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Author Topic: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?  (Read 956372 times)

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3875 on: 23/07/2014 08:22:21 »

HAMMOCK: Aren't you simply “ Making fun of a slice of lunch meat ”??????


Perish the thought........
No, no, I assure you I would never do such a cruel thing to any cut of meat, especially a ham hock.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3876 on: 23/07/2014 08:28:11 »

I asked Jock if he liked smoked bacon.
He replied, "Ham! Och aye, its a bonny sandwich filler."


My famous bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal.


You could get drunk on Granny's soup because she would add hock to it.
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3877 on: 23/07/2014 19:33:58 »

I asked Jock if he liked smoked bacon.
He replied, "Ham! Och aye, its a bonny sandwich filler."


My famous bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal.


You could get drunk on Granny's soup because she would add hock to it.


When the adamant hockey player came home he gave his wife a puck on the cheek.


 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3878 on: 24/07/2014 10:44:32 »

I asked Jock if he liked smoked bacon.
He replied, "Ham! Och aye, its a bonny sandwich filler."


My famous bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal.


You could get drunk on Granny's soup because she would add hock to it.


When the adamant hockey player came home he gave his wife a puck on the cheek.




Phew! Glad your spelling's up to scratch, otherwise that could have been an unfortunate and embarrassing post.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3879 on: 24/07/2014 10:51:25 »

......... he gave his wife a puck on the cheek.


That seems fair enough.
« Last Edit: 24/07/2014 10:53:16 by Don_1 »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3880 on: 24/07/2014 11:08:35 »

When the adamant hockey player

Wasn't he some naff pop star of the 70's & 80's? Adam Ant.

No, wait, it was that feeble (hence now cult) BBC rubbish from the 60's Adam Adamant. Gads! I fear I can say I well remember that programme. IT WAS AWFUL!!!
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3881 on: 25/07/2014 04:15:13 »

When the adamant hockey player


Altoids made a calculator.

They called it Adamant. (Add-a-mint)




« Last Edit: 27/07/2014 15:31:53 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3882 on: 25/07/2014 06:17:24 »

Today is National Hammock Day.

I tried to get my neighbours to use the hammock I'd set up in their garden, but they couldn't get in to it and just ended up running hamok.




Banana hammock!

« Last Edit: 25/07/2014 06:20:48 by demografx »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3883 on: 25/07/2014 11:20:04 »
How many times must I tell you, you must ban Anna from the hammock. Besides all else, if she falls out, she will split on you.
In the 'Rear of the Year' competition, Anna, one judge commented, was "of right ass".
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3884 on: 25/07/2014 11:38:15 »
Toady is Talk in an Elevator Day.

Should result in some uplifting conversation, unless you talk out your a***.
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3885 on: 27/07/2014 08:35:48 »

Today is Talk in an Elevator Day.

Should result in some uplifting conversation, unless you talk out your a***.




« Last Edit: 27/07/2014 08:39:04 by demografx »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3886 on: 27/07/2014 08:42:42 »

How many times must I tell you, you must ban Anna from the hammock. Besides all else, if she falls out, she will split on you.
In the 'Rear of the Year' competition, Anna, one judge commented, was "of right ass".


Me? I would only ban Anna if you offered me a free cream pie!




« Last Edit: 27/07/2014 16:06:47 by demografx »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3887 on: 29/07/2014 17:11:41 »

.......Anna got gelled......


She was so deeply pleased by her experience, she thought it was angelic.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3888 on: 29/07/2014 17:15:55 »
Today is National Lasagna Day.

Because of her diet regime, alas Angna will not be taking part in the celebrations.
« Last Edit: 29/07/2014 17:19:14 by Don_1 »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3889 on: 29/07/2014 23:54:14 »
Today is National Lasagna Day.

Because of her diet regime, alas Angna will not be taking part in the celebrations.


Leftover spaghetti is pasta its prime.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3890 on: 30/07/2014 00:26:29 »
Anna must be protected.

At all costs.

<solemn>
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3891 on: 30/07/2014 04:38:42 »

Today is National Lasagna Day.

Because of her diet regime, alas Angna will not be taking part in the celebrations.


Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian lasagna?

A: Gaelic breath!


« Last Edit: 30/07/2014 04:42:41 by demografx »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3892 on: 30/07/2014 12:51:23 »

Today is National Lasagna Day.

