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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 108001 times)

Offline omid

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Joke of the day
« on: 02/02/2010 08:53:35 »
Hey guys,
omid is starting this thread to give all of them, a smile of the day, who don't smile a lot. omid'll post a funny joke (at least according to omid) everyday.
Most of omid's jokes would about a funny man named Tom
if any of u find omid's jokes boring and repetitive plz stop omid there ;)
So here is the starter..............

Tom went to a job interview
Boss: what's your date of birth?
Tom: 11th of October
Boss: 11 Oct in which year?
Tom: in every year :D :D :D
« Last Edit: 02/02/2010 09:00:48 by omid »


 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1 on: 03/02/2010 07:45:41 »
Okay before omid leaves for college here's the one for today

Few children were palying a game that the one would utter the biggest lie would be declared the winner, in the mean time a priest was passing through,
He asked the kids
Priest: what are you playing?
one of the kid: the bigger the lie the winner the person
Priest: very bad, when I was of your age I never lied.
Kid: OH NOOOOOOOO priest won the prize :D :D :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2 on: 04/02/2010 08:17:21 »
Here is todays biggie :)

An urgent call was put in for a plumber at noon but he didn’t arrive until 5 hours later. “How is it?” he asked entering the house. “Not so bad,” replied the home owner. “While we were waiting for you to arrive I taught my wife how to swim.”

 
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #3 on: 05/02/2010 18:20:21 »
A man needing a heart transplant is told be his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants that sheep's heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him, 'How are you feeling?' the man replies, 'Not BAAAAAD!"  :D
 

Offline neilep

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #4 on: 05/02/2010 18:35:35 »
Nice Jokes Omid..

Thank ewe
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #5 on: 06/02/2010 10:05:45 »
Nice Jokes Omid..

Thank ewe

Thanks Neil, omid glad you liked them :)

here's the one for today ;)

An inspector went to a school for inspection to find out how the kids are doing?
he went to a class and asked a student


Inspector: imagine you're on the 3rd floor of the building and the building catches fire, what are you gona do?

Student: Very simple; I am gona stop my imagination on that point :D
 

Offline geo driver

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #6 on: 06/02/2010 11:09:40 »
you heard of the dyslexic Satanist ?

sold his sole to santa
 

Offline Variola

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #7 on: 06/02/2010 12:18:57 »
Two tankers have collided in the English Channel, one carrying red paint the other carrying blue. Both crews are said to be marooned...  :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #8 on: 07/02/2010 14:01:31 »
OK! omid heard this one in last night party :)

The head teacher of a school, who had just joined the school, was on round of the school to find out how things are going?
after passing by a class he felt that there was too much noise in the class, he entered the class and observed that the tallest student was causing most of the disturbance in the class, he was very annoyed to see that and asked the tallest student to stand on the bench as punishment.
after that the head teacher asked one of the student,

Head teacher: so you tell me where is your teacher >:(
Student: Innocently, Sir the guy standing on the bench is our teacher :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #9 on: 08/02/2010 07:57:30 »
Lets start the week with this one :)

Santa was thrown out of the bus by some guys
a man asked Santa
man: why did they throw you out?
Santa: I don't know
Man; but what did you do?
Santa: nothing really, actually I was looking at the picture of my wife and due to the strong wind the pic slipped out of my hand and went under the skirt of a lady so all I said to that lady was;

"COULD YOU PLEASE LIFT UP YOUR SKIRT I WANT TO TAKE PICTURE" :D
« Last Edit: 08/02/2010 08:01:13 by omid »
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #10 on: 09/02/2010 17:43:35 »
Tom enters the room of his mum and said;

Tom: Do u remember the vase you bought yesterday?
Mum: what about that?
Tom: what if some one broke it?
Mum: I'll break his head
Tom: Quick mum, because daddy has just done so :D
 

Offline peppercorn

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #11 on: 10/02/2010 12:31:47 »
Little Tom is 5 years old.
One day he notices his mummy has a bulge developing around her middle.

