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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 107962 times)

Offline demografx

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #175 on: 26/07/2010 05:58:12 »

My favorite hobby is farting in lifts (elevators) which is wrong on so many levels.



                

             Make it Lady, Maybe you just took the wrong elevator?



 

Offline Geezer

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #176 on: 26/07/2010 09:05:23 »
Depends if you are going up or down. If you go up it is the smell that lingers, and if you are going down then you are sinking to new depths.


Silly! It's the smelody that lingers on.
 

Offline Variola

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #177 on: 26/07/2010 15:03:37 »
Depends if you are going up or down. If you go up it is the smell that lingers, and if you are going down then you are sinking to new depths.




Silly! It's the smelody that lingers on.

Of you are going down then kinda lingers is always a plus... :-)
« Last Edit: 26/07/2010 18:40:46 by Variola »
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #178 on: 26/07/2010 16:42:15 »
How did I know you would all comment on the fart joke!
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #179 on: 26/07/2010 18:36:15 »

Stinking thinking!
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #180 on: 27/07/2010 08:49:44 »
JimBob cornered the concert violinist Demografx in his dressing room and insisted he listen to a tape of his talented son playing the violin. Demografx agreed to listen, and JimBob switched on the tape player. “What music’” the Demografx thought. A difficult piece, but played with such genius that it brought tears to his eyes. He listened spellbound to the entire recording. “Sir,” he whispered is that your son?” “No, JimBob replied. “That’s Jascha Heifetz. But my son sounds just like him.” :D :D :D



 

Offline demografx

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #181 on: 28/07/2010 06:25:03 »

Of course. Look at the similarities: JB and JH !
 

Offline athore

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #182 on: 29/07/2010 13:19:03 »
A little guy is sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, threateningly leering biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, watcha' gonna do about it?" he says menacingly, as the little guy bursts into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, " I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy.
"I`m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting, and my Boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car stolen and I don't have any insurance,
I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me.
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.
"I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then a wise-*** like you shows up and drinks the whole thing!"
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #183 on: 29/07/2010 15:08:06 »
JimBob had just started taking new ridding lessons and at the stables was trying to saddle a horse. “Excuse me,” said Demografx, “but you are putting that saddle on backwards.” “How do you know,” snapped JimBob. “You do not know which way I’m going.” :D :D :D


 

Offline demografx

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #184 on: 30/07/2010 00:35:09 »

JimBob is preparing to bring up the rear in the military.
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #185 on: 30/07/2010 10:27:32 »
Little Demografx was being selfish to his brother SeanB. His Dad JimBob sat him down and gave him a big lecture about being selfish. When JimBob was done, little Demografx said; "Daddy, I don't even have a shell fish! :D :D :D



 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #186 on: 30/07/2010 14:40:21 »
A man is standing at his wifes bedside in hospital when the Doctor calls him over.
"I'm afraid its the big C" said the Doctor "It fell of the sign at Comet and hit her on the head."
 

Offline neilep

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #187 on: 30/07/2010 16:41:23 »
A Brain pops into the pub and orders a pint of beer.
The barmen says "I'm so sorry sir but I can't serve you"
"Why ?" asks the  brain
"Cos you're out of your head" replies the barmen.



Of course nowadays I sheepose they are called 'barperson'
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #188 on: 30/07/2010 17:43:03 »
No bar sheep
 

Offline JimBob

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #189 on: 30/07/2010 23:51:43 »
Is that how they named that place where the huge battle between the Australian Cavalry in the last great cavalry charge into battle and the Turkish Garrison took place? Beersheba, now in Israel?

I didn't know Neil was that old.
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #190 on: 31/07/2010 00:02:00 »

He's not. Don't let him pull the wool over ewe-re eyes.
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #191 on: 31/07/2010 11:56:56 »
Little JimBob was standing in front of his mirror with his eyes closed.
“Why are you standing there with your eyes closed?” asked BenV.
“So I can see what I look like when I’m asleep,” replied JimBob. :D :D :D




 

Offline neilep

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #192 on: 01/08/2010 15:07:38 »
Is that how they named that place where the huge battle between the Australian Cavalry in the last great cavalry charge into battle and the Turkish Garrison took place? Beersheba, now in Israel?

I didn't know Neil was that old.

I've been there...nice kosher sheep !!
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #193 on: 01/08/2010 17:00:41 »
A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, Demografx retuned alone, staggering under an eight-point buck. “Where is JimBob?” asked SeanB. “He fainted a couple of miles up the trail,” Demografx answered. “You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?” “A tough call,” said Demografx. “But I figured no one is going to steal JimBob.” :D :D :D
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #194 on: 01/08/2010 20:22:39 »
I'd pinch him.
 

Offline Variola

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #195 on: 01/08/2010 20:52:46 »
What part would you pinch?  ;)
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #196 on: 01/08/2010 23:27:22 »

Variola, you beat me to the pinch. It was my pinch line!
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #197 on: 02/08/2010 16:41:11 »
There is plenty for all of us to pinch.
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #198 on: 02/08/2010 17:36:08 »
Demografx was showing Peppercorn the family album, and came across a picture of himself and his wife on their wedding day. “Was that the day Mommy came to work for us?” Peppercorn asked. :D :D :D



 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #199 on: 04/08/2010 09:31:32 »
JimBob gets into a taxi after a boozy night out and halfway through the journey wants to stop and buy cigarettes. He taps the driver Imatfaal on the shoulder and suddenly Imatfaal screams, swerves across the road and mounts the sidewalk stopping just short of a brick wall.
All was quiet for a few moments and then Imatfaal turns around and says "Don't EVER tap me on the shoulder whilst I'm driving EVER again". JimBob says, "I'm sorry, I didn't know it would scare you so much"
Imatfaal replies, "It wouldn't normally but this is my first night as a taxi driver and up until yesterday, for twenty five years, I was driving a Hearse. :D


 

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #199 on: 04/08/2010 09:31:32 »

 

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