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Author Topic: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?  (Read 957386 times)

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #675 on: 15/10/2010 14:50:08 »
Man walks in to wine store and ask's

"Can you recommend a good port?"

Sales assistant says

"Yes, Southampton".
 

Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #676 on: 15/10/2010 18:20:19 »
A man is walking along the road with a banana stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a banana in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"I can't hear you. I've got a banana in my ear."

-------------------------------------------------------------


A man is walking along the road with a lemon stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a lemon in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"You've heard of a hearing aid? This is a lemon aid."
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #677 on: 15/10/2010 18:31:33 »


Unfortunately, no one won the lemon eating contest. They all went home with a sour-taste in their mouth.

 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #678 on: 15/10/2010 18:36:40 »

Man walks in to wine store and ask's

"Can you recommend a good port?"

Sales assistant says

"Yes, Southampton".


Funny : - )

The wine store manager locks up his best wine in a cabernet.
« Last Edit: 15/10/2010 18:39:44 by demografx »
 

Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #679 on: 16/10/2010 12:41:37 »
A man is walking along the road with a banana stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a banana in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"I can't hear you. I've got a banana in my ear."

-------------------------------------------------------------


A man is walking along the road with a lemon stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a lemon in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"You've heard of a hearing aid? This is a lemon aid."


Another man had a sponge, jelly and fruit in his ear, he was a trifle deaf.
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #680 on: 16/10/2010 22:27:06 »


A man walks into a doctor's office.  He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #681 on: 16/10/2010 22:35:17 »


(There are similar tales concerning Algie and Bessie)


Let's hear 'em!
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #682 on: 16/10/2010 22:41:34 »


I mean, let's ear 'em.
 

Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #683 on: 16/10/2010 22:51:07 »


(There are similar tales concerning Algie and Bessie)


Let's hear 'em!


Ah, well see, Bessie met a bus. Algie, on the other hand, met a bear. You might try to finish 'em.
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #684 on: 16/10/2010 23:01:55 »

Bessie met the bus and the bus met Bessie

The bus was messy and the mess was Bessie

Algy met a bear,

A bear met Algy,

The bear was bulgy,

The bulge was Algy.
 

Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #685 on: 17/10/2010 00:17:50 »
You got it! The bulgy one is slightly trickier.

There may have been others, but I can't remember. Oh! Wait, there was Mickey too. I think he met a train.
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #686 on: 17/10/2010 00:37:43 »

Stumped by Mickey.

But it didn't ruin my train of thought.

 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #687 on: 17/10/2010 00:42:15 »
Wasn't your train of thought a bit sticky?
 

Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #688 on: 17/10/2010 02:53:48 »
Wasn't your train of thought a bit sticky?

Depends on what substance has cause Demo to become sticky. Is it Jam? Is it ham? Is it Lemon Curd or is it a brown ****?

I could go on but it would just get more nasty. I'll quit here.
 
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #689 on: 17/10/2010 03:33:42 »
Jam?

Ham?

Green eggs and ham?

I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!!



« Last Edit: 17/10/2010 07:50:03 by demografx »
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #690 on: 17/10/2010 03:36:03 »

Wasn't your train of thought a bit sticky?


Depends on what substance has cause Demo to become sticky. Is it Jam? Is it ham? Is it Lemon Curd or is it a brown ****?

I could go on but it would just get more nasty. I'll quit here.
 

A sticky situation, indeed!

 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #691 on: 18/10/2010 07:23:11 »




The science teachers broke up because there was no chemistry between them.


 

Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #692 on: 19/10/2010 18:38:17 »
A man was walking along the road with a kipper stuck in his ear.

This other guy comes up to him and says,

"Do you know you've got a kipper in your ear?"

To which the man replies,

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak up. I'm a bit hard of herring."
« Last Edit: 19/10/2010 18:42:11 by Geezer »
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #693 on: 19/10/2010 18:41:47 »
A man was walking along the road with a tooth stuck in his ear, no, really....

"In an unusual case, a 47-year old former miner in Britain was finally able get rid of his earache after doctors removed a tooth that had got stuck in his ear"

http://medindia.net/news/Doctors-Remove-Tooth-from-Ear-75535-1.htm
 

Offline RD

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #694 on: 19/10/2010 18:56:10 »
A man was walking along the road with a tooth stuck in his ear, no, really....

"In an unusual case, a 47-year old former miner in Britain was finally able get rid of his earache after doctors removed a tooth that had got stuck in his ear"

http://medindia.net/news/Doctors-Remove-Tooth-from-Ear-75535-1.htm


http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/205967/Man-loses-tooth-from-ear

Tooth-fairy related incident ?, (tooth placed under pillow ends up in lughole ?).
« Last Edit: 19/10/2010 19:00:09 by RD »
 

Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #695 on: 19/10/2010 20:02:57 »
Wonder if the tooth fairy will pay interest on the payment, as after all the tooth has been in "storage" for over 40 years.......
 

Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #696 on: 19/10/2010 20:19:50 »
Two old geezers in adjacent beds in a hospital in Brighton, UK.

Geezer1: "Did you come 'ere to die?"

Geezer2: "No mate. I come 'ere yesterdie."
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #697 on: 21/10/2010 03:16:10 »

A man was walking along the road with a tooth stuck in his ear, no, really....

"In an unusual case, a 47-year old former miner in Britain was finally able get rid of his earache after doctors removed a tooth that had got stuck in his ear"

http://medindia.net/news/Doctors-Remove-Tooth-from-Ear-75535-1.htm


Fess up, Geezer, are you really telling the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #698 on: 21/10/2010 03:17:25 »

Wonder if the tooth fairy will pay interest on the payment, as after all the tooth has been in "storage" for over 40 years.......


Interesting, Sean.
 

Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #699 on: 21/10/2010 03:21:13 »

A man was walking along the road with a kipper stuck in his ear.

This other guy comes up to him and says,

"Do you know you've got a kipper in your ear?"

To which the man replies,

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak up. I'm a bit hard of herring."


They were going to cancel the fishing season due to red tape, but it turned out to be a red herring.
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #699 on: 21/10/2010 03:21:13 »

 

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