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Author Topic: Basic Instinct type obsessions  (Read 6687 times)

Offline OldMan

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Basic Instinct type obsessions
« on: 13/04/2004 08:23:52 »
I have two friends, don't you feel happy for me, one who we shall call Fred the other Mary. Fred has been receiving text messages and the occassional phone call from Mary for over a year as I recently found out. They don't exactly confess her undying love for him but more sympathy seeking and well not abusive of girlfriends he has had but more asking why he doesn't like her, doesn't want to go out with her and so forth. Fred is used to all of this by now and it is kind of like water off a ducks back but over the weekend it went overboard. She got upset with him, as usual alcohol usually helps with getting there, and after she had left the group to head home she reached a new record. Over 50 attempted phone calls and who knows how many text messages. I would hate to see her phone bill. He isn't the only one to have received messages and calls either, that night she also called the phones of other people we were out with, thankfully she doesn't have mine.

Basically it comes down to this altho Fred says don't worry about it because he is used to it, it has gone way too far and I'm seriously concerned about her. One of us is going to talk to her but this being a delicate issue I thought I'd see if this wonderful community had any wise words to offer. I know there is no psycology section here but if there are suggestions as to what to stray away from as it might just make things worse or such like I'm all ears. Please reply soon.

Thanks Tim

I'm born. I'm alive. I breathe. In a moment or two I realize that the sphere upon which I reside is asleep on its feet. Should I go back to sleep?


 

Offline OldMan

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #1 on: 14/04/2004 04:27:13 »
Well looks to me like the 11 people who have read this so far saw the Basic Instinct part of the subject and came in expecting a sordid story of sex and seduction. SHAME!

Was hoping there might at least be something on here by now, perhaps some good motherly advise from Donnah or wise educared words from Chris but  it seems to be another quiet day unfortunately. Guess we might just have to wing it after all.

I'm born. I'm alive. I breathe. In a moment or two I realize that the sphere upon which I reside is asleep on its feet. Should I go back to sleep?
 

Offline Rabbit

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #2 on: 14/04/2004 07:20:13 »
Dear OldMan, I can offer some ideas for the Fred/Mary problem. First would be a session between the two, probably best with a totally neutral independent person present to moderate the exchanges. Most important is that they both talk openly. Fred tells Mary what he thinks and Mary the same. Next, maybe both with a therapist instead of the neutral person. Also, let Mary read the book "I'm OK, You're OK" by Thomas A. HArris, a best-seller but this is not necessarily relevant. If I learned anything in my life it was to talk a problem through/out rather than allow it to escalate and just get worse. Hope this helps your friends somehow.
 

Offline Donnah

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #3 on: 15/04/2004 02:01:09 »
Sorry Tim, been busy at work.  

What is the payoff for "Fred"?  What is the payoff for "Mary"?  You can bet there is payoff for each of them or they would not continue the pattern.  Maybe Fred's ego gets padded and Mary gets to feel martyred.  Or Fred avoids conflict and Mary tries to control.  Or...ask them.
 

Offline MayoFlyFarmer

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #4 on: 15/04/2004 04:50:37 »
I don't think of sex and seduction when I think of basic instinct... I think of evolution and survival of the fittest....wait.... that really is sex and seduction....but in a really nerdy way....I'm fired!

Lift your skinny fists, like antennas to hevan!
 

Offline tweener

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #5 on: 16/04/2004 02:54:40 »
Last night when I read this, I was watching "Eyes Wide Shut" and didn't feel that a response would be appropriate.  (Really bad movie by the way - I turned it off about half way through).  

I'm going to guess that Fred is more concerned about it than he will admit.  I'll also bet that Mary thinks there is (or was) something between them.  If I were to wade into a situation like this, I would probably end up making both Fred and Mary mad at me, losing their friendship, and possibly driving them to violence or suicide or both.  Such is my skill with social situations.

So, forewarned with that knowledge, here are my suggestions.  1) Stay out of it and hope it goes away without anyone dying.  2) Talk with Fred to find out what he might have done to lead Mary along (maybe nothing, but you need to know), and talk with Mary to find out what she thinks is going on.  Then try to convince her that it is not worth pursuing, that Fred is not all that interested or interesting, (and no, she can't have your phone number).

No. 1 will probably work given time, like 20 to 50 years.  No. 2 probably won't work at all, unless Mary gets so mad that she refuses to speak to you or any of your friends (problem solved).  She definitely sounds like she is going 'round the bend and needs some help staying on the track.

See why all my friends are on the internet where they can't see me?

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John - The Eternal Pessimist.
 

Offline MayoFlyFarmer

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #6 on: 16/04/2004 04:45:06 »
quote:
Originally posted by tweener



See why all my friends are on the internet where they can't see me?





Are you that good looking Tweener that you would have womeonobsessively stalking you everywhere you go??? [:p]

Lift your skinny fists, like antennas to hevan!
 

Offline OldMan

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #7 on: 16/04/2004 06:23:56 »
Thought I replied to this yesterday but must have been too wrapped up in the religious babble!

Some good points here and John I think you're right on track with some of the things I've been thinking. Don't think getting Fred angry with me will be a problem though. Maybe one of the other ladies would be better off talking to her than a guy. Think we've tried your number 1 suggestion but hey maybe it will fizzle out eventually. Fred doesn't seem to think he has led her on.. as far as he is telling us anyway but he must have done something I'm guessing. Or as Donnah says maybe he is getting something out of it himself..he does seem to take some enjoyment at reading out some of the messages at times.

