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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 107859 times)

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #75 on: 05/05/2010 17:51:03 »
The frontier preacher was giving the traditional sermon on sin. "We should take all the whiskey and dump it in the river!" Back in the back of the church, a little old lady with a bonnet on stood up and shouted, "Amen, Amen!" and sat back down. The preacher smiled and continued, "And we should take all the sinful lust and dump it in the river!" The little old lady jumped up and shouted, "Amen, Amen, Amen!” then sat back down. The preacher excitedly hollered, "And we should take all of the snuff in this world and dump it in the river!" And the little old lady stood up and said, "Now you've stopped preaching and started meddling’!" :D :D :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #76 on: 06/05/2010 08:16:38 »
Two kids were deciding what game to play. One said, “Let’s play doctor.”
“Good idea,” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.” :-X :D

 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #77 on: 07/05/2010 08:22:03 »
An orthopedic surgeon was moving to a new office, with the help of his staff. One of the nurses sat the display skeleton in the front of her car, a bony arm across the back of the seat.
On the drive across town, she stopped at a traffic light, and the stares of the people in the neighboring car compelled her to roll down her window and yell, I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.” The other driver leaned out of is window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!” :D :D :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #78 on: 08/05/2010 13:27:37 »
A manager was soliciting resumes through a recruitment agency to fill in a senior staff member who had just resigned. The next day the recruitment agent came in to meet the manager and beaming he handed over a resume and said, "M'am, we have got just the right person you are looking for. The manager after skimming through the resume was visibly upset. Puzzled, the recruitment agent enquired what the matter was. The manager replied, "This candidate on the resume is the best we've got in our department". :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #79 on: 09/05/2010 14:11:19 »
Hey guys

omid've posted many verbal jokes so today omid thought to post a funny entertaining piccy for you all. :D :D :D




« Last Edit: 09/05/2010 14:13:06 by omid »
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #80 on: 09/05/2010 20:32:05 »
That's not funny! I guess that's how you get duck down.
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #81 on: 13/05/2010 15:56:25 »
That's not funny! I guess that's how you get duck down.

REALLY!!!

omid sorry if you didn't find it funny, [V]

but was extremely funny for omid and friends ::)
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #82 on: 13/05/2010 15:56:42 »
A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying:"Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”! :D
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #83 on: 14/05/2010 17:42:24 »
A student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water.

His professor observed what he was about to do out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards him. After confirming this was what he was intending to do, he asked him first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium.

The student was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action.

'It will give me time to get away' said the professor.

 

Offline demografx

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #84 on: 14/05/2010 23:14:50 »

Thieves broke into New Scotland Yard last night and stole all the toilet bowls.

A police spokesman said that they have nothing to go on.
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #85 on: 15/05/2010 12:04:56 »
Mary comes home rather late. “Oh, sweetheart,” she called, “your car’s on Maple Street.”
“Why didn’t you bring it home?” her husband asked. “Couldn’t, she said. “It’s too dark out there to find all the parts.” :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #86 on: 16/05/2010 11:57:42 »
These bear hunters were sitting around the cabin the night before the hunt bragging about their passt hunts.
The cabin boy was listening and went over and said "you guys make it seem pretty hard on capturing a bear".
They all laughed and said "it is hard; do you think you could bag one"?
"I can go out and bag you 2 if you will skin them, and I will bet each of you $100.00.
They agreed and off he went out into the night.
Soon he spotted a big grizzly; he waved his arm and started hollering the big bear started after him and he started running for the shack. When he got close to the shack he started yelling. "Open the door he yelled".
They looked out and saw the bear chasing the boy. Just as he got to the door they opened it and he stepped aside and the bear went in. He slammed the door and locked it and shouted. "OK skin him I'll go and get the other one". :D :D :D

 

Offline SeanB

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #87 on: 16/05/2010 19:14:34 »
Talk about a bear faced suprise.........

Talking about bare, you hear about the nudist colony that got robbed, they were left with the skin they were wearing, the thieves took everything.

Just what do nudists do with car keys anyway?
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #88 on: 17/05/2010 11:10:14 »
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."

The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?" :D :D :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #89 on: 18/05/2010 10:28:13 »
A couple was at the mall and his wife decided to buy something for their daughter-in-law at an exclusive lingerie shop. Inside, the husband was feeling very out of place when a beautiful clerk asked if she could help him. In a cocky manner, he asked, “Where are all the men’s clothes?” In a demure voice the clerk replied, “All of these clothes are for men, sir.” :D :D :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #90 on: 19/05/2010 10:32:10 »
Kathy goes to her local bank, walks into the manager’s office, and says, “I want a loan; I am going to divorce my husband.” “Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces,” the manager says. “We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, automobiles, businesses, and home improvement.” Kathy interrupts: “Stop right there. This definitely falls into the category of ‘Home Improvement.’ :D :D :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #91 on: 20/05/2010 10:11:21 »
The girl’s car couldn’t get started and traffic was tied up for blocks. The light turned green, then yellow, then red. “Whatsa madda, miss,” shouted the officer. “Don’t you like any of our colors?” ;)
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #92 on: 21/05/2010 18:16:46 »
Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old when asked because he will ride for free. As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny how old he was. "I am 4 years old". "And when will you be six years old?" asks the driver. “When I get off the bus" answers Johnny :D :D :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #93 on: 22/05/2010 11:04:41 »
A doctor broke the bad news to a man, that his wife would have to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. “I’m afraid her mind’s completely gone,” he said. “Makes sense,” mumbled the man. “She’s been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 15 years.” :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #94 on: 24/05/2010 17:27:57 »
While attending a Marriage seminar dealing with communication, Jack and his wife, Barb, listened to the instructor. “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the man, “can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?” Jack leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “Its Pillsbury isn’t it?” :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #95 on: 25/05/2010 11:10:21 »
Tom went to an interview for the job of a watchman

the interviewer asked him, “What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?”

Tom: “The slightest noise wakes me up.” :D :D :D
 

Offline djdave

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #96 on: 26/05/2010 11:15:13 »
LOL
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #97 on: 26/05/2010 18:04:03 »
A man visiting New York stopped at a restaurant which claimed it could supply any dish ordered, so the tourist asked the waiter for Kangaroo on toast. The waiter came back a while later and said, “I am so sorry, sir, but we have run out of bread.” :D :D :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #98 on: 27/05/2010 17:59:03 »
Rose accompanied her husband Tom to his annual checkup. While Tom was getting dressed, the doctor came out and said to Rose, “I don’t like the way he looks.” “Neither do I,” she said. “But he’s handy around the house.” :D :D :D
 

Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #99 on: 29/05/2010 11:36:58 »
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."

"Gee, that's tough," he replied.

"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."

"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."

"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"  :D :D :D
 

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #99 on: 29/05/2010 11:36:58 »

 

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