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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 108200 times)

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #150 on: 12/07/2010 12:35:15 »
Hang on,,,,,,,,let omid edit it and post the correct version of the joke ;)


Quote
One day Omid drove by a farm and saw a three-legged pig. Omid went up to the Peppercorn and said, "Excuse me sir, but why does that pig only have 3 legs?"

"Well," said Peppercorn, "that there pig is very special. One time my wife was cooking something she stepped out of the kitchen and it caught on fire. No one in the house knew about it but the pig and he saved me, my wife, and my 2 kids."

"That's amazing sir but why does that pig only have three legs?" said Omid.

"Then there was that time the pig saw a big storm coming and we didn't. The pig ran into the house and dragged us out to the storm cellar. If it weren't for that pig we would all be dead."

"But still, that doesn't explain why the pig only has 3 legs.", Omid exclaimed. "And I remember the time my youngest son was stuck up in a tree but I was too far away to hear him scream. The pig came running towards me and led me to where he was."

"Well, that is miracle, but how come that pig only has 3 legs?" Omid said, quite annoyed at this point.


"Well," said Peppercorn, "with a pig that special... you don't eat it all at once!!."     


ummmmmmm........this makes more sense now ;D
 

Offline peppercorn

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #151 on: 12/07/2010 12:47:01 »
Yeah, ... er, that's goin' to have be:

"No one in the house knew about the fire but the pig - who saved me, my girlfriend and somebody else's 2 kids.", said Peppercorn

;D
« Last Edit: 14/07/2010 08:46:31 by peppercorn »
 

Offline peppercorn

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #152 on: 12/07/2010 21:39:13 »
A fair point !!!!       ;D


.....


Here's one for all those with pretensions of a future career in medicine!



 :D :D :D
« Last Edit: 12/07/2010 21:41:42 by peppercorn »
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #153 on: 13/07/2010 18:08:08 »
Peppercorn walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender and says, "I want a cup of coffee.” The bartender says, "We don’t serve coffee here"
So Peppercorn leaves, but when he leaves he sees Neilep and BORED chemist  entering the bar so he joins them. They ask for a beer and sandwich but Peppercorn says "I wanna cup of coffee"
The bartender says, "We don’t serve coffee here"
So Peppercorn leaves again, but he sees BenV and RD so he joins them in the bar. They order a beer and a sandwich but Peppercorn still says, "I want a cup of coffee"
"Look,” says the bartender "we don’t serve coffee here. Now leave or I will nail your ears to the bar!"
So Peppercorn leaves, but he yet again sees two of his friends Geezer and SeanB and enters the bar.
But this time Peppercorn says, "Do you have a hammer?"
"No" replies the bartender
Do you have any nails?"
"No"
"Then I want a cup of coffee" :D :D :D



 

Offline SeanB

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #154 on: 13/07/2010 18:18:19 »
Ba Da Boom!

Thank you, I will be here all week!

That is what She said......
 

Offline peppercorn

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #155 on: 14/07/2010 08:42:23 »
Ba Da Boom!

Thank you, I will be here all week!

In that case I'll be somewhere else!!  :D :D :D   .....    ;)
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #156 on: 14/07/2010 12:15:01 »
BenV was concerned that his interns weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door. After lunch, BenV noticed someone had taped another note under his. “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!” :D :D :D


« Last Edit: 14/07/2010 12:26:47 by omid »
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #157 on: 15/07/2010 11:32:52 »
SeanB was startled to see the nonchalant way Peppercorn was taking the fact that his girlfriend was seen with another man. “You said you loved her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn’t knock the guy down?”
“I’m waiting.”
“Waiting for what?” asked SeanB
“Waiting to catch her with a smaller feller.” replied Peppercorn :D :D :D




 

Offline peppercorn

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #158 on: 15/07/2010 19:42:14 »
SeanB was startled to see the nonchalant way Peppercorn was taking the fact that his girlfriend was seen with another man. “You said you loved her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn’t knock the guy down?”
“I’m waiting.”
“Waiting for what?” asked SeanB
“Waiting to catch her with a smaller feller.” replied Peppercorn

Yeah and when that day comes I'm really going to beat the cr*p out of that midget! :D :D :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #159 on: 16/07/2010 10:02:41 »
Geezer, RD, and BORED Chemist were standing around the university flagpole when an Peppercorn wandered by. “What are you doing?” he asked. “We need to know the height of the flagpole,” said one, “and we’re discussing the formulas we might use to calculate it.” “Watch!” said Peppercorn. He pulled the pole from its fitting, laid it on the grass, borrowed a tape measure and said, “Exactly 24 feet.” Then he replaced the pole and walked away. “Peppercorn!” sneer BORED Chemist, “We ask him for the height, and he gives us the length.” :D


