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Offline memasa

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Love
« on: 10/07/2005 14:15:02 »
What are the "mechanics" of falling in love?

What? Where? When? :)
Is it just our basic instict?
What characteristics make the other person desirable? Are there some sort of universal "rules" built-in our brains?
What happens in our brains when we fall in love?
Etc.

Can animals fall in love?

PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!

Any scientists of love around? Well, at least you're naked, that's a start. ;)


"Nothing is certain but death and taxes."
Benjamin Franklin in 1789
« Last Edit: 10/07/2005 14:42:32 by memasa »


 

Offline neilep

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Re: Love
« Reply #1 on: 10/07/2005 14:43:07 »
There are no mechanics to falling in love. Though there are mecahnical changes in the brain due to the strong emotions. It is not a ' thing ' that can be explained, written down or solved or elaborated on or defined like a disease, though it may feel like it, however it is a condition, and sometimes it hurts like a disease but it's a state of mind, emotional and sensual.

I think people have been asking WHAT love is since time began. The effect of love is easily described. Intensity of high regard for someone, when that person monopolises your every waking thought, a strong bond and union with an intense affection and desire, an urge so strong that people have died because of love, a feeling of euphoric intense attraction etc etc.

Where ?....anywhere !!!

When ?...any time !!

I'm sure it is an instinct characterised by a strong impulse. It's a natural inbuilt reaction to a part of your brain being stimulated. I know there are physical changes in the brain noticed during periods of strong emotions.

It's a point worth noting that it would be interesting to know how ' love' has manifested over thousands of years.

Gosh !!....as far as characteristics that make the other person desirable !!..wow !!..where do you start ?....It's completely and totally subjective....LOVE, comes after attractiveness and I suspect after you've got to know someone really really well...it could be based on intellectual properties, physical attributes, personality traits !!...probably many other options and/or a combination of all or a few of these. Don't confuse love with lust though. I think you have to get deep inside someones head, or they inside yours before you realise it's more than just ' attraction' but emotional too.

Personally, I think it's very debatable as to whether animals fall in love (remember...we're animals too, but I know what you mean)...anyway, you only have to witness the reaction of certain animals when companions are lost, dogs pine, elephants wallow and it seems this could well be interpreted as a form of love....I doubt we'll ever really know. Perhaps 'love' is just reserved for sentient beings....perhaps not.

Lets get some other opinions.


Men are the same as women.... just inside out !!
 

Offline Andrew K Fletcher

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Re: Love
« Reply #2 on: 10/07/2005 14:57:29 »
When I met Jude, my wife, she was in the local public house with a few of her friends, I was alone, looked at her and she winked at me with a smile that warmed my heart. I knew she was the right person from day one.

I joined her and her friends for a drink and felt as if I had known her for all my life.
We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in March this year and I love her more than ever, we get along so well and share many interests together, also she puts up with my interests in science, and even allows me to conduct experiments on her (health related experiments that is) She is the most beautiful women in the world and makes my heart sing every time I gaze in her eyes. Her smile causes me to melt down and she is a great cook and mother to our two sons. She manages the money side of things with amazing skills and is queen of the Buy one get one free brigade in the supermarkets. Being separated from her for a few days is very hard for me, and I can’t wait to get back home to be close to her.

One Christmas eve we were attacked by six yobs in our home, they smashed the glass fronted door with a concrete flower pot and bashed my head up against the wall, yelling abuse constantly, and causing my head to bleed, and still I kept my cool, trying to get them to go home peacefully because I could see they were either drunk or on drugs. They were 28 year olds, not children.

Then one of them threatened my wife and said he was coming back to get her. Big mistake on his part, he spent Christmas in hospital with his friends. I ruined a perfectly good 3-foot spirit level and had to paint the side of my house because it was covered in their blood. On reading this, you may think that she is a poor defenceless women, and you would be wrong, she can hold her own and comes from a family of semi-professional boxers. She is more than happy to stand up to anyone that treads on her toes.

We seldom argue about anything, if we do it is usually nonsensical and trivial and always rectified as quickly as it ensues.

So love for me is finding my soul mate, whom I would gladly lay down my life to protect her and keep her safe. I cannot imagine what life would be like without her, because she makes me the richest man in the world.

As for animals falling in love, this is blatantly apparent among our pet bull terriers. They are definitely in love with us and each other, and cannot bare to be more than a few inches from us. We are constantly battling them for prime position on the couch, and often wake up with one or two of them snoring on our laps or wrapped around our necks. Even our Siamese cat Theo, who has now passed, loved the bully’s and always preferred to sleep with one next to him. And of course the bully’s loved him just the same and would often share their dinner with him gladly.

There you go, now you know a little more about love and a little about life in our home.

Andrew


Andrew


"The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is most likely to be correct."
K.I.S. "Keep it simple!"
 

Offline memasa

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Re: Love
« Reply #3 on: 10/07/2005 15:36:46 »
It's not that I haven't experienced love in my life. I'm only interested in knowing if there really is some theory of love. "Stupid" questions are always the best ones!


