The Naked Scientists

The Naked Scientists Forum

Author Topic: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?  (Read 958481 times)

Offline Donnah

  • Ma-Donnah
  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1756
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2000 on: 27/03/2012 02:56:24 »
Bar gin.  Bin there.
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2001 on: 27/03/2012 02:58:58 »
Done vat.
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2002 on: 27/03/2012 05:51:00 »

Award ceremony speech pre-edit:

Don_1 is hereby abduc...inducted into The Alcohol Of Fame!!


                           
« Last Edit: 27/03/2012 08:39:33 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2003 on: 27/03/2012 07:52:18 »

"I stole an invention and then told patent lies."

I hope you don't mind if I copy righting you have already done, but it took me a while to understand this, then it finally registered. Copying is not normally part of my trade, mark my words.



Why this infringement on our ight to copy or plagiarize ideas with abandon?

Or is the idea now to say, "Oh, don't worry, I'll get around to it orrow. Or whenever."?


Let's work this out like gentlemen. Please have your barrister/lawyer call my lawyer at 1-800-LET'S-SUE*.


*Toll free - applies to Dominican Republic only. Elsewhere, outrageous, illegal, ultra-usurious charges apply. This cleverly disguised "toll free call" (haha) is not intended to be a blatant scam for my personal profit. Like my own little piggy bank. Oh no! It is merely there to help defray my legal expenses in a disgustingly litigious society such as ours. See you all in court!

« Last Edit: 28/03/2012 01:38:02 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2004 on: 27/03/2012 09:10:43 »




The Alcohol Of Fame could use a mascot...hmmm...do you have his phone number at the bar?

Might he work for bar nuts?

« Last Edit: 27/03/2012 09:15:25 by demografx »
 

Offline Don_1

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6890
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • A stupid comment for every occasion.
    • View Profile
    • Knight Light Haulage
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2005 on: 27/03/2012 10:44:23 »
Need his phone number eh? Don't worry, ah mond the case, just been pecan in the directory, but no luck there. Just in cash ew are worried, hey, zel time to find it.

Last I heard of him, his wife was having trouble with a particular undergarment. She said "Oh dear, my bra's ill." and made a bolt for the door.
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2006 on: 28/03/2012 01:30:47 »
Is that it in a nutshell? That's the nuttiest thing I ever heard. Bolt who am I to question your credentials?

Almond joying myself.
« Last Edit: 28/03/2012 03:05:32 by demografx »
 

Offline Don_1

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6890
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • A stupid comment for every occasion.
    • View Profile
    • Knight Light Haulage
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2007 on: 28/03/2012 10:04:01 »
I used to like that diving couple, you may remember them, Almond & Michaela Denis.

Hmmm...... I seem to crossthreaded myself......... Soaked nuts anybody?
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2008 on: 28/03/2012 16:33:34 »

Hmmm...... I seem to crossthreaded myself.........


It's contagious, I tell you!


An elderly gent walked into an ice cream parlour and struggled to the counter. "Give me a chocolate sundae please." He said to the girl serving. She asked him "Crushed nuts Grandpa?" He replied, "No, rheumatism."


Yeah, no rheum at the inn, either!
« Last Edit: 28/03/2012 16:37:49 by demografx »
 

Offline Don_1

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6890
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • A stupid comment for every occasion.
    • View Profile
    • Knight Light Haulage
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2009 on: 29/03/2012 10:14:07 »
Joseph asked the inn keeper if he had a room for the night. "No," said the inn keeper, "all my rooms are taken." Joseph pleaded with inn keeper, "But my wife is pregnant and close to labour, she must have somewhere safe and warm to rest." "I haven't got a room spare." The inn keeper retorted.

Mary turned to Joseph and said "See, no rheum, ah toid you to book in advance, but would you? No. 'There'll be plenty of space' you said......(nag, nag, nag, nag)".

