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Author Topic: Love  (Read 269424 times)

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Love
« Reply #150 on: 15/07/2006 04:42:41 »
It takes alot of time to build that kind of trust again, years and years for some of us!

...Karen
 

Offline ukmicky

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Re: Love
« Reply #151 on: 15/07/2006 05:08:50 »
Anythings possible when it comes to love.



Michael
 

Offline ukmicky

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Re: Love
« Reply #152 on: 15/07/2006 05:10:20 »
Sometimes we men do silly things and its only afterwards we suddenly realize how stupid and dumb we've been.

Michael
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #153 on: 15/07/2006 05:13:47 »
Right Karen!  So true.  

Right Michael...and yes, men do silly things and so do women...lol

"Lo" Loretta
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Love
« Reply #154 on: 15/07/2006 05:37:47 »
Yes I think we all do and forgiveness is a hard thing sometimes, but it needs to happen in order for one to live with ones self!
  Michael, I agree with your comment about anything is possible when it comes to love. Miracles are possible when it comes to love!....Karen
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Love
« Reply #155 on: 15/07/2006 05:57:17 »
I lived with anger and disillusionment  after my husband had a one night fling and decided to tell me about it 10 years after the fact. I was devastated and felt so many things towards him the least of them these! I was hurt and the hate I felt inside began to eat away at me. I loved him and I hated him. My heart was split in two. I have spent the last 10 years trying to figure out why I stayed and finally decided he was the father to my children he was a good man and even though I will never feel for him as I once did, I forgave him. The only problem is that I can't forget. I don't feel that same love for him as once I did. There is no passion. There is respect love and freindship, but not what you should have in your marraige. It should be joyous happy exhilerating and crazy full of passion. Next week is my 25th anniversary and It's been a long haul. I have very mixed feelings about the whole thing.
Loretta the only advice I can really give you is to follow your heart as you are the one who has to live with the decisions. Sorry, its not like you asked for advice ehh!...Love Karen
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #156 on: 15/07/2006 13:14:18 »
No, it is quite alright Karen.  Yikes....you are more woman than I..I admire you.  When I was married the last time ex cheated and I found a lawyer right away...Before I was married I laid down the "stuff" I would not tolerate, Cheating, abuse(both physical and verbal), and if you called me a name that was not on my birth certificate it had better be an endearing one.  He broke the rules and moved out, I immediately went too the lawyers office, she found where he was staying(at girlfriend's house)in 10 minutes flat....that is the reason why she was hired, plunked down retainer and was divorced 2 months later.  Papers was served at girlfriend's house.  

As for Denny, he was my dearest friend who I confided in but felt like he turned his back against me which I explained to him.  Yes, I still love him...I just can't get rid of it as easily as it took me a while to fall in love with him.  I trusted him with all my heart and ignored him when he accused me of Nelson before or just plain accused me of cheating as I knew he was under stress..Now I feel he has attacked me with all of the accusations, but will not allow him to accuse me of being a cheater and allowing it to stand!  My heart and my mind say two different things, but I know there is nothing I will do to forward this relationship with him. :-(  If he finds a way back to fix "things" it is up to him as I told him last night and I could not guarantee that it would be possible now as time is a big factor but one he has chosen to play cards against him.  If he does, then he would definitely be one creative soul, intelligent enough to do this as this has never been accomplished before...right now things will stand as they did before and I will go forward in my life...blasted emotions!  I still have to deal with them, but time will take care of that as well.

