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Author Topic: How do you men handle a social situation like this ?  (Read 7601 times)

Offline Karen W.

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Scenario... There is a fairly decent young lady perched on a chair at a bar table, in a bar you are frequenting.. There is a great band playing .. you glance over and smile at said woman who then returns friendly bright smile. Then you think.. I wonder if she would like to dance? So thinking why not, you move forward and approach said woman. Upon reaching out and introducing your self .. you start to ask her to dance, when suddenly you see a walker on the other side of her table..

 Now realizing this women has a walker.. or walking frame as you English say.. do you

A. Continue to ask of her a dance?

B. Ask to join her at her table and get to know her?

c. Ask if she is able to dance and what you could do to facilitate that with her?

D. Or do you make an excuse and say something like I hope you enjoy the evening or .. Mam have you seen a fellow around..etc etc etc...

What would you do?

What would be your first impression?

How quickly would you turn an run or would you?
« Last Edit: 06/12/2009 07:52:52 by Karen W. »


 

Offline Don_1

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How do you men handle a social situation like this ?
« Reply #1 on: 06/12/2009 09:43:45 »
Whatever my thoughts, I wouldn't want to be rude, so I'd ask if the frame was hers and if she affirmed that was the case, I'd say "I suppose a dance is out of question then". Hmmm, maybe that's a bit evil too.
 

Online chris

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How do you men handle a social situation like this ?
« Reply #2 on: 06/12/2009 09:45:03 »
"a fairly decent young lady" - what the hell does that mean, that she's partly dressed?!
 

Offline Chemistry4me

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« Reply #3 on: 06/12/2009 10:12:09 »
You tell her that you are a double amputee.
 

Offline Geezer

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How do you men handle a social situation like this ?
« Reply #4 on: 06/12/2009 18:51:04 »
None of the above.

You ask if it's one of those new titaniun ones and what the top speed is.
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #5 on: 06/12/2009 20:07:21 »
"a fairly decent young lady" - what the hell does that mean, that she's partly dressed?!

No she looks like me .. she is smartly dressed, nicely, is not a tweaker, etc etc etc.....LOL Has both legs but they don't work so well! LOL
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #6 on: 06/12/2009 20:08:12 »
None of the above.

You ask if it's one of those new titaniun ones and what the top speed is.
Bionic woman eh??? LOL..
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #7 on: 06/12/2009 20:09:43 »
Whatever my thoughts, I wouldn't want to be rude, so I'd ask if the frame was hers and if she affirmed that was the case, I'd say "I suppose a dance is out of question then". Hmmm, maybe that's a bit evil too.
.....Nice answer! Would you dance with her if she explained the need for your support during the dance...?
 

Offline geo driver

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« Reply #8 on: 06/12/2009 21:17:32 »
well as someone that, i promise this is true, asked a blind person if they saw the rugby match
i told a deaf person to shut up
i asked someone why the limp (she had a prosthetic leg)
all of the above was in innocence.
i might off asked her to dance some more.... until her legs dropped off.
at least i would have another anecdote
 

Offline LeeE

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« Reply #9 on: 06/12/2009 23:53:43 »
.. she is [...]not a tweaker...

Hot damn - I could never resist a tweaker/haven't been 'tweaked' for years... (Umm.... what's a tweaker?)

But seriously, having decided that I was being smiled at, and not mockingly laughed at, and having already started my journey across the floor, I'd stick to the original plan and ask her for a dance.  Then, if she said that she can't dance, referring to the frame, but made me feel that my presence was still wanted, I'd sit down and talk to her (and wonder how heavy she might be, and whether I'd be able to carry her to bed).
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #10 on: 07/12/2009 02:52:54 »
None of the above.

You ask if it's one of those new titaniun ones and what the top speed is.
Bionic woman eh??? LOL..

The walker! Sheessh
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #11 on: 07/12/2009 03:50:25 »
A heavy methamphetamines user..... one who is tweaking ...running a hundred miles an hour  hasn't slept for weeks etc.... LOL...

That is what we American Northern Californians... call a tweaker at least....
 

