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Author Topic: Age gaps in relationships.  (Read 12282 times)

Offline Carolyn

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Age gaps in relationships.
« Reply #25 on: 18/07/2007 22:02:59 »
, my personal opinion is that 25 is far too old for any 16 year old - male or female.  I don't think that you should date anyone more than 2 years older than you from the age of 16 - 19.  Anything before 16 should stay in the same age group.

Is that opinion based on a gut feeling or can you back it up?
That's where I'm having trouble


Interesting post another someone. I've kind of stopped worrying about this individual situation. Like in fairness it was just a kiss. I'm still a bit worried about the guy though.

Why did Karen W edit my last post?


Hi Boxcar - my opinion is based on my personal experiences and those of my childhood friends.  All of the girls in my group loved the idea of dating someone older, and some of us did.  The majority of us that dated much older men got into situations that none of us were mentally equipped to handle.  Some of us were fortunate and didn't get hurt, others weren't so fortunate.

I also had guy friends that dated older girls, most of them got their hearts broken.

Those are the rules in our house...you date in your own age group!  And Nic, before your even ask....BECAUSE I'M THE MOM AND I SAY SO!!! ;D


Problem is though hun, you're gonna get hurt with any relationship that doesn't work, that's the way of it. God knows I've had my share  ;)

Although chatting to some of my mates, they live older women, due to experience I'm afraid  ;)

You're so right Dan.  But.....someone in 20's or 30's in MY OPINION is far better equipped to handle that hurt than someone in their teens.

I'm assuming your mates are in their 20's or 30's.  Yes....well I said I wouldn't want to DATE someone younger....I didn't say........oops.....forgot my son's on this site too! ;D ;)
 

another_someone

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Age gaps in relationships.
« Reply #26 on: 18/07/2007 22:39:29 »
It doesn't go both ways for me.  I wouldn't have a problem dating someone 10 years older and probably would consider 15 years or more, but I couldn't see myself dating someone that much younger.  Truthfully 5 years younger than me is probably too much.  I know it's all mental, but I would feel like their mom. Yes, if I were single I would be more inclined to date/marry someone older, but ideally we would be within a few years of each other.

Mental age is by no means the same as chronological age, and I know at least one couple where the older woman is less mature than the younger man.

Then again, there are some women (and some men) who are quite happy with a relationship which is more maternal in nature - each couple have their own emotional needs, and their own way of addressing them.

I am by no means suggesting it should be right for you, but is it right to assume that what is wrong for you would be wrong for everybody else?
 

another_someone

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Age gaps in relationships.
« Reply #27 on: 18/07/2007 22:44:53 »
All of the girls in my group loved the idea of dating someone older, and some of us did.  The majority of us that dated much older men got into situations that none of us were mentally equipped to handle.  Some of us were fortunate and didn't get hurt, others weren't so fortunate.

But is this not more about your dating an idea rather than a person - you 'loved the idea of dating someone older', rather than being in love with a person who just happened to be older.  I would suggest that the two are not at all the same thing.
 

another_someone

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Age gaps in relationships.
« Reply #28 on: 18/07/2007 22:53:26 »
But.....someone in 20's or 30's in MY OPINION is far better equipped to handle that hurt than someone in their teens.

Is anybody really equipped to get hurt until it has happened - is that not part of growing up?

It is probably a difficult issue for me to talk about, as I have spent most of my life avoiding situations where I might get hurt, but my observation of others is that very often relationships where one feels one gets hurt in the end, because the end of the relationship was a disappointment, nonetheless are valuable of themselves.

Some years ago, a couple of people I know, he 16 and she 31, he just starting out in life, and she going through a painful divorce; they fell in love and got married.

Some years later, they went through a painful and acrimonious divorce themselves; but looking at who they were and what they have become; he has grown up a lot, and probably more so because of the relationship, while she survived a difficult emotional period in her life, and seems herself to be more confident in herself than she was before she met the young man.  Both were hurt by their relationship, but maybe also helped by it.
 

Offline neilep

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« Reply #29 on: 18/07/2007 22:59:00 »
In MY humble opinion ...the age gap in itself becomes meaningless the older the two become...(I am assuming normal emotional development here too)

At that tender age of sixteen she is probably just discovering the true nature of relationships and the discovery of enlightened emotions that accompany these new intimacies. (this is not to say that relationships in themselves are easy to understand...but his ability to deal with them is probably better than hers)

At sixteen I would say she is probably not as mature enough to cope with the potential turmoil to follow than a 25 year old man.

There are of course extremely well seasoned sixteen year olds (and very imature 25 year olds !!) but I would tread carefully and advise caution......be slow to act and pace yourselves well....he must lead this at a temperate rate.

She could be very hurt by this. Presumably they are in different stages of life.....him working ?..her at school ?........(sorry..have not read the entire thread........yet)

this could be a fling which will end as quickly as it started but he must think (or try to think) like a sixteen year old girl would....at 16...she is with little life experience and he must validate that.

