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Author Topic: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?  (Read 958234 times)

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1550 on: 03/08/2011 02:49:00 »

I thought [National Psychic Week] had been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. It seems not though, I suppose it was on the cards.

Let's hope nothing gets stolen at the conference, I just hate nasty little tea leaves, don't you?

Last year there were complaints about the lack of air conditioning at the event. Attendees were heard to complain to the organisers. One said "Bloody phew! t' your air con, its too damn hot in here." His side kick echoed him. But there were few chairs left empty when the event started. During the morning break, medium roast coffee was served. One delegate threw his coffee on the ground in disgust. Another delegate asked "What did you do that for? tell me." Another asked for his beverage to be stirred, the waiter said "Go stir it yourself."

At lunch, a delegate with a cleft lip enquired as to the 'sooth oph the day'. He remarked it was a shame in this day and age that you cannot always tell witch flavour your food is. "Warlocks", Said the chef, who also had a hair lip. Wine was served with the main course. A dinner remarked on the plastic vessel the wine was served in, saying, "I would have expected, considering the price we have paid, the wine to be served in crystal." "Balls! said a rude waiter, "As trolls, oh gee you don't deserve crystal."

Many stars attended the conference. To their horror, scope of the conference was limited due to time constraints.

A satelite event was held just down the road in the 7th house on the left, but there seemed to be little spirit there, despite the main event being relayed to a plasma screen.

Organiser, Sue F Sayer said she can't remember how she coped with the organisation pre dictaphones, let alone laptops.


How does one even begin to respond to such a mesmerizing post?

Don's talents seem to go....well....One Step Beyond!

One would surmise that he does his best creepy thinking and writing in The Twilight Zone, and not on Ken Kesey's Magic Bus which is more likely the case.

What I really don't understand is why he doesn't make his livelihood trading in commodities/futures, where he would certainly fare spooktacularly.

I wonder if The Water Tower Fame Award went to his head? He has become increasingly prophetic since then. A concussion? Or perhaps just a romantic brush with the notion of becoming a Weather Forecaster?

Nah, he doesn't have a ghost of a chance. His resume is filled with mysterious disappearances. Dry spells also bother him, so  his insistence on predicting "rain only" limits his career chances.

But I have faith in Don, ever seance I saw him start his syndicated Radio Show, "Ask The Healer", on The WOOO Radio Network.

I have tried to slyly "borrow" money from him before, but he always seems to know exactly what I want, in advance, and why. Spookily, even before _I_ know it!

« Last Edit: 03/08/2011 03:01:38 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1551 on: 03/08/2011 03:09:46 »
Today, August 3, 2011, is:
National Watermelon Day
http://parkseedjournal.com/2008/08/national-waterm.html

" Watermelons doing here? I told you I wanted oranges! "

Seedy posters wanted to follow this up!
 

Offline Don_1

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1552 on: 03/08/2011 09:44:57 »
Ah! Watermelon Day, now this appeels to me, despite the last pithy post. I shall approach the subject with my usual zest and try not to be too segmented. I should not want the fruits of my labour to be spoilt on this auspicious date. Though I must conseed this time it will be challenging. But I shall enlist the assistance of Baby Spice, with Mel on my side it might be easier, though I don't want that Kournikova girl, so I shall get a moderator to ban Anna. She is a bit tasty though, the apple of her fathers eye and she's got a nice pear.

Now, to prepair my speach. I must get a move on, I have to get a bed for my soon to come Grandchild. It will be needed once he/she has grown out of the cot. Something, as the French would say, 'Apres cot'.

Its no good, I can't figure out what to say. I am grapeling in the dark here, I just don't know what to plump for. Oh man, di are in tricky straits here and that's the truth, would I lie; me?

I can usually do this sort of thing with a passion, but its all turned rather ugly this time. There'll be no star for me!

I'm off, cherryo!
« Last Edit: 03/08/2011 09:47:52 by Don_1 »
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1553 on: 03/08/2011 19:40:47 »
There goes Don again, basketing in the limelight from the fruits of his labors!

You'll never see a band of teenagers cruising past Don's house and pelting it with rotten plums.  (Police describe that as a drive-by fruiting.)

And did you hear about the time Don put an orange in his boxing glove so he could have a fruit punch?

But Don has a sensible plan in life: he will grow fruit trees and live to a ripe old age!


 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1554 on: 04/08/2011 19:29:32 »
Tomorrow, August 5, 2011 is
International Beer Day
http://www.internationalbeerday.com/

So let's get ready! Hop to it! Start brewing trouble and enjoy!


« Last Edit: 04/08/2011 19:31:09 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1555 on: 04/08/2011 21:38:48 »

I shall get a moderator to ban Anna. She is a bit tasty though, the apple of her fathers eye and she's got a nice pear.


