex, I don't feel connected, warm, close and safe as you would expect a healthy person to feel. I feel needy, hurt, sad, lonely, negative, despairing, rigid, controlling, isolated, obsessive, extreme and humorless. I feel 'pitifully and incomprehensibly demoralized'.

I gave up masturbating 18 1/2 years ago and it helped, a lot. But, good, consistent monogamy and/or marriage do not ameliorate this condition. Twenty months ago I gave up being orgasmic under any condition, and it helped a lot, too. I have not given up sexual contact with my girlfriend, but the times when we agree to abstain physically I feel an absence of symptoms.

Any one else have a similar experience?

Steve D.

Mod edit - formatted the subject as a question - please do this to help keep the forum tidy and easy to navigate - thanks!
« Last Edit: 11/02/2009 12:48:58 by BenV »


 

Offline girlwind

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Re: Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #1 on: 10/02/2009 21:15:37 »
Hi Steve--I can relate to what you are talking about regarding an allergic type of reaction to sexual stimulation.
But I haven't been able to figure why it happens at certain times and not at others. I haven't gone as far as you
with attempting to give up all sexual orgasms. I don't think it would work anyway, as I end up having nocturnal
orgasms in my sleep (most notably at certain times in my menstrual cycle), during those times when my body
seems to need that kind of release.

I have noticed that now that I am in a healthy monogamous relationship with a long term partner (10 years),
my sexual response is very different than it was when I was single and looking. At those times I definitely felt
like an attraction to someone could trigger an almost anxiously addictive turn-on of a feeling. With my current
partner sexual contact of any kind is more relaxed and "sleepy" in nature. There is no anxiety about any kind
of performance issues, and there is a lot of acceptance about my very low of libido--due to long term health
issues. There is none of "urgency" about sex, that seemed to happen when I was younger and more addictively
inclined.

Lately also, since I started a hormone treatment with low dose hydrocortisone, my brain feels much calmer in
general and this is affecting my response to sex as well--in that I am not so afraid to have an orgasm for fear
that it will drain my energy. In fact, I had a successfully non-exhausting real orgasm without such problems
a couple days ago. A big victory for me!

I'm glad you started this thread. I hope more people on the POIS forum become aware of it and post some of
their thoughts.
« Last Edit: 10/02/2009 21:17:42 by girlwind »
 

Offline underwater

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Re: Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #2 on: 10/02/2009 21:20:18 »
Steve--
I think that your description as an allergic type reaction may be accurate for some POIS sufferers. I think that general sexual activity triggers POIS as well as orgasmic activity. But I think it can be resolved biochemically. As my psychiatrist reminded me yesterday, there are many unknown nuerotransmitters in our bodies. My POIS is not the severe brain fog type. Mine is more amped up hyper with depression. Only modest fatigue. I think mine is connected to anxiety. Thus, I am trying to balance my neurotransmitters. I am making some progress with my supplements. If I can get rid of my anxiety disorder, I will approach POIS with the same type of therapies, and maybe the new neurotransmitter balance with carry over to POIS. My latest theory for me is that I have some type of unhealthy reaction to my own stimulatory neurotransmitters, thus autoallergy. We will see.
 

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Re: Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #3 on: 11/02/2009 10:58:30 »
I wonder if it could be related to your 'technique'? There are many ways of getting to orgasm - some can be pretty traumatic and could lead to severe hangover effects.
 

Offline girlwind

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #4 on: 12/02/2009 19:33:44 »
DIAGNOSTIC TEST LIST FOR HORMONAL and OTHER DEFICIENCIES

To check out if one's particular issue with sexual exhaustion or other related symptoms might have a physical
cause, it's a good idea to get ALL of one's HORMONES checked. Here is a list of the tests that I did, some of which
revealed clear deficiencies.

Hormone Tests

Free Cortisol and Cortisol--for adrenals
DHEA Sulphate--also for adrenals
Thyroid tests (TSH, Free T3, Free T4, TPO-AB, Thyroglobulin AB, and Reverse T3),   
IGF-1 (that's growth hormone),
Free Testosterone,
Pregnenolone,
FSH and LH,
Estradiol, and
Progesterone.