Then there's the respective families to think about...and each others peers !
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #30 on: 18/07/2007 23:07:53 »
I have met many people who have fallen in love and are at 20 years different and are in very loving caring relationships that have stayed married and continue to be very good together despite the age difference.. two of these couples are in reverse rolls females 20 years older, but they are very much in love and wonderful together despite what others think and say.. and believe me people say lots of bad stuff that is not OK.. it is no one else's business who they love when they are both consenting adults!!

Now I also know a couple who married with that big Gap who it hasn't worked so well.. They are still married but she is younger and she is bored and feels she has missed out as he is done with certain parts of his life and she is not!

It Truly depends on the two individuals to make or break a relationship..and weather they really truly love one another enough to get past all the hurdles.
« Last Edit: 18/07/2007 23:11:30 by Karen W. »
 

Offline neilep

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« Reply #31 on: 18/07/2007 23:10:33 »
Karen Mam is correct !

Age becomes meaningless when true luff prevails.

*le sigh*
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #32 on: 18/07/2007 23:13:04 »
 Thanks Neily! :)
 

Offline Boxcar

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« Reply #33 on: 18/07/2007 23:36:44 »
*le gets sick*

Ha sorry. Yeah, I've decided not to call him on it after all. After reading Neilep's post I figured it's better for him to just learn from his own mistakes. I'd hate to lose his friendship over embarrasing him by bring it up also.

Just so yis know, the girl has waayy forgotton it and it'll probably only come up again in   
ropey jokes at parties. Sure she fancied another dude all along

Thanks alot for all the replies. They definitely helped. I hope I'll still post here and maybe make a few friend and maybe even meet them on my travels and discuss politics and music and all that stuff.

Please do continue the general discussion though because it's a hot topic for some people I think
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #34 on: 18/07/2007 23:42:33 »
You are more then welcome to continue posting your question was a good question and showed you cared about both of the people involved enough to think about your action and ponder the question.. You will do well for yourself..It has been nice meeting you!
 

Offline neilep

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« Reply #35 on: 18/07/2007 23:44:17 »
LOL....I understand totally the *le get sick*

....just don't be a stranger eh ?.......this is not one of those staid boring full of GrUp (Grown Up) data sites !!......it's a chilled out duvet of a site where we all get undercover and talk about stuff !!




*nope...I don't know what I just said either*  ;)
 

Offline Boxcar

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« Reply #36 on: 18/07/2007 23:48:02 »
I usually post on punk forums so this hospitality is so alien to me haha
What's your game freaks!?

 :D Only havin a lol
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #37 on: 18/07/2007 23:53:54 »
Nice to have a good Laugh.. Feel free to find some nice topics to get into.. and have fun!
 

Offline neilep

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« Reply #38 on: 18/07/2007 23:58:03 »
I usually post on punk forums so this hospitality is so alien to me haha
What's your game freaks!?

 :D Only havin a lol

I used to like the Sex Pistols !...Stranglers !...
 

Offline kdlynn

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« Reply #39 on: 19/07/2007 00:24:32 »
we are certainly an eclectic bunch, too! we like everybody! *big cheesy grin*
 

Offline Simulated

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« Reply #40 on: 19/07/2007 00:26:44 »
neilep
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I'm right there...inside your head !

How do you ge that many stars? LoL.
 

Offline neilep

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« Reply #41 on: 19/07/2007 01:26:37 »
neilep
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I'm right there...inside your head !

How do you ge that many stars? LoL.

This is a good question !

It's worth mentioining that I was once a moderator here and I suspect that now that I am not, that my stars are not supressed...which I imagine must be the case for the mods !...Can ewe imagine how many stars Karen would have if she was not a mod ?...

..This must mean that ewe too will enjoy multiple star luff the more posts you post !!

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #42 on: 19/07/2007 01:32:03 »
OH SO I have to quit moderating to get me stars back Eh???? LOL
 

Offline Simulated

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« Reply #43 on: 19/07/2007 02:32:05 »
what does ewe mean? and luff?
 

Offline kdlynn

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« Reply #44 on: 19/07/2007 02:33:12 »
say it out loud ryan
 

Offline Simulated

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« Reply #45 on: 19/07/2007 02:34:57 »
you (makes since sort of when your read it) and laugh? IDK its summer lol
 

Offline kdlynn

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« Reply #46 on: 19/07/2007 02:39:53 »
love
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #47 on: 19/07/2007 02:40:45 »
You did not really ask that question did you?? LOL

I LUFF EWE! LOL
 

Offline Simulated

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« Reply #48 on: 19/07/2007 02:42:20 »
I didn't get it. LoL Sorry
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #49 on: 19/07/2007 02:43:26 »
HEE HEE HEE>> That is funny! No apoligizing.. LOL
 

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