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Author Topic: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?  (Read 962180 times)

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2100 on: 25/04/2012 08:18:17 »

You mean grimm tails? Will we ever get away from dinosaurs, alligators, and crocodiles?


Here's a rather grim tail:


Doh! Its a Stegosaurus, so sorry chaps. I just di no what came over me.
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2101 on: 25/04/2012 08:38:29 »

My wife asked me to remove a picture from over the fireplace.

It was an off-the-wall remark.

Had she asked you to replace it with a whiteboard, that would have been truly remarkable
 

Offline Variola

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2102 on: 25/04/2012 08:58:58 »
Hmmm....

You have missed my intellectual input haven't you?  ;D
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2103 on: 25/04/2012 20:08:12 »

Hmmm....


You have missed my intellectual input haven't you?  ;D


Variola, you leave me speechless.

And breathless.

Great balls of fire!

 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2104 on: 25/04/2012 22:45:27 »

My wife asked me to remove a picture from over the fireplace.

It was an off-the-wall remark.



Had she asked you to replace it with a whiteboard, that would have been truly remarkable



« Last Edit: 26/04/2012 23:33:13 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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« Last Edit: 26/04/2012 00:44:15 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2106 on: 26/04/2012 00:39:12 »

Will we ever get away from dinosaurs, alligators, and crocodiles?


Not all the while you, Jimbob and Don are on here...  ;) :P



« Last Edit: 26/04/2012 00:42:18 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2107 on: 26/04/2012 01:24:35 »


I have developed a habit of drinking brake fluid, but I should be able to stop at any time.


A man of your caliper will never brake the habit.
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2108 on: 26/04/2012 10:41:35 »

A man of your caliper will never brake the habit.


American English version
What are you? Some sort of hood?

Queen's English version
What are you? Some sort of bonnet?

Hmmm, that doesn't work, does it. Gimme a brake, I'll pad out this post a little.

I asked my Jewish friend for his opinion. He looked me in the eye, then Manny folded his arms and said, "Consumption of that stuff wont do you any good. You'll soon become exhausted." I asked if he thought it might do me harm and he replied, "I di no, sores*** could develop on your lips which might be wheely uncomfortable."

I'm wheely clutching at straws here.

Queen's English version
His Wife, is a right old boot.

American English version
His wife is a right old trunk.

Now see how the American English version is so proboscistuous. Heaven nose why.

She wears some far out gear and had bought a pair of socks which were the wrong size for her, so was giving them to my wife. "Ah yes," I said, "diesel fitt 'er."


*** Who let the dinosaurs back in? I'll throttle him. Could have been that used car dealer Ed. Ed sel's some right old lemons.
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2109 on: 26/04/2012 10:59:36 »
American English version

Its a gas, isn't it.

Queen's English version

Its a petrol, isn't it.


Please don't give me the bird over that one.
 

Offline Hadrian

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2110 on: 26/04/2012 11:32:52 »
How's the crack.... (Ireland fun)

what the quality of the drugs like man.......(USA)

 ^
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2111 on: 26/04/2012 18:09:25 »

I'm wheely clutching at straws here.




« Last Edit: 26/04/2012 18:17:39 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2112 on: 26/04/2012 18:13:55 »

How's the crack.... (Ireland fun)

what the quality of the drugs like man.......(USA)

 ^



On my last airline flight, I was curious about our climbing altitude, so I asked the pilot how high he would get.

The pilot replied, 'I don't do drugs.'
« Last Edit: 28/04/2012 08:12:28 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2113 on: 26/04/2012 20:36:00 »

A man of your caliper will never brake the habit.


American English version
What are you? Some sort of hood?

Queen's English version
What are you? Some sort of bonnet?

Hmmm, that doesn't work, does it. Gimme a brake, I'll pad out this post a little.

I asked my Jewish friend for his opinion. He looked me in the eye, then Manny folded his arms and said, "Consumption of that stuff wont do you any good. You'll soon become exhausted." I asked if he thought it might do me harm and he replied, "I di no, sores*** could develop on your lips which might be wheely uncomfortable."

I'm wheely clutching at straws here.

Queen's English version
His Wife, is a right old boot.

American English version
His wife is a right old trunk.

Now see how the American English version is so proboscistuous. Heaven nose why.

She wears some far out gear and had bought a pair of socks which were the wrong size for her, so was giving them to my wife. "Ah yes," I said, "diesel fitt 'er."


*** Who let the dinosaurs back in? I'll throttle him. Could have been that used car dealer Ed. Ed sel's some right old lemons.



I wheely think Don_1 auto have this Award!
« Last Edit: 26/04/2012 20:40:29 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2114 on: 26/04/2012 20:38:15 »

Please don't give me the bird over that one.


I'll just give you the crow.*

(Crow is a four-letter bird.)



*With hugs, of course




« Last Edit: 26/04/2012 21:08:13 by demografx »
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2115 on: 27/04/2012 10:11:39 »



I wheely think Don_1 auto have this Award!