"Lo" Loretta
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Love
« Reply #157 on: 15/07/2006 15:03:12 »
Yes it will friend!
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Love
« Reply #158 on: 17/07/2006 14:56:36 »
Loretta, How are you doing this week girl.  I am posting here as it is such a lovely thread that I hate to see it go by the wayside. It makes my heart warm to here of all the love around. Need to know that there is an abundant amount out in this world and I know that there is alot of you who have some shining examples of that love!.......Karen
« Last Edit: 22/07/2006 18:51:54 by Karen W. »
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #159 on: 17/07/2006 15:17:51 »
Karen, I am fine.  I am a little down, but not depressed...whew...I am just not my whole self when I am out with friends or at gatherings.  I just want my friends and their acquaintances to give me some time as I am not ready for the dating scene and probably won't be for a very long time.  Love is really a splendid thing!  It was great while I had it and definitely don't forget special relationships.  Most of all, I miss the friendships they were built upon and will definitely miss Denny as he chooses thus far not to remain friends if we cannot be together.  
I may never get into a relationship again, but will have fond memories which one day I may write about.  Right now, I am just trying to get through day by day as the love we shared fades in the background into a memory of a love lost.  I don't cry as much as I did in the beginning as I feel bad as Denny let loose of the reigns or was disillusioned that our love could never end.  But when he really thinks about the email I had sent when I ended it, maybe one day he will understand that choosing to have everything one way is not an agreed upon solution as other lives depend upon it.  I have thought about every possible way to see this through and Michael and George both offered some excellent information.  I wish I could get back together with Denny just for my hearts sake!  It is not logical at the downfall of what transpired and I have to think if this would happen after we were married what would be the solution then?  Possibly worse!  I only hope Denny will let it sink in and pray that at least we could be friends.  Love what will it feel to be without it again?  
Some people have emailed me, called or IM'ed asking me if I was looking for a way to get out of a committed relationship, it really is a great question.  But, I was very committed to this relationship.  I was wavering back and forth only on marriage as this is a lifetime committment.  Yes, I could've married Denny and I am sure we would have some beautiful years together...but I still have to think about the times when things wouldn't go well...what then?  I know no one is perfect, I know no one is the "mr. right", but just looking for "mr.acceptable"!  I know, there are important factors that is a must for me in a relationship and communication is most important, especially when there is a serious decision to be made or lifechange!  I had given him many chances to respond and he chose not to...not good.  That is why I called it quits much more than any reason else...as we could've worked through those issues.  I am now deciding in my life there needs to be no other relationships except for building up on my friendship level...each day I become more comfortable knowing that I have known love and smile at the fading memories.

"Lo" Loretta
« Last Edit: 17/07/2006 15:25:14 by moonfire »
 

Offline tootsie78

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Re: Love
« Reply #160 on: 17/07/2006 19:10:23 »
Loretta,
Yes, you will possibly find love again.  Maybe not in the near future, but possibly sometime a long ways off...;)
I DO believe in a "Mr. Right", just not a "Mr. Perfect"!!!   You are NEVER going to find "the perfect man" who jumps at your every beck & call or who looks perfect, acts perfect, & pleases you 24/7.  But...I do believe there is SOMEBODY out there who is meant to be your soulmate!  One of these days, your hearts will come together, & then maybe you'll believe in true love!!!
Karen,
I would absolutely DIE if my husband decided to cheat & then not tell me about it until 10 years later!  At least he was sorry for it, & AT LEAST he told you!!!  I can understand your love not being the same.  If my husband ever did that, I don't think that I could ever "fully" trust him again!  It would be one TOUGH road!!!  :(  So glad you got through it w/o leaving him!  I understand your hurt though...that's something that destroys more marriages than anything I can think of, & most of the time it is w/ a close friend of the couple!  WHEW!

*Joy*
 

Offline Grecian

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Re: Love
« Reply #161 on: 17/07/2006 20:33:43 »
Karen - I'm so sorry that you have been hurt in this way. You have a big kind heart my friend and you do not deserve to be in this        position, you deserve nothing but the best.
Although, you have decided to stay for tha sake of your children     which is a selfless act, I would not be able to do the same, as I forgive but can't forget. I would find it torture, every time the telephone rang, or he's late coming home I would suspect that he's up to no good.
I know it's 'cutting your nose off to spite your face', but that's just how I am.
I'm sure and happy for you that you have made the right decision for yourself.

Love you lots

Helena  xxxx
 

Offline Grecian

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Re: Love
« Reply #162 on: 17/07/2006 20:57:52 »


Loretta - sent you an e-mail.


Love you lots

Helena  xxx
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #163 on: 17/07/2006 21:10:21 »
Okay, I will check it after I get off work.  LOL  I am at lunch now and working a bit later to help Memphis out...lol

"Lo" Loretta
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #164 on: 18/07/2006 04:49:39 »
Helena, I didn't receive your email..I checked all 3 of my email accounts...which one did you send it to?  



"Lo" Loretta
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #165 on: 18/07/2006 04:55:44 »
Love...can you live without it?  If you decided not to love again...what would all of you do?

