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Author Topic: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?  (Read 959942 times)

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3950 on: 29/08/2014 10:20:29 »
I must get off to the dry cleaner's now, with all the rain we have had lately, I have had to wear my mac frequently and it got splashed with mud, so now da kot a bit of a mess.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3951 on: 29/08/2014 10:24:02 »
I have a cardboard model of the city of Hartford to assemble. The instructions say that where two pieces connect I cut along the dotted line.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3952 on: 29/08/2014 10:27:24 »
My neighbour has considerable trouble with weeds in his garden. He asked me if he should just dig it all over. I told him I'd a hoe he could borrow.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3953 on: 29/08/2014 10:30:52 »
If you named a mountain after Anna, would it be Mount Anna?
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3954 on: 29/08/2014 10:36:37 »
The tin mine was just about depleted. The prospectors cried out "Where has all the ore gon?"
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3955 on: 29/08/2014 10:40:55 »
I couldn't choose which attraction to visit next, so I got a map, closed my eyes and stuck in a pin, thinking the rhode island on will be my next destination.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3956 on: 29/08/2014 10:44:49 »
"I tell you, I sent one dozen rolls to you." Said the baker. I replied, "Well, ten I see, but no more."
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3957 on: 29/08/2014 10:47:14 »
East is east and west is west and neva da twain shall meet.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3958 on: 29/08/2014 10:53:13 »
Before I make you all ill I nois  what you want.
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3959 on: 29/08/2014 14:14:21 »

That's only a toy ota, I'm going to get a real ota.


You're right. I ota know more about these things!

But I haven't an iota of a clue how to learn.


Then I shall give you a clue - 3.

If you need some iota, take letter 3 and add 3, thus:
t + 3 = w. Therefore iota - t + w = Iowa

You must enrol at the Iowa State University department for the clueless, just as I did.
Do yourself a favour (US = favour), don't mention my name to the bursar, because I owe 'er some money.

I am thinking of getting all new teeth implants. I have chosen a dental practice in Boston to fit this new mass of chew sets.

I have laid a new multi coloured random pattern carpet. this helps the flor 'ide a heap of sins.

The wife has starched my shirt. I asked her not to do it again because it makes the collar 'ard, o.

The father of the bride thought he would give his daughter one last chance to change her mind. He thought 'As we walk down the aisle ask 'er if she is doing the right thing'.

The current state of affairs around the world seems to bring nothing but Missouri to innocent defenceless people.

Walking around the antique shop, my eye was caught by a large ceramic pot. "Why o ming vase!" I exclaimed.


Now I get Don_1's drift: I'll enroll at Io[t+3]a State, take ten classes 'e sees fit for me to attend, then buy a new jersey to wear to class.

Who knows? Maybe I'll meet a high tech sassy one to guide me through.

And my friend Mary may land me a teaching position there some day!



« Last Edit: 30/08/2014 04:31:30 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3960 on: 29/08/2014 14:32:15 »
The train conductor was impatient with this woman who was dawdling around the entrance to the train, so he blew his whistle and shouted, "All aboard, ma'am!"
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3961 on: 29/08/2014 15:15:06 »
The train conductor was impatient with this woman who was dawdling around the entrance to the train, so he blew his whistle and shouted, "All aboard, ma'am!"

Ha! waii do some people always dither? They seem to always want to be the maine attraction.

What sort of trouble might she cause if she were going by car o' liner?

 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3962 on: 29/08/2014 15:16:39 »
I've got my coat back from the cleaners. They've been washing tons of mud off it.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3963 on: 29/08/2014 15:20:53 »
I realised it was an unholy scam and told the trickster I was wise to con sinners.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3964 on: 29/08/2014 15:24:09 »
The Polish girl seem about right for the job, so I decided to pencil Vania in for it.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3965 on: 29/08/2014 15:32:06 »
As I walked by the ladies intimate apparel shop, a garment flew out of the door and struck me on the leg.

"OUCH!!!" I cried out, "My knee, bras kan hurt when travelling at speed."
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3966 on: 29/08/2014 15:34:19 »
Kenneth always dressed like a slob, I don't know how many times I've said, "Ken tucky in your shirt."
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3967 on: 29/08/2014 15:36:52 »
Demo asked me to contact him, so I said, "Call, I fone ya tomorrow.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3968 on: 29/08/2014 15:38:47 »
Who ate my porridge?

Its in d Anna.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3969 on: 29/08/2014 15:42:32 »
Kenneth was once again dressed like a slob. "Why don't you wear something stylish?" I asked. He said, "This shirt is brand new."
"NEW???" I quizzed, "New yor kidding me."
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3970 on: 29/08/2014 15:52:50 »
Right, let's see if yar kan sas out which states are left while I do some cleaning.

WOA!!!! There I was cleaning the WC when I looked up and on the loo I see Anna.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3971 on: 29/08/2014 16:07:27 »
Well, I hope I don't get hauled up before Judge Perry because of my WC encounter. But even if I do, I'll just say 'Look Judge,' or perhaps be more friendly with him and say 'Look Mitch I can explain'.
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3972 on: 29/08/2014 19:54:36 »

I've got my coat back from the cleaners. They've been washing tons of mud off it.


I bet you had red skins from all that hardened mud!





« Last Edit: 30/08/2014 23:49:12 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3973 on: 29/08/2014 20:05:10 »

What sort of trouble might she cause if she were going by car o' liner?


The type of trouble she might cause depends on whether she goes North or South!
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3974 on: 29/08/2014 20:25:17 »

Demo asked me to contact him, so I said, "Call, I fone ya tomorrow.


Skip it. You always reverse the charges!

 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3974 on: 29/08/2014 20:25:17 »

 

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