Other useful diagnostic tests:

Serotonin (the feel-good neurotransmitter).
Vitamin D 25 hydroxy  (many people are deficient in Vit D)
RBC Magnesium (many people are also deficient in magnesium)
Total Iron; Iron Binding Capacity; and the Ferritin test--the main intracellular iron storage protein.
CBC (complete blood count), which is a panel of tests, that includes RBC and WBC,
the Complete Metabolic Panel--another panel of tests which checks out electrolytes, protein, and
   liver and kidney functions.
 

Offline girlwind

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #5 on: 12/02/2009 20:03:02 »
I wonder if it could be related to your 'technique'? There are many ways of getting to orgasm - some can be pretty traumatic and could lead to severe hangover effects.

Hello Sophiecentaur: Welcome to this new thread. I'm wondering exactly which "techniques" you are talking about.
There is a couple from the reuniting website who have gone into great detail about the biochemistry and bonding
aspects of sexuality.  Have you read any of that work?    Is that what you are referring to, or something else?

 http://www.reuniting.info/
 

Offline girlwind

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« Reply #6 on: 12/02/2009 20:18:54 »
there are many unknown nuerotransmitters in our bodies. My POIS is not the severe brain fog type. Mine is more amped up hyper with depression. Only modest fatigue. I think mine is connected to anxiety. Thus, I am trying to balance my neurotransmitters. I am making some progress with my supplements. If I can get rid of my anxiety disorder, I will approach POIS with the same type of therapies, and maybe the new neurotransmitter balance with carry over to POIS. My latest theory for me is that I have some type of unhealthy reaction to my own stimulatory neurotransmitters, thus autoallergy. We will see.

Hello Underwater:

Good to find you here.

I have some similar reactions as you do--I have BOTH the fatigue and the hyper/anxious reactions--common
to people with CFS. I think neurotransmitters (or a deficiency of one or more of them) are definitely involved in
this type of response, but I also think there is an adrenal/cortisol issue playing a part in this.

I wouldn't underestimate the effect that cortisol plays in healthy responses to stress. And...cortisol ALSO has an
anti-inflammatory affect in the body. I have noticed that I feel a bit calmer since I began my HC treatment two
weeks ago. I am still on VERY LOW doses, but over time I will be able to report on how it is affecting my overall
energy, stress and sexually functioning.

Cortisol tests can reveal what level the adrenals are functioning at. I would encourage you to test your levels some
time and see where they are at. 

SOME GREAT ARTICLES ON THE POSITIVE EFFECTS OF LOW-DOSE CORTISOL on ADRENAL FATIGUE, CFS and PTSD

http://www.conscioushealing.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=72&Itemid=57
http://trusted.md/blog/vreni_gurd/2008/01/18/cortisol_our_stress_hormone
http://www.ei-resource.org/news/chronic-fatigue-syndrome-news/cortisol-an-effective-treatment-for-chronic-fatigue-syndrome-and-fibromyalgia/
http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/reprint/161/8/1488.pdf
http://www.forschungsportal.ch/unizh/p9731.htm
« Last Edit: 13/02/2009 01:25:30 by girlwind »
 

Offline SteveD

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #7 on: 13/02/2009 22:11:48 »
Girlwind,

So good to see you here


DIAGNOSTIC TEST LIST FOR HORMONAL and OTHER DEFICIENCIES

To check out if one's particular issue with sexual exhaustion or other related symptoms might have a physical
cause, it's a good idea to get ALL of one's HORMONES checked. Here is a list of the tests that I did, some of which
revealed clear deficiencies.

Hormone Tests

Free Cortisol and Cortisol--for adrenals
DHEA Sulphate--also for adrenals
Thyroid tests (TSH, Free T3, Free T4, TPO-AB, Thyroglobulin AB, and Reverse T3),   
IGF-1 (that's growth hormone),
Free Testosterone,
Pregnenolone,
FSH and LH,
Estradiol, and
Progesterone.

