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Author Topic: New Crock !!  (Read 4254 times)

Offline JimBob

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New Crock !!
« on: 01/04/2006 06:26:29 »
New Crocodylidae Identified in Borneo

March, 31, 2006
by Richard Atenvillage

Professor N. Evelyn Isimbard LeNuge, E.P., of the British Museum in Luton announced Friday at the Annual Meeting of the British Society of Chiropodist at Stoke-on-Trent that he and his fellow biologist, Doctor B. E. V. Caster, of the well know Liverpool band, Purple Haired Trolley Car, had recovered and named specimens of a here-to-fore unknown species of Crocodylidae (the crocodiles). The discovery, made whilst on a honeymoon trip to the Sultanate of Brunei on the island of Borneo, is the 14th living member of this vertebrate taxonomic Family.

The honeymoon-expedition, sponsored by the Sultan himself and escorted by a platoon of the Royal Gurkha Rifles detached from "century" duty in the Brunei oil fields, traveled up the Panglongockinrok River to Lake Qw, where camp was supported by 12 cooks, 31 hunters, 58 plantain pickers and breadfruit diggers, 10 drink boys, and a silver Queen Anne tea service. Forty two million mosquitos per cubic meter regrettably necessitated 20,000 litres of gin and 8,000 litres of quinine water that were, of course, part of the supplies - above and beyond the 270 casks of dry and sweet sherry and the same number of casks of Maderian port.

Whilst relaxing one evening Evelyn, or "Ev-e" as he was affectionately known around camp, was eating a white sweetmeat from an unknown animal and inquired of the head steward of its provenance. After inquiring of the hunters, the steward reported none could identify from which carcass the sweetmeats came. B.E.V. became somewhat unhinged, mumbling something about php's, and slumped into a stupor. The camp retired for the night.

The next day break, B.E.V. knew he had a mission to perform but could not remember what this task was. Taking his Webley Mark II elephant gun and 1973 rounds of .69 caliber ammunition, Doctor C. began shooting everything in site. By noon, drenched in sweat, even though he contends at his club he never perspires, B.E.V. stumbled back into camp, leading all of the 728 porters carrying 601 creatures. It was at this point the new crocodile was discovered.

Controversy surrounds the following events. It was later reported by the BBC that at this point the camp was attacked by a huge flock of carnivorous flying foxes. Only one of the porters, all of the Gurkhas with very bloody kikri's, Doctor Caster and Professor LaNuge and a few straglers returned to civilization with several specimens of the new crocodile that week. It was a muddy, slogging, leach-plagued 12 mile treck.

Subsequent descriptive anatomy studies by the two scientist were performed, resulting in the identification of a new species. Named Crocodylus pseudoephemiri, it has been accepted by the Linneaus Society as the first new Crocodylidae species to be named in over 100 years.                                
                                 
Presenting their findings, Professor LaNuge was resplendent in a orange taffeta suit and Italian loafers, while Doctor Caster turned out in a stunning black silk v-necked shirt and pants, accessorized by the obligatory single string of pearls, matching Crocodylus pseudoephemiri pumps and handbag, crowned by a lovely 43 carat diamond tiara.

Refreshments were served.





4-01-06

The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein
« Last Edit: 01/04/2006 06:36:32 by JimBob »


 

Offline Ophiolite

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #1 on: 01/04/2006 10:12:05 »
This is April 1, right? The story is ridiculoous. No one would transport a Maderia into the field in casks! Certainly not anyone with a British education.

Observe; collate; conjecture; analyse; hypothesise; test; validate; theorise. Repeat until complete.
« Last Edit: 01/04/2006 10:14:06 by Ophiolite »
 

another_someone

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #2 on: 01/04/2006 13:55:15 »
Well, I live but a few miles from Luton, and there ain't no British Museum there.



George
 

Offline neilep

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #3 on: 01/04/2006 14:12:41 »
It all seems perfectly plausible to me.
 