Offline Mr. Scientist

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How do you men handle a social situation like this ?
« Reply #12 on: 07/12/2009 07:40:32 »
Scenario... There is a fairly decent young lady perched on a chair at a bar table, in a bar you are frequenting.. There is a great band playing .. you glance over and smile at said woman who then returns friendly bright smile. Then you think.. I wonder if she would like to dance? So thinking why not, you move forward and approach said woman. Upon reaching out and introducing your self .. you start to ask her to dance, when suddenly you see a walker on the other side of her table..

 Now realizing this women has a walker.. or walking frame as you English say.. do you

A. Continue to ask of her a dance?

B. Ask to join her at her table and get to know her?

c. Ask if she is able to dance and what you could do to facilitate that with her?

D. Or do you make an excuse and say something like I hope you enjoy the evening or .. Mam have you seen a fellow around..etc etc etc...

What would you do?

What would be your first impression?

How quickly would you turn an run or would you?

I'd continue to dance. It's the respectful thing to do :)
 

Offline Don_1

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #14 on: 07/12/2009 19:35:20 »
all checked out.. very good Idea ...
 

Offline EatsRainbows

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« Reply #15 on: 14/12/2009 21:54:50 »
I work in disability advocacy and have a few disabilities myself. Personally, my experience is that for the vast majority of people fear tends to predominate overall, resulting in: if you dont know what to do, avoid it! So id say D is the most likely outcome. People just freeze up, as to why, well im no psychologist but its the simple truth! You do get a few goodies that persist regardless but they are few and far between.

Ill give you an example, sometimes people approach me and upon my informing them i am deaf they say "oh im sorry" and then just walk off! lol! Avoiding eye contact with me in order to be able to continue talking vocally is more common. Or.. drum roll please......

the bank manager that voice calls my mobile, is told im deaf and replies with "oh shes deaf, oh ok ill call back later then" (no joke!)
 

Offline EatsRainbows

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« Reply #16 on: 14/12/2009 22:05:35 »
As an afterthought, if anyone happens to be curious about my experiences or anything else then just ask! I tend to be pretty candid about it so nothing to fear at all!  ;D
 

Offline yor_on

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« Reply #17 on: 28/12/2009 00:22:35 »
Look Karen. This is how it would work out :)

First the introduction. "you glance over and smile at said woman who then returns friendly bright smile. Then you think.." Now who the h* did she smile at? As he turn around to look he accidentally turn over his beer, splashing it freely around, but luckily enough catching most of it on his clothes.

Three beers later he's gotten himself together again and looks again at that lady's table. His smile is now slightly more relaxed, in fact extremely relaxed, as well as his clothes now almost have dried up, leaving you that masculine odor to enjoy. As the lady now returns the smile hers now seems to be slightly more thoughtful, possibly even doubtful. Two beers more, and and our gentleman is almost sure he remember how to dance, and that's when he will make his move.

The end scene would most probably be a nice young lady desperately steering her walker to the nearest exit, with a rather uncoordinated gentleman ambling after, mumbling something indecipherable, arms outstretched as some early horror movie :)

And you don't need a walker to meet that scene Karen, I've seen it a lot of times ::))

---

Anyway, i guess that the walker don't mean a thing as long as it 'clicks' otherwise. like being able to laugh together, having fun. And after a beer or two most guys are more occupied with the lady in question than with what paraphernalia she might have brought with her. Don't underestimate the bravery of forcing yourself to take that first step, walking over. Most guys will just smile happily when you don't tell them to 'get lost'.

--
Spelling spelling spelling...
Awh.
« Last Edit: 28/12/2009 04:50:13 by yor_on »
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #18 on: 28/12/2009 00:48:55 »
LOL.. Very nice Yor_on.. I generally don't make it a habit to tell people to get lost...LOL.. Thanks.. I will try that tonight at Karaoke!
« Last Edit: 28/12/2009 02:01:53 by Karen W. »
 

Offline EatsRainbows

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« Reply #19 on: 28/12/2009 01:23:03 »
I didn't mean to be Miss pessimistic prophecy Karen so sorry about that  :)

With regards to my previous posts, i suppose that like anything it really depends upon how the individual approaches the situation themselves. I was involved in a Government project to improve community awareness of disabilities and equality, the focus was largely upon showing people that in the end we are all the same inside, we just have a different way of doing things, of accomplishing tasks but our basic humanity is always the same of course. And so, there is really nothing to feel uncertain or 'scared' of. They are like me, they feel the same and want the same things overall, so how would i feel if it happened to me? what would i want? i can put myself in their shoes for a moment! Education is key! When in life is it not!?  :)

Thus I think if the individual in question approaches the situation with confidence themselves, they will probably be holding a fair chance of eradicating fear and uncertainty in the other by way of example.