"Nothing is certain but death and taxes."
Benjamin Franklin in 1789
 

Offline neilep

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Re: Love
« Reply #4 on: 10/07/2005 16:38:55 »
I just can't imagine  there being a theory of love !...hang on !!..I'll rephrase that. there's no hard and fast theory of love...yet !!...of course theories are just that aren't they ? based on repeated observations and intellectual speculations (science peeps, please correct my errors here,when a theory is proven is it still a theory or does it then become a fact ?).I am sure soon enough there will be theories on anything and everything !!..and then we'll discover that there's no point to anything because it's all so easily explained !!( uh oh...think I'm losing the plot here:))

I'm sure there are formulas which are accurate that can be used to signify love...but at the moment I just can't see how love can be categorized into a theory , especially regarding individuality....and there are so many different forms of love....good and bad.

Lets hope a passing 'love theoritician' passes by.

ANDREW !!...good on ya !!

Men are the same as women.... just inside out !!
 

Offline memasa

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Re: Love
« Reply #5 on: 10/07/2005 17:00:13 »
One rather accurate formula is that the more homogamous the two people are the more likely they are to fall in love, or then they'll just end up hating each other. :)

Think about the amount of variables... ;)

Scents and all that...

I am bewildered by love! :))


"Nothing is certain but death and taxes."
Benjamin Franklin in 1789
« Last Edit: 10/07/2005 17:01:49 by memasa »
 

Offline neilep

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Re: Love
« Reply #6 on: 10/07/2005 17:26:34 »
quote:
Originally posted by memasa



I am bewildered by love! :))






Me too !!...was it Shakespeare who said 'Love is a many splendored thing ?'...well, at least I know Ewan Mcgregor said it in Moulin Rouge !!...what a great subject....soooooooooo much more pleasant to talk about than Hate !!


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Offline VAlibrarian

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Re: Love
« Reply #7 on: 14/07/2005 01:54:23 »
I think it worth noting that there is love and there is infatuation. Many humans experience the glorious feeling of infatuation, especially when we are young. It is tied very closely to sexual desire. After we find out more about our partner and discover the things we share or do not share, it can either deepen into love or it can fall apart.
Infatuation to me is more of a chemical phenomenon than love is.

chris wiegard
 

Offline memasa

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Re: Love
« Reply #8 on: 15/07/2005 10:41:47 »
VAlibrarian: I agree infatuation is in part a chemical phenomenon, but I'm still waiting for that love doctor to pop in and expound it.
« Last Edit: 15/07/2005 10:42:10 by memasa »
 

Offline neilep

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Re: Love
« Reply #9 on: 15/07/2005 11:39:14 »
Love..is an emotion...when the Love doctor does call by, he/she/it may as well answer the mechanics of love, hate,joy,sadness and all the other ones too....I just don't think the 'mechanics' of falling in love can be adequately explained......yet !........

I don't want to strongly disagree with Chris (VAlibrarian) but I'm not too sure if sexual desire is as close to infatuation as mentioned. There are people who are clearly infatutaed with with their idols, fans etc etc...I'm not too convinced that in the majority of these infatuations that in these cases these people crave a sexual desire with them......well, maybe that's not true !!..every girly I've ever fancied I've wanted to bonk !!...oh well....that's a waste of a posting isn't it ?...except that my infatuations were short lived phases of passion....oh Poo !!!.........Valibarian is right , I'm wrong !!..move on..no more to see here !!....

Men are the same as women.... just inside out !!
 

Offline Andrew K Fletcher

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Re: Love
« Reply #10 on: 15/07/2005 13:15:25 »
Yesterday, Jude was hot! She had been cleaning the leather suite with hide food in insanely hot temperatures. She asked if I could throw a bucket of water over her to cool her down, jokingly of course, so I obliged her with the hosepipe on full blast and she was screaming but did not run off at first, later she said she was now cool and we both chuckled a lot as she stood dripping and smiling in her wet clothes. Now is that something you would do for anyone requesting a bucket of water to be thrown over them, and get away with it, or is it something that comes from an understanding of each others sense of humour.

One day, a long time ago, Jude was reading a newspaper. I called her to make her look up and shoved a huge fresh cream cake in her face. We laughed. A few months later when I had forgotten all about it, she got me back with an equally large and unexpected cream cake in the mush, it was great spontaneous fun, and we still laugh about our past antics together to this day.

Another time, we were walking the dogs with our friend Lynn through a large field with a hillside and fresh cow dung in it. Now Jude is scared of cattle and Lynn is not overjoyed by the thought of bullfighting in a field. There were no cows in the field, and I was way ahead of them both disappearing over a small hill out of sight.
Their faces as I came running passed them without saying a word and their screams as they promptly followed me at full pelt with horror on their faces and the fear of the unknown demons that were hot on their tales. When I stopped, they looked around to see an empty field and we all howled with laughter.

So having a sense of humour helps loads with any relationship, and we have laughed for hours at silly things that one would not find so hilarious in other situations.