Gosh! Another award. Can TNS afFord it? Let's not dodge the issue, if their bank account is anything like mine, it will be devoid of funds most of the time and the banks charger lot for an overdraft. How often I look at my statement and I chrys ler account has got vaux hall in it!

Just this morning I had to forego my morning cuppa because the caddy lacks tea bags. Breakfast was non existant too, no bread, no rice. I missed my usual rolls & royce Its enough to drive you round the benz. But I just cit roen my rocking chair out on the porsche watching volks as they wag on by. Like the young mum from a few doors away taking her kiddy to school. I'm kind of fhond a her.

Aye see, cobras isn't it. But I must 'ang on to every hope for the future.

By the way, re nault money, I am not begging here. That would be a cardinal sin.

(Explanation of this dubious pun:
Cardinal = Cardinal Wolsey = Cardinal Wolseley = Wolseley Motors.
)

All rather austintacious isn't it. Mor risky than ever before. But I shall emerge triumphant, settle down and no more shall I be a rover.

Did I mention, the wife nearly bought me a BMW............

She bought me a BMX and said "On yer bike!"
« Last Edit: 27/04/2012 10:18:16 by Don_1 »
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2116 on: 27/04/2012 10:22:44 »

Please don't give me the bird over that one.


I'll just give you the crow.

(Crow is a four-letter bird.)


What are you raven on about?
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2117 on: 27/04/2012 10:26:39 »

.............. I asked the pilot how high he would get.

The pilot replied, 'I don't do drugs.'


That was hardly the altitude to take was it!
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2118 on: 27/04/2012 15:20:55 »



I wheely think Don_1 auto have this Award!

Gosh! Another award. Can TNS afFord it? Let's not dodge the issue, if their bank account is anything like mine, it will be devoid of funds most of the time and the banks charger lot for an overdraft. How often I look at my statement and I chrys ler account has got vaux hall in it!

Just this morning I had to forego my morning cuppa because the caddy lacks tea bags. Breakfast was non existant too, no bread, no rice. I missed my usual rolls & royce Its enough to drive you round the benz. But I just cit roen my rocking chair out on the porsche watching volks as they wag on by. Like the young mum from a few doors away taking her kiddy to school. I'm kind of fhond a her.

Aye see, cobras isn't it. But I must 'ang on to every hope for the future.

By the way, re nault money, I am not begging here. That would be a cardinal sin.

(Explanation of this dubious pun:
Cardinal = Cardinal Wolsey = Cardinal Wolseley = Wolseley Motors.
)

All rather austintacious isn't it. Mor risky than ever before. But I shall emerge triumphant, settle down and no more shall I be a rover.

Did I mention, the wife nearly bought me a BMW............

She bought me a BMX and said "On yer bike!"


Now T H I S  is a car punning post that will drive us all crazy. uh, I mean...to undreamed of heights!

VERY WELL DONE, DON_1!!!
« Last Edit: 28/04/2012 01:12:00 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2119 on: 27/04/2012 15:21:49 »
WHAT??? Another DNA Day! This is blatant prejudice.

Stand up for the rites of RNA.




No clever remarks. Just pretty RNA pics.
« Last Edit: 27/04/2012 15:57:35 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2120 on: 27/04/2012 15:56:13 »

.............. I asked the pilot how high he would get.
J
The pilot replied, 'I don't do drugs.'


That was hardly the altitude to take was it!


Don, I imagine that your difficult decision to become a pilot was up in the air for a while.
« Last Edit: 29/04/2012 03:06:26 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2121 on: 27/04/2012 16:11:40 »

Gosh! Another award.

Can TNS afFord it?


No.

But TNS' CFO-comptroller is both religious and dyslexus, so he prays to his dog for your Car Award money.
« Last Edit: 30/04/2012 03:06:24 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2122 on: 30/04/2012 02:29:14 »
It's April - we have only one more day to celebrate:
Car Care Month

Care for your car or suffer the carnsequences?


(TNS' company car)
« Last Edit: 30/04/2012 03:00:23 by demografx »
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2123 on: 30/04/2012 10:29:25 »
The wife and I always look after our car's chasis. Oh yes, car cares us.

Sue, the retired woman across the street, maintains her car on her retirement fund. Sue's pension just about covers the cost, then its exhausted. She rants and raves about it and its no use trying to silence 'er. I tried to tell her how Linda manages. "See Linda,
she's tearing up the road without problems, and oil be doing the same soon".

My auntie frees herself of such worries by using buses.

A new friend of President Eisenhower once went on record as saying, "My new mate Ike tyres of travel quickly.
« Last Edit: 30/04/2012 10:30:58 by Don_1 »
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2124 on: 30/04/2012 10:56:17 »
The Queen and the Prince of Wales have nice cars.

Elizabeth II has a plush Rolls Royce and as for Chas, 'is choice is an Aston Martin.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2124 on: 30/04/2012 10:56:17 »

 

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