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Author Topic: Need further guidance please  (Read 3404 times)

Offline sworhorvath

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Need further guidance please
« on: 07/09/2006 09:44:45 »
Help me...

I'm in an unfulfilling relationship- BUT:

I can't simply end it... We live together, with his family (who treat me as there own) and we also study together and have another year to complete. Breaking up would mean leaving my home to live with my parents. It is too far away to travel in to college every day.

We are also looking at different courses for next year but at the same uni.

How do I ride it out? I am so young and need a bit more excitement in my life. He is a lovely person and I don't want to hurt him.

Please donate advice...

"You don't have to tell anybody a damn thing you don't want to"- Mink Stole.
« Last Edit: 08/09/2006 10:09:49 by sworhorvath »


 

Offline Mirage

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #1 on: 07/09/2006 16:37:03 »
You are in a pickle aren't you :(

How is it not fulfilling?

You need to think about this, pretending that you're happy is going to take it's toll on you and it's not fair on him. Travelling to and from London to Surrey is not ideal but still doable, and as you said it would only be for a year.

The other thing is, are you sure nothing can be done to rediscover the excitement? Is it due to living with his family, not enough space to feel more comfortable together?

And forgive if I'm wrong, but aren't you interested in someone else?

It's only my opinion, but you do really need to think long and hard on this.

-------------------------
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Offline Karen W.

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #2 on: 07/09/2006 16:42:34 »
I'm in similar situation but married and 25 + years, I don't know what to say other then be gentle and do it while you can, there are too many things that could change to make your decision Harder then it already is..... You are both so young with loads of life left to live... Honey please don't waste it... don't settle for less then true love that makes you giddy happy fulfilled. Make sure you have everything you need be it Love, passion romance friendship or all of that and more.... It's out there and it is real... but don't wait until you can't have each other because Life will move on without you if you do!!  I am in that situation so in love, but unable to change things for now as the past has hold and priority on both of now, and now our love would cause so much pain for others that we cannot move.. we are both trapped....Don't get trapped your not married right, no binding except feelings and time! Take care and good luck! Take care of your heart, no one else will!

Karen
 

Offline sworhorvath

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #3 on: 08/09/2006 10:05:23 »
Thank you for your advice. Yes I am attracted to this other person- which has made me realise how intensely I can feel, and how I have never felt this intense with my partner. I know it sounds awful, but sometimes I feel as though I have 'ended up with him'- which is a dreadful thing to say. He is a wonderful man that will make someone a fantastic husband and father one day. I also know that if I leave I will miss him, because he is practically my best friend.

"You don't have to tell anybody a damn thing you don't want to"- Mink Stole.
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #4 on: 09/09/2006 03:41:49 »
You are me, twenty some years ago... and oh how I wish I had known what true love was then...... I really do...Good luck honey

Karen
 

Offline neilep

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #5 on: 09/09/2006 04:27:50 »
quote:
Originally posted by sworhorvath

Help me...

I'm in an unfulfilling relationship- BUT:

I can't simply end it... We live together, with his family (who treat me as there own) and we also study together and have another year to complete. Breaking up would mean leaving my home to live with my parents. It is too far away to travel in to college every day.

We are also looking at different courses for next year but at the same uni.

How do I ride it out? I am so young and need a bit more excitement in my life. He is a lovely person and I don't want to hurt him.

Please donate advice...

"You don't have to tell anybody a damn thing you don't want to"- Mink Stole.



You say above you can't simply end it....

You have to end it !...it's a s simple as that.

Dan is correct.Karen is so right.

Are you and this other person an item yet ?.....having said that...even if you werent it seems you just have changed your feelings about your current boyfriend. You are NOT fulfilled the way you wish to be. ..............To me...it seems the path is clear....you can ride it out but I wonder if this situation would then become intolerable and eventually destructive.

You can make other arrangements about digs...share student accommodation....

Living this lie is not good for you and unfair for him....I am sorry if that sounds brutal...but I would want to know rather than be strung a long thinking my girlfirend wanted me...when she does not !!



Men are the same as women, just inside out !
« Last Edit: 09/09/2006 04:28:44 by neilep »
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #6 on: 09/09/2006 04:49:44 »
Yes and I understand the friendship thing but believe me it would be worse after years of friendship . It is a really tough move.. The decision is easy its making the move and not wanting to hurt someone who has been a friend for so many years..That is so hard! You are so young make your choices and fly the way you feel best to fly!

Karen
« Last Edit: 09/09/2006 20:53:24 by Karen W. »
 

Offline ukmicky

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #7 on: 09/09/2006 05:52:53 »
A few things if i may :)


You could go out with this new bloke and it could be a disaster and then realize afterwards that you've made a big mistake.

Be honest with your self and think carefully because its easy for a new attraction to cloud someones judgement, were you happy with your present partner before this new bloke came along.

Also Most people who are in a good an happy relationship usually describe their partner as their best friend.
 
Don't tell your boyfriend why but stay at a friends for a few weeks to see how you feel about him, see if you miss him more than the new bloke.


Uncle Michael
« Last Edit: 09/09/2006 05:58:50 by ukmicky »
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #8 on: 09/09/2006 21:00:33 »
Uncle Michael is offering some great advice... I wish he had been my Uncle 25 years ago as I was not in love like I thought and to step back and take a few weeks to my self would have been a wise decision! You need time to weigh and process your feelings, find out how you really feel! Michael is offering some great advice ...You should think about it and if you still feel the same then go with your heart!!

Karen
 

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #9 on: 10/09/2006 02:28:10 »
I am not sure I totally agree with Karen, as the heart can lead you to many places, some may be heaven, but others can as easily be hell.

I do agree that the fact that your heart is uncertain about where you are at present is clearly a warning signal, but it does not mean that the guy who seems so attractive at the moment will necessarily be the right one, or maybe just someone who looks like a quick escape from what you feel to be the trap you are in.

As Michael has said, a little time away from everything, and everyone, will give an opportunity to give a better perspective on all the angles.



George
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #10 on: 10/09/2006 11:25:51 »
Grass is not always sweeter if it is greener on the otherside!

"Lo" Loretta
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #11 on: 10/09/2006 11:28:45 »
Thats true, you are the only one who knows how you truely feel you must decide weather your feelings are strong enough and does this other person have a mutual love for you?

Karen
 

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Re: Need further guidance please
« Reply #11 on: 10/09/2006 11:28:45 »

 

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