Other useful diagnostic tests:

Serotonin (the feel-good neurotransmitter).
Vitamin D 25 hydroxy  (many people are deficient in Vit D)
RBC Magnesium (many people are also deficient in magnesium)
Total Iron; Iron Binding Capacity; and the Ferritin test--the main intracellular iron storage protein.
CBC (complete blood count), which is a panel of tests, that includes RBC and WBC,
the Complete Metabolic Panel--another panel of tests which checks out electrolytes, protein, and
   liver and kidney functions.

I have just this last Monday gotten free health insurance.In San Francisco all you have to be is a citizen and you are entitled to coverage...
 

Offline SteveD

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #8 on: 13/02/2009 22:20:24 »
Whoops, accidentally posted...In any case, they have agreed to do:

CBC
CNP
Iron Panel
Lipid Panel
Vitamin D level
Vitamin B-12
but more interestingly also:
T4,Free
TSH, Ultrasensitive
T3, Total
Thyroid antibodies
and Testosterone, free and total

additionally they have outsourced an appointment with an Endo.

So I'm grateful for all that. I will ask for additional testing once I'm at the appointment
 

Offline SteveD

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #9 on: 13/02/2009 22:38:40 »
Steve--
I think that your description as an allergic type reaction may be accurate for some POIS sufferers. I think that general sexual activity triggers POIS as well as orgasmic activity.

Underwater,

That's been my experience. I am really happy with the freedom from the devastating effects of orgasmic sexuality the last 21 months (as of yesterday...but who's counting!).But, there is more work to be done. I will not rest until all the negative effects of pre-orgasmic sexuality are eliminated from my life.
 

Offline SteveD

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #10 on: 13/02/2009 22:44:36 »
I wonder if it could be related to your 'technique'? There are many ways of getting to orgasm - some can be pretty traumatic and could lead to severe hangover effects.

Sophiecentaur,

I'm curious about which techniques you are referring to as well.

SteveD.
 

Offline demografx

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #11 on: 14/02/2009 02:32:40 »
Hi Steve, congratulations on the new thread.

Just wanted to say hi and best wishes to all.

Glad to see the message expand!
« Last Edit: 14/02/2009 02:35:40 by demografx »
 

Offline girlwind

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #12 on: 14/02/2009 03:42:21 »
Girlwind,

I have just this last Monday gotten free health insurance.In San Francisco all you have to be is a citizen and you are entitled to coverage...

You're lucky. I'm in the Monterey Bay area and we don't have health care like that. I paid out of pocket for all my tests and
it cost me close to $2000.  However, I do think it's worth it to KNOW EXACTLY what is off, and to be able to address that in
whatever way one can to correct it. Your list looks like a good start, but I think some of the other hormone tests would be
helpful as well. Good luck with it.
 

Offline girlwind

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« Reply #13 on: 14/02/2009 03:44:50 »
BASAL BODY TEMPERATURE TEST FOR THYROID

Also, there is a way to detect potential thyroid problems, by testing one's basal body temperature first thing 
in the a.m. Low body temperature in the morning is considered an indication of potential hypothyroidism.
If you take your basal body temperature with a glass thermometer first thing upon awakening, and it is below
97.4 degrees consistently for several days in a row, some thyroid experts say this can indicate your thyroid is
not working properly. Because thyroid is KEY to metabolism and energy functioning, I think it's a good idea
to know how well it's working. It will affect all the hormones if it's not at a healthy level.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/01/02/temperature-regulation-for-thyroid-testing.aspx
« Last Edit: 14/02/2009 03:47:21 by girlwind »
 

Offline SteveD

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #14 on: 14/02/2009 04:35:03 »

Hi Steve, congratulations on the new thread.

Just wanted to say hi and best wishes to all.

Glad to see the message expand!

