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Author Topic: Why do many gay people choose partners who emulate the opposite sex?  (Read 8291 times)

Offline John Chapman

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I have a gay aunt. Although quite old now, she has always been very feminine. Her partner is a different kettle of fish! A lovely person but she’s built like a brick shithouse, with her cropped hair, masculine clothes and wrestler’s gait. She is a caricature of a dyke. They very obviously fulfil traditional gender roles in every way except the gender.

What I really want to know (but have never had the courage to ask them) is this. If lesbians are sexually attracted to females, why do many lesbians form relationships with dykes, ie women who look and act like men? The same question can be asked about gay men and ‘queens’.

It seems incompatible with homosexuality to be attracted to same sex individuals who emulate the opposite sex. Can anybody explain to me how that works?
 


 

Offline Geezer

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I see everyone is tripping over each other to answer this one  ;D
 

Offline JimBob

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I have often wondered about this myself. And it was on both sides of my family as well. My Father's Aunt Hazel lived in the same room as her roommate but they were fairly similar in their demeanor and looks. On the flip side, My Mother's Aunt Olli Bell (take it easy with the remarks, she was born in 1n 1903 and things were quite different then) Aunt Hazel would be gruff and act manish at times and always wore men's shoes (she said they were sensible), but otherwise, was all feminine in her appearance. Her partner, even at 60, was a little girl - quite, shy and very flirtatious. Not too much difference there. Due to Winni's investment in the business of antiques and Ollie bells load of loot from her full service beauty shop along with it's crowning glory, an electrolysis machine, which removed hair from the forbidden ares of the beautiful people of Tulsa.

MADE A KILLING!

I experienced all of these people in my early teens. The first I noted about the four persons was that all cam from repressive religious backgrounds - hard-shell Baptist. So hard shell John Calvin was a progressive.

ANd the were free of any guilt

What I finally figured out that is to the point of this subject is this: There is no real place where the role end or stereotypes are all there is - there appears to be a continuum of all aspects of sexuality types from in the female who os born to lover their own sex JUST AS THERE IS the same  spectrum for the person born male but preferring their own type.

Sexuality  is starts at one extreme and ends at is antithesis in each gender with many cross overs between they type.

A woman who likes to join into a male-female group for a 3 some, a woman who joins in with two dedicated bi-curious Gay males - I have seen it all.

There are no rules.
 

Offline Geezer

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Wait a minute. This reminds me of song. What were the lyrics? Oh yes, I remember them now,

"Fools rush in, where wize men never go"
 

Offline John Chapman

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I have a gay colleague at work. He happens to have buck teeth and so is known as The Tooth Fairy by his workmate – a monica which strangely he seems to relish. Anyway.... I asked him this question and his reply was almost identical to the second half of JimBob’s answer. So similar, in fact, that I’m beginning to wonder if JimBob has buck teeth and actually lives in Wales!

He also pointed out that in most relationships, regardless of sexual preference, one partner tends to fulfil the protector/organiser role while the other tends to fulfil the carer role. As he put it, “you can’t both wear the pants”. He also claimed that gay men tend to be more sensitive than straight men and so are more attracted to personality types than physical traits.

I’m not entirely convinced about this. Regardless of the practical considerations of personality types and gender roles I still have a problem believing that someone who is attracted generally to men would want to shag a man who looks and acts like a girl.

So, The Tooth Fairy failed to give me a neatly packaged soundbite of an answer. I may yet have to pluck up the courage to ask my two Aunts!  :-\
 
 

Offline Make it Lady

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I'm Bisexual as I've said on many occasions. I'm Married to a bloke and fulfil the female role although not very well. However, the women I have loved have all been really girly but strong. I have 4 brothers and was really brought up as a boy. My friends all say that I am girly but I find women, as friends, are difficult to get on with compared with men. I really don't know why all this is so. The only explanation I have is that we look for our parents when we look for our partners. So, My husband looks like my Dad but has my Mum's personality. The women I fancy are most definitely my Mum, well, petite versions of my Mum (sorry Mum.) This generally means I fulfil the mans role in these relationships. I think that we look for those qualities in our partners that have influenced us most in our childhood whether we are straight or gay or bi.
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Oh yes, Geezer, grow up!
 

Offline Geezer

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Oh yes, Geezer, grow up!

LOL - I was referring to JimBob!
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Grow up anyway Geezer! Are you secure in your sexuality?
 

Offline Geezer

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Grow up anyway Geezer! Are you secure in your sexuality?

I'm taking the fifth!

You're just ticked off because you couldn't figure out the MONIΚER puzzle  :D
« Last Edit: 09/05/2010 20:58:31 by Geezer »
 

Offline JimBob

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So similar, in fact, that I’m beginning to wonder if JimBob has buck teeth and actually lives in Wales!

I have no problem tellin' ya mate I have never been interested in men. And I have NO teeth except the store-bought kind. BUT - my ancestors did come from Wales.

I have no doubts about my sexuality. In 1978 I was asked by a psychologist if I had male friends I was very close to. Well, most people have very good friends of the same gender so the answer was "yes" She then asked me if I could imagine myself having sex with one of them. "HELL NO!" weas my answer. Primly she then said - "that is all you need to know about your sexuality. You are straight."

This psychologist was the person who then explained to me what I wrote above.

BTW - I still want to take to to my room, Shazza.
 

Offline Make it Lady

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Did you mean you want to take two to your room or take you (meaning me)to your room? I've confused myself now.
 

Offline Geezer

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Did you mean you want to take two to your room or take you (meaning me)to your room? I've confused myself now.

I was about to make a flip comment about a tutu, but I thought better of it.
 

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