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Author Topic: How many calories in semen ?  (Read 579412 times)

paulat

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How many calories in semen ?
« on: 11/01/2003 16:44:38 »
A weight-conscious friend (no really a real friend who exists !) was asking me the other day how many calories there are in semen ?

Does anyone know ?

PT

chris

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #1 on: 11/01/2003 17:01:36 »
The average ejaculate, laden with between 200 and 300 million sperm, amounts to about about 5 calories.

These are derived from protein, including enzymes, and sugars (mainly fructose) secreted into semen by the prostate gland to provide the sperm with the energy to swim.

Other 'ingredients' present in semen include :

Water
Vitamin C
Citric acid
Phosphate and bicarbonates, to regulate acidity  
Zinc
Prostaglandins

For comparison, a greasy cheeseburger contains over 500 calories, so to equal one junk-food attack you'd need to gulp down over 100 ejaculates. Comforting thought...
« Last Edit: 16/06/2003 21:25:05 by Exodus »

Donnah

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #2 on: 07/04/2003 00:23:34 »
Well, Paula, surely your friend will work off more than five calories obtaining her.....er, nutrient.

paulat

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #3 on: 24/04/2003 17:20:35 »
Yeah and it tastes better than CJMcD too !

PT

Donnah

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #4 on: 24/04/2003 23:27:51 »
Was the "source" consuming pineapple and lemon as Exodus was asking about?  I think pretty much anything tastes better than Mikey D.'s offerings of coffee, plastic burgers, and edible oil products ([:p]YUM!!!).

chris

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #5 on: 25/04/2003 09:34:51 »
What I want to know is when someone is going to sue McD's for false advertising ?

Has ANYONE on this forum EVER bought ANYTHING in McDonalds that bears even a vague resemblance to the colour-enhanced PERFECT-BURGER that graces the garish plastic window dressing above the serving area in their restaurants ?

Chris

Exodus

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #6 on: 25/04/2003 11:16:35 »
do you mean like this
www.mcdonalds.co.uk/ourfood/

Their coffee is pretty crap too, tasteless and too hot! If i had to make the choice, KFC all the way.

Thats Economics...

chris

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #7 on: 25/04/2003 17:19:40 »
what, you mean that bogus colonel ?

Donnah

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #8 on: 25/04/2003 18:53:02 »
I agree with Exodus on the KFC chicken[:p], but the coffee has got to be Tim Horton's.  The only problem is that Timmy is making it awfully hard for me to spare my kidneys and quit coffee:(.

I agree with Chris on the McD. advertising.  Tasty, Juicy, Fresh, Fruity?  Edible oil products that are fresh as compared to what, recycled motor oilxx(?

By the way, did you know that the police frequently visit Timmy's for a dose of THC :o) (that's Tim Horton's Coffee)?

Exodus

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #9 on: 25/04/2003 23:52:47 »
Tim Hortons coffee? never heard of it... to be honest i dont care what the coffee is as long as i get my caffeine fix to avoid headaches/withdrawal etc...

Thats Economics...

chris

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #10 on: 27/04/2003 15:25:57 »
I had to cut down on coffee because it was producing negative side effects. I couldn't get up in the morning (that's improved slightly since cutting down) and I couldn't thnk straight without a coffee. I also suffered headaches if I missed out the morning 'dose', and had trouble going to bed at a reasonable time at night because I was so wired by the end of the day. 8)

I have switched to Tea instead which seems to have fewer side effects;).

Chris

Exodus

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #11 on: 28/04/2003 10:04:03 »
The following chemicals are found in coffee... quite amazing really!
I still cant give it up though!

2,3,5-TRIMETHYLPHENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

2-ETHYLPHENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

2-METHOXY-4-ETHYLPHENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

24-METHYLENE-CYCLOARTENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

24-METHYLENEPHENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

3,4-DICAFFEOYL-QUINIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

3,5-DICAFFEOYL-QUINIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

4,5-DICAFFEOYL-QUINIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

4-ETHYLPHENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

4-METHOXY-4-VINYLPHENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

5-AVENASTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

7-STIGMASTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

ACETALDEHYDE Seed: DUKE1992A

ADENINE Seed: DUKE1992A

ALLANTOIC-ACID Leaf: DUKE1992A

ALLANTOIN Leaf: DUKE1992A

ALPHA-TOCOPHEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

ARABINOGALACTOSE Seed: DUKE1992A

ARABINOSE Seed: DUKE1992A

ARACHIDIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

ASH Seed 37,400 ppm; DUKE1992A

ASPARAGINE Seed: DUKE1992A

ASPARTIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

BETA-CAROTENE Leaf 20 - 25 ppm DUKE1992A

BETA-TOCOPHEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

CAFESTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

CAFESTOL Seed: DUKE1992A

CAFFEIC-ACID Leaf: DUKE1992A

CAFFEINE Seed 600 - 32,000 ppm DUKE1992A

CAFFEOL Seed: DUKE1992A

CAFFEOYL-3-QUINIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

CAFFETANNIC-ACID Seed 84,600 ppm; DUKE1992A

CAHWEOL Seed: DUKE1992A

CALCIUM Leaf 19,000 - 20,406 ppm DUKE1992A Seed 1,200 - 1,281 ppm DUKE1992A

CAMOESTANOL Seed: DUKE1992A

CAMPESTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

CAPRINIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

CARBOHYDRATES Leaf 666,000 - 712,000 ppm DUKE1992A Seed 600,000 - 728,000 ppm DUKE1992A

CARNAUBIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

CELLULOSE Seed: DUKE1992A

CHLOROGENIC-ACID Seed 50,000 - 100,000 ppm DUKE1992A

CHOLESTANOL Seed: DUKE1992A

CHOLESTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

CHOLINE Seed 300 ppm; DUKE1992A

CITRIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

CITROSTADIENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

COFFEASTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

CYANIDIN Plant: DUKE1992A

CYCLOEUCALENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

CYSTEINE Seed: DUKE1992A

CYSTINE Seed: DUKE1992A

DATURIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

DEXTRINS Seed 8,700 ppm; DUKE1992A

DIHYDROLANASTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

DIHYDROSITOSTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

DIMETHYL-5-ALPHA-CHOLEST-7-EN-3-BETA-OL Seed: DUKE1992A

DIMETHYL-5-ALPHA-CHOLEST-8-EN-3-BETA-OL Seed: DUKE1992A

ENT-16-KAUREN-19-OL Plant: DUKE1992A

EO Seed 1,000 - 2,000 ppm DUKE1992A

EUGENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

FAT Leaf 55,000 - 59,000 ppm DUKE1992A Seed 74,000 - 170,000 ppm DUKE1992A

FIBER Leaf 175,000 - 187,000 ppm DUKE1992A Seed 229,000 - 244,000 ppm DUKE1992A

FUFURYL-ALCOHOL Seed: DUKE1992A

FURFURALDEHYDE Seed: DUKE1992A

GALACTAN Seed: DUKE1992A

GALACTOMANNAN Seed: DUKE1992A

GAMMA-SITOSTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

GAMMA-TOCOPHEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

GLUCOGALACTOMANNAN Seed: DUKE1992A

GUAIACOL Seed: DUKE1992A

GUANOSINE Seed: DUKE1992A

HEMICELLULOSE Seed: DUKE1992A

HOMOCELLULOSE Seed: DUKE1992A

HYDROGEN-SULFIDE Seed: DUKE1992A

HYPOXANTHINE Seed: DUKE1992A

IRON Leaf 966 - 1,032 ppm DUKE1992A Seed 29 - 31 ppm DUKE1992A

ISOCHLOROGENIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

ISOEUGENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

LANOSTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

LIGNOCERIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

LINOLEIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

LINOLENIC-ACID Seed 33,300 - 72,000 ppm DUKE1992A

M-CRESOL Seed: DUKE1992A

MANNAN Seed: DUKE1992A

MANNOSE Seed: DUKE1992A

METHIONINE Seed: DUKE1992A

METHYL-1-5-ALPHA-STIGMAST-7-EN-3-BETA-OL Seed: DUKE1992A

MYRISTIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

N-NONACOSANE Seed: DUKE1992A

NIACIN Leaf 52 - 56 ppm DUKE1992A Seed 13 - 14 ppm DUKE1992A

NITROGEN Seed 16,000 - 23,000 ppm DUKE1992A

O-CRESOL Seed: DUKE1992A

O-XYLENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

OBTUSIFOLIOL Seed: DUKE1992A

OLEIC-ACID Seed 5,920 - 12,800 ppm DUKE1992A

OXALIC-ACID Fruit 154 ppm; DUKE1992A

P-COUMARIC-ACID Plant: DUKE1992A

P-CRESOL Seed: DUKE1992A

P-XYLENOL Seed: DUKE1992A

PALMITIC-ACID Seed 23,680 ppm; DUKE1992A

PECTIN Seed: DUKE1992A

PENTOSANE Seed: DUKE1992A

PENTOSANS Seed: DUKE1992A

PHOSPHORUS Leaf 1,700 - 1,816 ppm DUKE1992A Seed 1,780 - 1,900 ppm DUKE1992A

PROTEIN Leaf 99,000 ppm; DUKE1992A Seed 98,700 - 140,000 ppm DUKE1992A

PUTRESCINE Seed: DUKE1992A

RAFFINOSE Seed: DUKE1992A

RHAMNOSE Seed: DUKE1992A

RIBOFLAVIN Leaf 2 ppm; DUKE1992A Seed 1 ppm; DUKE1992A

SACCHAROSE Seed: DUKE1992A

SCOPOLETIN Seed: DUKE1992A

SINAPIC-ACID Plant: DUKE1992A

SPERMIDINE Seed: DUKE1992A

SPERMINE Seed: DUKE1992A

SQUALENE Seed: DUKE1992A

STACHYOSE Seed: DUKE1992A

STEARIC-ACID Seed 5,920 - 12,800 ppm DUKE1992A

STIGMASTEROL Seed: DUKE1992A

SUGAR Seed 4,300 ppm; DUKE1992A

TANNIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

TANNIN Seed 90,000 ppm; DUKE1992A

TETRACOSIC-ACID Seed: DUKE1992A

THEOBROMINE Leaf: DUKE1992A Seed 18 ppm; DUKE1992A

THEOPHYLLINE Leaf: DUKE1992A Seed: DUKE1992A

THIAMIN Seed 2 ppm; DUKE1992A

TRIGONELLINE Seed 3,000 - 13,000 ppm DUKE1992A

WATER Seed 60,000 - 100,000 ppm DUKE1992A

WAX Seed 10,000 - 14,000 ppm DUKE1992A

XANTHINE Seed: DUKE1992A

XYLAN Seed: DUKE1992A


Essentia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem...

Donnah

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #12 on: 28/04/2003 14:01:40 »
ARACHIDIC-ACID?  Sounds like spiders.  Must we grow everything ourselves if we don't want to be toxified or genetically modified?  

Are those chemicals naturally occurring, additives, or both?  Really, between this list and the potential extinction of animals via habitat destruction for coffee growth I think I can quit the stuff now.

Anything I should know about reverse-osmosis water?


