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Author Topic: What's the best cure?  (Read 5977 times)

Offline DoctorBeaver

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What's the best cure?
« on: 25/12/2005 11:33:37 »
For a broken rib. It's a double ooch! [|)]


 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #1 on: 25/12/2005 11:55:37 »
Reading Solvay's post in Just Chat about council tenants didn't help either coz it made me laugh! grrrrrrrrrrr [:(!]
« Last Edit: 25/12/2005 11:58:05 by DoctorBeaver »
 

Offline ukmicky

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #2 on: 25/12/2005 13:37:34 »
Painful. I broke one last year while sparring with a friend

There's no cure as such but if possible try not to catch a cough.

And if possible don't jump out of any aircraft,and trampolining is a definite no no


Michael                                      
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #3 on: 25/12/2005 13:42:27 »
Oh ha-bloody-ha [:(!]

I know where NOT to come for sympathy
 

Offline ukmicky

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #4 on: 25/12/2005 13:55:49 »
More bad news i'm afraid doc, Christmas day should also be avoided.

Go find an interesting cupboard and lock your self in it for the day or you never know may be tempted to pull a cracker.

I heard the jokes contained within can be amusing or in your case painful
_________________________________

I burst an eardrum one christmas.i had an infection that i didnt get treated, the presure built up and on christmas morning it went pop.

Mega painful,me and the family had wicked christmas that year :(

Michael                                      
« Last Edit: 25/12/2005 14:01:28 by ukmicky »
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #5 on: 25/12/2005 14:03:49 »
Dat's a double ooch too
 

Offline Andrew K Fletcher

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #6 on: 25/12/2005 15:19:23 »
Just for you Eth

Genuine English Insurance Claims:

- Going to work at 7am this morning, I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.

- Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got.

- The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.

- I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he'd been knocked down before.

Genuine Australian Insurance Claims:

- The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

- I told the police I was not injured but on removing my hat, I found I had a fractured skull.

- The bloke was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

- I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel.

- I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.




The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR
WEEKS NOW" HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY; "FIX THE LIGHT, NOW? DOES IT
LOOK LIKE I HAVE AN ELECTRICIANS LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK
SO!" THE WIFE ASKS, "WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T
CLOSE RIGHT." TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I
HAVE HOOVER CANDY WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO." FINE, SHE SAYS,
"THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?" THEY'RE ABOUT TO
BREAK." "I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX THE STEPS", HE
SAYS. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WOODIES DIY WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T
THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!! " SO HE GOES TO
THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT.AS HE WALKS INTO
THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE
SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE
FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED. "HONEY", HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?" SHE
SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED.JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG
MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE
REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE."
HE SAID, "SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?" SHE
REPLIED,"HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE DELIA SMITH WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I
DON'T THINK SO!"

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Puzzled but willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your arse, didn't it?"



"The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is most likely to be correct."
K.I.S. "Keep it simple!"
 

Offline ukmicky

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #7 on: 25/12/2005 15:48:07 »
Brainteaser from a cracker
what question can  a person ask you all day long,getting a different answer each time,but all the answers are correct

Michael                                      
« Last Edit: 25/12/2005 16:38:05 by ukmicky »
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #8 on: 25/12/2005 17:32:26 »
Andrew - I HATE YOU!

Michael - There are several; the obvious 1 being "What time is it?". Others would be "How many degrees from the zenith is the sun?" or "How old are you to the nearest second?". I think I'll stop there before I get another injury  [B)]
 

Offline ukmicky

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #9 on: 25/12/2005 18:04:03 »
And that what you get when you buy cheap christmas crackers.

By the way you were correct the first time,  whats the time:)


Happy christmas

Michael                                      
 

Offline neilep

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #10 on: 25/12/2005 19:43:57 »
The best cure for a broken rib I have found is to marinade it in a barbecue sauce and then grill.

Men are the same as women.... just inside out !!
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #11 on: 25/12/2005 20:37:31 »
[:(!]
 

Offline neilep

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #12 on: 25/12/2005 22:58:22 »
...I know that was droll...but then I'm having to be the perfect host today and I'm in need of some banal enunciation !!;)

Men are the same as women.... just inside out !!
 

Offline Solvay_1927

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #13 on: 04/01/2006 22:12:23 »
Sorry to hear about your ribs, Eth.  Hope they're feeling better now.

In order to speed your recovery, here's some more reading material.  Andrew's posting inspired me to dig out the following - more true extracts from UK Insurance Claim forms, collected by Norwich Union for one of their old Christmas magazines:

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."

"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
 

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Re: What's the best cure?
« Reply #13 on: 04/01/2006 22:12:23 »

 

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