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Author Topic: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?  (Read 961209 times)

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4325 on: 04/11/2015 22:08:55 »
My new friend business acquaintance from The Third Reich...errr....I mean Germany just might be a stutterer.

He's constantly writing me sentences that have
in them.


« Last Edit: 05/11/2015 02:53:19 by demografx »
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4326 on: 04/11/2015 23:04:01 »
My new friend from The Third Reich...errr....I mean Germany just might be a stutterer.

He's constantly writing me sentences that have
in them.

S, s, I have seen them. Unfortunately he is suffering with a small bladder complaint at the moment. As you can guess t' po under his bed is essential.
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4327 on: 04/11/2015 23:17:51 »
Don't you mean "substantial"?
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4328 on: 04/11/2015 23:27:28 »
Before I act rashly, I am reminded when confronting a tough dilemma, "I should first Müller this over, sleep on it -- before reichacting foolishly."


« Last Edit: 05/11/2015 02:03:33 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4329 on: 05/11/2015 02:09:04 »

My new friend business acquaintance from The Third Reich...


Above edit to Reply #4325 --- top of page



« Last Edit: 05/11/2015 02:51:42 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4330 on: 05/11/2015 03:06:58 »
I went to the barber for a herr cat. He was hard of hearing, so I bald at him, 'No 2, all over please.'

When Yul Brynner went to the barber, it took him a long time to twig who it was, but eventually he unlocked the truth.

After spending some time in the loo, I had to claim I had been doing a No 2, though I hadn't. The barber saw through my story and said it was a sham poo.


Oh comb comb now, those puns weren't so bad as to be brushed aside.

Don_1 yet again wins an Award for puns that comb not be beat!


 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4331 on: 05/11/2015 09:20:57 »
Last time I went to the barber, I asked him if he could do something different with my hair. He gave me a No. 2 all over (as usual) swept up the cuttings from the floor and threw them out of the window. I gave him a puzzled look. He said, "Usually I would throw it in the bin, but you wanted me to do something different with it so...."

Perhaps that'll teach me to be a little more concise.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4332 on: 05/11/2015 09:31:21 »
It was a clear, cloudless winter's day in London town, yet people in the street were getting wet. The Vicar dashed into the office block and up the stairs onto the roof. There he found one of his parishioners relieving himself over the parapet.
"What are you doing?" he screamed.
"I am doing exactly as you said." Replied the man.
"No, no," said the Vicar, "what I said was peace on all men."
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4333 on: 19/11/2015 12:19:44 »
November 19th.

Today is National Blow Bagpipes Day Coincidentally it is also National Have a Bad Day Day.

What’s more today is also Nouveau Beaujolais Day and World Toilet Day, another coincidence???
 
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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4334 on: 19/11/2015 12:35:03 »
It was the Scottish Indoor Tennis Championships.

In the bar a bowl of peanuts was accidentally knocked on to the floor.
“Guve me the Hoover, Jock, I’ll clean that oop.” Said a barman.
“Och, I’m afraid the Hoover is broken Jimmy.” Replied the head barman.
“Oh dear ohh dear. If we’ve got no vac Jock, I’ll fetch the dustpan & brush then.
“Och, that’s andy, murry-up then afore they get trodden into the carpet.”
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4335 on: 20/11/2015 01:01:58 »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4336 on: 23/11/2015 00:46:03 »
Perhaps that'll teach him not to pick hard on the toilet roll in future.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4337 on: 24/11/2015 00:58:44 »
Did you spock the pun in my last post?
 
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4338 on: 24/11/2015 15:18:05 »
Indeed I did, but I would have preferred, to have seen him, kick it to the kirk, rather then the drain....!
 
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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4339 on: 25/11/2015 00:38:43 »
Its tissue Jim, but not as we know it.

Now what do I do about the Klingons?

I blame the height of the pan, its just su lu.