Tom:    "Mummy, mummy - what's that lump in you tummy?"
Mummy: "Well, Tom. Because daddy loves me very much, he has given me a baby."


Little Tom is perplexed by this, so later on Tom sidles up to his father.
Tom:   "Daddy, daddy - did you give mummy a baby?"
Daddy (earnestly): "Yes, Tom.  I did"


Tom:   "Oh, daddy....  I'm so sorry to have to tell on mummy, but....



           well, she's eaten it!"                                            :o
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #12 on: 10/02/2010 18:04:44 »
Tom's 5 years old and his Mum is Pregnant,
Tom wne to dad ans asked;

Tom: Dad, dad why's mum's tummy so big?
(Since Tom was too young so Dad didnt wanted to tell him about mum being pregnant)
Dad: mum's tummy is filled with water
Tom: OH MY GOD! dad plz do something or the baby will drowned :D 
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #13 on: 12/02/2010 08:25:37 »
OK guys,
omid getting late for college but before omid leaves here is the one for today

Dad asked Tom;
Dad: Tom, when I stop you from playing videos games how do you control it, whats the thing that you do satisfy you
Tom: nothing special Dad! all I do is clean the toilet with you toothbrush :D
 

Offline peppercorn

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #14 on: 12/02/2010 11:09:25 »
Αn Irishman walks into a pub.
The barman asks him, "I haven't seen you for ages, Tommy.  What'll be havin'?"
Tommy says, "Give me three pints of Stout please."
So the barman pours him three pints and the man takes a seat and proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The barman calls over, "Tommy, If you don't like keep getting up, I'll keep my eye out and bring you a fresh one when you get low."
But Tommy says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Stouts too, and we're drinking together."
The barman thought that was a wonderful tradition and every week the man came in and ordered three beers.

Then one week Tommy came in and ordered only two.
The barman said to him, "Tommy, I'm so sorry - Has something bad happened to one of your brothers?"

Tommy said, "Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."      ;D
 

Offline doppler1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #15 on: 12/02/2010 11:22:03 »
Have any of you heard the one about the logic scientist??? I am askingbecause it is longish but brilliant and too lazy on tis Friday to type it up if you have heard it :p
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #16 on: 13/02/2010 19:20:27 »
Santa enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #17 on: 14/02/2010 16:26:27 »
Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives.

"Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa.

"Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"

The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"

He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"

The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!"

"You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!" :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #18 on: 15/02/2010 20:15:39 »
santa asked banta "why does Gorden Brown go for evening walk?
banta: because he is PM but not a.m  ;)
 

Offline geo driver

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #19 on: 16/02/2010 04:13:37 »
why dont people like gorden brown on sight?

saves time
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #20 on: 17/02/2010 20:25:01 »
santa's wife: if I die what would u do?
Santa: I'll die too
santa's wife: why is that so?
Santa: sometimes too much joy can kill you too.
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #21 on: 17/02/2010 20:38:09 »
My family were so poor that when the wolf was at the door, we ate it.

We couldn't afford toys. My brothers were lucky, being boys at least they had something to play with.
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #22 on: 18/02/2010 17:06:37 »
being boys at least they had something to play with.

Omid didn't actually get this bit
what is it that boys've to play with????????????
omid asked all her friends and papa too but they didn't really answered
what is it Make It Lady?????????
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #23 on: 18/02/2010 17:24:51 »
Why, they're Adams apples of course!
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #24 on: 19/02/2010 11:11:31 »
Santa came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife, Jeeto, with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

"Was it my friend Banta", he demanded.

"No !" his weeping wife replied.

"Was it my friend Ramta then?" he asked.

"No !!!" she said even more upset.

"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.

"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" Jeeto snapped :D
 

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #24 on: 19/02/2010 11:11:31 »

 

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