Thanks Demo. I'm grateful for the solid platform that the POIS thread has provided to so many people, me included.

Steve D.
 

Offline SteveD

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« Reply #15 on: 14/02/2009 04:47:48 »
Girlwind,

I have just this last Monday gotten free health insurance.In San Francisco all you have to be is a citizen and you are entitled to coverage...

You're lucky. I'm in the Monterey Bay area and we don't have health care like that. I paid out of pocket for all my tests and
it cost me close to $2000.  However, I do think it's worth it to KNOW EXACTLY what is off, and to be able to address that in
whatever way one can to correct it. Your list looks like a good start, but I think some of the other hormone tests would be
helpful as well. Good luck with it.

I do feel lucky. I asked for the full battery of tests that you suggested at my designated 'home' clinic. They didn't feel comfortable ordering them. I showed them the Waldinger paper, but very liberal though they are, I think it was a bit too much for them , so they passed the ball to the Endo. I'll ask again then.

In the meantime, in therapy tonight, I negotiated some more 'rest' days in my relationship. What that means specifically is that , though we are committed to not being orgasmic as a solution to POIS ( as we have been for 21 months) during a 'rest' day there is no 1) non-orgasmic sexuality and 2) no sexually arousing behaviors...just friends and partners, together...to reduce the remaining symptoms to a more manageable level.
 

Offline CertainlyPOIS

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« Reply #16 on: 14/02/2009 05:14:26 »
Hey guys we cant be breaking apart like this.  We are all perplexed by the same problem, we should be working together to finally reach a day when we all can say good byes with both smiles and tears on our face. It is too early for us to start separating. And we also dont have enough people and especially active people to separate like this.
I was just going to suggest Girlwind, Steve D and Demografx talk through their differences during pm inorder to bring the two forums back toghter.
 

Offline SteveD

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« Reply #17 on: 14/02/2009 07:22:07 »
My partner and I talked at great length tonight about our objectives and we are clear that we want to do whatever is necessary to heal my illness. I am grateful to her for her willingness. We looked up the word science and found

sci·ence n
1.   the study of the physical world and its manifestations, especially by using systematic observation and experiment (often used before a noun)



For me, the obvious question is “If this makes you sick, why do you do it?”. To solve a problem I need to be honest with myself. So, this is as honest as I can be at the moment:

Two reasons:
First: sex feels great
Second: to avoid the great loneliness associated with surrendering relationship

So what to do? It seems to us that there are three solutions to this perplexing problem at the moment...and that may change with new information

1) Learn to live alone…
2) Be in a relationship with no sex…
3) Be in a relationship where there are periods of no sexual contact and accept that when there are periods of great sex that there will also be concurrent and consequent periods of sexual illness, and I'm talking about non-orgasmic sex

We have agreed that 'systematic observation and experiment' may help and are going to do that this week...A little science couldn't hurt.

Steve D.


 

Offline girlwind

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« Reply #18 on: 14/02/2009 15:44:44 »
Hey guys we cant be breaking apart like this.  We are all perplexed by the same problem, we should be working together to finally reach a day when we all can say good
byes with both smiles and tears on our face. It is too early for us to start separating. And we also dont have enough people and especially active people to separate like
this. I was just going to suggest Girlwind, Steve D and Demografx talk through their differences during pm inorder to bring the two forums back toghter.

Some things work and some things don't. And it's good to have some of that "wisdom" to know the difference.

I'm excited to be part of this new forum. I see it providing an alternative to the POIS forum and an opportunity
to discuss more openly some of the issues that were dismissed too quickly as "frivolous" and/or argued away
as "scientifically untenable" on the other forum. My wish for all those who come here is that we have:

1) An INCLUSIONARY ATTITUDE pertaining to ALL ASPECTS of the "sexual illness syndrome"--both pre-orgasmic
and post-orgasmic, and anything in between.

2) A GREAT TOLERANCE for non-standard-medical thinking about answers to the above mentioned issue, not
just an assumption that because someone has a lot of AMA approved initials after their name, that their word is
somehow "the last word" on the subject, or qualified as "more superior" to the non-standard-medical  "word." 