 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4340 on: 25/11/2015 00:41:49 »


Are you finished in there yet???

u huru up will you PLEEEEZE
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4341 on: 25/11/2015 23:13:42 »


From The Independent (UK):

"Thanksgiving is the latest US tradition to take root in the UK, as one in six of us celebrate 'Brits-giving'

Thanksgiving has no place in British tradition. But, never ones to pass up an excuse for a feast, more of us are gobbling turkey and pumpkin pie..."



« Last Edit: 26/11/2015 00:04:34 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4342 on: 25/11/2015 23:56:18 »


Are you finished in there yet???

u huru up will you PLEEEEZE

I *am*




ing!
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4343 on: 27/11/2015 12:03:26 »
"Thanksgiving has no place in British tradition. "

So sayeth The Independent.

Not so, Independent. In the USA 'Thanksgiving' is celebrated on the 4th Thursday of November and in Canada on the on the 2nd Monday of October. In Britain, where it is known as 'Harvest Festival', it has been celebrated since pagan times on the occurrence of the Harvest Moon (the nearest full moon to the autumn equinox (22 or 23 September).
This celebration of the harvest is common to many countries and falls in line with their harvest time.
Saxon's, settled in Britain from around AD 43. The Anglo-Saxon farmers would offer the first sheaf of corn to the god of fertility to ensure a good crop the following year. The last sheaf (believed to contain the Spirit of the corn) was cut along with the ritual sacrifice of an animal (usually a hare) and the straw made into an effigy of the animal. This eventually gave rise to the Corn Dolly.

"Thanksgiving is the latest US tradition to take root in the UK, as one in six of us celebrate 'Brits-giving'

Hmmm, Methinks you're about 2000 yrs out and should be looking across the channel to Germany, not the Atlantic to 'The New World'.


So to keep in line with this thread's subject....


".....more of us are gobbling turkey and pumpkin pie..."


I would rather a slice of punkin pie, if you don't mind.



 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4344 on: 27/11/2015 12:11:02 »


Are you finished in there yet???

u huru up will you PLEEEEZE

I *am*




ing!

Well, three cheers for that!

Hip hip hurry, hip hip hurry, hip hip.... too late!
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4345 on: 28/11/2015 05:59:48 »
"Thanksgiving has no place in British tradition. "

So sayeth The Independent.

Not so, Independent. In the USA 'Thanksgiving' is celebrated on the 4th Thursday of November and in Canada on the on the 2nd Monday of October. In Britain, where it is known as 'Harvest Festival', it has been celebrated since pagan times on the occurrence of the Harvest Moon (the nearest full moon to the autumn equinox (22 or 23 September).
This celebration of the harvest is common to many countries and falls in line with their harvest time.
Saxon's, settled in Britain from around AD 43. The Anglo-Saxon farmers would offer the first sheaf of corn to the god of fertility to ensure a good crop the following year. The last sheaf (believed to contain the Spirit of the corn) was cut along with the ritual sacrifice of an animal (usually a hare) and the straw made into an effigy of the animal. This eventually gave rise to the Corn Dolly.

"Thanksgiving is the latest US tradition to take root in the UK, as one in six of us celebrate 'Brits-giving'

Hmmm, Methinks you're about 2000 yrs out and should be looking across the channel to Germany, not the Atlantic to 'The New World'.


So to keep in line with this thread's subject....


".....more of us are gobbling turkey and pumpkin pie..."


I would rather a slice of punkin pie, if you don't mind.





I stand cornected !



« Last Edit: 28/11/2015 06:27:54 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4346 on: 28/11/2015 06:17:10 »

 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4347 on: 30/11/2015 13:26:26 »
The ater of cold meats.

Pardon my bad grammar** that should be 'eater'.


** That's Grammar in the bottom right hand of the picture, or is it Grandpa?
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4348 on: 30/11/2015 13:30:29 »


I stand cornected !





corn u copia with all these corrections?
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4349 on: 30/11/2015 22:59:12 »


I stand cornected !





corn u copia with all these corrections?

How do I cope with change?

I put it in the parking meter.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4349 on: 30/11/2015 22:59:12 »

 

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