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Author Topic: Would this qualify as a psychology question?  (Read 8347 times)

Offline Karen W.

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Would this qualify as a psychology question?
« Reply #25 on: 14/04/2009 21:57:53 »
Karen, I'm so sorry about all that is going on in your life. The guy lied to you and himself. I have heard of so many men marrying good women, knowing deep down that they are gay. I have always been honest with David about my sexuality. He knows that I would never stray but I do have double the temptation. When he is being a pig, I sometimes think that if I divorced him I would choose a woman next time.

Karen, If you think the marriage is damaging your sanity, you have to think about you. Everything else should come second. Staying friends is going to be very hard but steel yourself and try. We are all here if you need us. It is a brave decision.

Thank you MIL...I appreciate your honesty... I wish he had been as honest at least then I would have had a leveled out playing field.. his sexual choice is not so much where my big problem lies, although, it angered me that he lied, and gave me no knowledge. It is the whole disloyal no trust issue which gets me...I think I could handle the bi-sexual thing knowing his choice was me, and love was the winning factor but obviously there was never intention on his part to ever have a monogamous relationship and therefore I have been partnered with every Tom, Dick and Harry he has bedded for 32 Years!  Further more he used no protection.....NADDA, 0...none! This angers me to no end! 

It is making me crazy and the fact he is still here does too.. he says we cannot afford to be apart. He also says he does not want to leave me now because of the illnesses I am facing... I do not want his pitty....
 I am stuck because of finances..but I am going to find a way to move him on....Even if I have to sell my property and downsize! I love my home land plot..almost two acres but at the same time that is not much to have but it is mine...  It was my mothers...I do not want to loose the home...

 Anyway... you are right about it being hard and thus my dilema...I cannot imagine not being his friend, as we have shared everything..good and bad and I accepted the things I have learned and I know its over and can never be what I had dreamed that love was supposed to be... even friendship at this stage is sucking big eggs...cause I can't stand to look at him most of the time...I feel like I needed to make more effort but he makes no effort or rare effort anyway.....

 Anyway..Thanks for your comments it gives me things to think about and a new perspective also.
I really do appreciate it. Thank you!
« Last Edit: 15/04/2009 00:46:28 by Karen W. »
 

Offline yor_on

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Would this qualify as a psychology question?
« Reply #26 on: 15/04/2009 00:05:06 »
Karen, I would be wary of seeing your X as Gay, he had a ugly experience forced on him when young. Those things leave scars and as most victims the question may become. 'Did I want this', 'could I have avoided it' etc. Those questions can lead both you and him astray. Neither of you planned for this, I think it's just time and human fragility combined. You may yet become friends, no matter his sexual inclination(s).

So take it easy, and btw, I think it's okay to hate/feel extremly angry with him, not forever Karen, just for a little while :) Anger is there anyway, so you better let it out. After all, he did force a great change upon you both. But one step at a time Karen, and get a routine working for you, those small steps will get you happy again.


---------
(Sorry Karen, missed your last reply (above mine) before I wrote, but here is a 'update' correcting it, well sort of :)

Karen, you will not sell your land. That is from your mother and not to be used like that. Be honest with him and tell him to move out. Let that anger out so that he will understand. Words may not be enough here, so get angry.
He needs to move, not you.

Contact the police if nothing else helps. If he cares about you he will move.
If it's only himself he cares about, then you use what 'help' you can get. And then what I wrote above will be incorrect, as this guy in my eyes then becomes a conniving manipulating piece of sh**
« Last Edit: 15/04/2009 00:25:28 by yor_on »
 

Offline Karen W.

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Would this qualify as a psychology question?
« Reply #27 on: 15/04/2009 01:00:16 »
Thanks for your post..I will post.... later on this..just wanted you to know I have seen it and appreciate it..Just having a problem right now.. be back soon.
 

Offline Karen W.

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Would this qualify as a psychology question?
« Reply #28 on: 19/04/2009 08:30:18 »
Karen, I would be wary of seeing your X as Gay, he had a ugly experience forced on him when young. Those things leave scars and as most victims the question may become. 'Did I want this', 'could I have avoided it' etc. Those questions can lead both you and him astray. Neither of you planned for this, I think it's just time and human fragility combined. You may yet become friends, no matter his sexual inclination(s).

So take it easy, and btw, I think it's okay to hate/feel extremly angry with him, not forever Karen, just for a little while :) Anger is there anyway, so you better let it out. After all, he did force a great change upon you both. But one step at a time Karen, and get a routine working for you, those small steps will get you happy again.


---------
(Sorry Karen, missed your last reply (above mine) before I wrote, but here is a 'update' correcting it, well sort of :)

Karen, you will not sell your land. That is from your mother and not to be used like that. Be honest with him and tell him to move out. Let that anger out so that he will understand. Words may not be enough here, so get angry.
He needs to move, not you.

Contact the police if nothing else helps. If he cares about you he will move.
If it's only himself he cares about, then you use what 'help' you can get. And then what I wrote above will be incorrect, as this guy in my eyes then becomes a conniving manipulating piece of sh**

Yes.... I am not sure what to think of his choices as well as the choices that were hence forced onto him also. Being sexually abused as a child and teenager young adult' I do know the frustrations involved. (he differences werethat I was not abused by a person of my same sex at that time .I think that must leave different scars and different mind set also.

I have experienced hate in my life and I wil not allow that in my heart again...I have no room in my heart or life for hate of any kind...but just saying it doesn't stop the feelings I need to practice love and friendship to keep that out of my feelings for him... I will not allow it to eat me alive....anger I do have and I agree that to some extent it is ok.. but none the less I do not like being angry it makes me feel ugly inside and I really don't like it.
 I do not wish to sell but if things don't get better right away I will be forced to sell.
I love this place. Thankyou for your sweet words..the really helped.

I am working on getting him out... he claims he stays to help, it is just reall difficult for him to be here.. I need to breath without feeling so torn..
it just makes it more difficult. Privacy and things like that... very complicated to say the least.

My Daughter is moving out again my son is Joining the Army active duty.my older boy...
so his siter is taking over the ren on his little house he will be here for a few weeks before he leaves. big changes again.. so many problems and upheaval  in my life right now.

I am doing my best at this juncture and can only hope he will do as I have asked as soon as possible.

 Thank you for your suggestions and the advice will be kept close and used when needed..Thanks so much and so sorry to have taken so long to respond ..I have been very sick this last week and extremely worried and excessively tired....I slept this afternoon for the first time in 5 days but only had four hours.. better then none..made me feel way better but I am still lagging a bit... need some more sleep.

Thanks  again Yor_on.
 

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Would this qualify as a psychology question?
« Reply #28 on: 19/04/2009 08:30:18 »

 

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