"Lo" Loretta
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Love
« Reply #166 on: 18/07/2006 06:39:58 »
I have made a decision in my life, but it is one I regret as my heart is no longer in my marraige the way it should be. If things were different and my life was not so complicated, I believe I would be gone. He is a good man that made a mistake. I just cannot forget what he did and how long it took him to tell me. Like you I am not as happy as I should be. This decision was mine, and I will live with it until I no longer can.

 I can say I wish there was passion and fire and spark in my marraige, but there is not and never will be. Mutual Respect Friendship, companionship and yes, love, but not true love! You know, the kind that shakes your soul and rattles your brain and makes you so dizzy, you don't know weather your comming or going. When just his touch on your skin takes your breath away and makes your knees weak. A look from his eyes send you into a tail spin! Your heart races at the very thought of him. True love is passionate and and spiritual and exciting. It brings joy and sorrow and laughter and tears. It makes you giddy and warm and comfortable. It makes you feel alive! AHHH, so appologse for getting off on a tangent.

To answer that question Lo, I cannot, as I would never choose to never love again. Even with my marraige I believe in love and I believe that it is so important in our lives. I think I would die without ever having the dream of true love in my heart! I welcome it in with open arms!
Lots of love you guys.....Karen
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #167 on: 18/07/2006 13:16:15 »
Karen, I understand how hard it must've been.  I respect your decision and think you are pretty awesome to have hung in there.  I, myself can understand what you were thinking about and know that my heart could never be true in my past marriage as well if I had stuck in there..I had forgiven him after the divorce face to face when he requested a meeting and asked for his forgiveness too...for marrying him as he apparently was not ready for marriage...he was shocked I said it, but it was the truth...his intention was to try to get back together, but I just wanted to forgive him and ask for his forgiveness in accepting his proposal.  It is hard to accept what he did Karen,and I think there is nothing wrong with not forgetting...you have been hurt, you have to keep your guard up.  Yes, he is a good man, but still he did what he did...You are a good woman...no matter what, you kept the marriage bed sacred.  Never apologize for going off on a Tangent..lol  I do it all the time.

I like your answer Karen, but not sure if I will love again..notice the word will not can...I know I could, but am choosing not too.  Too much time is invested, going through different changes emotionally, and much more.  Do you think you will remain with your husband for the rest of your life as you have invested so much time in your marriage?


"Lo" Loretta
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #168 on: 18/07/2006 13:24:53 »
Helena, received your email...Thanks you are the best lol  ;-)

"Lo" Loretta
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Love
« Reply #169 on: 18/07/2006 17:35:01 »
I will, unless that true love finds me and the circumstances change in away that would make my love for another possible. i wish that with all my heart, as I feel so very empty sometimes. You know that feeling sweet Loretta, and I am glad for you my freind, I undrstand your decisions like mine, I had to choose, no one else can do it for you!  Be well, must go to work....Karen
« Last Edit: 18/07/2006 17:35:43 by Karen W. »
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #170 on: 18/07/2006 17:48:50 »
Okay Karen, so true.  I like what you said, "true love finds me and the circumstances change in a way that would make my love for another possible."  My thought process on this matter is a bit odd...as if true love were to find me(or so I had thought anyway)what would I have to go through with that person, do I want to risk my heart and think about this change/changes in my life again and just waste time with a person, or do I find someone who can handle being just my boyfriend and nothing more to be the expected outcome?  Would that be fair to ask of a person?  Would he be able to accept me not being in love with him and while he maybe or not it is not required that he be in love with me?  Or do I just date a few people to keep them from making "a committment" of sorts?  Do I just tell them up front I only want to be close friends, but nothing more than a friendship?  Or just do like I normally do, I only want to be friends?  I know I miss out on the benefits of hand holding, etc..but I think I could live without it...may miss it at times, but surely it will pass.  I understand the empty feeling.  Have a great day at work Karen!

"Lo" Loretta
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Love
« Reply #171 on: 22/07/2006 19:12:51 »
Loretta, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you here! Please forgive me.

I see you putting up such a wall! I want to tell you to just be yourself don't put stop signs up around yourself. Limiting yourself on what emotions you will allow into your heart! You have so much to give and so much room to take in love and happiness and joy and sorrow. I know that your heart has been broken, but time will help ease the pain. You don't have to go out and find a new love, but please Lo don't cut yourself off from that possibility by putting limitations on your emotional investments!

