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Author Topic: out of curiosity?  (Read 10238 times)

Offline elegantlywasted

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out of curiosity?
« on: 23/11/2006 05:52:41 »
****WARNING: THIS IS MAINLY ME VENTING ABOUT THE MORON I LIVE WITH****

How do I go about telling my roommate that I'm not giving up my apartment on saturday so she can get it on with a random... I already told her I wasn't leaving and that she should go out and get to know him first, before spending an evening in (idle hands and all....) and yet she is still asking me if I'm going to be around... I'd like to call her a stupid cow and tell her to find a new place to live, but that isn't really an option... help me?!


 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #1 on: 23/11/2006 06:34:32 »
MEG,

 I am going to be blunt about my Questions, not choosing sides! Do You have your own rooms in this arraindements! I know you just said in other threads that you are a few days from turning 22 years old. So I am assuming you are both of age and two consenting adults! Am I correct? Are you sharing the rent? Are you Sharing a bedroom or do you each have your own?  Did you have an agreement to not have relationships with others when you chose to take on a roomy? If nothing was agreed on and said as part of the living arrangements then she would be within her rights to take on  any relationship she chose.. Of course it would be polite and certainly more curtious for her to get a room for the night in a motel, but technically if she pays rent with you It would be her perogative to have a guest.. Perhaps not of your liking and I agree with you that perhaps she should get to know him or her better first but I found when I had a roomy It ddoesn't work like that. You are roommates and unless you are sharing a single bedroom you would probably need to allow her her relationship as it is hers!

You sound like someone who cares a great deal for your mate. I am sorry it is an uncomfortable position to be in.. There are a lot of pros and cons with roommates. When I was in that position I found myself feeling like a third wheel and seen alot of late late movies. In my place we had a studio apartment 1 room and a bathroom. the livingroom Kitchen and the bedroom were the same room! It was awkward to say the least. If you have a concern regarding your own safety then I would say more. that would be different!

 Sometimes roomates have partners and it is difficult, especially if your roomy has many partners.
  I roomed with my friend for a year and then I rented a place of my own, as I was way uncomfortable being in the same room with the other two.. Some might like that kind of thing... HEE HEE, I won't mention names, but Certainly for me I am a very private person and do not like to share that kind of intimacy with a third party, I am way to shy!

 You should consider all of the questions and maybe add a few of your own and maybe someone else can help too. I feel for you in this situation as it is uncomfortable...

If we had our own private bedrooms, I would have been fine with the situation as I feel that my friends relationships are not my business unless it impacts me directly in a negative way.. My situation was one we mutually agreed upon so I held up my end. And when possible helped her out and went out! Sometimes I played scrabble with my best bud, my mom! LOL I survived and it was a learning experience.. I hope you figure it out.. It's ok to come here to vent, we all do! It's a great comfort!
« Last Edit: 23/11/2006 06:45:27 by Karen W. »
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #2 on: 23/11/2006 06:44:28 »
Hey Meg I am back,

   You are too old to be calling people names, LOL! I know its's frustrating. Is this person a close friend? Are you in a financial bind if she was to move out? Getting angry is not going to help solve the problem. Have you explained to her that you are uncomfortable in this situation? I don't mean telling her she should wait to get to know him as that is a choice for only her to make, and it might make you seem to be coming across to controlling in her eyes. If she is of consenting age it is not your choice...so what you want to get across to her is that it makes you uncomfortable to have a "stranger" in the house, especially overnight, as you don't know him.. I don't know if that would help, but you don't want to come off being bossy or motherly as you want her to reflect on your feelings as a human and not your feelings as to her morality! Does that make any sense or am I not with it here! Just trying to help you think it through! Come back and talk to me.. let me know how it goes ok?
« Last Edit: 23/11/2006 06:47:37 by Karen W. »
 

Offline elegantlywasted

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #3 on: 23/11/2006 06:48:09 »
Thank you for letting me vent and I do get your point Karen, but its more of the fact that it is actually my apartment (my lease, Ive lived here much longer and her rent is paid to me, all utilities are in my name etc.) And we do have seperate rooms, and she has chosen not to have anything viable for entertaining in hers, which leaves the living room (common area) and not to sound immature, but i pay the friggin cable bill and everything else is mine... I only have a roommate to help with the rent, not to have a friend.

And I guess you would really have to live with her, and hear her stories about her deceased boyfriend (7 months ago). This is why I am trying to tell her (bluntly) that if you sit on the couch you will have nothing to do but fool around, and thats totally cool when youve gone out a few times, but I am not comfortable havign some random guy in MY home.

If you can't tell, I dont like sharing too much. And yah I'm aware I sound like a two year old, but when you constantly come home to find your things moved, papers thrown out, your juice emptied from the fridge... it builds, and I am near my breaking point, and she does not listen when I ask her not to do things. I now have a therapist because of this situation, but I cant afford to visit him. I would give her her 60 days notice but its really hard to find a roommate this time of year.

