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Author Topic: Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!  (Read 46188 times)

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #125 on: 17/06/2008 18:04:17 »
Bye Jolly..Take care .. That was a very beautiful song! Thanks!
 

sooyeah

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« Reply #126 on: 21/07/2008 19:00:57 »
Hi di hi,

The man still posts, ladies and gents, how does he do it? We don't know.

The Odor tortures just crap. Anyway...

Big Brother: "Jolly, the unexamined life isn't worth living, so you can see right there, I'm not a pervert, I'm a saint"  ;D

Anyway, how are you all?

Here's a joke to get started, someone told me it at the beginning of last year:

Two soldiers walking through the desert and they come across a lady buried up to her neck in sand, she shouts "help please, dig me out" they reply "well, what will you give us if we do?" The lady thinks a moment and says 'sand' :)

Are we gender literate yet? :D
 

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« Reply #127 on: 21/07/2008 19:06:06 »
Here's a question,

If Makaveli was a women do you think she'd have said: "What do you want the hood or the feed bag?"

I'll let you ponder, if you were a female Makaveli what would you say?
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #128 on: 21/07/2008 19:36:42 »
Welcome to the forum JO-ey! Enjoy your time here.
 

sooyeah

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« Reply #129 on: 22/07/2008 13:28:36 »
Welcome to the forum JO-ey! Enjoy your time here.

Thankyou lady.......what

Hey everyone:

One for the Hicks fans: "Ann-gel, were you going with that lightening bolt in your hand"

You want to get it, you'll have to become one.

Here's a song everyone, one of Bills favs too


PEACE. I love you all but it's time to move on.

Be good and be happy

Jolly
« Last Edit: 22/07/2008 19:04:50 by Jolly »
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #130 on: 22/07/2008 21:10:57 »
Bye for now Jolly.. I will write soon.. Thanks for the Jokes Jo-ey.. Hee hee

Be safe take care..

 

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« Reply #131 on: 27/09/2008 19:37:47 »
Howdy everyone.


"My fellow Americans I thank you for working hard and bringing peace between men and fish. Today I ask you to stand firm and united, to do everything you can, to help turn this country commie, Now watch this drive"

and so I'm singing:

A long long time ago
Which some of us remember
There was a crash upon wall street
and people queued for a long time
trying to get some food to survive
and it all went a bit nuts for a while
so then we had a big fat war
to kill off all the surplus poor
and a new deal came in to help out
those that were left
so now it seems it's happening again
just to increase the wealth of a few rich men
and when you look at it it's quite insane
The day the system died

Soo, Bye bye the American lie
they've gone commie
It's not funny
and their in the house white
I heard Bush's' speech and I started to cry
thinking
Oh my god my shares have just dived
Oh my god my shares have just died

Did you write the book of law
and do have any faith anymore,
if the politicians tell you so
and do you believe in the free market
could the system save you from the dip
and can you teach us where to put our cash flowoo

Well I know that your a commie now
coz you wanna go nationalise us out
it doesn't seem a ok
it doesn't feel like the American way
ouuuu
I was lonely teenage investor jock
with a small portfolio and Ford Escort
and I knew you wouldn't give me stock
the day the system died

I started signing

bye bye Mr bushy bye bye
maybe Vader some day later
now he's just a presidential guy
and his rich old friends were drinking whiskey and rye
saying
come on lets all go nationalise
come on lets all go nationalise
« Last Edit: 12/11/2008 20:00:12 by WIZBIT_69 »
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #132 on: 27/09/2008 20:27:13 »
co exist with fish.. eh.. well when the humans get hungry and their resources have dwindled down to nothing.... they exist as best they can and if that means a change in diet  so be it! You me or the fish.. The fish looses hands down!
« Last Edit: 27/09/2008 20:33:19 by Karen W. »
 

WIZBIT_69

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« Reply #133 on: 28/09/2008 13:13:11 »
co exist with fish.. eh.. well when the humans get hungry and their resources have dwindled down to nothing.... they exist as best they can and if that means a change in diet  so be it! You me or the fish.. The fish looses hands down!

well, Karen is it, I don't think Mr bush will be very happy about that idea, I actually thought that Mr bush was serious, and I agreed with him; fish being murdered and dieing out and all that. But someone said to me yesterday that "actually that bush quote was a gaff" and that he wasn't serious at all.

Which just lead me to think 'well that's a Freudian slip and a half'

Hands up all those who think that in a few years we'll see Bush's' wife on CNN;

Reporter: "So when was it you first realised that something was up?"

Mrs Bush: "Well I always thought there was something abit weird going on when George kept bringing gold fish home from the office"

Reporter: "So then, that was the moment you realised"

Mrs Bush: "Actually it was when he started making them little pink dresses and bringing them to bed with him. I would wake up some mornings and..(tears)..I, I cant talk about it it's too horrific"

Reporter: "And now for something extremely similar"

I just wonder how Bush reflects on his first day at S and B...(searching for black stuff ;))

"They untied me nuts, opened those big old doors and there they were..  [:X]..it was the greatest day of my life"
« Last Edit: 28/09/2008 13:49:38 by WIZBIT_69 »
 

WIZBIT_69

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« Reply #134 on: 28/09/2008 14:56:08 »
It's not true ladies and gents Bush isn't a commie. No, he's a national socialist.