Being 24 myself, my experiences have been mostly with young people. I could perhaps postulate as a generalisation (meaning not by any means ALWAYS so) that youth = innexperience, innexperience = uncertainty and therefore discomfort, perhaps thus fear and avoidance due to being unsure of oneself and how to handle a slightly 'unique' situation.

Also, i have been referring mostly to 'severe' disabilities i suppose. That has been my area of experience. The above still applies very much i think.
« Last Edit: 28/12/2009 01:27:24 by EatsRainbows »
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #20 on: 28/12/2009 02:29:51 »
No Problem! I did not take it as a pessimistic post!

I do believe we all want similar things and sometimes those things are different in the manner we have to give or get them accomplished.
 I find it greatly difficult to make friends for anything other then just a social hello and a few chuckles.. everything else seems to be too complicated  for most people..
 I just the other day had someone who I had befriended tell me after finding out that my life has more of an expiration date on it that they no longer wished to be friends with me as that meant worrying about me too. so I said goodbye.. have had contact once again but My feelings are hurt to the point that someone could be so small.
I am trying to think that this person just cannot handle situations that may involve death, disabilities, etc...
It made me feel very disposable and really small. I realized how tiny we are in lifes big picture..
 

Offline yor_on

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« Reply #21 on: 28/12/2009 02:34:02 »
Jezez, that stinks Karen.

You're better of without them.
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #22 on: 28/12/2009 02:48:46 »
 i hope to think  that this is just a learning experience nd that maybe minds will grow. Mine too!
 

Offline EatsRainbows

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« Reply #23 on: 28/12/2009 03:29:20 »
I do believe we all want similar things and sometimes those things are different in the manner we have to give or get them accomplished.
my theory is, well why do the psychological sciences work? A good psychologist can at times work out more about you than you know about yourself! There must be some standard that makes us all 'the same'.


have had contact once again but My feelings are hurt to the point that someone could be so small.
I am trying to think that this person just cannot handle situations that may involve death, disabilities, etc...
It made me feel very disposable and really small.
It says a world more about them than it does about you! They are missing out on a good opportunity to learn from your experiences vicariously and by being there for you. That's their loss! I do know so very much how you feel, its a right pain not being able to make friends etc easily! but i think that it helps to stay positive, "no one can make you feel inferior unless you give your consent" (i forget who said that  :P )

I can't say i know why people have no interest in 'intense' situations from which i think they could gain a positive experience, such as this, and such as my life and experience. Unfortunately many don't want to take it on. One of my friends thinks that it could be because people don't want to face the fact that their 'problems' are small as relative to yours... could be... or maybe not???.. all i can say is.... its their loss!
« Last Edit: 28/12/2009 03:36:54 by EatsRainbows »
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #24 on: 28/12/2009 04:01:52 »
Yes! I do wonder who gave my brain the okay to feel inferior, because it is a constant struggle for me...
Thank you for your kind thoughts...
I am sure there must be something in this persons life that makes them feel that way. I do not hold that against them just wish I could understand why? I do not believe my life is better off without the person, as I feel that every person who enters my life does so, with a purpose unbeknownst to me or anyone else, and from that meeting or those experiences we learn or gain  things from our lives. Something in our own minds, if only the realization that not any two humans are the same and we all are raised differently from one another. Maybe similar, but in the end, we are all humans, and basically want similar things, and different Things in our lives.
« Last Edit: 28/12/2009 09:36:49 by Karen W. »
 

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« Reply #24 on: 28/12/2009 04:01:52 »

 

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