3) SUPPORT & ENCOURAGEMENT, as well as a welcoming attitude, for those who recover using approaches that are
more holistically (non-standard-medically) oriented, and for those who are so diligently working on that. There is
a place for healthy skepticism, I will acknowledge that. But  too much suspicion and skepticism can be a destructive
alienating force, which can prevent people from being open and willing to share their stories. So I hope we can be
aware of that here.

4) ROOM FOR PERSONAL PERSPECTIVES on this issue. Because certain kinds of sex happen within "a context" of
some kind of "relationship," I very much appreciate hearing about how people deal with issues that come up with
their partners regarding these problems, how they negotiate them and work through them, or not.

Those are my needs, and will determine if I stick around or not. It takes A LOT of time and energy for me to write
up an informative intelligent post on these forums. Having serious limitations of each of the above, I don't want to
waste EITHER on things that don't work for me. But I will gladly give my input (from my 30 years of  experience
with information I've gleaned facing some very challenging health issues) on what I do know and what I'm learning
along the way.

So... What do you think, Steve?  How does this sound to you?
« Last Edit: 14/02/2009 17:07:50 by girlwind »
 

Offline girlwind

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« Reply #19 on: 14/02/2009 17:11:57 »
My partner and I talked at great length tonight about our objectives and we are clear that we want to do whatever is necessary to heal my illness. I am grateful to her for her willingness.

So what to do? It seems to us that there are three solutions to this perplexing problem at the moment...and that may change with new information

1) Learn to live alone…
2) Be in a relationship with no sex…
3) Be in a relationship where there are periods of no sexual contact and accept that when there are periods of great sex that there will also be concurrent and consequent periods of sexual illness, and I'm talking about non-orgasmic sex

We have agreed that 'systematic observation and experiment' may help and are going to do that this week...A little science couldn't hurt.

Steve D.

Thanks for sharing this, Steve. Willingness for investigation is always a good thing. I'm glad to hear you have a compassionate
and understanding partner. I have this too, and it makes all the difference in the world.
 

Offline SteveD

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #20 on: 14/02/2009 21:22:35 »
Hey guys we cant be breaking apart like this.  We are all perplexed by the same problem, we should be working together to finally reach a day when we all can say good
byes with both smiles and tears on our face. It is too early for us to start separating. And we also dont have enough people and especially active people to separate like
this. I was just going to suggest Girlwind, Steve D and Demografx talk through their differences during pm inorder to bring the two forums back toghter.

Some things work and some things don't. And it's good to have some of that "wisdom" to know the difference.

I'm excited to be part of this new forum. I see it providing an alternative to the POIS forum and an opportunity
to discuss more openly some of the issues that were dismissed too quickly as "frivolous" and/or argued away
as "scientifically untenable" on the other forum. My wish for all those who come here is that we have:

1) An INCLUSIONARY ATTITUDE pertaining to ALL ASPECTS of the "sexual illness syndrome"--both pre-orgasmic
and post-orgasmic, and anything in between.

2) A GREAT TOLERANCE for non-standard-medical thinking about answers to the above mentioned issue, not
just an assumption that because someone has a lot of AMA approved initials after their name, that their word is
somehow "the last word" on the subject, or qualified as "more superior" to the non-standard-medical  "word." 

3) SUPPORT & ENCOURAGEMENT, as well as a welcoming attitude, for those who recover using approaches that are
more holistically (non-standard-medically) oriented, and for those who are so diligently working on that. There is
a place for healthy skepticism, I will acknowledge that. But  too much suspicion and skepticism can be a destructive
alienating force, which can prevent people from being open and willing to share their stories. So I hope we can be
aware of that here.

4) ROOM FOR PERSONAL PERSPECTIVES on this issue. Because certain kinds of sex happen within "a context" of
some kind of "relationship," I very much appreciate hearing about how people deal with issues that come up with
their partners regarding these problems, how they negotiate them and work through them, or not.

