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Author Topic: Know any good MATH JOKES?  (Read 10334 times)

Offline CurLz

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Know any good MATH JOKES?
« on: 09/02/2010 00:18:37 »
My prof is quite the character. He has come up with a brand new assignment in which, whenever there is an evaluation/test you can bring in a joke or comic or interesting article in, in order to boost your mark up.

I figure...why not? It's an easy couple of marks. The problem is, I can't find any jokes that he doesn't already have!! (he has a board full of them).

Soooo, anyone know any good math jokes??   :P


 

Offline CurLz

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« Reply #1 on: 09/02/2010 00:21:50 »
Here's one!! Yayyy!

New York (CNN). At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.

According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

 ;D
 

Offline neilep

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« Reply #2 on: 09/02/2010 00:22:25 »
Well, this is an oldie but a goodie..




How does a math teacher cure their constipation ?..........They work it our with a ruler !
 

Offline CurLz

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« Reply #3 on: 09/02/2010 02:37:17 »
Ahahahaha, nice one neilep.

Thank you.
 

Offline Bored chemist

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« Reply #4 on: 09/02/2010 07:04:42 »
What's purple and commutes?
 

Offline JP

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« Reply #5 on: 09/02/2010 10:53:44 »
An Abelian eggplant?
 

Offline Bored chemist

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« Reply #6 on: 09/02/2010 20:18:51 »
An Abelian grape.

Even less understandable is this one
"Let epsilon<0"
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #7 on: 09/02/2010 20:37:22 »
What is green, furry, and ascending?
 

Offline CurLz

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« Reply #8 on: 09/02/2010 21:23:56 »
Wow! These are great you guys!
Thank you so much DiscoverDave. You were a biggg help. I love the pick-up lines!!  ;D

...bahaha.."paper or plastic?"...my prof will love that!

Thank you!
 

Offline Bored chemist

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« Reply #9 on: 09/02/2010 22:03:06 »
OK,
I will bite.
What is green, furry and ascending?
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #10 on: 09/02/2010 22:59:41 »
OK,
I will bite.
What is green, furry and ascending?

A gooseberry in a lift (elevator) naturally.
 

Offline Bored chemist

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« Reply #11 on: 10/02/2010 19:09:44 »
OK,
I will bite.
What is green, furry and ascending?
I must be missing some element of my mathematical education there.

A gooseberry in a lift (elevator) naturally.
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #12 on: 10/02/2010 19:13:45 »
Ah, well, see, goosberry can be a constituent of Pi, so naturally I thought......

OK - but it had you thinking for a bit  ;D
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #13 on: 11/02/2010 08:03:49 »
There is a very old and lengthy joke. I will spare you the details, but the punchline was:

"It's the tobacco that counts."
 

Offline CurLz

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« Reply #14 on: 13/02/2010 13:27:52 »
DiscoverDave.....MENTION it here!
 :P
 

Offline CurLz

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« Reply #15 on: 21/02/2010 23:29:40 »
 Your momma's so fat she floods the world when she swims in the pacific.

....there. I started it. :P
Now, if anyone gets offended by the "Your mommas so fat" jokes, they can blame me.

....lets hear it. :P
 

Offline stereologist

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« Reply #16 on: 23/02/2010 03:06:06 »
A mathematician and an engineer are given the following problem. They begin at one end of a room and a stunning person of the opposite gender is placed at the other end of the room. The mathematician and engineer take turns. On each turn they are allowed to move half the remaining distance to the person on the far end of the room.

The mathematician whines when they hear the rules, "But I'll never be able to reach them!"

The engineer is smiling and says, "I'll be able to get to them for all practical purposes!"
 

Offline CurLz

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« Reply #17 on: 28/02/2010 17:53:13 »
 :P
 

Offline yor_on

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« Reply #18 on: 07/03/2010 11:45:56 »
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying in a motel.

Late that night, a fire breaks out in the engineer’s room. He luckily wakes up, sees the fire, and dumps water on it until it’s out. Disaster averted, he returns to bed.

Later that night, a fire breaks out in the physicist’s room. He luckily wakes up, sees the fire, calculates how much water he’ll need, and puts just enough water on it that it goes out. Disaster averted, he returns to bed.

Later still, a fire breaks out in the mathematician’s room. He wakes up, sees the fire, exclaims, “There exists a solution!” and turns around, falling asleep again.

« Last Edit: 09/03/2010 19:34:29 by yor_on »
 

Offline yor_on

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« Reply #19 on: 07/03/2010 11:47:48 »
And this one about Feynman, he's one of the grounders of chaos math and so cool.

It’s not exactly a joke, but Feynman told a story about going to a conference in a town with two universities. He was arriving a day late, and when he got there, he couldn’t remember which university was hosting the conference. So he hopped into a cab and said to the driver something like, “Yesterday you probably gave a ride to a bunch of old guys who were oblivious to everything around them, but were talking a strange language to each other that sounded like ‘G-mu-nu! G-mu-nu!’ I need to go where they went.” “Oh yeah,” says the cab driver, and takes him right to the conference. Smart guy, that Feynman :)
 

Offline yor_on

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« Reply #20 on: 07/03/2010 11:50:28 »
And this one, a all time favorite of mine, it's not defined in it whether you're a mathematician or not, but I presume it to be at least? Ahem, near?
==


This is about the theorist who is hired by the American Dairy Council to help optimize their milk production (because, you know, **Insert your choice*** are smart).

She goes around to the pastures, to the milking stations, looks at the scaling of the distribution networks (definitely not scale-free), etc. After months, she has a presentation prepared. The auditorium is packed. She puts up her first slide and says “First, assume a spherical cow….
 
« Last Edit: 07/03/2010 11:58:23 by yor_on »
 

Offline Geezer

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« Reply #21 on: 10/03/2010 22:35:24 »
There is data, and there is metadata, but I never met a data I didn't like.

(It's really a database administrator joke. Database administrators are not known for their sense of humour.)

I suppose it should really be "There are data and there are metadata...."
« Last Edit: 10/03/2010 22:37:25 by Geezer »
 

Offline thayo

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« Reply #22 on: 19/03/2010 17:34:21 »
Curl, whao! maths joke rare to crack. Meanwhile, numbers could be manipulated into jokes
 

Offline yor_on

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« Reply #23 on: 22/03/2010 22:30:56 »
A teacher (mathematics teacher of course) was explaining about how Newton discovered the law of gravity to a bunch of students in a classroom. A sleepy voice comes from the back of the room, "What did they do before this law was passed?"
==

Now this is no math joke but as I cleverly have translated it from the hardest language in the world, yep that's Swedish, I will tell it anyway...

Once upon a time there was a Monastery. As the Novice's meet up for their final test. they all had to connect a bell to 'you know where' for that final judgement of their respective merits. And as they were standing there, lined up in the yard, a most enchantingly beautiful woman came out.

Slowly and eminently provocatively she started to undress. Seeing this one of the Novices couldn't help himself, and alas, his bell started to 'ring'. The Head Monk came over and sternly told the young man that he had to leave the Monastery as his mind wasn't pure. When the novice heard this his pleasure shrunk to a bare minimum, and as a reaction the bell lost its grip and fell to the ground. As he shamefully bent over to retrieve it, suddenly all other bells started to ring.

It was hard times for the monastery, hard times indeed...
 

Offline yor_on

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« Reply #24 on: 23/03/2010 05:06:24 »
This gotta be a math joke

“What do they call it when everything intersects?”
“The Bermuda Triangle?”
 

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« Reply #24 on: 23/03/2010 05:06:24 »

 

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