The Naked Scientists

The Naked Scientists Forum

Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 108062 times)

Offline peppercorn

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1466
    • View Profile
    • solar
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #325 on: 26/11/2010 19:35:55 »
"I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me."

An 'F' star, perhaps?
 

Offline Joe L. Ogan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 476
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #326 on: 26/11/2010 21:03:36 »
I never had an "F".  I do not know what an "F" star would mean.  Is that good or bad?  Thanks for comments.  Joe L. Ogan
 

Offline peppercorn

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1466
    • View Profile
    • solar
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #327 on: 26/11/2010 22:30:30 »
I never had an "F".  I do not know what an "F" star would mean.  Is that good or bad?  Thanks for comments.  Joe L. Ogan

Sorry Joe :-X     It wasn;t really aimed at you  :P
School students in the UK can be awarded an A star as the highest mark (an extended 'top grade' if you like) - So an extended lowest grade... erm,... ;)
 

Offline omid

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1016
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #328 on: 26/11/2010 23:04:34 »
Peppercorn asks his gf: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met?
gf: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don’t know makes a touchdown. :D :D :D
 

Offline peppercorn

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1466
    • View Profile
    • solar
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #329 on: 27/11/2010 11:49:47 »
What is this 'touch...down' you talk of? ;D
 

Offline SeanB

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1118
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #330 on: 27/11/2010 15:28:28 »
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
 

Offline peppercorn

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1466
    • View Profile
    • solar
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #331 on: 27/11/2010 18:54:45 »
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
??? Is this a set-up for a joke?
 

Offline omid

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1016
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #332 on: 27/11/2010 23:53:18 »
Demografx was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!” Fifty people swindled! Curios, John Chapman walked over, bought a paper, and said, "Hey Demografx, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?” Demografx ignored him and went on calling out, "read all about it; Fifty-one people swindled!” :D :D :D


 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #333 on: 28/11/2010 04:40:23 »

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?


At that age, Sean, won't they be, er, walking??
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #334 on: 28/11/2010 04:46:18 »

Demografx was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!” Fifty people swindled! Curios, John Chapman walked over, bought a paper, and said, "Hey Demografx, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?” Demografx ignored him and went on calling out, "read all about it; Fifty-one people swindled!” :D :D :D





The story was in Spanish papers, too!
 

Offline omid

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1016
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #335 on: 29/11/2010 12:50:27 »
Demografx walks into a post office one day to see JohnChapman standing at the  counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
Demografx curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to JohnChapman and asks him what he is doing. JohnChapman says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks Demografx.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," JohnChapman replies. :D :D :D

 

Offline omid

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1016
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #336 on: 02/12/2010 18:09:32 »
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy.” :D :D :D


 

Offline omid

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1016
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #337 on: 19/12/2010 17:20:32 »
BORED Chemist and his wife is sitting in their living room when his wife leans over and says to BORED Chemist, "Remember when we were younger and you used to hold my hand?" BORED Chemist grabs her hand. Then she says, "Remember when we were younger and you used to put your arm around me?" BORED Chemist puts his arm around her. Then she says, "Remember when we were younger and you used to nibble on my ear?" To her surprise, BORED Chemist gets up off the couch and starts to walk away. "Honey, where are you going?" she says. BORED Chemist replies, "I'm going to get my dentures." :D :D :D

 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #338 on: 20/12/2010 02:00:07 »
 

Offline omid

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1016
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #339 on: 21/12/2010 17:54:02 »
After removing a tiny fish from his hook and throwing it back into the water, Demografx said: “Don’t show up around here anymore without your parents!” :D :D :D


 

Offline omid

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1016
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #340 on: 22/12/2010 17:01:59 »
Every Saturday morning JimBob found himself babysitting his three grandchildren...all boys. The kids always wanted to play ''war,'' and JimBob somehow always got coaxed into the game.
His daughter Variola came to pick up the kids early one Saturday and witnessed JimBob take a fake shot as Jason pointed a toy gun and yelled, "Bang!''
JimBob slumped to the floor and stayed there motionless. Variola rushed over to see if he was all right. JimBob opened one eye and whispered, ''Sh-h-h, I always do this. It's the only chance I get to rest.'' :D :D :D


 

Offline yor_on

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 11993
  • Thanked: 4 times
  • (Ah, yes:) *a table is always good to hide under*
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #341 on: 24/12/2010 00:19:26 »
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

colorful.
In a faded way.

a scary thought.
 

Offline Chemistry4me

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 7709
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #342 on: 24/12/2010 00:33:27 »
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
We already do!
 

Offline Variola

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1063
  • Everyone should beware of The Pox...
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #343 on: 24/12/2010 00:41:56 »
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
We already do!
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
We already do!

No they are just the markings the farmer sprays on the sheep C4M....  ;D

(Blatant NZ-ist joke there!)
 

Offline Chemistry4me

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 7709
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #344 on: 24/12/2010 00:45:18 »
Oooooohhhh

 

Offline Variola

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1063
  • Everyone should beware of The Pox...
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #345 on: 24/12/2010 00:49:27 »
Awwww don't go!!!

 

Offline omid

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1016
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #346 on: 28/12/2010 19:45:46 »
JimBob lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Demografx, who used to help him, was in prison. JimBob wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Demografx:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Demografx

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to JimBob and left.
That same day, JimBob received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Demografx
 

Offline SeanB

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1118
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #347 on: 28/12/2010 20:08:00 »
Very good one that..........

I found this one inside a Christmas cracker, so corny it is.......


What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?










Sandy Claws!

 

Offline yor_on

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 11993
  • Thanked: 4 times
  • (Ah, yes:) *a table is always good to hide under*
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #348 on: 28/12/2010 23:33:15 »
:)
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #349 on: 29/12/2010 02:57:42 »



Demografx, who used to help him, was in prison.

 

The Naked Scientists Forum

Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #349 on: 29/12/2010 02:57:42 »

 

SMF 2.0.10 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines
SMFAds for Free Forums
 
Login
Login with username, password and session length