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Author Topic: SCIENCE JOKES  (Read 8318 times)

Offline ukmicky

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SCIENCE JOKES
« on: 11/03/2006 01:27:11 »
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room. So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range. There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again. Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.


Michael


 

Offline ariel

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #1 on: 11/03/2006 01:44:28 »
well here are some really bad science jokes! :D

I found your joke on the same site I got them from:

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?Only one, but it takes eight million years.

How does the barber cut the moon's hair?
Eclipse it.

and quite possibly the most cliche pun of all time :)

Geologists are gneiss people.   [^]
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #2 on: 11/03/2006 02:00:13 »
Q) How many quantum theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A) No-one knows for certain.

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Offline Hadrian

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #3 on: 14/03/2006 18:35:03 »
Did you hear about the statistician who invented a device to
measure the weight of trees?


It's referred to as the log scale.

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.
 

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #4 on: 14/03/2006 18:43:05 »
quote:
Originally posted by DoctorBeaver

Q) How many quantum theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A) No-one knows for certain.

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Or if they did, they could not know exactly where they were.



George
 

Offline Hadrian

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #5 on: 14/03/2006 19:50:00 »
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Gimme a Mexican beer."
Instead of handing him a beer, though, the bartender starts shouting "Okay,
everybody out!  Right now!  Out you go!" and herds everyone out into the
street.  The solar physicist shakes his head sadly.  "Dang," he remarks,
"should've seen that Corona mass ejection coming."

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #6 on: 14/03/2006 21:27:40 »
quote:
Originally posted by Hadrian

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Gimme a Mexican beer."
Instead of handing him a beer, though, the bartender starts shouting "Okay,
everybody out!  Right now!  Out you go!" and herds everyone out into the
street.  The solar physicist shakes his head sadly.  "Dang," he remarks,
"should've seen that Corona mass ejection coming."

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.




I'm not even going to pretend I understand that 1 :(

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Offline ariel

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #7 on: 15/03/2006 02:29:20 »
yeah i dont get
 

Offline ariel

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #8 on: 15/03/2006 02:30:02 »
corona means crown in spanish!
thats why there's a crown on the beer's label!
hooray, i got that!
 

Offline Hadrian

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #9 on: 15/03/2006 12:38:21 »
quote:
Originally posted by ariel

corona means crown in spanish!
thats why there's a crown on the beer's label!
hooray, i got that!



yea you the one

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.
 

Offline Hadrian

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #10 on: 15/03/2006 12:52:23 »
Three men are in a hot-air balloon.  Soon, they find themselves lost
in a canyon somewhere.  One of the three men says, "I've got an idea.
We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices
far."

So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are
we?" (They hear the echo several times.)

15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo!  You're
lost!!"

One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician."

Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"

The reply: "For three reasons.  (1) he took a long time to answer, (2)
he was absolutely correct, and (3) his answer was absolutely useless."

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.
 

Offline MayoFlyFarmer

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #11 on: 16/03/2006 03:31:24 »
more of a statement/quote than a joke, but:

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate"

har, har, har.....  (I have that one posted above my desk at work)

Are YOUR mice nude? ;)
 

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Re: SCIENCE JOKES
« Reply #11 on: 16/03/2006 03:31:24 »

 

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