Unless you have the same likeminded partner, I would only recommend the fresh cream cake in the face, as the other above-mentioned practical jokes, could cause you to end up on the couch for a night or two.


"The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is most likely to be correct."
K.I.S. "Keep it simple!"
 

Offline memasa

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Re: Love
« Reply #11 on: 15/07/2005 18:49:38 »
I just found a book about love. The author of the book is a German psychologist Bas Kast. The original name of the is book "Die Liebe und wie sich Leidenschaft erklärt". (It's translated in Finnish as "Rakkauden selitys" [Explanation of Love]).
If you translate the name literally, it goes like this: "Love, and How Passion Shows Itself". Unfortunately there is no English translation.
« Last Edit: 15/07/2005 18:56:49 by memasa »
 

Offline neilep

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Re: Love
« Reply #12 on: 15/07/2005 18:56:52 »
Well there you go. The mechanics of love starts on page 1 until the last page.

Men are the same as women.... just inside out !!
 

Offline memasa

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Re: Love
« Reply #13 on: 15/07/2005 18:59:04 »
Is it just me, or is that an ironic comment, Neilep? ;)
« Last Edit: 15/07/2005 18:59:32 by memasa »
 

Offline neilep

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Re: Love
« Reply #14 on: 15/07/2005 22:33:13 »
quote:
Originally posted by memasa

Is it just me, or is that an ironic comment, Neilep? ;)



:D:Djust being a tad cheeky !!:D;)

Men are the same as women.... just inside out !!
 

Offline memasa

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Re: Love
« Reply #15 on: 16/07/2005 09:43:02 »
quote:
Well there you go. The mechanics of love starts on page 1 until the last page.


And Kama Sutra is for the men and women of action. :D

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Offline VAlibrarian

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Re: Love
« Reply #16 on: 17/07/2005 01:37:43 »
On further reflection there is a role of learned behavior in Love. Some of us never get to be much good at Love. Others do, partly because they have seen good examples. Human behavior is varied. We are less predictable than our Ape relatives, and I think the role of learning makes for that difference.
Compare Shakespeare's sonnet "Let the marriage of true minds admit no impediments" to the kind of abusive, dominating attitude towards women that we see in some human males. To realize the potential of Love to give joy, it is necesary to be able to give- and thereby to elicit a response that drives you to give more.

chris wiegard
 

Offline l_kryptonite

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Re: Love
« Reply #17 on: 18/07/2005 06:54:58 »
For me?
Love, lust and infatuation; each is different, with its own unique signature...Get all three of them in the same room, (and preferably in the same body,) and I know I'm In Love.
The trick is getting them all to come to the same party;)
 

Offline Ultima

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Re: Love
« Reply #18 on: 18/07/2005 20:20:22 »
And for the other person to feel the same! :D

wOw the world spins?
 

Offline memasa

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Re: Love
« Reply #19 on: 19/07/2005 14:01:26 »
quote:
[...]"Die Liebe und wie sich Leidenschaft erklärt."


I have read the book now and all I can say is that it's excellent, it's cheerful, it's entertaining, it's serious, it's scientific etc. etc.

Maybe I'll read it again and take notes which I'll then post here!

If there are any translators around I truly recommend working on this one. Especially if you're also interested in medicine, neurophysiology, psychology or biology.
« Last Edit: 19/07/2005 14:14:20 by memasa »
 

Offline l_kryptonite

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Re: Love
« Reply #20 on: 20/07/2005 01:27:06 »
You forgot to mention the most important one.  Was it accurate?

Thanks Ultima, it does work much better when reciprocated.
 

Offline memasa

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Re: Love
« Reply #21 on: 20/07/2005 15:32:54 »
It's as accurate as a scientific book about love can be. Science is based on observations and measurable things, even hypotheticals base on prior research results to some extent either to disprove or support/widen them.


"Nothing is certain but death and taxes."
Benjamin Franklin in 1789
« Last Edit: 20/07/2005 15:39:07 by memasa »
 

Offline memasa

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Re: Love
« Reply #22 on: 03/09/2005 19:20:38 »
You should also listen the Science of Sex radio show:

http://www.thenakedscientists.com/html/shows/2005.02.13.htm
« Last Edit: 03/09/2005 21:07:09 by memasa »
 

Offline antelope

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Re: Love
« Reply #23 on: 03/09/2005 23:03:50 »
I like some people sometimes. Is that to do with whether or not they agree with me? I hope not and I don;t think so. Being scientific in one's approach to life does not mean that the same approach is appropriate to those vague entities, people. It doesn't mean you have to disregard the intuitive. In fact the best scientific [and religious and philosphical insights] have come about in moments of mental absence. Stop thinking and try to be more aware of that part of you that is aware that you're thinking. Science doesn't have a name for this yet. Doesn't science point to multiple universes? Multiple ways of being?
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #24 on: 19/06/2006 19:41:02 »
Andrew, you and your wife are my type of people!!!  You are awesome!!!

"Lo" Loretta
 

The Naked Scientists Forum

Re: Love
« Reply #24 on: 19/06/2006 19:41:02 »

 

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