Naked Science Forum
General Discussion & Feedback => Just Chat! => Topic started by: paul.fr on 30/03/2009 17:06:26
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http://current.com/items/89929310/asda_hilarious_complaint.htm
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20 ridiculous complaints made by holidaymakers
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/5005019/20-ridiculous-complaints-made-by-holidaymakers.html
tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".
"The beach was too sandy."
"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."
"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
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Customer telephone complaint about new music center to shop:
Customer - My new music center isn't working
Manager - What' the problem?
Customer - There's no sound.
Manager - Have you checked your plug?
Customer - Yes. The tuner lights come on, the record deck turns and the tape turns OK but there's no sound.
Manager - Is the volume indicator moving?
Customer - Yes.
Manager - How high have you set the volume?
Customer - About half, and I've tried it at full volume.
Manager - And you still have no sound?
Customer - No, none at all.
Manager - I see you have bought a quadraphonic unit, can you just check that you have the speakers plugged into the right terminals please.
Customer - Speakers? Oh I haven't unpacked them yet.
Customer telephone complaint about new washing machine to shop. (Customer installed)
Customer - My washing machine isn't working.
Manager - What seems to be the problem?
Customer - Nothings happening at all.
Manager - Did you remove the in-transit stabiliser from the drum?
Customer - Yes.
Manager - Have you connected the machine to the hot and cold water supply and opened the taps fully?
Customer - Yes.
Manager - Have you set the programme?
Customer - Yes.
Manager - When you pressed the 'start' button, did water run into the machine?
Customer - No.
Manager - Have you checked the fuse in your plug?
Customer - Plug? Do I have to plug it into the electric then?
These stories are perfectly true. I know, I was that manager.
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Extracts from complaints made my genuine council house tenants
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage
And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6a.m., his cock wakes me up and now it's getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.
My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
And he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take any more.
It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
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After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative in off mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
[;D]