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Author Topic: Why Does Some Poo Float ?  (Read 7681 times)

Offline neilep

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« on: 27/10/2011 12:04:53 »
I don't wish to boast or even gloat
But I have poo that sometimes floats
Can ewe explain why this should do
That in my toilet is a floating poo ?

I'm sure I'm not the only one
Who has this gift passed from their bum
So please your knowledge here do tell
And I'll celebrate with a pooey smell !




*le hugs*




 

Offline Bored chemist

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #1 on: 27/10/2011 18:51:13 »
The buoyancy of fart.
 

Offline SeanB

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #2 on: 27/10/2011 22:04:48 »
 

Offline krool1969

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #3 on: 28/10/2011 20:56:30 »
depends largely on the dencity. Digestion varies greatly on how much water is left before final excrement.

If too much water is left over we have diarrhea. if too litter we are constipated. If your system is running normally your poo should be neutrally buoyant (it will sometimes float). I'm sorry to say you're not special.
 

Offline Geezer

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #4 on: 29/10/2011 00:32:09 »
I once knew a guy who's favorite punchline was -

"Do not pull the plug mother. I like to see them floating."
 

Offline cheryl j

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #5 on: 29/10/2011 01:12:32 »
probaby unabsorbed fat or fiber content.
 

Offline Don_1

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #6 on: 29/10/2011 12:36:24 »
‘Twas in the harbour
Relaxing on his boat
An angler boasted
Of a turd that did float

With arms outstretched
He did lie and say
Twas this big and you
Should have seen the one that got away

What was it that
Made this turd so buoy-ant
So the angler could
Paint a picture like Rembrandt.

Twas in the food
The excreter consumed
Which also made it
Heavily perfumed.

This turd was large
And full of gas
It must have been eyewatering
As it came out his ass.

These floating turds
Are really a worry
‘cause they don’t break down
In much of a hurry

Can we stop them
Being so light?
What can we do
To correct such shite

Arrest that Sheepy
Throw him in cell
Leave him there
‘till his turds sink without smell

Or we could
At the very least
Change his diet
To eat less yeast.
 

Offline neilep

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Offline neilep

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #8 on: 29/10/2011 14:15:50 »
depends largely on the dencity. Digestion varies greatly on how much water is left before final excrement.

If too much water is left over we have diarrhea. if too litter we are constipated. If your system is running normally your poo should be neutrally buoyant (it will sometimes float). I'm sorry to say you're not special.

Aww thanks !...I think though that not being special .......makes me special !!
 

Offline neilep

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #9 on: 29/10/2011 14:16:38 »
I once knew a guy who's favorite punchline was -

"Do not pull the plug mother. I like to see them floating."

Crapus In bathus !...we've all done it !..................erhmm...haven't we ? !!
 

Offline neilep

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #10 on: 29/10/2011 14:17:59 »
probaby unabsorbed fat or fiber content.

Thansk Cheryl !...So..A high fibre and /or high fat content meal may explain it !...I'll have to empirically study this now !
 

Offline neilep

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #11 on: 29/10/2011 14:19:26 »
‘Twas in the harbour
Relaxing on his boat
An angler boasted
Of a turd that did float

With arms outstretched
He did lie and say
Twas this big and you
Should have seen the one that got away

What was it that
Made this turd so buoy-ant
So the angler could
Paint a picture like Rembrandt.

Twas in the food
The excreter consumed
Which also made it
Heavily perfumed.

This turd was large
And full of gas
It must have been eyewatering
As it came out his ass.

These floating turds
Are really a worry
‘cause they don’t break down
In much of a hurry

Can we stop them
Being so light?
What can we do
To correct such shite

Arrest that Sheepy
Throw him in cell
Leave him there
‘till his turds sink without smell

Or we could
At the very least
Change his diet
To eat less yeast.


