The Naked Scientists

The Naked Scientists Forum

Author Topic: Blonde Jokes~!  (Read 22888 times)

Offline Seany

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 4209
  • Live your life to the full!
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« on: 22/04/2007 00:53:13 »
OK. Firstly, if you are a blonde, and you don't like jokes addressed to you.. Then.. Well.. I suggest you click the "X" button found at the top right hand corner of the screen. ;)

Here is a blonde joke, which my school teacher told us. Heehee

There was a blonde woman, who went to the hairdressers.
She wanted to have her hair cut.
The hairdresser therefore, started cutting her hair, until she realised that the blonde woman was wearing a headset. She tried to keep cutting with the headset on, as it was getting in the way, but did not want to annoy her customer, so she left it on.
Finally, she almost finished cutting her hair, but, because of the headset, it looked weird. She tried to move the headset, but then the blonde woman suddenly woke from her sleep and told her not to remove the headset.
The hairdresser asked why, but the woman just told her not to. The hairdresser however, managed to take off the headset.
The blonde woman soon fell to sleep.
A good 10 minutes later, when the hairdresser had finished cutting the woman's hair, she tried to wake the woman up, but she laid there dead.
The hairdresser lifted the headset and put it near her ears. It said..

"Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in..."


 

Offline kevinlucas

  • First timers
  • *
  • Posts: 1
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #1 on: 19/02/2008 05:38:56 »
Microsoft and a Halter Top

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

Both offer very little support!

source : newbielink:http://www.lol101.com [nonactive]
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #2 on: 19/02/2008 09:04:09 »
Microsoft and a Halter Top

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

Both offer very little support!



What a great debut post. You'll fit in well here!
 

Offline Nobody's Confidant

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1802
  • So loud silence can be.
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #3 on: 19/02/2008 17:30:54 »
Microsoft and a Halter Top

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

Both offer very little support!

source : http://www.lol101.com
Welcome to the site, n00bie.

Watch those blond jokes Seany, the soap-dodgers might get offended.
 

Offline i am bored

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 927
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #4 on: 19/02/2008 21:26:14 »
HEY!
 

Offline ?UNTURNED_STONE?

  • First timers
  • *
  • Posts: 5
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #5 on: 20/02/2008 09:07:55 »
O.o  Hi
There is a blonde and she owns two horses, now she cannot tell them apart so she walks over to her neighbours house and asks her some advice on how to tell them apart, "well" says the nieghbour "i think you should clip one of the horses ears and see if that helps", so ecstatic about her nieghbours help she goes home and tries this on one of the horses but still cannot tell them apart, so she returns to the nieghbour for advice "so clipping ones ear didnt help" says the nieghbour "no" replies the blonde "well have you tried measuring them to see if ones taller" so instantly the blonde departs and measures her horse, then sprints all the way to her nieghbours house, "you were right" said the blonde puffing...

"the black one is taller than the white one!"
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #6 on: 20/02/2008 09:21:28 »
 

Offline Nobody's Confidant

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1802
  • So loud silence can be.
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #7 on: 20/02/2008 17:28:39 »
 

Offline i am bored

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 927
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #8 on: 21/02/2008 00:37:48 »
blondes i dont even know what a soap dodger is
 

Offline Nobody's Confidant

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1802
  • So loud silence can be.
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #9 on: 21/02/2008 17:28:27 »
blondes i dont even know what a soap dodger is
Bah ya wuss. I didn't take any offense and you shouldn't either.
 

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6564
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #10 on: 23/02/2008 02:29:10 »
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #11 on: 23/02/2008 08:56:59 »
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #12 on: 23/02/2008 08:58:13 »
First blonde: "Hey, look at that dog over there with 1 eye"

The second blonde put her hand over 1 eye & asked "Where?"
 

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6564
  • Thanked: 7 times
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #13 on: 23/02/2008 18:10:34 »
Above also a thumbs up from me - And now:

Another blond joke.