If I had walked away from my marraige back then, my life would be full of anger and unresolved feeling. Yes this marraige is so hard, its had good times and bad, but staying has helped me to grow and forgive. Harboring hate in your heart  just tears you up inside! I will never forget his actions, he knows how I feel and we both respect each others decision. He knows what I want in my life, but he will never be able to provide that as it is not the person he is.

Loretta, just keep loving people as you do, and let them love you too! You are terrific and I pray for you each day, for love and romance and passion and life!.....Karen



quote:
Originally posted by moonfire

Okay Karen, so true.  I like what you said, "true love finds me and the circumstances change in a way that would make my love for another possible."  My thought process on this matter is a bit odd...as if true love were to find me(or so I had thought anyway)what would I have to go through with that person, do I want to risk my heart and think about this change/changes in my life again and just waste time with a person, or do I find someone who can handle being just my boyfriend and nothing more to be the expected outcome?  Would that be fair to ask of a person?  Would he be able to accept me not being in love with him and while he maybe or not it is not required that he be in love with me?  Or do I just date a few people to keep them from making "a committment" of sorts?  Do I just tell them up front I only want to be close friends, but nothing more than a friendship?  Or just do like I normally do, I only want to be friends?  I know I miss out on the benefits of hand holding, etc..but I think I could live without it...may miss it at times, but surely it will pass.  I understand the empty feeling.  Have a great day at work Karen!

"Lo" Loretta

 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #172 on: 23/07/2006 00:59:45 »
LOL  Thanks Karen!  Maybe you are the reason why people see the sign "I just broke up with my boyfriend" it has to be on my forehead somewhere in neon lights??  

I know you are right about the walls...I admit it, I feel it very strongly inside me...

Karen, I don't think I have so much to give anymore.  I think I am rather boring and have no life.  I wish it were true...I just don't know if I want to share my secrets or what makes me tick with another person again...is it worth it is the question?  My heart would be broken again if I were to fall in love again????  Do I want to do that or not?

Are you satisfied with your marriage as it stands?  Is it enough for you?  What if someone finds interest in you and is madly in love with you...what do you do?  You are married, but are you married for better or worse???

Thanks for the prayers...not sure if I have much love, romance, or passion anymore than an amphibian...

"Lo" Loretta
 

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Re: Love
« Reply #173 on: 23/07/2006 01:28:51 »
quote:
Originally posted by moonfire
I know you are right about the walls...I admit it, I feel it very strongly inside me...



You have been hurt (nobodies fault it just is), it is understandable that you should have some emotional scars.  Like physical scars, they are there to allow natural healing beneath, and you should not be concerned about it, and don't pick at it, it just makes the healing slower.  Allow things to take their natural time, and accept that it wont happen tomorrow.

quote:

Karen, I don't think I have so much to give anymore.  I think I am rather boring and have no life.  I wish it were true..



What a silly thing to say.

You are neither boring, and more importantly, you are caring.

Yes, I do think you sometimes have a bit too much all work and no play, which is why things like taking time of to go to that concert must have been good for you.

quote:

.I just don't know if I want to share my secrets or what makes me tick with another person again...is it worth it is the question?  My heart would be broken again if I were to fall in love again????  Do I want to do that or not?



Now is not yet the time to answer those questions.





George
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Love
« Reply #174 on: 23/07/2006 03:57:17 »
George, thank you...LOL  :Yes, I have been hurt...it will take time, but I like what you said, natural time..hmmm, now that is a thought...most people I know think I ought to hurry up and get out there and get a man...geez, I already had my kids and know I want no more...what is the hurry about??

Thanks George!  Hmmm, I don't think I am interesting and think I am boring...I think I have to agree with you about working a bit too much...but I do enjoy the challenges at times...I will go to a good concert, festival, poetry reading, museum, event, or something unusual to go to or do, it will grab my attention quickly and I will go in a heart beat and work will be left behind.

I am always ahead of thinking about things that are beyond my time now..lol  I have other questions but i am sure it is way ahead of thinking about such things...

"Lo" Loretta
 

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Re: Love
« Reply #174 on: 23/07/2006 03:57:17 »

 

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