But I luff Marmite
The Yeast Extract
It’s My favourite spread
As a matter of fact

And now I’m arrested
Here in Jail
With Other inmates
Whom I can tell

Want to play with sheepie
They think that he’s a dope
As they make me pickup
The bar of soap !

Thankfully so
Due to flatulance
They’ve left alone
My ovine entrance

A word with the police
And they know I’ve not done wrong
They’ve got the wrong suspect
They’re now after Don !  ;D
 

Offline Don_1

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #12 on: 29/10/2011 19:21:14 »
Oh my Gawd
What is to be done
They’ll surely see
It didn’t come out of my bum

But Sheepy’s put
The fuzz on my trail
I must do a runner
By road or by rail

Off to bed
For a good night’s kip
And on the morrow
By road to the ship

I’ll wave goodbye
Though it will hurt
To dear old Blighty
As I make for Frankfurt

The cops are stupid
They say they’re burks all
I’ll seek assistance
From Angela Merkel

As I am crossing
The sea to France
I’ll put all on board
Into a trance

Now comes the twist
Which I must hide
Midway across I’ll drop
A floater over the side

Upon the offending
Lump of turd
I’ll make the mark
Of that Sheepy’s herd.

They’ll soon have him back
In the clink
For making a hideous
Pen and ink

To make it known
Who took away his hope
I’ll send him a sign
Some soap on a rope
« Last Edit: 29/10/2011 19:23:55 by Don_1 »
 

Offline neilep

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #13 on: 29/10/2011 21:38:36 »
Behind the boat
Swimming with net
To catch the log
Is me ewe bet

With chisel in hoof
And signature of Don
I'll remake the sign
To show that I'm done

Ewe may be in Frankfurt
Enjoying the lovage
But betrayal's in the sea
In the shape of a sausage

So enjoy your trip
Your German day out
For it's soon to be changed
By a sour krout !

A guffaw, a chortle
A snigger or two
Remember this  note
That "I love ewe"

oh...

The rope soap ewe sent
I'm having great fun
A motor attached
And  now up my bum !  ::)


 

Offline Bored chemist

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #14 on: 30/10/2011 09:40:11 »
That's a bit like poetry.
 

Offline Titanscape

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #15 on: 30/10/2011 12:47:13 »
Poo is fizzy with methane.
 

Offline Don_1

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #16 on: 01/11/2011 14:37:14 »
That Sheepie is
Too klever by half
He plans to have
The last laugh

He jumped in the sea
Following the ships funnel
But I done fooled him
I went on the Chunnel

To release a floater
That was my goal
So half way through
I drilled a hole

My plan, it seems
Wasn't a good idea
For in flowed a liquid
And it wasn't beer

Oh goodness gracious
And mercy be
What had I done?
I'd let in the sea

What should I do
I mused quite confounded
If I don't plug this hole
All the ships will be grounded

And not only that
You great big lud
Each side of the tunnel
Will begin to flood

I looked at the floater
With excited eyes
'twas bigger than the hole
I did realise

I squeezed it hard
Some gases to expel
Rammed it in the hole
As quick as hell

With bicycle pump
I went at a rate
The floater for
To re-inflate

And with the hole
Well and truly rammed
I thought I'd better
Go to wash my hand

My dastardly plan
Has all gone wrong
But the Chunnel is safe
Barring a hideous pong

And when they find
That plugged up leak
The Chunnel's saviour
They will seek

And as the floater
They inspect
'tis Sheepies signature
They will detect

They'll shower him
With kisses and a gift
And all I got was
A hand full of..........

Damnation, I can't think of a final word.....
« Last Edit: 01/11/2011 14:40:39 by Don_1 »
 

Offline neilep

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #17 on: 01/11/2011 15:02:05 »
LOL..I can't top that !!....ewe are da man !!

Don's a poet
And doesn't know it !
 

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Why Does Some Poo Float ?
« Reply #17 on: 01/11/2011 15:02:05 »

 

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