Offline Ophiolite

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #4 on: 01/04/2006 18:11:56 »
quote:
Originally posted by another_someone
Well, I live but a few miles from Luton, and there ain't no British Museum there.

It was stolen in the Great British Museum Robbery of 2003. 1,347 thieves, posing as museum visitors, removed it piece by piece over the course of a weekend. They were only captured when they foolishly reassembled it in the service area at Knutsford on the M6, while waiting for coffee.

Observe; collate; conjecture; analyse; hypothesise; test; validate; theorise. Repeat until complete.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #5 on: 02/04/2006 02:01:47 »
Very good, Jim. I'm proud to have been able to provide the inspiration for such a wonderfully ripping yarn! :)

However, I actually took claret not Madeira, and tequila not gin. Also, my Gurkhas were carrying kukris not kikris. "Lake Qw" is not accurate. When we asked the chief of the local native tribe what they called the lake, he replied "Far Qw" (at least I think that's what he said)

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Offline neilep

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #6 on: 02/04/2006 02:48:54 »
:DHmmm !!......*ponders* I wonder if there have been any other April Fool posts ? ;)

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #7 on: 02/04/2006 02:57:12 »
quote:
Originally posted by neilep

:DHmmm !!......*ponders* I wonder if there have been any other April Fool posts ? ;)

Men are the same as women, just inside out !



Perhaps you should GOOGLE "April 1st and Moon" :D

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Offline JimBob

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #8 on: 02/04/2006 03:03:41 »
WOT ? I create a lovely April 1st tribute to my most gracious friends, Neilep and DoctorBeaver, manage to - BY MISTAKE - type a "i" instead of a "u" (they ARE next to each other on the keyboard)and you get up my nose about it? Your so ungreatful, so unremorseful about criticising your most humble servant, devoté and disciple. I should delete this whole thing, send you two back to Borneo where the Gurkhas can taker their frustrations out on you with their kUkris's.

Gaud! How revolting!




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« Last Edit: 02/04/2006 03:10:34 by JimBob »
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #9 on: 02/04/2006 03:05:55 »
quote:
Originally posted by DoctorBeaver

Very good, Jim. I'm proud to have been able to provide the inspiration for such a wonderfully ripping yarn! :)




Was that not sufficient to show my appreciation? :(

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Offline JimBob

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #10 on: 02/04/2006 03:13:48 »
I am appreciative. Check you mail, there's a warning.

JB

I'm watching "Shaun of the Dead" on CineMax



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Offline neilep

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #11 on: 02/04/2006 03:40:38 »
quote:
Originally posted by JimBob

WOT ? I create a lovely April 1st tribute to my most gracious friends, Neilep and DoctorBeaver, manage to - BY MISTAKE - type a "i" instead of a "u" (they ARE next to each other on the keyboard)and you get up my nose about it? Your so ungreatful, so unremorseful about criticising your most humble servant, devoté and disciple. I should delete this whole thing, send you two back to Borneo where the Gurkhas can taker their frustrations out on you with their kUkris's.

Gaud! How revolting!




The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein





:D:DI'll admit it old chap !...The penny just dropped pour good old moi !!......I'm a Professor !!  YAYYYY !!!...


Thank you JimBob !! ;)

*chokes, holds back tears of joy*

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Offline JimBob

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #12 on: 02/04/2006 03:45:36 »
It is only 8:43 PM here, 24 hours on the nose it will be 9:43 PM.



The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein
 

Offline JimBob

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #13 on: 02/04/2006 06:04:37 »
quote:
Originally posted by DoctorBeaver



........

Was that not sufficient to show my appreciation? :(

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I may be slow to catch on and you solicited the desired reaction to your dissapointment. I was manipuleted into the desired response. BUT forewarnd is forarmed.  [:X]

Ya got me, old boy!   just watch out [B)] [}:)] [}:)] [}:)]

The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein
 

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Re: New Crock !!
« Reply #13 on: 02/04/2006 06:04:37 »

 

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