The Naked Scientists

The Naked Scientists Forum

Author Topic: Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!  (Read 46131 times)

Offline Andrew K Fletcher

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2331
  • KIS Keep It Simple
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #100 on: 08/06/2008 10:33:10 »
Husband and wife walking through the local supermarket. Husband grabs a pack of 20 cans of beer and puts it in the trolly. Wife lifts it out and puts it back on the shelf stating we cannot afford this.

Later his wife puts a £30.00 jar of face cream in the basket. Husband promptly takes it out and puts it back on the shelf stating we cannot afford this either!

Wife adds this cream is cheap and makes me beautiful

Husband replies, "So does the beer and it is £10.00 cheaper than the cream
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #101 on: 09/06/2008 13:00:48 »
                                MEGA DEATH            

An angel stands on the clouds, looking down to Earth below:

"Hey everyone come look at this" he says calling to a group of angels nearby.

"What is it Jim?" asks one of the troop as they come to see what he's talking about.

"It's this guy, I've been watching him for ages, first he started with elixirs of youth and stuff, but now, well, take a look"

"No way, he's built a robot body to stick his brain in"

"Yep" replies Jim

"he's really going for it, you think it'll, no, no, he's walking" says Tony

"That's just tragic" says Frank

"You see what fear can do to a man" says Jim

"He's more machine now than man" quibs Jeff

"That's pretty good" says Steve "how about this, it's his go-bot"

"Yeah yeah, it's his dream, machine"

"No, no, I got it, it's 'Robo-coward'"

"How about the termer-never"

"Noo, the termer-notter surely" says Jeff

Gabriel happening to walk past at this moment enquires "What are you all laughing about?" They stop laughing and act sheepish "Oh I see, what's the matter with you all" she says firmly "you Angels or monsters? He's just scared, OK, he's just scared; Now go and bring him back for peat-sake"

"Who's peat" says Jeff

"Don't make me pray" Replies Gabriel with a stern look, and then see walks off into the clouds and just before she disappears she says "By the way, when you all get back, we're chatting"

"Your fault" says Frank pushing Jeff
"Hey don't blame me man"
"Stop it" says Steve "It's all our fault. Now, who's going to go rain on him?   
« Last Edit: 17/06/2008 16:07:39 by JOLLY »
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #102 on: 09/06/2008 13:54:45 »
LOL LOL.. I like that one will send it to me son! Thanks Jolly .. Hope your well!
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #103 on: 10/06/2008 19:14:40 »

"He's moving into attack position"
----

"Jolly the chances of surviving a full postal assult on the empire are 250,000,000 to 1"

"Shut up cheese"
------

"Silly joke incoming sir"

"Quick, take evasive action" "TOO LATE!"

"Sir"

"WHAT?!"

"D-Section are Giggling"

"Bucket of water man, buckets of water, GO GO GO"

"ERR Sir, there still laughing"

"DAM YOU JOLLY!!"
-------

"You know what I realise cheese" "Well no how could I?"

"I realise that, if a bottom feeder runs the tank that everyone ends up living in the gravel"

"Do you want to say it or shall I?" "Flip a coin? No you say it"

"OK, We don't want your carrot and we ain't afraid of your stick, but keep right on hitting us little man"

 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #104 on: 10/06/2008 19:28:51 »

"He's moving into attack position"
----

"Jolly the chances of surviving a full postal assult on the empire are 250,000,000 to 1"

"Shut up cheese"
------

"Silly joke incoming sir"

"Quick, take evasive action" "TOO LATE!"

"Sir"

"WHAT?!"

"D-Section are Giggling"

"Bucket of water man, buckets of water, GO GO GO"

"ERR Sir, there still laughing"

"DAM YOU JOLLY!!"
-------

"You know what I realise cheese" "Well no how could I?"

"I realise that, if a bottom feeder runs the tank that everyone ends up living in the gravel"

"Do you want to say it or shall I?" "Flip a coin? No you say it"

"OK, We don't want your carrot and we ain't afraid of your stick, but keep right on hitting us little man"



Hee hee hee.. Thats good...
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #105 on: 10/06/2008 19:42:39 »
                    INSURANCE THE CONVERSATION

Ringing sound

"Welcome to (please add company name) Insurance"

"Yeah hi, I bought this policy off you and it's not paying out"

"Please hold" Music starts 'Coz I'm a criminal, everytime I write a rhyme they just think it's a crime, Coz I'm a criminal'

"Hello problems department, how can we help?"