That's not true either, really he's not anything; This whole situation is just symptomatic of what happens when:

       'nepotism goes nuts'
« Last Edit: 29/09/2008 11:24:59 by WIZBIT_69 »
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #135 on: 28/09/2008 21:05:15 »
LOL.. yes that is funny....

 

WIZBIT_69

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« Reply #136 on: 29/09/2008 12:39:13 »
                          PORN....

OK so, I mean, I like eating you know, I quite enjoy food, Steak and chips, maybe even a burger or two, but I am not going down the video store and asking the guy behind the counter if he has anything in the way of, 'Guy eating steak or girl eating salad'.

"Yeah you got anything on Mcd's food? Ouu Group eat steak part 7, sounds great!"

A guy said to me once "You know most of the men and women in porn a gay, thats how they last so long"  Well I didn't know that but he did just give me a whole new list of reasons not to watch it.


That's quite funny I can see some guy getting back to his flat and he says to his flat mate:

"Hey I just got, 'Group chew stake part 7' looks good"

Flat mate: "No, I've already seen it, you know the whole cast is vegetarian don't you"

"Oh maaann!"

Flatmate: "Well that's why they take so long to eat"
 

WIZBIT_69

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« Reply #137 on: 29/09/2008 12:45:01 »
So I don't know if you heard but apparently they have seen wild dolphins tail walking, apparently they believe that a dolphin, that was realised or escaped from a marine park taught others how to do it.

That's just great isn't it- the glory.

Just see it now, his first day out in the sea and this newly free dolphin meets some other wild dolphins and goes "check this out"

and all the girls and bush go "wooow"
 
 

fred

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« Reply #138 on: 16/11/2008 17:03:06 »
House of commons 2040

"Secretary of state for nothing' what's happened?"

"Well, 'minister formerly in charge of something' apparently the 'minister of receipts' has well, lost some receipts"

"Oh my god! Do the press know?"

"We're not actually sure,the 'secretary of state of chair cleaning on a Tuesday' said he gave all his receipts to the 'minister of the wine bar',but the 'minister of the wine bar' denies it saying that he couldn't possibly of taken those receipts as, he has a big delivery that day"

"What does the 'secretary of state for arse kissing N-power' think?"

"We don't know he's still in a meeting, But the 'Primed minister' thinks, that the whole problem could be solved by creating a new cabinet position entitled 'The Secretary of state for checking that other ministers have given their receipts to the minister of receipts properly"

"I'm not sure that is such a good idea, you know how jealous some of them get; it is a very long title"
« Last Edit: 16/11/2008 17:09:36 by fred »
 

fred

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« Reply #139 on: 16/11/2008 17:06:40 »
So with the global market crash going on all around us some have suggested using computers to do the regulating,

HENCE:

sound of heavy footsteps at the end of the hall

'clunk' 'clunk'

bunch of guys in suits in one of the rooms

"Keep shredding! Keep shredding!"

'clunk' 'clunk'

"Faster! come on, he's almost here!"

'clunk' 'clunk'

'Burn it all, go go go!"

'clunk' cyborg with suit case stands in door way

"DROP IT! DEAD OR ALIVE I'M READING THAT FILE"

music starts, titles role, voice over comes in

"He was an accountant who nearly died in a terrible photocoping accident, so the government took his half dead body and turned him into a Cyborg, today he stalks the city offices, fighting for tough regulation on wallstreet and beyond; he is:


ROBO-REGULATOR'

music continues in it's 80s style, shots of friends smiling, boss man making a coffee, white collar hood being locked up.


Or how about?

OK so how about rather than a cyborg, they have a little computer box thing that sits in on board meeting,

IN THE BOARD ROOM:

Tom: "Well, why don't we just sell those dodgy holdings?"

(robot voice)
Bot: "ERRR, that is against article 2175 B of the state regulatory code"

Jim: "Can't we switch him off?"

Bot: "ERRR, no you cannot switch me off, that is against article 59007 d of the state regulatory code, I have two reserve batteries"

Tom:(whispers)"Let's smash him"

Bot: "ERRR, you cannot smash me, that is against article 587492 F of the state regulatory code, I have armour platting"

James: "Can't we throw him out the window?"

Bot: "ERRR, no you cannot throw me out the window, that is a federal offence, and against article 897854512457 N of the state regulatory code, I have a paracute"

Bot was last herd saying "ERRRRR, I'll be back!"

Later that day, in taxi:

Bot: "ERRR, ownership of Crocodiles is prohibited under state law section 584758 D, I shall inform the 'Animal Safety Commission'. ERRR, you are not allowed to over take on the inside, that is a state offence under section 7 of the high way code, I am currently emailing a state trooper"

Back at Regulatory authority head quarters

Bot: "ERRR that is against cleaning procedure 198765, of the maintenance guide"
 
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #140 on: 16/11/2008 21:42:11 »
LOL LOL LOL....Pretty good! Welcome Fred!
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #141 on: 16/11/2008 21:45:54 »
Welcome to the forum JO-ey! Enjoy your time here.

