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Author Topic: Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!  (Read 46113 times)

Offline Simulated

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« Reply #50 on: 31/07/2007 02:17:09 »
I thought someone would get it.
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #51 on: 31/07/2007 02:18:14 »
It was a good one.. so many I don't get but I like when I get it! LOL
 

Offline Simulated

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« Reply #52 on: 31/07/2007 02:29:52 »
HAHA yeah my uncle sent me and my parents that email. I don't think i forwarded it to anyone
lol
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #53 on: 31/07/2007 23:30:55 »


it was a good one!
 

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« Reply #54 on: 01/08/2007 16:40:12 »
OK! LoL. I'll have to read over it again to see if I can get it. LoL.
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #55 on: 01/08/2007 16:45:40 »
ok!
 

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« Reply #56 on: 26/11/2007 15:05:53 »
A willy says to 2 testicles "do you wanna come to a party" the testicles say "no! you always go in and leave us outside knocking"
 

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« Reply #57 on: 16/02/2008 12:36:00 »
Is anyone like me in that when they go to sleep at night, laying in bed with eyes closed, they think

"you've been listening to radio Jolly, its been a fun day really (list things that happened) according to the barometer its gonna be a good day tomorrow" and then you sing something like ´I have a dream´ by ABBA and finish saying "that was I have a dream by ABBA"

Am I allonee?
« Last Edit: 06/03/2008 12:22:07 by JOLLY »
 

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« Reply #58 on: 16/02/2008 12:43:02 »
Ok ok, a guy walks into a studio with his family and says to the producer "I have this great new act!"

and the producer says "well ok but I haven't got much time be quick"

So anyway the guy injects his wife and kids who then run around crazy style poohing everywhere and throwing it at each other, he joins in, and then they start having some weird sex session, suddenly stop and gos "ter derrr"

The producer says "what do you call that act?" and the guy says "The Elites"

Disgusting? I completely agree.
 

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« Reply #59 on: 16/02/2008 12:49:53 »
Angel anwsers the door to heaven,

Angel in the back ground says "who is it?"

the Angel who answered the door says "It´s Satan the most stupid"

"Well what does he want?"
"He wants to know if we have a spare set of keys for hell coz hes lost them"
"What again?" says the angel "Ever since that idiot demanded a place for stupid people to live its just been one thing after the next, Anything else, before I go looking?"
the angel at the door replies "Yeah, he wants a lighter"
« Last Edit: 06/03/2008 12:20:25 by JOLLY »
 

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« Reply #60 on: 10/03/2008 18:51:04 »
So I was down the beach the other day swimming and I saw a dolphin swim pass, I didn't really think much of it at the time, But when I got home that evening I went down the pub with a few friends.
Ad a few bevies, now my friends a surfer and I got the idea that maybe you could surf with dolphins, you know, Dolphin-surfin, but I thought there might be a few problems with it, and it was over those beers that me and Jim came up with the concept, we just had to hammer out a few of the issues and I remember I said to Jim "Jim do you think it would be possible to teach a dolphin, to stand on a surf-bord?"

So we put a shack on the beach and a sign on the door, that read ´dolphin-surfin 5 dollars`.
« Last Edit: 10/03/2008 18:52:54 by JOLLY »
 

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« Reply #61 on: 10/03/2008 19:01:13 »
                                Ancient Rome ;)

"Dad, why are we doing this?"

"look son, don't you see, the whole of society is set up, so we can rule as the enlightened few"

"Yeah, but dad I'm an idiot, I mean I got an G on my maths test, and on all my other tests I never got higher than a E"

"What are you talking about? I paid your school a couple of million and they changed all your results to A's"

"well yeah but that doesn't change the fact that I'm an idiot does it"

"Don't worry son, what we're going to do, is make everyone else in society, more stupid than you, that way, you'll be the most cleaver"

"Does mum know?"

"No, we're not gonna tell her"

"Arr, Dad you're a genius"

"No son, you´re the genius"
-----------------------------------------------------------

You do all realise that the moment anyone stands up and says "I'm the most enlightened round here" they just totally show that they're not? You all see that, yeah.