The inn keeper's son, Arthur, said "Pregnant eh? Desperate eh? Right, you can bed down in the stable for 3 shekels each." Joseph handed over 6 shekels and the inn keeper's son said, "There'll be another 3 shekels to pay if your wife has the baby, 'cause then there'll be 3 of you."

The inn keeper said "aths ma boy! Arthur, rit is down in the register."

Joseph complained "chor! la rent is high here."

Mary, tired and hungry, looked at the stable and said, "A sight for psor ias is that stable."

Later that night, the angel Enza descended from heaven and knocked on the stable window. Joseph openned the window and in flew Enza. Joseph said to Enza "I'm charging you a 7 shekel fee ver coming into our stable". Enza paid up and buggered off, shouting at Joseph, "Can sir justify these exorbitant charges?"

Mary gave birth to a baby boy and they named him after Grandpa Cohen ...........Manny.

Here the story endeth.


Apologies to Christians for poking fun at your beliefs. No malice intended.
« Last Edit: 29/03/2012 10:21:39 by Don_1 »
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2010 on: 29/03/2012 23:41:53 »

Apologies to Christians for poking fun at your beliefs. No malice intended.




Don't worry, Don!

Just use that portable pocket cooling fan I sent you for Xmas!!
 

Offline Don_1

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6890
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • A stupid comment for every occasion.
    • View Profile
    • Knight Light Haulage
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2011 on: 30/03/2012 09:45:43 »
YIKES!!! I'm off out 'a here......


 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2012 on: 30/03/2012 15:55:42 »
« Last Edit: 30/03/2012 19:53:52 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2013 on: 31/03/2012 22:57:01 »
Joseph asked the inn keeper if he had a room for the night. "No," said the inn keeper, "all my rooms are taken." Joseph pleaded with inn keeper, "But my wife is pregnant and close to labour, she must have somewhere safe and warm to rest." "I haven't got a room spare." The inn keeper retorted.

Mary turned to Joseph and said "See, no rheum, ah toid you to book in advance, but would you? No. 'There'll be plenty of space' you said......(nag, nag, nag, nag)".

The inn keeper's son, Arthur, said "Pregnant eh? Desperate eh? Right, you can bed down in the stable for 3 shekels each." Joseph handed over 6 shekels and the inn keeper's son said, "There'll be another 3 shekels to pay if your wife has the baby, 'cause then there'll be 3 of you."

The inn keeper said "aths ma boy! Arthur, rit is down in the register."

Joseph complained "chor! la rent is high here."

Mary, tired and hungry, looked at the stable and said, "A sight for psor ias is that stable."

Later that night, the angel Enza descended from heaven and knocked on the stable window. Joseph openned the window and in flew Enza. Joseph said to Enza "I'm charging you a 7 shekel fee ver coming into our stable". Enza paid up and buggered off, shouting at Joseph, "Can sir justify these exorbitant charges?"

Mary gave birth to a baby boy and they named him after Grandpa Cohen ...........Manny.

Here the story endeth.


Apologies to Christians for poking fun at your beliefs. No malice intended.



Don_1 is unstoppable! (And funny!)
« Last Edit: 31/03/2012 23:00:16 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2014 on: 31/03/2012 22:57:44 »

April 1 is
April Fools  or All Fools Day


I just saw gasoline selling for one dollar (0.63) a gallon, but then I realized it's just an April fuel's joke.


 

Offline Don_1

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6890
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • A stupid comment for every occasion.
    • View Profile
    • Knight Light Haulage
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2015 on: 01/04/2012 12:02:32 »

I just saw gasoline selling for one dollar (0.63) a gallon, but then I realized it's just an April fuel's joke.


I had to get some petrol (gas), so I said to the attendant, "Fuel it up, 10ltrs."

He said, "Shell?"

"No!" Exclaimed I, "Unleaded!"

He said, after filling, "That'll be 67 please."

"WHAT!? I said 10 ltrs."

"Sorry, I thought you said fill it up."