Exodus

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #13 on: 30/04/2003 17:03:26 »
The chemicals above are from the plant and the beans.

Essentia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem...

Quantumcat

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #14 on: 05/05/2003 05:58:56 »
If you look on the ingredients list on the typical coffee tin, you'll see the only ingredients are coffee beans and preservatives. Every chemical mentioned above is made by the coffee bean plant. (I think)

I used to drink coffee every morning, but when I realised that the reason that in the afternoons: I was not really seeing everything properly, my brain didn't seem to want to co-operate with me, I felt all sleepy and stupid, I couldn't concentrate, and I kept falling asleep mid-lesson .... might be due to my daily dose of strong coffee, I quit it and had bad headaches for about a month ... but now I am completely not dependent on coffee ^_^ Which is doubly-important since I have physics, normal maths then AME on wednesday afternoons xx(

chris

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #15 on: 06/05/2003 01:05:54 »
I made the mistake of buying a jar of decaff instead of normal coffee and suffered terrible withdrawal effects including headaches, lethargy, inability to get going in the mornings. I only discovered the problem when I bought some proper coffee which cured me instantly !!

Ians Daddy

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #16 on: 16/06/2003 07:39:01 »
I made the mistake of sharing this new found knowledge of semenal calories at a meeting a few days ago. Some things just can't be shared anywhere. I got a few strange looks. Don't think I'll compare the turkey with semen over Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Quantumcat

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #17 on: 16/06/2003 11:57:39 »
Haha, I can imagine !

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Exodus

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #18 on: 16/06/2003 21:09:45 »
quote:
Originally posted by chris

I made the mistake of buying a jar of decaff instead of normal coffee and suffered terrible withdrawal effects including headaches, lethargy, inability to get going in the mornings. I only discovered the problem when I bought some proper coffee which cured me instantly !!



Can't get by without coffee myself... just been brought a cup as it happens...

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Quantumcat

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #19 on: 16/06/2003 22:54:06 »
Isn't it amazing how many people have viewed this? 11097... the others below are only 150-200.

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Ians Daddy

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #20 on: 16/06/2003 23:10:57 »
He he he... That's about par for the course. You could write an article about paper production, include the word semen in a creative way, and the masses flock. It's the first one I read. :)

Exodus

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #21 on: 17/06/2003 09:41:38 »
Maybe i should write an article about chess and include plenty of information about the pieces... including the name "Porn" quite a few times, we could do a little experiment and see how many people we snag?

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chris

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #22 on: 17/06/2003 09:52:04 »
Richard - funny, but I think you'll find that in chess the pieces are referred to as 'pawns', not pOrns !

Also, the reason for the high read rate ? Type "calories in semen" into google...

Chris

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Exodus

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #23 on: 17/06/2003 10:08:25 »
good point, i was playing on words though... (no answer from shibleys phone, think its off)

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Ians Daddy

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Re: How many calories in semen ?
« Reply #24 on: 17/06/2003 14:08:01 »
That's beautiful! I typed that in on my search engine and it has this site as first....Big and bold. I still like the idea about an experiment to see how much we can snag. A "Behavior trap" if you will. (I think I may have just coined a phrase.) An experiment all in the name of science. Just a thought :)

 

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