Naked Science Forum
General Discussion & Feedback => Just Chat! => Topic started by: DoctorBeaver on 25/01/2009 14:32:14
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Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.
When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "OK Les Give me the bottle opener."
"I didn't bring it," says Les. "I thought you packed it."
Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, "Did you bring the bottle opener??"
Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from Home without a bottle opener. Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for It, but he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.
After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise Lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace.
Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a promise is a promise.
Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a Sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from behind a rock and shouts........
"I KNEW IT!......I'M NOT EFFIN GOING!"
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An animal rights activist runs into a 'Pets at Home' superstore, puts a duffle bag down, shouts "It's a bomb, you've got two minutes to get out", and runs out again.
The Tortosie at the back of the shop says "Oh bugger".
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Can tortoises get shell shock?
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Pimped-out tortoise...
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http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=21578&in_page_id=2
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Thats very cool RD!
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If that tortoise lived in my neighbourhood it would have its wheels stolen and be propped up on (Lego) bricks [:)]
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So you think Tortoises are slow and harmless eh!?
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=yOyBejTr4BI&feature=related (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=yOyBejTr4BI&feature=related)
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWKfENaNH4g&feature=related (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWKfENaNH4g&feature=related)
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWKfENaNH4g&feature=related (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWKfENaNH4g&feature=related)
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Same neighbourhood?
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg141.echo.cx%2Fimg141%2F835%2Fscousechair0kz.jpg&hash=90181882758085b4ed61ddf5abc4d492)
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg141.echo.cx%2Fimg141%2F3749%2Fscouseplane1ib.jpg&hash=1a74c8a1f9423ca2a8b24364908eb76b)
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I also found this, not funny at all, these Tortoises are destined for deformed shells and an early demise:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=fLBsU_CaVLA&feature=related (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=fLBsU_CaVLA&feature=related)
You can already see the badly raised scutes on one and the early signs of the same on the others. This deformity is being caused by the cat food they are being allowed to eat.
TORTOISES MUST NOT BE GIVEN PROTIEN, IT WILL KILL THEM.
Sorry Beaver, what started as a harmless fun thread has now got me BLOODY ANOIED. No fault of anyone here of course.
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I took this while a mate and I were stumbling home, it was hilarious;
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg228.imageshack.us%2Fimg228%2F5936%2Fimage000wv9.jpg&hash=27a5eeec4bf6ea35440726d04e379fd9) (http://imageshack.us)
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg228.imageshack.us%2Fimg228%2Fimage000wv9.jpg%2F1%2Fw1200.png&hash=e8d025481ac254bc503fb5cfcf9ae22b) (http://g.imageshack.us/img228/image000wv9.jpg/1/)
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Can't see the picture.
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Is that meant to be a broken trolley or something?
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They've taken the wheels off a trolley and left it up on bricks
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£1 BBQ [:)]
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I used to tell my kids that supermarket trolleys get bored of sitting outside supermarkets so they go off for a stroll. The problem is that most of them have Alzheimer's and can't remember their way home. Hungry and disorientated they often end up falling in rivers and ponds.
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Can anyone remember the joke about the tortoise and the crusty pie. I know it ends in tragedy but can't remember how.
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I was actually a "trolleyboy" once, and it really pissed me off when people took the trolleys out into the streets because I had to take the tractor out there up and down all kinds of streets wasting an immense amount of time, then having to work ten times as hard when I got back to catch up. Ironically though, I was almost arrested one night for drunkenly pushing a lady friend home in one, because it's theft! I told him it was my job and i'd actually be the one to personally pick it up and take it back to the shopping centre but he thought I was just being a smartarse!
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What happened after that? Did you get arrested or something?
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No, I decided to stop talking and let her do the talking, he let us carry on without the trolley.
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[:D]
Did you have to go and fetch trolleys that have been chucked into the river? Is there even a river in Townsville?
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No, I left my boss to do that. Yes, there are rivers, and lakes.
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Yes, of course, Townsville Crocodiles right? The basketball team?
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Yeah, they're pretty good aye! Not that I really follow basketball.
In fact my street was a river the other month;
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg211.imageshack.us%2Fimg211%2F1494%2Fimage045aj5.jpg&hash=3f0b849d65cd95bedfcf219721de4a08) (http://img211.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image045aj5.jpg)
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg211.imageshack.us%2Fimg211%2Fimage045aj5.jpg%2F1%2Fw1200.png&hash=df28ccb0b80efacc782801b70811cdb2) (http://g.imageshack.us/img211/image045aj5.jpg/1/)
mines the green car, luckily I parked up on the grass and not in the street the night before!
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Oh mate, that is nasty! And I thought there were draughts in Australia! [:D] It looks like a really dirty river, where is the grass? What is the stuff floating on the surface, behind your car?
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What, leaves?
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg122.imageshack.us%2Fimg122%2F934%2Fimage043rb3.jpg&hash=34f297e747021c851fd42d6ad62ca765) (http://img122.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image043rb3.jpg)
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg122.imageshack.us%2Fimg122%2Fimage043rb3.jpg%2F1%2Fw1200.png&hash=90fc26aa87697c8776f15867b47acc67) (http://g.imageshack.us/img122/image043rb3.jpg/1/)
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Looks like the turtles are getting ready to strike back
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ficanhascheezburger.wordpress.com%2Ffiles%2F2009%2F01%2Ffunny-pictures-this-mission-is-going-slowly.jpg&hash=d572ef20c78ecee1c279047b3affa9f1)
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[:D][:D]
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Is his name Helmut?
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Does he have something strange on his feet?
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Hey! Helmut, wanna play frisbee?
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urm, I don't think Helmut knows it is a frisby. He thinks it is his flat mate!
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Poor Helmut would be sad, because his flat mate is so flat and is gone all yellow!
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Don am I correct in saying that a male tortoise rams his shell into a potential mate to see if she is interested. I suppose it is the tortoise equivilant of road rage.
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Is his name Helmut?
Apologise at once!
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbestsmileys.com%2Fhitting%2F2.gif&hash=145489d02b30678baf42ff3e5490a9ba)
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Is his name Helmut?
Apologise at once!
(https://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbestsmileys.com%2Fhitting%2F2.gif&hash=145489d02b30678baf42ff3e5490a9ba)
Anyone got an asprin? I seem to have a headache.
Don am I correct in saying that a male tortoise rams his shell into a potential mate to see if she is interested. I suppose it is the tortoise equivilant of road rage.
Yes, tis true. I suppose you could say he is buttering her up!
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urm, I don't think Helmut knows it is a frisby. He thinks it is his flat mate!
If Helmut wants a flatmate he should try this chappie:
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Testudeo Malacochersus tornieri (Pancake Tortoise)
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He wants a pancake!
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Has he tried International House of Pancakes (IHOP) - otherwise known as Belly-ache Breakfast?
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Is the house made of pancakes.
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YES! it is - and it rains syrup around it.