"NO NO NO, you burk! FUEL it up, fuel!!!!"

"Its ok sir", said he, "April fool, I only put in 10 ltrs really."

But I had the last laugh, I paid the 67 he asked for. "Now who's the April fool?" said I.


April 1 is
April Fools  or All Fools Day


Its not my birthday today. Is it???

 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2016 on: 01/04/2012 17:53:57 »


You "had the last laugh"!!!! Haha!
« Last Edit: 02/04/2012 02:42:08 by demografx »
 

Offline Donnah

  • Ma-Donnah
  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1756
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2017 on: 02/04/2012 02:01:58 »
Here in Canada the oil companies play April fuel's jokes on us all year 'round!
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2018 on: 02/04/2012 11:12:54 »

Here in Canada the oil companies play April fuel's jokes on us all year 'round!


Yes, it's a shame.

And Canadian oil executives are always using crude language.
« Last Edit: 02/04/2012 11:17:40 by demografx »
 

Offline Don_1

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6890
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • A stupid comment for every occasion.
    • View Profile
    • Knight Light Haulage
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2019 on: 02/04/2012 11:26:45 »
Here in the UK, the government see's it as its duty to keep putting up fuel prices.

As I filled up my tank, chancellor George Osborne said "Well done, and you have been."
 

Offline demografx

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8196
  • Thanked: 3 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2020 on: 02/04/2012 19:05:25 »
I think chancellor George Osborne also said, "Oil brook no opposition"
« Last Edit: 03/04/2012 01:56:12 by demografx »
 

Offline Don_1

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6890
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • A stupid comment for every occasion.
    • View Profile
    • Knight Light Haulage
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2021 on: 03/04/2012 12:17:05 »
The 'Skull & Crossbones' flew menacingly from the middle mast of the approaching galleon.


"Avast me hearties", said the captain.
"A vast what?" retorted the 1st mate.
"They be after our cargo of ferrous metal." The Captain declared.
The crew looked on in horror and Botswain Higgs said, "You mean, they be Iron Pyrites?"
Ooo arrr.
« Last Edit: 03/04/2012 16:04:14 by Don_1 »
 

Offline damocles

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 756
  • Thanked: 1 times
    • View Profile
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2022 on: 03/04/2012 13:17:32 »
This one really happened:
There had been a few scandals involving ministers of one of our State Governments. The then premier went to one of his regular press conferences. After a few questions on more innocuous topics had been dealt with, a young reporter opened with
--"Mr Premier, you must be aware of allegations that have been made against ..."
He was interrupted with
--"Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?"
« Last Edit: 03/04/2012 13:20:58 by damocles »
 

Offline Don_1

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6890
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • A stupid comment for every occasion.
    • View Profile
    • Knight Light Haulage
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2023 on: 03/04/2012 15:44:07 »
--"Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?"

I could see that one caiman a mile off.
« Last Edit: 03/04/2012 15:45:56 by Don_1 »
 

Offline Don_1

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6890
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • A stupid comment for every occasion.
    • View Profile
    • Knight Light Haulage
Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2024 on: 03/04/2012 15:50:40 »
This one really happened:
There had been a few scandals involving ministers of one of our State Governments. The then premier went to one of his regular press conferences. After a few questions on more innocuous topics had been dealt with, a young reporter opened with
--"Mr Premier, you must be aware of allegations that have been made against ..."
He was interrupted with
--"Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?"

Did he go on to say 'I accept I am partly responsible, but I'm not going to gharial the blame.'

Were there crocodile tears in his eyes?

Did he say to the waitress "Give me a crocodile sandwich, and make it snappy." Did she serve the sandwich on nice clean crockery?
« Last Edit: 03/04/2012 15:58:17 by Don_1 »
 

The Naked Scientists Forum

Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2024 on: 03/04/2012 15:50:40 »

 

SMF 2.0.10 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines
SMFAds for Free Forums
 
Login
Login with username, password and session length