Because of her diet regime, alas Angna will not be taking part in the celebrations.


Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian lasagna?

A: Gaelic breath!




Phew! For a moment there, I thought you were going to say a carbon arse.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3893 on: 30/07/2014 12:55:33 »
Anna must be protected.

At all costs.

<solemn>

A suspect reptile breeder tried to get Anna to buy a pet, but she turned the tables on the trickster. Oh yes, in the end Anna conned her.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3894 on: 30/07/2014 13:16:11 »
Anna has gone into the ladies undergarment business with a friend. She can now be referred to as a co bra business woman.

I went to visit them and yes naked women were all around.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, I thought, as probably a fitting session I can sea going on.

I made a lewd comment about one woman's bosom, but it didn't rattle 'er. She said, "I tied this ribbon to secure my boobs. I find the bow a constrictor of more comfort than some bras."

I confess I was breathing heavy, she said "Please sir pant no more.

C''mon, let's milk this line of punning as best we can. I don't think anyone will grass on us.

I'm off to lunch now. I'll have some pie then try to think of some more snake puns.

 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3895 on: 31/07/2014 01:40:09 »

.......Anna got gelled......


She was so deeply pleased by her experience, she thought it was angelic.


That's why Brad Pitt makes Angelina jolly!


« Last Edit: 31/07/2014 02:05:36 by demografx »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3896 on: 31/07/2014 01:46:44 »
Anna must be protected.

At all costs.

<solemn>

A suspect reptile breeder tried to get Anna to buy a pet, but she turned the tables on the trickster. Oh yes, in the end Anna conned her.

Anna has gone into the ladies undergarment business with a friend. She can now be referred to as a co bra business woman.

I went to visit them and yes naked women were all around.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, I thought, as probably a fitting session I can sea going on.

I made a lewd comment about one woman's bosom, but it didn't rattle 'er. She said, "I tied this ribbon to secure my boobs. I find the bow a constrictor of more comfort than some bras."

I confess I was breathing heavy, she said "Please sir pant no more.

C''mon, let's milk this line of punning as best we can. I don't think anyone will grass on us.

I'm off to lunch now. I'll have some pie then try to think of some more snake puns.







« Last Edit: 01/08/2014 16:47:42 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3897 on: 31/07/2014 02:27:36 »


Anna has gone into the ladies undergarment business with a friend. She can now be referred to as a co bra business woman.


Did you hear about Anna's new dyslexic boyfriend?

He just walked into a bra and got drunk!
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3898 on: 31/07/2014 03:55:50 »
Anna has gone into the ladies undergarment business with a friend. She can now be referred to as a co bra business woman.

I went to visit them and yes naked women were all around.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, I thought, as probably a fitting session I can sea going on.

I made a lewd comment about one woman's bosom, but it didn't rattle 'er. She said, "I tied this ribbon to secure my boobs. I find the bow a constrictor of more comfort than some bras."

I confess I was breathing heavy, she said "Please sir pant no more.

C''mon, let's milk this line of punning as best we can. I don't think anyone will grass on us.

I'm off to lunch now. I'll have some pie then try to think of some more snake puns.



AWARDED TO DON_1 FOR SUPERIOR SNAKE PUNNING!!




« Last Edit: 31/07/2014 03:59:21 by demografx »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3899 on: 31/07/2014 14:38:13 »
I'm going to try to adder few more puns here. I'll try not to chicken out.

Cor all snakes are slippery creatures. Some are shy, yes Mam ba they'll gopher you and carpet you if you don't watch your step.

You could end up in big trouble, stil e toe up the bum will have them on the run, especially if you are quick enough to tie pans to their tails before they whip round to bite you.

I am always mindful of what Herr Porsche said when driving through a snake pit, "You must make zure zat your vindscreen vipers are vorking, und never sit by zer side vinder, only by zer vindskreen or rhear vinder."

He told how he had gone to lunch with Otto to discuss the battleship which was to bare his name. "Ve vill be haffing ein schnitzel pie fur lunch." Said Otto as he went to check with the cook.
Porsche told me, "After a few moments undt on his glockenspiel, Otto Von Bismarck ringed py thon zer table. Com undt eat it vhile itz hot."

Alright, who doesn't believe me? You are so wrong, there really IS a Bismarck Ringed Python.
« Last Edit: 31/07/2014 15:00:33 by Don_1 »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3899 on: 31/07/2014 14:38:13 »

 

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