It's gotten to the point that its not my home anymore, she has her parents place to go to whenever she likes, Lord knows she talks to her mother 3 times a day (600 minutes on my last long distance bill) I don't have that luxury, I mean I do not live at home anymore, she goes to school and her parents are 30 minutes down the road. I am tryng to start my own life, and have my own place and things, and it is really hard. Anyways, I realy should stop typing now, I'm getting emotional...

thanks :)
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #4 on: 23/11/2006 07:20:23 »
It is really hard and I have been there believe you me! There is a book out there called Landlords handbook or some such thing I was a land lord,  You don't have to own the property to have to abide by the landlord rules. You might see if you can find out about this book!  If she is paying you rent for her room.. then she has rights. You do to. and you can do a walk through with her and write up a legal paper , keep a paper trail of your agreement otherwise you won't have a leg to stand on. So if you don't have a paper agreement get one written up and make sure she signs it. If you don't want certain things bothered you need to make sure you have that in writing. Where do you live ? Laws are different all over. I am in California.. I don't think you sound like a two year old. I think you sound frustrated and upset. That's ok. We all get that way sometime or the other! I am no exception thats for sure! I hope you find peace in your situation please know I feel for you and understand.. It is a difficult situation to say the least!
 

Offline Mirage

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #5 on: 23/11/2006 18:03:09 »
My my my what a sticky wicket of a situation. I know how you feel though, I've had a similar situation before. If she is bringing back this bloke then it sounds like it will be for a hows your father session. But then again she might just want to have a nice quiet night in, romantic style.
But you're right to feel upset, it's a situation that sucks. But just remember, when starting out for a relationship or what not everyone is a random. She might just be wanting to see what he is like on his own, without people around.
You could let her have the place to herself, or you could not. It's entirely up to you.
If you're not going to leave appartment then if she asks again tell her a little sternly that you are not going out, you feel that you shouldn't have to just because she wants to entertain a new fancy, but you will give her space to enjoy. But don't fly off the handle with her, as it will make living together a little bit more uncomfortable. If you give a little she may well do the same. But if she doesn't, then you will be in your rights to blow a fuse
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #6 on: 23/11/2006 19:25:48 »
Nice advice Daniel!
 

Offline Mirage

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #7 on: 23/11/2006 21:03:48 »
Are you sure!?  ;)
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #8 on: 23/11/2006 22:50:43 »
Yep, It sounds sound to me, and advice is just that advice! I hope meg that something helps.. let us know how it goes!
 

Offline elegantlywasted

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #9 on: 24/11/2006 03:15:21 »
well thank you guys, but I have decided to buy a lock for my door, and head out of town for the weekend. Whatever happens, happens. But I'm putting the child lock on the digital cable so that no interesting movies are ordered.
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #10 on: 24/11/2006 03:35:47 »
Good Job!
 

Offline Mirage

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #11 on: 24/11/2006 17:21:25 »
You cut off the porn!!!!!!!! 
That is so mean  ;)
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #12 on: 24/11/2006 17:24:42 »
WHAT PORN?
 

Offline Mirage

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #13 on: 24/11/2006 17:34:25 »
That's what the child lock does, cuts out the naughty channels  :(  >:(  ;)
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #14 on: 24/11/2006 17:46:38 »
OH YES MEGS POST! I forgot about that!
 

Offline Mirage

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #15 on: 24/11/2006 17:52:59 »
Years ago we had a video unit which had a child lock on it. I guess so kids wouldn't end up taping over something important like porn. Anyway somehow some one activated the lock, we had no idea so my dad gave the company where he bought the thing from. So after a 5 min conversation my pops turns the remote over looks at the back, turns it round again and unlocks the video. The locking instructions were on the back, what a clever place to put them  ::)  ;)
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #16 on: 24/11/2006 18:22:48 »
 HEE, HEE, HEE,THATS FUNNY!
 

Offline Mirage

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #17 on: 24/11/2006 18:26:12 »
It was and it wasn't. We all wanted to record a film we hadn't seen for ages and because of the lock we missed the first 5 to 10 mins. If I remember correctly you had to press and hold the play button to lock. Well for anyone who doesn't change the batteries in their remote you will know that you will press the buttons harder and for longer  ::)  ;)
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #18 on: 24/11/2006 18:31:52 »
LOL LOL!
 

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #19 on: 24/11/2006 18:52:59 »
I miss that VCR though, it was a 6 head so the picture quality was better plus the pause was good as well  ;)
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #20 on: 24/11/2006 19:00:21 »
Yes I remember my old one. When you hit pause it was stable no shaking or distorted picture you could actually go see what it was you were trying to get a better look at!
 

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #21 on: 24/11/2006 19:33:50 »
Exactly.......great for......  ;)
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #22 on: 24/11/2006 19:37:23 »
YEAH I still have them and keep saying I am going to buy a new belt for that machine one of these days.. Instead I bought a new machine! LOL I even know how to fix said broken VCR!
 

Offline moonfire

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #23 on: 28/11/2006 14:25:44 »
Elegantly wasted....sit in the  living room with them....you control the remote so watch the news, a documentary...something that will eliminate the mood...she has to stop this behaviour and respect your wishes...also, cut the long distance off of your phone if possible or tell her she must pay for long distance...take the phone out of the house....yes, you have to be rude as she is being rude to you and taking advantage of you...

hang in there...have to go to work now...
 

Offline Karen W.

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #24 on: 28/11/2006 14:35:03 »
Hey Loretta Have a good DAy at work!
 

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Re: out of curiosity?
« Reply #24 on: 28/11/2006 14:35:03 »

 

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