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Author Topic: Deep Thoughts  (Read 2553 times)

Offline The Chief

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Deep Thoughts
« on: 02/02/2006 19:33:40 »
Deep Thoughts


1. Why do pyjamas have pockets?
2. Does anybody actually enjoy the music they hear when they're on "hold"?
3. Why is it called a hamburger when it is beef?
4. Why are they called apartments when they're all together?
5. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
6. How come permanents are temporary?
7. Before they invented golf balls, how did they measure hail stones?
8. Why aren't they called bakies instead of cookies?
9. Why isn't the word "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?
10. Do you need a silencer to shoot a mime?
11. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
12. How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?
13. If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?  
14. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they make the Teflon stick to the pan?
15. Since cats always land on their feet & buttered toast always lands butter-side down, what would happen if you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and tossed it?
16. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
17. Why do Americans drive on parkways and park on driveways?
18. Why is it cargo on a ship and a shipment in a car?
19. If the black box is indestructible, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
20. Why is it that while you are driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
21. Will they let you buy anything specific at a general store?
22. Where do you park if you work at a fire hydrant factory?
23. When will they make a decaffeinated coffee table?
24. What is another word for thesaurus?
25. What did cured ham have before it was cured?
26. What is an occasional table when it is not a table?
27. Why is abbreviated such a long word?
28. Do vegetarians ever eat animal crackers?
29. Why do women open their mouths when they put on mascara?
30. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
31. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
32. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
33. What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
34. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
35. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
36. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
37. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
38. How do you know when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
39. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
40. When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
41. Why do they call it a TV Set when you only get one?
42. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
43. What happens if you can't remember where you planted your forget-me-nots?
44. What does a compass do at the North Pole?
45. How do they get deer to cross the roads at those warning signs?
46. Why do they call it "raising" a building when they tear it down?
47. When an alarm sounds, why do we say it goes "off"?
48. Why do elevators go down?
49. Why is quicksand so slow?
50. Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
51. Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
52. If knees bent backwards, what would chairs look like?
53. When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
54. How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
55. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
56. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
57. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
58. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
59. Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
60. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
61. What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
62. Why do light switches say on/off? When it is on you can see it is on and when it is off you can't see to read?
63. Does a goose get people bumps?
64. Who invented the dickey bow? And Why?
65. Why do they call it evaporated milk if it's still there when you open the can?
66. Who decides it's "I" before "E" except after "C"?
67. If we smoke in smoking jackets, and we sleep in sleeping bags, what do we do in wind breakers?


 

Offline tony6789

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Re: Deep Thoughts
« Reply #1 on: 03/02/2006 19:23:38 »
I have no idea

- Big T
 

another_someone

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Re: Deep Thoughts
« Reply #2 on: 04/02/2006 04:44:26 »
quote:
Originally posted by The Chief

3. Why is it called a hamburger when it is beef?




Is there a river called beef, or a town called beefburg?

quote:


9. Why isn't the word "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?




Because it is spelled the way it  is pronounced, and phonetic is spelled the way phonetic is pronounced.

quote:


12. How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?




He doesn't, which is why the snow plough never gets here.

quote:


16. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?




You cannot switch on the lights.  If you are moving at the speed of light, then time stands still, so you can never get to the light switch to switch them on.

quote:


17. Why do Americans drive on parkways and park on driveways?




Well, you know what American driving is like do you really need to ask such questions?

quote:


27. Why is abbreviated such a long word?




What is the point of abbreviating a short word?

quote:


28. Do vegetarians ever eat animal crackers?




Would that not be cannibalism?

quote:


47. When an alarm sounds, why do we say it goes "off"?




Because it has clearly reached its sell by date (look back to your question about sour cream).

quote:


48. Why do elevators go down?




Because when they go down, you are elevated above them.

quote:

 
49. Why is quicksand so slow?




Have you seen the speed of slow sand?

quote:


50. Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?




If you gave them mouse flavoured cat food, what incentive would they have to catch the mice?

quote:


51. Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?




Do you?  I don't do either.

quote:


52. If knees bent backwards, what would chairs look like?




Broken.

quote:


58. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?




If I am anything to go by, definitely not!

quote:


59. Why does your nose run and your feet smell?




You need to ask?  If your feet smell as mine do, what self respecting nose would stand for it.

quote:

 
62. Why do light switches say on/off? When it is on you can see it is on and when it is off you can't see to read?
63. Does a goose get people bumps?




When the light is switched off, then probably.

quote:


64. Who invented the dickey bow? And Why?




Could it per chance have been dickey?  I never did ask him why he did it.
« Last Edit: 04/02/2006 05:09:42 by another_someone »
 

Offline Ray hinton

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Re: Deep Thoughts
« Reply #3 on: 12/02/2006 22:23:59 »
quote:
64. Who invented the dickey bow? And Why

RICHARD ARCHER.[^]

RE-HAB IS FOR QUITTERS.
 

The Naked Scientists Forum

Re: Deep Thoughts
« Reply #3 on: 12/02/2006 22:23:59 »

 

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