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Author Topic: anxiety, obsessive compulsive thoughts.  (Read 3231 times)

Offline sassafrass

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anxiety, obsessive compulsive thoughts.
« on: 10/12/2011 05:18:21 »
i am a 19 year old female. I've always been very anxious, but I've had one problem that has bothered me very much lately. since as far back as i can remember, i always knew what sex was. i assumed this was because i was sexually abused when i was very very young, but i have never dealt with it or thought it had made a huge difference in my life. i thought i should just ignore it, but that hasn't been so easy. in the past couple months i have been babysitting kids. do not get me wrong, i would NEVER abuse a child. i would never even think that it was okay, and there is no bone in my body that would ever want to. i have noticed, though, that when i change diapers & change the kids' clothes, that i start to think about what happened to me when i was young and i just can't get past it. this has been over 15 years ago, but i still can't stop thinking about it, it makes me feel sick when i take care of these kids. not because i want to do anything to them, i just can't stop thinking of what had happened to me. what am i supposed to do about it? i have made this my living, i love kids. I've noticed with my anxiety that if i drink or do any other drugs it has made it worse, so i have abstained from alcohol & any other drugs just because it makes me anxious. it hasn't helped the anxiety at all, but i know it hasn't made it worse. i am not on any medications & i would prefer to keep it that way, but if a medication is the only answer, then i would definitely consider it. that would be my last choice though. before i go seek actual (costly) medical advice, want to know if anyone thinks this is just anxiety or if it obsessive compulsive thinking. i will be happy to answer any questions.


Offline MikeS

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anxiety, obsessive compulsive thoughts.
« Reply #1 on: 10/12/2011 08:15:17 »
It sounds to my very non expert ears that it may well be a mixture of anxiety and obsessive compulsive thinking.  I know this isn't what you want to hear but have you considered a change of career?  Removing yourself from the circumstances that cause the constant reminders should help a lot.  Failing that, it seems to me, that the problem is not going to go away on its own and may possibly get worse, requiring some kind of medical intervention, counselling etc..  Sorry I can't be more helpful.

Offline CliffordK

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« Reply #2 on: 10/12/2011 09:35:37 »
I suppose my question is about what you are feeling when you are around the young children.  I agree that thoughts and actions are not necessarily connected. 

  • Are you feeling sexually attracted/stimulated/wishing to repeat the experience with a child?
  • Or are your thoughts turned internally about what happened to you...  and perhaps feeling a deep empathy for what could potentially happen to children?  Or, perhaps hatred for the perpetrator of the actions against you?

Certainly if you are in the first category, and feel any desire to harm a child (acted on or not), you would need to extricate yourself from that situation.

In the second case, you would be feeling empathy with the children, perhaps even despair with your own situation, but hopefully without negativity directed towards the children.  This (along with your past) could negatively impact your personal social life.  It is something that you will have to learn to deal with.  Certainly you would have to be aware of a risk of blaming the children for your past, or resenting the children, and thus inadvertently bringing harm to the children.

I would encourage you to explore mental health resources that are available to you.  There may be some women's and battered women's resources that would be available to you for free, or at low cost.

Many universities also have free counseling for their students.

Keep in mind that at some point you may choose to have your own children.

Offline Dimz

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anxiety, obsessive compulsive thoughts.
« Reply #3 on: 10/12/2011 18:39:38 »
Sounds like you need counselling.

As CliffordUK said, you need to learn how to deal with it, however that is easy to say and bloody hard to do. Counseling and relating to people who have gone through the same ordeals can be essential to recovery for people who have anxiety induced by previous traumatic experiences. It is clearly affecting you and has laid down foundations in your brain, although you may not be consciously aware of it most of the time.

The first thing to realise is that other people have gone through the same stuff. The reason I say this is, usually anxiety comes, and then depression sets on after, and depression is normally always accompanied by the feelings of loneliness or segregation. If you feel like that, or feel like you may start feeling like that, talking to support groups set up for victims of this type of abuse would be a good idea, I think. I have never had to deal with anything like this, however I myself went to support groups for people who had suffered from a particular kind of abuse. I found it was a great way to empathise with other people and even get advice on how to deal with it. There are stages of emotions to these kinds of behaviours, and going to groups will introduce you to people who are at different stages, and give you the tools to deal with your issues and lead a normal life without having a dark cloud hanging over you.

Seek local, free support groups. Perhaps call up the local governing council and ask if they know of any nearby groups who are active. They are normally run by people who have been victims themselves, and are therefore normally very understanding and open to anybody in your position.

Offline yor_on

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anxiety, obsessive compulsive thoughts.
« Reply #4 on: 11/12/2011 13:15:38 »
Don't worry too much about your feelings Sassafrass. They're normal and also a part of the moving forward, but you need to get someone to talk about it with. You're not alone in having experienced sexual abuse, and I know that most remember it for the rest of their lives. But it will change with age and experience, and finding someone you can tell about it will help you put it in perspective.

I looked at the net and found

Dancing In The Darkness And there are several others existing. You might want to try to write about it too, it can help just to let it out. And those violating your human rights of protection and shelter can burn in hell for all I care.

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anxiety, obsessive compulsive thoughts.
« Reply #4 on: 11/12/2011 13:15:38 »


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