I'm born. I'm alive. I breathe. In a moment or two I realize that the sphere upon which I reside is asleep on its feet. Should I go back to sleep?
 

Offline tweener

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #8 on: 17/04/2004 03:13:31 »
I am so good looking and such a social butterfly that I have women (and less often men) stalking all the time.  Always away.  So far.  Unless they are armed, in which case I'm a pretty fast runner. :)

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John - The Eternal Pessimist.
 

Offline bezoar

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #9 on: 17/04/2004 14:29:45 »
I agree with Donnah -- there's a payoff in it for both of them and they like the dance.  I doubt anything will change it until one of them is ready.  Maybe they even like the effect it has on their friends.
 

Offline OldMan

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #10 on: 14/04/2004 04:27:13 »
Well looks to me like the 11 people who have read this so far saw the Basic Instinct part of the subject and came in expecting a sordid story of sex and seduction. SHAME!

Was hoping there might at least be something on here by now, perhaps some good motherly advise from Donnah or wise educared words from Chris but  it seems to be another quiet day unfortunately. Guess we might just have to wing it after all.

I'm born. I'm alive. I breathe. In a moment or two I realize that the sphere upon which I reside is asleep on its feet. Should I go back to sleep?
 

Offline Rabbit

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #11 on: 14/04/2004 07:20:13 »
Dear OldMan, I can offer some ideas for the Fred/Mary problem. First would be a session between the two, probably best with a totally neutral independent person present to moderate the exchanges. Most important is that they both talk openly. Fred tells Mary what he thinks and Mary the same. Next, maybe both with a therapist instead of the neutral person. Also, let Mary read the book "I'm OK, You're OK" by Thomas A. HArris, a best-seller but this is not necessarily relevant. If I learned anything in my life it was to talk a problem through/out rather than allow it to escalate and just get worse. Hope this helps your friends somehow.
 

Offline Donnah

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #12 on: 15/04/2004 02:01:09 »
Sorry Tim, been busy at work.  

What is the payoff for "Fred"?  What is the payoff for "Mary"?  You can bet there is payoff for each of them or they would not continue the pattern.  Maybe Fred's ego gets padded and Mary gets to feel martyred.  Or Fred avoids conflict and Mary tries to control.  Or...ask them.
 

Offline MayoFlyFarmer

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #13 on: 15/04/2004 04:50:37 »
I don't think of sex and seduction when I think of basic instinct... I think of evolution and survival of the fittest....wait.... that really is sex and seduction....but in a really nerdy way....I'm fired!

Lift your skinny fists, like antennas to hevan!
 

Offline tweener

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #14 on: 16/04/2004 02:54:40 »
Last night when I read this, I was watching "Eyes Wide Shut" and didn't feel that a response would be appropriate.  (Really bad movie by the way - I turned it off about half way through).  

I'm going to guess that Fred is more concerned about it than he will admit.  I'll also bet that Mary thinks there is (or was) something between them.  If I were to wade into a situation like this, I would probably end up making both Fred and Mary mad at me, losing their friendship, and possibly driving them to violence or suicide or both.  Such is my skill with social situations.

So, forewarned with that knowledge, here are my suggestions.  1) Stay out of it and hope it goes away without anyone dying.  2) Talk with Fred to find out what he might have done to lead Mary along (maybe nothing, but you need to know), and talk with Mary to find out what she thinks is going on.  Then try to convince her that it is not worth pursuing, that Fred is not all that interested or interesting, (and no, she can't have your phone number).

No. 1 will probably work given time, like 20 to 50 years.  No. 2 probably won't work at all, unless Mary gets so mad that she refuses to speak to you or any of your friends (problem solved).  She definitely sounds like she is going 'round the bend and needs some help staying on the track.

See why all my friends are on the internet where they can't see me?

----
John - The Eternal Pessimist.
 

Offline MayoFlyFarmer

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #15 on: 16/04/2004 04:45:06 »
quote:
Originally posted by tweener



See why all my friends are on the internet where they can't see me?





Are you that good looking Tweener that you would have womeonobsessively stalking you everywhere you go??? [:p]

Lift your skinny fists, like antennas to hevan!
 

Offline OldMan

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #16 on: 16/04/2004 06:23:56 »
Thought I replied to this yesterday but must have been too wrapped up in the religious babble!

Some good points here and John I think you're right on track with some of the things I've been thinking. Don't think getting Fred angry with me will be a problem though. Maybe one of the other ladies would be better off talking to her than a guy. Think we've tried your number 1 suggestion but hey maybe it will fizzle out eventually. Fred doesn't seem to think he has led her on.. as far as he is telling us anyway but he must have done something I'm guessing. Or as Donnah says maybe he is getting something out of it himself..he does seem to take some enjoyment at reading out some of the messages at times.

I'm born. I'm alive. I breathe. In a moment or two I realize that the sphere upon which I reside is asleep on its feet. Should I go back to sleep?
 

Offline tweener

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #17 on: 17/04/2004 03:13:31 »
I am so good looking and such a social butterfly that I have women (and less often men) stalking all the time.  Always away.  So far.  Unless they are armed, in which case I'm a pretty fast runner. :)

----
John - The Eternal Pessimist.
 

Offline bezoar

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #18 on: 17/04/2004 14:29:45 »
I agree with Donnah -- there's a payoff in it for both of them and they like the dance.  I doubt anything will change it until one of them is ready.  Maybe they even like the effect it has on their friends.
 

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Re: Basic Instinct type obsessions
« Reply #18 on: 17/04/2004 14:29:45 »

 

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