"Yes hi, I bought this policy off you and it's not paying out, so I'm calling to find out why?"

"Well sir, if you read article 7, paragraph 5, subsection C 10 of your contract, well you will see quite clearly that, we don't have to pay you anything"

"Hey, hey, come on the guy that sold me this policy told me it covers everything"

"Oh that guy, yes we know he's been fired"

"Sorry? That is ridiculous, my wife took out a new policy two days ago and the guy said the same thing to her"

"Was it the 'Super-Gold-Policy-Plus with tassels'?"

"Yes, the same policy I've got"

"Oh well that's it, maybe you would be interested in our new 'extra-super-gold policy-plus with tassels' you will have to pay into it for at least 3 years before you can claim anything, but it will resolve all the problems you are currently having, this policy truly does cover everything."

"I haven't got 3 years, I need an operation next week"

"Well sir, as I said if you read article 7, paragraph 5, subsection C 10 of your contract, you will see quite clearly we don't have to pay you anything"

"I want to speak to your manager"

"Ok sir, please hold" Music starts again 'Coz I'm a criminal(10 Mins later) everytime I write a'

"Hello, this is the manager how can I help?"

"You sound just the same as the last guy"

"Budget cuts sir, now what seems to be the problem?"

"Yeah, I bought this policy from you, it's not doing what it said it would, so I want my money back"

"Sir I would ask that you refrain from using such abusive language"

"Sorry? I just want my money back"

"Sir if you continue with this abusive language, I will be forced to refuse you service"

"Can I speak to your manager, please?"

"What the director of problems?"

To be continued forever.......
« Last Edit: 22/07/2008 14:58:16 by Jo-eyy »
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #106 on: 10/06/2008 19:43:43 »

"He's moving into attack position"
Hee hee hee.. Thats good...

Thanks lady I do try. hugs
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #107 on: 10/06/2008 19:45:54 »
LOL Now that sounds about right! LOL!

Yes you do.. Hugs you back!
 

Offline RD

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 8127
  • Thanked: 53 times
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #108 on: 10/06/2008 19:56:15 »
Quotes from motor insurance claim forms...

"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were -
Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus"

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood.
 I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."


http://www.businessballs.com/insuranceclaims.htm
« Last Edit: 10/06/2008 20:07:06 by RD »
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #109 on: 10/06/2008 20:00:42 »
LOL LOL.. I like these jokes they are right up my alley! LOL LOL...
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #110 on: 10/06/2008 20:11:21 »
OH MY GOSH.....RD.. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOO HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.. Those on the link are definitely keepers oh my word! My side is is hurting .. the one about I hit the old man and knocked him down but he said admitted it was his fault cause hed been knocked down before.... Or the guy that gets in a wreck because he was 3waving to the guy he hit last week! LOL  HA HAHA HAHA LOL....
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #111 on: 11/06/2008 13:31:04 »
                       
                                               STAND UP JOLLY...

"OK. Ladies and gents we welcome on to the stage tonight at the comedy club, the joker for Jesus, the maverick for Mary, the lover of the Lord, i..." "and everyone else"
"What?"
"and everyone else"
"Oh, And everyone else, just in from the barbarian fringe, please put them together for, Jolly"

"Hi, wherever I am, how are you all tonight? I hope your all good, I have nothing prepared by the way, I literally have just come here to be laughed at. So what shall we laugh at today then, other than me of course?
oh while you ponder, I just found out something tragic the other day, I mean really tragic, it has caused me to sit around mumbling to myself constantly, Boris won the election people, BORIS, it just makes London all christmassy doesn't it.
ARR whatever happens I"m sure he'll bring the house down. Don't get me wrong though, I do like the guy, there is a little Ken Clarke in there somewhere, after you get past the jugglers and candy cain. And I've realised something, I've understood, I see so clearly what's going on, every country is having a, who can elect the most stupid leader competition...."

"Sorry Jolly were going to have to ask you to stop"

"I've only been on two minutes, whats going on?"

"Grad him lads..... let go of the Mic"

"Be good and be happy people, be good and be happy, don't let the BXXXXXXX get you down"
     
« Last Edit: 17/06/2008 16:11:39 by JOLLY »
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #112 on: 12/06/2008 12:39:46 »
                  My T'shirt company

So come one and all and add you ideas for T'shirts.