Don't be too hard on them, for inside every Elite, is a human being just trying to get out.
« Last Edit: 11/06/2008 12:46:40 by JOLLY »
 

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« Reply #62 on: 10/03/2008 19:11:29 »
So anyway I was Rock climbing the other day and I saw a goat, didn't think much of it at the time, but when I got home I went down the pub with me friends, ad a few bevies, and we were on our ninth pint and I said to Jim "Jim what do you think about climbing with goats you know, Goat-climbing?" and Jim said "yyeahh"
and it was over those few beers we came up with the concept and I remember I said to Jim "Jim do you think it would be possible to teach a Goat, to tie knots?"
So we put a shack on the side of the mountain and a sign on the door that read 'Goat-Climbing 5 dollars'
 

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« Reply #63 on: 10/03/2008 19:16:57 »
A word to the brown hair, in Hitlers world the blond rules. But don't worrie Brown hair you can wait tables and shine shoes and your children and their children can too, the brown haired Nazi fights for his own enslavement.

Just thinking, if anyone still wants to be a Nazi after reading that, I suggest that go to the next rally and at that moment when all that anger and hate is boiling over and they can hold it no longer, they say in a firm steady voice "NO! I want to do the washing up!"
 

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« Reply #64 on: 10/03/2008 19:26:57 »
So I went fishing the other day, and I saw a bear, didn't think anything of it at the time, but when I got home I went down the pub with a friend- Jim.
Ad a few bevies, and me and Jim started wondering weather it would be possible to fish with bears, you know, Bear-Fishing.
So it was over those few drinks we came up with the concept 'Bear-Fishing' and I remember we were on our fifthteenth pint, I said to Jim "Jim do you think it would be possible to teach a bear, to fly cast?"
Jim didn´t answer he was asleep.
So anyway we put a shack by the river and a little sign on the door that read 'Bear-fishing 5 Dollars'

And its been great for the bears you know, coz before they were dying out but now there are loads of them.
« Last Edit: 18/04/2008 16:51:40 by JOLLY »
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #65 on: 11/03/2008 18:46:33 »
What in the 7 realms is he wittering about?  ???
 

Offline Andrew K Fletcher

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« Reply #66 on: 11/03/2008 19:13:19 »
Cowboy walks into a bar, "Ouch it was an iron bar" Asks for a whisky and catches it as it slides along the bar, drinking it in one gulp and moseying on out to find his horse has been stolen.

Kicks open the bat wing saloon doors walks up to the bar and bites the top off a glass bottle spitting it angrily at the bar man.

Says if my horse is not outside by the time I have drank this glass of whiskey the same is going to happen here as what happened in El Darado last week. On drinking up he walked out of the saloon and found his horse had been duly returned.

Little cringing guy trembeling with fear says; Sir, I hope you don't mind me asking a qu qu question, "but what did happen in El Darado last week"?

Our hero replies "I had to walk home"
 

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« Reply #67 on: 11/03/2008 19:44:59 »
 

Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #68 on: 11/03/2008 22:29:12 »
Someone emailed this to me.. I thought it was cute!



An older couple is lying in bed one morning.

They had just awakened from a good night's sleep.

He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.'
'Why not?' he asked.
She answered, 'Because I'm dead.'
The husband asked.

'What are you talking about?

We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!'
She said, 'No, I'm definitely dead.'
He insisted, 'You are not dead.

What in the world makes you think you're dead?'


'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.'
 

Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #69 on: 12/03/2008 07:57:51 »
Quote
'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.'

That would be nice  ;D
 

sooyeah

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« Reply #70 on: 16/04/2008 16:59:43 »
What in the 7 realms is he wittering about?  ???

Don't look at me Beaver, the cheese is insane. Clearly insane, thats where it all comes from.

How about this,

                 I'll call it:- Tragic and Hilarious

"So you'll give me $2,000.00 now and then a $1,000.00 everytime in the future?"

"Yea"

"NO, I don't think so"

"Wait, wait, we'll also let you finish off our Chinese food"

"Soo, you'll give me $2,000.00 now, and a $1,000.00 each time in the future, plus, you'll let me finish off the Chinese...uummm OK OK"  :D


I wonder if you'll get it. While you ponder...

I guy said to me a while back

"If a 7ft gorilla walks into your living room, where does he sit?"

"I Don't know" I replied

"Where ever he wants" said the guy

I retorted "Well, that's why he's a gorilla" :)
« Last Edit: 21/04/2008 17:38:23 by JOLLY »
 

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« Reply #71 on: 16/04/2008 17:37:44 »
                                 
                                     Shape Shifting Aliens

According to David Icke, shape shifting aliens run the planet. Now I have said this before and I shall say it again:
Am I the only one that thinks shape shifting alien women sounds kinda cool? I don't know about the rest of you but I'm going with:- Flowers, candy, dinner, show etc etc... ;)

"Jolly, you idiot! She'll eat you before you get anywhere near the taxi"

"Really, you think?" :)

I don't actually know if these alien women exist or not; but, if they do, then really they deserve love and respect like everyone else, so there Mr Icke hardly helps the situation.

