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Author Topic: Are you having a nice day ?  (Read 10135 times)

Offline Geezer

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Are you having a nice day ?
« on: 30/08/2009 17:27:49 »
Well, I was.

Got my first mug a freshly brewed coffee and wandered down to my "office" (it's really the spare bedroom) to log on to NSF to see how my latest incendiary posts were coming along.

I was just putting the mug down on its perch above my mouse and keyboard when there was a little "crick" and a neat little 2 cm long chunk of the handle detached itself from the rest of the handle. This initiated a chain reaction. Coffee dumped onto papers (that should not really have been there) mouse, keyboard, floor. Loud expletive! Panic! Immediate inversion of keyboard and mouse.

I was mopping up the mess when I noticed it wasn't only coffee that was being spilled. I was bleedin' bleeding too. The edges left on the remainder of the handle were as sharp as one of those ceramic kitchen knifes they are always flogging on the telly. Didn't even feel it cut me.

The home can be a very dangerous place.

I think I'll go back to bed now.


 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #1 on: 30/08/2009 17:53:10 »
Oh what a wonderful day! 

All you need now is a snow storm that causes the roof to collapse.

It is on it's way MWAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !
 

Offline neilep

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« Reply #2 on: 30/08/2009 17:54:11 »
Geezer,

email me your address so that I can come over and help ewe tidy up* ......being a sheepy I am of course excellent at mopping up spills, be it hot coffee or blood.

I do hope the rest of the day pans out better for ewe chum....at least ewe don't have have a phone up your bum !







* Please arrange first class return ticket and limousine service
 

Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #3 on: 30/08/2009 18:04:07 »

I was bleedin' bleeding too.


Have you counted up all your fingers yet? If there are less than 10 it might be time to start pissin’ pissing yourself!
 
 

Offline neilep

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« Reply #4 on: 30/08/2009 18:08:54 »
If ewe of course have more than ten then all is fine.
 

Offline LeeE

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« Reply #5 on: 30/08/2009 21:56:05 »
I've been having a quite agreeable day, even if it didn't quite go to plan: got up too late to go drinking with the friends I planned to go drinking with and had to make do with the friends who were already where I ended up going for a drink instead.
 

Offline graham.d

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« Reply #6 on: 30/08/2009 23:18:33 »
Successfully repaired a leaking gutter which involved removing a whole section to increase the slope slightly. It took about 4 hours which was twice as long as I estimated. I always underestimate such jobs so, knowing this, I had already doubled my original estimate. It's just as well I don't do this sort of work for a living.

Knackered as a result I thought I would give myself the rest of the day off so settled down with a glass or two of wine to watch the 20-20 cricket. It got rained off half way through (probably just as well as England looked like losing). Just watched an old film-noir (Farewell My Lovely - 1945). I've seen it before but worth a few viewings.

Not a bad day overall.
 

Offline Variola

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« Reply #7 on: 31/08/2009 16:22:15 »
I went shopping with two teenagers and a 3 yr old to get bits for school...


Compares to having ones fingernails pulled out it was pleasurable!  :o
 

Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #8 on: 31/08/2009 16:45:59 »
I planned to spend the evening in my garage making biodiesel last night. To cut a long story short I mixed up the pipes and taps on my overcomplicated processor and ruined 300 litres of biodiesel and flooded my garage with the stuff.... AGAIN. I'm sick as a pig. Bum.
 
 

Offline Variola

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« Reply #9 on: 31/08/2009 16:51:09 »
Quote
I'm sick as a pig. Bum.

You are as sick as a pig's bum? how sick is that then?  ;)


Are you sure its the overcomplicated processor at fault, or possibly senility kicking it??  :D
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #10 on: 31/08/2009 17:47:37 »
Well, by comparison, I supposed had a pretty good day!

Queue music.
You got to look on the bright....

Neil
Tix are on the way by FedEx. I'm afraid, because you are sheepy, I was only able to get you a crate in baggage, but they say the crates are sheepskin lined and  really quite comfortable. You'd think an airline called BA would be a bit more bleating sympathetic toward sheeps and let them at least forage around in Tourist, but apparently this is strict BA policy.

Qantas makes allowances for kangaroos, but not sheeps because they are not "natives". You'd think NZ would be sympathetic too, what with all them sheeps going on World tours and the like, but nope. Only kiwis and they have to fly Business.

FMIW (Fly Me I'm Welsh) does accommodate sheeps in Tourist and Business, but they only fly between Swansea and Salford (quite why anyone would want to fly between Swansea and Salford is beyond me, but that's neither here nor there, which I suppose answers the question.)

I'll meet you at the airport with my pickup. It's nice and breezy in the back. Bring goggles!
 
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #11 on: 31/08/2009 19:53:48 »
Here's the reply I received from BA.


From:    BA
To:      B A Black
Subject: Sheep

Dear Mr. Black,

Thank you for your enquiry regarding sheep flying in Business Class. We regret that BA has a strict policy that excludes all ruminants from flying in the passenger compartment.

BOAC (a former component of BA) did, for a while, allow ruminants to travel in the passenger compartment, but this policy had to be amended after two Highland Cattle became highly inebriated on a flight from Heathrow to New York. They became quite belligerent and prevented other passengers from using the bathrooms for the latter part of the flight.