Thankyou lady.......what

Hey everyone:

One for the Hicks fans: "Ann-gel, were you going with that lightening bolt in your hand"

You want to get it, you'll have to become one.

Here's a song everyone, one of Bills favs too


PEACE. I love you all but it's time to move on.

Be good and be happy

Jolly

I did not see this.. I have never heard this Bob Dylan.. song.. Thanks!
 

Offline mcgiverofthegarden

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« Reply #142 on: 14/05/2009 13:51:17 »
             
                     Dulcinea! What you done to me!

So anyway the little cowards are still gassing me daily, very brave I must say, the bunch of people that sneak around drugging others up, what guts they have, so very Christian, shows alot of love.

But as I always say, Not bothered the cowards can come and torture me some more for all I care, we turn the other cheek and love back.

Have to add considering that I have now given up my citizenship it really does express the truth, that those who really rule today, actually think they own everyone, and can pretty much treat them as they want. So much for civilisation.

Be good and be happy people here I'll show you my-
 
                              Epitaph

Here lyith half a person the other half is in some lab somewhere being examined.
Born (add date)
Named( put name) by his father who no doubt payed for this.
Died (add date).
Final thought was believe to be 'and there still listening'
favorite quotes were: "If a bottom feeder runs the tank everyone lives in the gravel" and "better a beggar in the land of the seeing than a king in the land of the blind"

Yours with love

ME
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #143 on: 15/05/2009 11:06:20 »
             
                     Dulcinea! What you done to me!

So anyway the little cowards are still gassing me daily, very brave I must say, the bunch of people that sneak around drugging others up, what guts they have, so very Christian, shows alot of love.

But as I always say, Not bothered the cowards can come and torture me some more for all I care, we turn the other cheek and love back.

Have to add considering that I have now given up my citizenship it really does express the truth, that those who really rule today, actually think they own everyone, and can pretty much treat them as they want. So much for civilisation.

Be good and be happy people here I'll show you my-
 
                              Epitaph

Here lyith half a person the other half is in some lab somewhere being examined.
Born (add date)
Named( put name) by his father who no doubt payed for this.
Died (add date).
Final thought was believe to be 'and there still listening'
favorite quotes were: "If a bottom feeder runs the tank everyone lives in the gravel" and "better a beggar in the land of the seeing than a king in the land of the blind"

Yours with love

ME




  Always wearing his heart on his sleeve......ah how Quixote must have grieved!

I hope his grief was not in vein, and that he finds his Dulcinea once again!

Thanks for reviving this old thread........nice  posts mcgiverofthegarden!
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #144 on: 16/05/2009 21:20:05 »
Your welcome Mcgiverofthegarden! Thank ou for the jokes....

Honestly don't understand that one yet..I need to ponder it a bit more!
 

Offline mcgiverofthegarden

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« Reply #145 on: 17/05/2009 13:45:34 »
Teddy Roosevelt said:

"the greatest prize life offers, is the chance to work hard at work worth doing"

Sadly some seem to think that life's greatest prize is the chance to sit on a beach and do nothing with their lives.



And so in honour of those that think an easy life is a good reason to give up liberty, I name this post:

          '50 years on in the assimilated states of the latvain modern republic'
 

"So apart from the new Igloo homes, daisy chain sunday, the little elf robots that do the washing up, the hell-ta-skel-ta L-train, the fancy happy shoes and of course badger hugging Monday. What have the Latvians ever done for us?

"Snow cones"

"What?"

"Arr yeah Reg remember how hard life was before the new snow cones"

Reg: "Well obviously the snow cones. So apart from...."
« Last Edit: 17/05/2009 14:21:07 by mcgiverofthegarden »
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #146 on: 18/05/2009 05:26:30 »
??????
 

Offline mcgiverofthegarden

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« Reply #147 on: 18/05/2009 11:55:38 »
??????

Karen You know I love you, right? Just to help.

feature=PlayList&p=B676DE76E4BABAB6&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=33
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #148 on: 18/05/2009 12:37:38 »
??????

Karen You know I love you, right? Just to help.

feature=PlayList&p=B676DE76E4BABAB6&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=33


What a sweet thing to say....  Thank you for your kind words. I will have to check those out when I get on a real computer!  My phone has a hardware problem and won't play the videos.... are there lyrics to read somewhere?  is it music or just video?
 

Offline mcgiverofthegarden

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« Reply #149 on: 18/05/2009 13:20:58 »
??????

Karen You know I love you, right? Just to help.

feature=PlayList&p=B676DE76E4BABAB6&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=33


What a sweet thing to say....  Thank you for your kind words. I will have to check those out when I get on a real computer!  My phone has a hardware problem and won't play the videos.... are there lyrics to read somewhere?  is it music or just video?

It's a film, Life of brian.
 

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« Reply #149 on: 18/05/2009 13:20:58 »

 

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