 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #160 on: 17/07/2010 12:21:24 »
Peppercorn runs in and tells his mother you’d better come out. I’ve just knocked over the ladder at the side of the house. His mother says, go and tell your father, I’m busy.
Peppercorn says, Mom he already knows, he’s hanging from the roof. :D :D :D


 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #161 on: 18/07/2010 11:15:34 »
“Please keep your dog beside you, sir,” BORED Chemist said crossly to John Chapman sitting opposite to him on the bench at the park. “I can feel a flea in my shoe.” “Midnight, come here,” replied John Chapman. “BORED Chemist has fleas.” :D :D :D


 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #162 on: 19/07/2010 13:01:43 »
Peppercorn and John Chapman are talking and Peppercorn says to John Chapman;
“I am so tired of people not understanding what I'm talking about.
John Chapman asks; “What do you mean?” :D :D :D




 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #163 on: 20/07/2010 13:49:51 »
BORED Chemist was lost and his wife went to police station to file a report for her missing husband.

BC's wife: I lost my husband
officer: whats his height?
BC's wife: I never noticed

officer: slim or healthy
BC's wife: not slim can be healthy

officer: color of eyes
BC's wife: never noticed

officer: color of hair
BC's wife: should be black

officer: what was he wearing?
BC's wife: I don't remmember exactly

officer: was somebody with him?
BC's wife: Yes, my dog (Romeo)tied with a golden chain, height 30inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, wearing a gulden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non-veg food, we eat together and we jog together. (started crying)

officer: well, lets search for the dog first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D
 

Offline SeanB

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #164 on: 20/07/2010 19:09:36 »
Rd is walking along at the mall and meets Bored Chemist. They start chatting and Bored Chemist asks about Rd's wife, as she is not there with them.

RD exclaims, " What a relief, I thought I had gone deaf!".

 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #165 on: 21/07/2010 17:22:09 »
A RD tells Peppercorn that his company is looking for new accountant,
Peppercorn asks, “Didn’t your company hire BORED Chemist as new accountant a few weeks ago?”
RD replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.” :D :D :D



 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #166 on: 22/07/2010 13:36:54 »
John Chapman goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 50 years. The wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the course on you.” John Chapman says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” :D :D :D


 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #167 on: 23/07/2010 15:17:36 »
one day Geezer was too drunk and stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way buddy you're too drunk."
A few minutes later the Geezer comes in through the bathrooms, again he slurs, "give me a drink", bartender says "No man I told you last time you're too drunk"
Five minutes later Geezer comes in through the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk"
Geezer scratches his head and says "Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing." :D :D :D

 

Offline neilep

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #168 on: 23/07/2010 16:05:20 »
Geezer comes home very drunk and can not get the key in the door. He calls his wife and says" Please let me in"
..and she says "NO"......

ha ha ha  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D









lol :)
 

Offline Geezer

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #169 on: 23/07/2010 19:19:22 »
Geezer comes home very drunk and can not get the key in the door. He calls his wife and says" Please let me in"
..and she says "NO"......

ha ha ha  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D










lol :)

Sheeps are not known for their sense of humour. Hardly surprising when you consider most of them come from Wales.
 

Offline SeanB

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #170 on: 23/07/2010 19:51:41 »
2 drunks are discussing how to go home without waking the wife.

First tiptoes in, and she belts him one with a broom......

Second goes home, slams the door, sings loudly, stomps upstairs and turns on the bedroom lights. He shouts to the wife " I love you, how about a good time!"  Dead silence from the bed - she went to her mothers that day.
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #171 on: 24/07/2010 13:02:41 »
SeanB entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read “Say It with Flowers.”
“Wrap up one rose” he told the florist.
“Only one?” the florist asked.
“Just one,” the SeanB replied
“I’m a man of few words.” :D


 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #172 on: 24/07/2010 20:25:12 »
Not only was there a murder in my village this week but someone had been secretly putting top soil on my Allotment.....The plot thickens!
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #173 on: 24/07/2010 21:03:00 »
My favorite hobby is farting in lifts (elevators) which is wrong on so many levels.
 

Offline SeanB

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #174 on: 25/07/2010 16:41:50 »
Depends if you are going up or down. If you go up it is the smell that lingers, and if you are going down then you are sinking to new depths.

 

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #174 on: 25/07/2010 16:41:50 »

 

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