Sincerely,

R U Wooly
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #12 on: 31/08/2009 23:21:58 »
That last post ain't real - it is a shaggy beast story!
 

Offline neilep

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« Reply #13 on: 01/09/2009 16:28:19 »
Here's the reply I received from BA.


From:    BA
To:      B A Black
Subject: Sheep

Dear Mr. Black,

Thank you for your enquiry regarding sheep flying in Business Class. We regret that BA has a strict policy that excludes all ruminants from flying in the passenger compartment.

BOAC (a former component of BA) did, for a while, allow ruminants to travel in the passenger compartment, but this policy had to be amended after two Highland Cattle became highly inebriated on a flight from Heathrow to New York. They became quite belligerent and prevented other passengers from using the bathrooms for the latter part of the flight.

Sincerely,

R U Wooly


LOL..Geezer is great !  ;D

Ewe should have spoken to my mate Branson at Virgin...I luff Virgin !

Not only does he upgrade me to First Class but he also lets me fly the airomobile too !...all I need do is do up my shoelaces for 30 seconds ! numerous times !  ;D
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #14 on: 02/09/2009 00:05:30 »
He's Australian! I did not know that.
 

Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #15 on: 03/09/2009 15:17:58 »
I was in the pub last night when I suddenly realised I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

By the end of the song, I felt much better, but looking round I noticed everybody was staring at me. It was then that I remembered I was listening to my iPod.
 
« Last Edit: 03/09/2009 23:10:31 by John Chapman »
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #16 on: 03/09/2009 16:55:40 »
I thought that was normal behavior for the people of Wales.





Do correct me if I am wrong.
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #17 on: 03/09/2009 17:01:03 »
LOL...
I was in the pub last night when I suddenly realised I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

By the end of the song, I felt much better, but looking round I noticed everybody was staring at me. It was then that I remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
 
Thats cute! I bet that was some interesting, I wonder if they could have "Named That Tune!"?
 

Offline Don_1

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« Reply #18 on: 03/09/2009 17:37:09 »
I was in the pub last night when I suddenly realised I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

By the end of the song, I felt much better, but looking round I noticed everybody was staring at me. It was then that I remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
 

 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #19 on: 03/09/2009 21:24:00 »
Trumpet Involuntary?
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #20 on: 03/09/2009 22:48:16 »
I think that was Clarke.

BUTT what came out was not as sweet - more like a trumpeting elephant's breath! (a dung eating elephant)
 

Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #21 on: 12/09/2009 00:52:52 »

...all I need do is do up my shoelaces for 30 seconds ! numerous times !  ;D


Wahahaha. I've only just got that! I've never been that quick on the uptake.
 
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #22 on: 12/09/2009 06:09:52 »
I Got that one straight way!! I think I deserve a star!! Wheres my Star Sir Neil?
 

Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #23 on: 21/09/2009 02:10:24 »
The next few posts describe a few days in the life of John Chapman. It’s been a particularly challenging week but is not exceptional.

I have five kids but three of them are a little delinquent, one particularly so. We have had a bad year with them involving crime, unwanted pregnancies, hard drug abuse, domestic violence and Social Services intervention. But my wife and I had a couple of days away last weekend so this week started with us being fairly relaxed. Well, relatively speaking, anyway.

MONDAY 14th

On the way home on Monday morning we had a phone call from our daughter to tell us our son had thrown a party and trashed the house. Then my boss phoned me to ‘ask’ me to work a double shift. I already work 50 or 60 hours each week and my wife said that, even though we hadn’t arrived home yet, our week was already filling with sh1t.

We had to come home on Monday because we had been subpoenered to court as a witness in the trial of another one of our sons for tendering counterfeit notes. We were told to expect him to be sent down because he is already working off the tariffs for two previous offences and has not long finished a third. That particular son and his Vicky Pollard soundalike partner have a history of domestic violence, child neglect and drug abuse and their two children are on the social services ‘at risk’ register. We were the ones who originally alerted the Social Services and our relationship with our son and daughter-in-law has never been quite the same since, although their eldest son, the incredibly cute 3 year old Shane, lives with us.

Anyway, as we pulled into our drive their social worker pulled in behind us. Following a report of them fighting over the weekend the social services had called an emergency meeting for Tuesday morning and told us we must attend. We reminded her that the children’s father and us had to be in court the following morning but incredibly she still insisted. Eventually my wife and I decided that she would defend our son in court while I fight for his children next door at the Social Services offices. I then went to work 2 hours late and didn’t get back home until 11 pm.
 
 

Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #24 on: 21/09/2009 02:11:31 »
TUESDAY 15th

At the meeting on Tuesday I criticized the social workers for calling a meeting when they knew most of the family had to be at court and could not represent themselves. The meeting degenerated into chaos and the children’s mother (Vicky Pollard) eventually started screaming unintelligible abuse and stormed out. Meanwhile, our son was found not guilty because, due to a technicality, some of the evidence was not admissible. His friend, however, got six months.

We came home to find the phone had been cut off, although our phone bill said that it must be paid by the 22nd. BT said that our account had been closed and it would take 4 weeks to open a new one and we would lose our present phone number. Eventually, I went to work so late that once again I didn’t get home until 11pm.
 
 

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« Reply #24 on: 21/09/2009 02:11:31 »

 

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