Those are my needs, and will determine if I stick around or not. It takes A LOT of time and energy for me to write
up an informative intelligent post on these forums. Having serious limitations of each of the above, I don't want to
waste EITHER on things that don't work for me. But I will gladly give my input (from my 30 years of  experience
with information I've gleaned facing some very challenging health issues) on what I do know and what I'm learning
along the way.

So... What do you think, Steve?  How does this sound to you?


I am humbled by the eloquence and comprehensiveness of your words, and could not agree with you more.

Steve D.
 

Offline girlwind

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #21 on: 14/02/2009 21:46:19 »
I am humbled by the eloquence and comprehensiveness of your words, and could not agree with you more.

Steve D.

Thank you. I'm glad we're on the same page.
Happy Valentine's Day to you and your sweetie.
 

Offline SteveD

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« Reply #22 on: 15/02/2009 23:10:43 »
My partner and I talked at great length tonight about our objectives and we are clear that we want to do whatever is necessary to heal my illness. I am grateful to her for her willingness. We have agreed that 'systematic observation and experiment' may help and are going to do that this week...A little science couldn't hurt.
Steve D.

Thanks for sharing this, Steve. Willingness for investigation is always a good thing.

Girlwind.

My partner and I experimented with surrendering genital contact and arousal behaviors yesterday-on Valentine's Day. I personally think that romance is sublimated sexuality and it manifested positively, for us, in roses, a card and a diamond ring. We then went to church, a party and stayed the night together, all while being abstemious...and not surprisingly there were no signs of pre orgasmic sexual depletion. Neither of us plan to do this forever, but it's nice to know that, until there is another fool proof solution, that there is a way, difficult though it may be, to be totally well. I am grateful, humbled and thankful for her willingness.

Steve D.
 

Offline underwater

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #23 on: 16/02/2009 00:55:44 »
Environmental Toxins and Sexual Dysfunction:
The other day I was thinking about the onset of GAD and possibly related sexual symptoms. 25 years ago I taught in a building for 3-4 years. Directly under the floor where I worked there were constant smells of skunk and other vermin. The administration sprayed on a regular basis. This lasted for the entire time I was there. Now as I recall, I periodically got drowsy and often felt extreme nervousness. This time period just happened to coincide with the onset of a serious panic/anxiety disorder and perhaps a related sexual dysfunction. I was prescribed powerful drugs by my psychiatrist at the time. In fact, it was in this building that I had an actual breakdown and had to seek help. I guess this question is for Girlwind: Do you think such exposure to these toxins (I don't know what they used) were powerful enough to cause Central Nervous System disruptions? I recall that these sprays had a terrible smell, but it didn't keep the skunks from returning in a few weeks.
 

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Could I have a Sexual Illness Syndrome?
« Reply #24 on: 16/02/2009 17:30:01 »
I wonder if it could be related to your 'technique'? There are many ways of getting to orgasm - some can be pretty traumatic and could lead to severe hangover effects.

Sophiecentaur,

I'm curious about which techniques you are referring to as well.

SteveD.
When couples go to their Doctor about sexual matters it often turns out that they are actually 'doing it' in very unorthodox ways. For instance, it is often thought that you need to go 'hammer and tongs' in order to achieve or give 'satisfaction'. The content of lot of Porn would seem to confirm this (so I'm told!).
I was just wondering whether there may be something you could do about your problem by trying a range of alternative ways of getting and giving pleasure. It may, of course, be a problem which can't be solved in a straightforward way but I would always advise avoiding the 'big guns' of medicine until you've tried a few alternatives, yourself. Somehow, 'going to the Doctor' sets you on the 'ill' side of a line when you may not have been, initially.

Sex Therapy can be viewed as a joke cliche but it certainly manages to help some people. (Never used it  or sold it, I hasten to add - so this is not an advert.) Perhaps you could try - or there are acres and acres of bookshelves full  of serious treatments of the topic.
 

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