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
 

Offline Bass

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1340
  • Thanked: 5 times
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #14 on: 23/02/2008 20:04:13 »
One winter morning a husband and blonde wife in northern Colorado were listening to the radio during breakfast. The announcer says,  "Weather forecast calling for 8 to 10 inches of snow today. Please must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

So the wife went out and moved her car.

Two days later, while eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. Please park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

The wife went out and moved her car again.

Same thing, a week later during breakfast, "We're expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow and----" Just  then the electricity snapped off. The wife had a worried look on her face when she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #15 on: 23/02/2008 20:19:02 »
One winter morning a husband and blonde wife in northern Colorado were listening to the radio during breakfast. The announcer says,  "Weather forecast calling for 8 to 10 inches of snow today. Please must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

So the wife went out and moved her car.

Two days later, while eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. Please park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

The wife went out and moved her car again.

Same thing, a week later during breakfast, "We're expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow and----" Just  then the electricity snapped off. The wife had a worried look on her face when she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"


Hee Hee Hee! I have never heard that one before.. Very funny! LOL!
 

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #16 on: 23/02/2008 20:42:22 »
I don't know if this will translate well for the USA but here goes.

How can you tell that you have a blonde secretary?

Tipex on the computer screen.

(Tipex is correction fluid in case the make is different in America.)
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #17 on: 23/02/2008 20:45:28 »
Its called "white out" here.  :)
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #18 on: 23/02/2008 20:46:43 »
A blonde decided to go to Pizza Hut for something to eat. WHen her pizza was delivered to her table the waiter asked "Would you like it cut into 4 or 8 pieces?"

The blonde replied "Oh, just 4 please. I couldn't eat 8".

-------------------------------------------------------------

Did you hear about the blonde who decided not to take up water skiing because she couldn't find a lake with a slope?

-------------------------------------------------------------

What about the blonde who didn't dial 911 when her apartment was burgled because her phone didn't have an 11 button?

-------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde had just wrecked her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to crawl from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the police arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK?"
"Yes, thanks, I'm just fine" the blonde replied.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the policeman asked.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!", the blonde said, "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this tree pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, miss", the police officer said, stopping her short, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

UK residents will find this 1 easier to understand...

Another blonde had a car crash. When the policeman arrived on the scene he saw that she had blood all over her face.
"Where are you bleeding from, miss?", he asked her
She replied "Bleeding Romford. What about you?"
« Last Edit: 23/02/2008 20:56:25 by DoctorBeaver »
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #19 on: 23/02/2008 20:48:38 »
LOL LOL...Hee hee... Pretty good Doc! LOL!
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #20 on: 23/02/2008 20:57:15 »
GAAAWD! I've just noticed the colour of Karen's hair!!  [:0]
 

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #21 on: 23/02/2008 21:17:38 »
Karen I usually get white out from drinking too much guiness
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #22 on: 23/02/2008 21:37:02 »
GAAAWD! I've just noticed the colour of Karen's hair!!  [:0]

I happen to be a natural brunett  with soft brown highlights... LOL Truth be known the lighter color is GRAY NOT BLOND! Nice try!
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #23 on: 23/02/2008 21:39:39 »
Karen I usually get white out from drinking too much guiness

Ive been getting white out from old age! LOL! Streaky white hairs peppering my head...
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • Posts: 12656
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #24 on: 23/02/2008 21:42:24 »
GAAAWD! I've just noticed the colour of Karen's hair!!  [:0]

I happen to be a natural brunett  with soft brown highlights... LOL Truth be known the lighter color is GRAY NOT BLOND! Nice try!

PHEW! So I needn't worry that I've offended you.
 

The Naked Scientists Forum

Blonde Jokes~!
« Reply #24 on: 23/02/2008 21:42:24 »

 

SMF 2.0.10 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines
SMFAds for Free Forums
 
Login
Login with username, password and session length