"Jolly, how can we respect them they eat people?"

"Well, come-on Dave, if Crocodile Dundee had anything to do with it, they would be on the Bar-B-Q too, that door swings both ways, don't it."

"Jolly we don't know where or who they are!"

"Well again, Mick Dundee could find them, the mans a legend"

"Jolly! These things could have a seriously bad agenda"

"well first, I don't think you should call them things, and really if they do exist, then their agenda is probably the same as everyone elses, you know- make the most out of life. And while we don't know if they exist we do know, Mick Dundee does, so that one for us"

So, you know, really, to me it's about respect, New rule: If you can have a conversation, then there off the menu- simple really. :P

So if there are any alien women reading this, I just want you to know, that, I just want you to be happy. In the end, here's one human that'll take you out on the town :)  oh yeah baby!

Oh, if any alien women are actually thinking about taking me up on this offer, can I have dibs on how you look? I'm thinking Paz Vega or Selma hyake(think that's how you spell it) but which ever I'm easy. :)
That's ofcourse a joke, you can come looking however you want to....

"Tom, Tom, there's a guy in that restaurant eating a salad, with a, giant lizard!"

"AND WHAT"

You may see me in a restaurant with lily yet ;D   
« Last Edit: 17/06/2008 16:05:32 by JOLLY »
 

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« Reply #72 on: 17/04/2008 16:21:26 »
                                 Shape Shifting Aliens

So if there are any alien women reading this, I just want you to know, that, I just want you to be happy. In the end, here's one human that'll take you out on the town :)  oh yeah baby!

Oh, if any alien women are actually thinking about taking me up on this offer, can I have dibs on how you look? I'm thinking Paz Vega or Selma hyake(think that's how you spell it) but which ever I'm easy. :)
That's ofcourse a joke, you can come looking however you want to....

"Tom, Tom, there's a guy in that restaurant eating a salad, with a, giant lizard!" 

"John, Simpson's world, BBC, So did you enjoy you're meal?"

"No, it was terrible, next question"

"Yeah hi, James Whale, Talk Sport, So what did you eat?"

"We had soup, salad, those little cubed bits of fried bread you put..."

"NO, sorry, you´re just boring the crap out of me, now, why was it terrible?"

"Well, to put it frankly, he just spent the whole meal going on about some girl called lily"
« Last Edit: 18/04/2008 16:54:13 by JOLLY »
 

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« Reply #73 on: 17/04/2008 17:54:32 »
                               BILL HICKS

A female comic said of bill "It was Jesus Bill wanted to be, he wanted to save us all, but he got freeze framed at that moment Jesus walked into the temple and said ´you´ve turn my fathers house into a den of thieves´ and that was it, he was trying to be like Christ, at Christs angriest"

And you look at what Bill Hicks was actually saying and really it boils down to this: ´I love you and I know God loves you´. Really, all his cleaver and silly jokes about porn and everything else, just helped him deliver that message of love, to people that normally wouldn't listen.

So I ask you, could you be anymore Christian?

Anyway it was thinking about that, that I realised, I understood, that what I wanna be, is like Jesus, at his most annoying. :)

Some people think I'm cocky.

and I'm not cocky, what I am, is....SEXY  ;)

No, no, I'm not sexy, I just wrote that, coz I knew it would annoy you.  :)

I'm annoying,  :) go with your graces.
« Last Edit: 17/04/2008 19:42:06 by JOLLY »
 

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« Reply #74 on: 18/04/2008 16:38:41 »
                                    THE MATRIX REVISITED

Agent Smith walks into the oval office....

Smith: "Mr President" (that's great isn't it, here I'll post it again)

Smith: "Mr President"

The president: "Oh, Hi Smith"

Smith: "what are you doing, Mr president?"

The president: "Oh I'm going over the speech, I'm going to give to congress about, negative freedom and the steps needed to be taken to preserve a truer form of democracy, and to prevent this trend towards corporate tyranny"

Smith: "I wonder, Mr president"

President: "About what Smith?"

Smith: "I wonder who is going to listen to your speech, when you can't even speak" 

-----------------------------------------------------------

In the joke version they then roll about laughing and the president says "go back out and come back in, but this time when you come in, call me Alice" "ok" replies Smith "but don't put the dress on"

-------------------------------------------------------------
« Last Edit: 11/06/2008 12:50:31 by JOLLY »
 

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« Reply #74 on: 18/04/2008 16:38:41 »

 

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