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Author Topic: What is the worst pun?  (Read 8652 times)

Offline Geezer

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What is the worst pun?
« on: 27/10/2009 03:39:58 »
OK, so you want to be punished!

How about,

"If I don't care which end I open my boiled egg at, does that mean I'm eggnostic?"

or,

"If I buy a used kettle in the South of England, should I buy it on defurred terms?"


 

Offline Don_1

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What is the worst pun?
« Reply #1 on: 27/10/2009 12:30:17 »
Sorry I have taken a while to respund to your post, I'm not being very punctual today.

"If I don't care which end I open my boiled egg at, does that mean I'm eggnostic?"

No, it means your are a practitioner of eggupuncture.

"If I buy a used kettle in the South of England, should I buy it on defurred terms?"

Ah! You are scaling new heights here. Might I suggest you buy a little water otter if you want 'ot water.

BTW, I don't really wish to be punished unless it is by a puny person who has had an appundectomy, do you? Well do you? Go ahead, make my day, punk.
 

Offline RD

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« Reply #2 on: 28/10/2009 02:58:07 »
Q. Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocain before his root canal work ?

A. Because he wanted to transcend dental medication .

[I'll get my coat]
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #3 on: 29/10/2009 16:52:45 »
Tthe definition:

A PUN  is the lowest form of pastry.

(BUN - get it?)
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #4 on: 07/11/2009 18:56:08 »
Wot about,

"I'm sliding a gong on the breast of a slave."?
 

Offline Don_1

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« Reply #5 on: 07/11/2009 20:34:34 »
In a terrible storm a great branch snapped off and broke a window. The window said, "Tremendous".
 

Offline Don_1

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« Reply #6 on: 07/11/2009 21:18:20 »
Sam Plank and Tim Woodward were great school pals. When they left school they started a business together. Their names made it obvious that they should go into the timber trade. For many years the business flourished until one day a band saw snapped and killed Tim.

Tim Went Heaven and soon became an angel and an accomplished harpist. One day St. Peter noticed that Tim had been looking rather glum, so he asked why he was so sad. Tim told St. Peter that he was missing his old friend Sam Plank, who was still a mortal man. So St. Peter gave Tim a 24 hour pass to go back to see his dearest old friend.

As Tim flew out of the gates of Heaven, St. Peter called out, "Hide your halo and wings and don't leave anything behind when you return." Tim found himself outside a building where the old timber yard had been and there on the steps was his old mate Sam Plank.

"Sam," he whispered, "its me Tim, your old mate come down from Heaven to see you." Sam couldn't believe his eyes and ears, but knew this was Tim. They talked for hours and Sam explained that after the accident which killed Tim, he closed the timberyard.

"Now, its a discotheque." Sam told Tim and suggested they both go and join the fun in Sam's disco. Tim was a great hit with the revelers, playing his harp to a disco beat with Sam 'scratching' at the record decks.

Then there came a great crack of thunder which shook the whole building. Tim looked up and saw the clock. He ran to Sam and said "I have just 10 mins to get back to Heaven before my pass runs out. Goodbye my dear friend, goodbye." With these words he rushed out of the disco, unfolded his wings and made for the gates of Heaven.

When Tim arrived back at the gates of Heaven, with just seconds to spare, he found St. Peter waiting for him. "Welcome back Tim," he said, "check in your wings, halo and harp, them come tell me all about your visit."

"Oh no!" Exclaimed Tim, "My harp, I haven't got my harp!"
"Where is it?" St. Peter asked. To which Tim replied......
"I left my harp in Sam Planks Disco."
« Last Edit: 07/11/2009 21:19:56 by Don_1 »
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #7 on: 09/11/2009 01:00:58 »
Here's a punch line. The lead-in is left as an exercise for the reader.

"I bucked one, and Timbuktu"
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #8 on: 09/11/2009 01:05:31 »
Also:

"Two lips from hamster jam."
 

Offline Don_1

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« Reply #9 on: 09/11/2009 08:46:17 »
While driving along the A466, my wife said "Oh look, there's the ruins of an abbey". I said "Tintern Abbey", she said "'Tis!"
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #10 on: 09/11/2009 18:38:08 »
Two old geezers in adjacent beds in a hospital in Southern England:

Geezer One: Did you come 'ere to die?

Geezer Two: No mate. I came 'ere yesterdie.

(Sorry if you already saw this in another post.)
 

Offline Bored chemist

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« Reply #11 on: 09/11/2009 19:40:43 »
I can't be bothered with the whole "joke" but the punch line is
Super Cally's fragile lipstick expels halitosis.
 

Offline RD

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« Reply #12 on: 10/11/2009 02:03:19 »
Two cannibals eating an African-American, one says to the other …

 “I can’t eat the feet: I’m black toes intolerant”.

  [you did say worst puns]
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #13 on: 10/11/2009 02:17:31 »
Yes - that really is bad, but I'm sure you can do much worse.

(Thinks: Somebody must have published a book of worst puns already. If not, we might actually be on to something here!)

No wonder civilization is going to heck in a handbasket. People actually sit around and dream this stuff up when they are supposed to be working. (Not that I would ever do something like that, you understand.)
« Last Edit: 10/11/2009 02:20:43 by Geezer »
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #14 on: 10/11/2009 20:27:47 »
What's a Grecian urn?

About five Drachmas a day.
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #15 on: 14/11/2009 04:49:55 »
Another punch line:

Snake and pigmy pie.
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #16 on: 14/11/2009 04:55:01 »
There are also song titles:-

The Salmon song:

Salmon chanted evening,
You may see a stranger,


The Mrs B. White song:

....and may all your Chris Missus B. White
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #17 on: 16/11/2009 19:55:29 »
Does a castrated pig get disgruntled?
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #18 on: 21/11/2009 07:21:39 »
Ooooh! Naughty, but I like it!
 

Offline geo driver

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« Reply #19 on: 21/11/2009 10:26:56 »
what did 1 mushroom say to the other

hay i'm a fun guy

bet it sounds better when i tell it

well i made my clients laugh difficult thing to do with french busnessmen
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #20 on: 21/11/2009 17:31:16 »
but possibly easier than with German business men.  ;D
 

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What is the worst pun?
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