Front:
I don't know any Pixie Queen

Back:
I don't know any lily
--------------------------

Front:
(please insert the name of your countries security service, E.G. The CIA)
screwed me over and all I got was this lousy sheltered accommodation

Back:
Shh, don't tell anyone
-----------------------------

Front:
Vote for cheese

Back:
Nothing
----------------------

Front:
Do you know the CIAs Motto?

Back:
Don't whatever you do, look in the mirror!
--------------

"I could go on I have pages of these"

"Go on then"

"Dam it! fine I will"

Front:
errrr

Back:
ummmm
-----------------

Front:
Something something funny

Back:
Look over there, it's a giant ant.......

WE INTERUPT THIS INSANITY TO ASK THAT IF YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA FOR A T'SHIRT, THAT YOU POST IT:
« Last Edit: 12/06/2008 17:57:08 by JOLLY »
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #113 on: 12/06/2008 13:47:32 »
LOL.. Hmmmm will have to mull that one over.. LOL
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #114 on: 14/06/2008 19:11:47 »
The main reason why, I decided to pick her, as it were, was because I felt that if I annoyed her enough, she might write a ´Shut up Jolly´ song. ;D


POP QUIZ....

Is that true?

I'll let you ponder.
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #115 on: 14/06/2008 22:30:44 »
Good.. Thanks.
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #116 on: 15/06/2008 13:49:39 »
                  My T'shirt company

WE INTERUPT THIS INSANITY TO ASK THAT IF YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA FOR A T'SHIRT, THAT YOU POST IT:


Front:

The person wearing this is an idiot

Back:

Kick me
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #117 on: 15/06/2008 13:54:31 »
                  My T'shirt company

WE INTERUPT THIS INSANITY TO ASK THAT IF YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA FOR A T'SHIRT, THAT YOU POST IT:


Front:

The person wearing this is an idiot

Back:

Kick me

Your original statement on the front or the back with a bright yellow post it on the back..
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #118 on: 15/06/2008 14:10:28 »
                  My T'shirt company

WE INTERUPT THIS INSANITY TO ASK THAT IF YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA FOR A T'SHIRT, THAT YOU POST IT:


Front:

The person wearing this is an idiot

Back:

Kick me

Your original statement on the front or the back with a bright yellow post it on the back..

How about a big yellow foam arrow, pointing at the shoulder?
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #119 on: 15/06/2008 14:12:39 »
That would be good but it would not wash well! Hee hee hee,,,
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #120 on: 15/06/2008 14:31:12 »
That would be good but it would not wash well! Hee hee hee,,,

Karen it would be bad enough if you actually bought that T'shirt for you child, but then when they come home covered in crap and all beaten up; to take it off them wash it and give it back to them, so they can just go do it all again tomorrow- That's just cruel.
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #121 on: 15/06/2008 14:34:11 »
LOL LOL LOL... Oh come on... whats a little ruckus makes em tough! LOL "Just kidding"
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #122 on: 17/06/2008 16:35:58 »
Lily I are you crazy? What are you doing taking advice from Kate?

Kate's OK, but she's from Addiscombe, and if there is a 'Golden rule' in life, it's don't listen to anyone from Addiscombe. Addiscombe's ok, it's like Greece to Rome, you know. But where's Rome Lily? Where's Rome?

Yes there is a point to this post. I have just forgotten it.... Arr someone will get it, whatever it was. 


Lily we gotta get together we'd be like, Sunny and Cher for chavs.

Think of the chavs lily, they need a Sunny and Cher. :P
« Last Edit: 22/07/2008 15:04:54 by Jo-eyy »
 

Offline Karen W.

  • Moderator
  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *****
  • Posts: 31653
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • "come fly with me"
    • View Profile
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #123 on: 17/06/2008 17:17:55 »
LOL.. LOL
 

sooyeah

  • Guest
Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #124 on: 17/06/2008 17:29:31 »
                                   Hey Everyone

So it's that time again. I have to go off and do stuff and so won't be posting again for a while, if at all. [:-'(] We'll see what the Man does.

It's as always been a pleasure. Sorry to those I have upset, if I have that is.

Sorry to anyone expecting a reply to something, I'm not going to be able to, but anyway.

So going to have to love you and leave you again, I may be back on some time before the end of the year(God willling ofcourse).

HUGS to all

Going to leave you with a song:
amp;feature=related  (Open and minimise)

« Last Edit: 17/06/2008 17:35:55 by JOLLY »
 

The Naked Scientists Forum

Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!
« Reply #124 on: 17/06/2008 17:29:31 »

 

SMF 2.0.10 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines
SMFAds for Free Forums