 ;D  ;D  ;D
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1556 on: 13/08/2011 20:24:54 »

Today, August 13, is
International Left-Handers' Day
http://www.lefthandersday.com/about.html

Celebrate your right to be left-handed!
 

Offline SeanB

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1557 on: 14/08/2011 12:31:55 »
Well, i Left it to the last moment to know it was this special celebration for us Lefties, who are the only right thinking people around.
 

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« Reply #1558 on: 14/08/2011 17:21:17 »
Sean, you're right!!
 

Offline Don_1

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1559 on: 16/08/2011 09:24:05 »
Tomorrow, August 5, 2011 is
International Beer Day
http://www.internationalbeerday.com/

So let's get ready! Hop to it! Start brewing trouble and enjoy!




Curses! I missed out on that one.  Coors, Iím sure I could have brewed up a cocktail of puns in the spirit of this occasion, bud. Wiser in the art of punning than the average man, I may not be, still, ah, art were my way to punification.
Yeast sir, I would have hopped to it. Some may have been light while some larger, none bitter, I hope, but a pale full could have been forthcoming. I could have been the oast with the most.
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1560 on: 20/08/2011 05:31:01 »


Please beer with me and my line of thinking, Don, but aren't you competing for The Alcohol Of Fame?

Or is the ice cold draft from the window sudsenly giving me a head cold and fermenting my thinking?

At least I'm not foaming at the mouth over this!

Well, I have to go now and mug for the camera. I'm sure glad my problems lately are only pint-sized.




« Last Edit: 21/08/2011 02:17:06 by demografx »
 

Offline Karen W.

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1561 on: 20/08/2011 07:45:24 »
Well it's been a Hams dinger of a day today and I think I could use a good stiff drink, but seeing that I haven't yet made it to corpse status yet I think I will steer clear of the embalming fluid and stick to the less permanent relaxation plan...and indulge in a bit of the spirits!
 

Offline demografx

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« Reply #1562 on: 21/08/2011 01:49:33 »



Hi, Karen! Come join me by the pool for a drink! If you're in a pickle because of today, then my looks should be reassuring!
« Last Edit: 21/08/2011 03:12:14 by demografx »
 

Offline Karen W.

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1563 on: 21/08/2011 02:01:20 »
That sounds cool..where are you located, surely not in the High Sierras? Looks like its, down in warmer area and I would love to thank you..... your looks would be just fine young man...
« Last Edit: 21/08/2011 02:06:39 by Karen W. »
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1564 on: 22/08/2011 21:13:53 »

... your looks would be just fine young man...


Why, flattery will get you everywhere, Young Lady!

 

Offline Karen W.

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1565 on: 23/08/2011 01:28:33 »
Oooooh la la.......
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1566 on: 23/08/2011 03:13:42 »
 

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« Reply #1567 on: 23/08/2011 05:30:43 »
Awe...very pretty penmanship!
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1568 on: 23/08/2011 23:32:32 »

Karen, since computers took over my life, my penmanship has gone steadily, steadily downhill!
 

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« Reply #1569 on: 26/08/2011 05:35:36 »
Yes.. I wrote a friend and sent a letter in my lovely penmanship and he said it was hard to read after all the years on a computer.. .. lol....
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1570 on: 27/08/2011 20:28:48 »
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1571 on: 30/08/2011 02:49:01 »
Today, August 30th, 2011 is:
National Toasted Marshmallow Day

They must weigh those marshmallows in GRAHAMs!

I bet there's S'more where that came from!
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1572 on: 30/08/2011 02:52:35 »

Curses! I missed out on that one.  Coors, Iím sure I could have brewed up a cocktail of puns in the spirit of this occasion, bud. Wiser in the art of punning than the average man, I may not be, still, ah, art were my way to punification.
Yeast sir, I would have hopped to it. Some may have been light while some larger, none bitter, I hope, but a pale full could have been forthcoming. I could have been the oast with the most.


While this is far from sad or morose, this post above was specially noted by our BEEReavement Committee.

Certainly not a case of POUR judgement by any means.
« Last Edit: 30/08/2011 02:55:38 by demografx »
 

Offline Don_1

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1573 on: 30/08/2011 09:50:02 »
Today, August 30th, 2011 is:
National Toasted Marshmallow Day

Verily you jest! Who dreamt up this one?

Do you not think it is too marsh to expect people to fork out on this confection in such hard times? Eating too marsh of this could render one liable to frequent visits to the Lavatera. They ar a bic on the soft side for my liking.

Let us raise our glasses in a toast to the late Malcom McLaren who, I am afraid to say, did not repay his debt to me. Mal owed me just a gahstly amount. We wish him sweet dreams.
 

Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1574 on: 31/08/2011 03:49:18 »
Don, that was sweet of you to say.

You never sugar coat the truth.

And you always treat us with fine punnery.
 

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1574 on: 31/08/2011 03:49:18 »

 

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