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Author Topic: Is giving oral sex fattening?  (Read 34454 times)

Offline John Chapman

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« on: 23/02/2009 23:30:52 »
My wife once refused to give me oral sex on the grounds that she was on a diet! I tried to tell her that all that bobbing up and down would burn off more calories than she would consume and she replied "not in 5 seconds, Mr Trigger Happy". But enough of that. Anyway, I won the argument and her last words were "mmph hnnm wommn arn hmmmf", which I hoped translated to "I love giving you pleasure, my Darling" but turned out to be "See what sharp teeth I have, you lying bastard". So my question is this:

Does giving oral sex result in a nett loss or gain of calories?

Now I know there are huge variables such as 'bobbing' distance (ie penis length), weight of the woman (or guy), size of ejaculation, length of time guy manages to hold on, etc. But is there anyone out there who can do a back-of-the-envelope calculation and give me a rough idea based on typical likely measurements? Any volunteers for some empirical research? Mr Chem4me, You're always up for some home experimentation. Tell Mrs Chem4me it's all in the name of science.

Lets assume the woman weighs 8 stones (50 kilos, 112 lbs) and she lifts half her body weight (ie from waist up). I'm assuming the lift height is unimportant on the grounds that the longer the strokes the fewer strokes per minute but that she is lifting her weight for half the time (ie on the upstroke but not the downstroke). I've got no idea how to find the calorific value of an ejaculation but we could approximate the quantity to be about a teaspoon typically. So over to you, clever people in Naked Scientist land.....

What I am hoping for is an estimate of how many minutes it would take to burn off the calories my wife is about to consume. I'm hoping to be able to tell her 'just another 45 minutes or you'll get fat' or even better 'just a couple more hours!' Or what about 'If you can just keep going til Monday morning....!' I'm getting too distracted now to continue writing so I'm off to get a cold shower.
'
« Last Edit: 23/02/2009 23:45:55 by John Chapman »


 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #1 on: 24/02/2009 03:00:28 »

The average ejaculate, laden with between 200 and 300 million sperm, amounts to about about 5 calories.

These are derived from protein, including enzymes, and sugars (mainly fructose) secreted into semen by the prostate gland to provide the sperm with the energy to swim.

Other 'ingredients' present in semen include :

Water
Vitamin C
Citric acid
Phosphate and bicarbonates, to regulate acidity 
Zinc
Prostaglandins

For comparison, a greasy cheeseburger contains over 500 calories, so to equal one junk-food attack you'd need to gulp down over 100 ejaculates. Comforting thought...

How many calories in semen?
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #2 on: 24/02/2009 06:17:38 »
There was also this thread: How many grams of carbs/sugar in semen?
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #3 on: 24/02/2009 06:20:33 »
And as for doing emperical research... hmmm.... er..... um.....
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #4 on: 24/02/2009 06:22:14 »
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #5 on: 24/02/2009 08:15:53 »
I'm getting too distracted now to continue writing so I'm off to get a cold shower.
'
Have you settled down yet? :)
Ready for some real distractions?
 

Offline John Chapman

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #6 on: 24/02/2009 08:55:50 »
Hi Chem4me

Brilliant. You've found the missing piece of the jigsaw. Now all we need is for someone to crunch the numbers. and put the jigsaw together.

I knew you'd come up with something good. I'm a little disappointed that my question isn't entirely original, though. It seems like I'm not the only person obsessed with sex.  ::)
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #7 on: 24/02/2009 08:57:24 »
Sorry, can't talk, I'm busy...

Yeah, ummm...... busy........ that's the one.......
 

Offline Don_1

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #8 on: 24/02/2009 09:03:45 »
Sorry, can't talk, I'm busy...

Yeah, ummm...... busy........ that's the one.......

Why, have you got your mouth fu
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #9 on: 24/02/2009 09:06:21 »
That is twisted!
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #10 on: 24/02/2009 09:10:57 »
Ooh jeez/****, I didn't mean that is twisted!
 

blakestyger

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #11 on: 24/02/2009 09:46:20 »
Intriguing question but I always thought that oral sex was like lobster thermidor - you don't get it at home. ;D
 

Offline Don_1

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #12 on: 24/02/2009 09:57:57 »
I used to know a girl who very much into oral sex. She only ever talked about it!
 

blakestyger

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #13 on: 24/02/2009 13:10:31 »
I used to know a girl who very much into oral sex. She only ever talked about it!

Which meant you had aural sex - count your blessings. :D
 

Offline lightarrow

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #14 on: 24/02/2009 17:42:24 »
My wife once refused to give me oral sex on the grounds that she was on a diet!
Ask her again with a truth machine...  :)
And then look for a work in a Cabaret for her. She has a lot of humor  :).
 

lyner

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #15 on: 26/02/2009 18:26:56 »
Actually it's an incredible way of getting slim.
Honest, Luv!
 

Offline John Chapman

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #16 on: 27/02/2009 08:35:36 »
That's exactly what I tried to tell my wife. Unfortunately she's not as gullible as you! lol.

Why do you say it's slimming?
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #17 on: 27/02/2009 08:36:37 »
Why do you say it's slimming?
Because it is!!
 

Offline John Chapman

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #18 on: 27/02/2009 08:42:15 »
That's right mate. Us guys have got to stick together.

We should tell these women it makes them look younger too. And tones their bodies.
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #19 on: 27/02/2009 08:44:57 »
 

Offline John Chapman

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #20 on: 02/03/2009 12:59:33 »
I emailed this question to the Naked Scientist team and got a quick reply from the guru of science himself, Chris. Thanks for that, Chris.

He says,



"Dear John

I think that the energy expended in obtaining the "nourishment" outweighs the calories derived through its digestion...at least for a human ejaculation. Bulls, boars and whales...well that's a different story.

C"

So there we have it, ladies. The more oral sex you give us guys, the thinner you'll get. I've always told my wife she doesn't need to diet and is perfect the way she is. I realise now that this is very unsupportive and in future will help her burn off those calories. I'll tell her 'Chris said so!"
 

Offline dentstudent

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #21 on: 02/03/2009 13:03:24 »
Here is a recent photo of my wife. See - it does make you thin  [^] [^] [^] [^]

 

Offline danpetersrocks

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #22 on: 02/03/2009 13:20:11 »
What a strange questions, bit of an urban legend i think!
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #23 on: 03/03/2009 02:49:58 »
Err....No. ;D

It's true! :)
 

Offline neilep

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
« Reply #24 on: 03/03/2009 10:02:11 »
As a " firm  " believer in empirical study I snuck into my neighbours house at 3am and............erhmm....no...I decided on this occasion to leave my neighbour alone !!
 

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Is giving oral sex fattening?
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