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Author Topic: Blonde Jokes~!  (Read 22901 times)

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #25 on: 23/02/2008 21:43:59 »
What do blondes and tortoises have in common?

Put them on their back and they're screwed!  [:I]

------------------------------------------------

And just for Karen...

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says, "Awww, look at that poor dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
« Last Edit: 23/02/2008 21:46:55 by DoctorBeaver »
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #26 on: 23/02/2008 21:53:05 »
GAAAWD! I've just noticed the colour of Karen's hair!!  [:0]

I happen to be a natural brunett  with soft brown highlights... LOL Truth be known the lighter color is GRAY NOT BLOND! Nice try!

PHEW! So I needn't worry that I've offended you.

No worries..! Blonds are beautiful! Inside and out! LOL!
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #27 on: 23/02/2008 22:01:30 »

A blonde took her car to the body shop after a large hailstorm had left her car badly dented. The busy owner didn't have time to work on her car at the moment, so he thought he would try and see if blondes really were as dumb as these jokes indicate.

"Oh, those dents are pretty small, you can get those dent out yourself by just blowing hard into the tailpipe." he said.

After going home and trying for an hour, she called over her best blonde friend Betty to see if Betty had any ideas.

After hearing about what she was doing she said "That'll never work, you need to close the windows first.
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #28 on: 23/02/2008 22:34:15 »
Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?

It takes too long to re-train them.

----------------------------------

What do you call an eternity?

Four blondes at a four way stop.

-----------------------------------

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see them.

----------------------------------

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #29 on: 23/02/2008 23:02:04 »
Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?

It takes too long to re-train them.

----------------------------------

What do you call an eternity?

Four blondes at a four way stop.

-----------------------------------

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see them.

----------------------------------

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.


 

Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #30 on: 24/02/2008 02:32:49 »
GAAAWD! I've just noticed the colour of Karen's hair!!  [:0]

I happen to be a natural brunett  with soft brown highlights... LOL Truth be known the lighter color is GRAY NOT BLOND! Nice try!

PHEW! So I needn't worry that I've offended you.

HELLO!!!!   Blonde in the room!!! >:( [:(!]



What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see them.

----------------------------------

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.


Hmph! :P

 

Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #31 on: 24/02/2008 02:34:01 »
No worries..! Blonds are beautiful! Inside and out! LOL!

Thanks Karen....so are brunettes. :)

 

Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #32 on: 24/02/2008 02:38:07 »
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies......................"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

 

Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #33 on: 24/02/2008 02:39:06 »
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

 

Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #34 on: 24/02/2008 02:39:58 »
Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says, "I want to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude." They say fine, she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams, "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away. For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says, "What did she roll, anyway?" The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."

 

Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #35 on: 24/02/2008 02:40:44 »
Jeff urgently needed a few days off work, but knew the Boss would not allow him to take a leave. He thought that maybe if he acted crazy then the boss would tell me to take a few days off. So, Jeff hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.  His co-worker Cathy (who's blonde) asked him what he was doing?

He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think he was nuts and give him a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?"  Jeff told him he was a light bulb. The boss said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".  Jeff jumped down and walked out of the office. When Cathy followed him, the Boss asked her: "

And where do you think you're going?


She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #36 on: 24/02/2008 02:43:02 »
No worries..! Blonds are beautiful! Inside and out! LOL!

Thanks Karen....so are brunettes. :)



Yes I agree.. Your welcome...
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #37 on: 24/02/2008 02:44:09 »
Jeff urgently needed a few days off work, but knew the Boss would not allow him to take a leave. He thought that maybe if he acted crazy then the boss would tell me to take a few days off. So, Jeff hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.  His co-worker Cathy (who's blonde) asked him what he was doing?

He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think he was nuts and give him a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?"  Jeff told him he was a light bulb. The boss said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".  Jeff jumped down and walked out of the office. When Cathy followed him, the Boss asked her: "

And where do you think you're going?


She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"


HEE HEE HEE.. Very good!
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #38 on: 24/02/2008 09:13:37 »
Jeff urgently needed a few days off work, but knew the Boss would not allow him to take a leave. He thought that maybe if he acted crazy then the boss would tell me to take a few days off. So, Jeff hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.  His co-worker Cathy (who's blonde) asked him what he was doing?

He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think he was nuts and give him a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?"  Jeff told him he was a light bulb. The boss said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".  Jeff jumped down and walked out of the office. When Cathy followed him, the Boss asked her: "

And where do you think you're going?


She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"


 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #39 on: 24/02/2008 17:14:01 »
What do blondes and tortoises have in common?

Put them on their back and they're screwed!  [:I]

------------------------------------------------

And just for Karen...

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says, "Awww, look at that poor dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

Thanks for the addition Doc! LOL.. Funny! Hee hee hee...
 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #40 on: 24/02/2008 17:21:41 »
Hurrrumph - this is not what a blond joke should be.

how do you kill a blonde...... put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool ...

Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? ... To see what was on the other side.

What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? .... Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? .... Artificial intelligence.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? .... Shine a flashlight in their ear.

THESE are blonde jokes people.
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #41 on: 24/02/2008 17:24:23 »
Hurrrumph - this is not what a blond joke should be.

how do you kill a blonde...... put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool ...

Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? ... To see what was on the other side.

What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? .... Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? .... Artificial intelligence.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? .... Shine a flashlight in their ear.

THESE are blonde jokes people.


Those are the old blond jokes! LOL!!  Nice Jimbob! LOL
 

Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #42 on: 24/02/2008 17:38:18 »
Hurrrumph - this is not what a blond joke should be.

how do you kill a blonde...... put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool ...

Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? ... To see what was on the other side.

What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? .... Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? .... Artificial intelligence.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? .... Shine a flashlight in their ear.

THESE are blonde jokes people.


*sniff* If I had feelings that would hurt.
 

Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #43 on: 24/02/2008 18:27:52 »
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #44 on: 24/02/2008 18:57:33 »
LOL LOL... Carolyn thats no fair.. how did you get my math paper??? LOL
 

Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #45 on: 24/02/2008 21:09:38 »
I like your jokes Jimbob. The old ones are always the best.

Here is a true blonde joke. I was teaching a class about saving water and other resources. It started to rain outside and the blonde girl at the back of the class said, " I've got a good way of saving water, we could all go outside with buckets and scoop the water out of the puddles.
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #46 on: 24/02/2008 22:16:25 »
I like your jokes Jimbob. The old ones are always the best.

Here is a true blonde joke. I was teaching a class about saving water and other resources. It started to rain outside and the blonde girl at the back of the class said, " I've got a good way of saving water, we could all go outside with buckets and scoop the water out of the puddles.

 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #47 on: 24/02/2008 22:17:28 »
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #48 on: 24/02/2008 22:18:43 »
Hurrrumph - this is not what a blond joke should be.

how do you kill a blonde...... put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool ...

Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? ... To see what was on the other side.

What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? .... Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? .... Artificial intelligence.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? .... Shine a flashlight in their ear.

THESE are blonde jokes people.


 

Offline JimBob

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« Reply #49 on: 24/02/2008 22:22:15 »
I like your jokes Jimbob. The old ones are always the best.

Here is a true blonde joke. I was teaching a class about saving water and other resources. It started to rain outside and the blonde girl at the back of the class said, " I've got a good way of saving water, we could all go outside with buckets and scoop the water out of the puddles.

perhaps you could form the pale blonde brigade - er - blonde pail brigade?
 

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« Reply #49 on: 24/02/2008 22:22:15 »

 

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