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General Discussion & Feedback => Just Chat! => Topic started by: demografx on 18/05/2010 14:56:41

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/05/2010 14:56:41
First lesson of the day:

Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 18/05/2010 21:16:09
Second lesson

A castrated pig gets disgruntled
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 18/05/2010 21:17:08
Third Lesson

If your boyfriend goes out, get a match and light him again
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 18/05/2010 21:18:52
Fourth Lesson

My hairdresser isn't cutting hair any longer, she is cutting it shorter though.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: LeeE on 19/05/2010 13:05:56
If it's a funny old world, why isn't everyone laughing?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Bored chemist on 19/05/2010 19:19:06
If it's true that "you are what you eat" why are we not all new and improved?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/05/2010 23:50:33
                                                (http://www.met.police.uk/images/homepage/NSYsign.jpg)

Thieves broke into New Scotland Yard last night and stole all the toilet bowls.

A police spokesman said that they have nothing to go on.

         (http://blog.alpscontrols.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/toilet_bowls_waterfall.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 20/05/2010 20:48:28
A big hole has developed onthe M3. Police are looking into it!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 20/05/2010 20:50:12
A man who stole a hold all in an airport asked for three other cases to be taken into consideration.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/05/2010 06:48:43
You gotta be careful of corn at night. They can be early creepy with their husky voices and seedy appearance. Why, they even cob right out and tell you to shuck it right to your face.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: LeeE on 21/05/2010 16:14:45
Latest news: Elevator sent down in controversial court case!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 22/05/2010 04:00:54
With hindsight, I could have been a proctologist.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 22/05/2010 04:16:50
Does dark matter?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 22/05/2010 04:24:59
If a door can be ajar, why can't a jar be a door?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 23/05/2010 00:38:19
If a door can be ajar, why can't a jar be a door?

Because most of us are scotched by that type of pun
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/05/2010 07:10:52

Scotched you say? She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/05/2010 07:16:23

With hindsight, I could have been a proctologist.


And with foresight??
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/05/2010 08:19:36

Scotched you say? She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.


That reminds me of another one.

"She was only an Admiral's daughter, but WOOP WOOP CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED WOOP WOOP"
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/05/2010 20:20:23

She was only an Admiral's daughter...


She was only a statistician's daughter, but she knew all the standard deviations.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Bored chemist on 24/05/2010 20:58:36
...telegraphist's daughter... did dit dit dit
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/05/2010 21:08:52

...clergyman's daughter...you couldn't put anything pastor.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/05/2010 21:58:44


A big hole has developed on the M3. Police are looking into it!


Similarly, a hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 29/05/2010 02:41:00

...clergyman's daughter...you couldn't put anything pastor.

Could you past 'er the peas?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/05/2010 06:43:20
                         (http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll149/imflitterhead/Asaultwithweapon.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/05/2010 03:28:31

                     (http://www.edwardconti.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/pun.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 30/05/2010 09:34:39
OK - you asked for it.

"Irish stew in the name of the law!"
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/05/2010 01:53:17

Yup we asked for it, we got it. Your turn:

"Latin me in would be a nice idea."
 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 02/06/2010 03:50:56
Noun there, boys, get a grip.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/06/2010 04:43:03

Noun? We can't get a grip, it's VERBoten here!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Bored chemist on 02/06/2010 10:43:07
I decline to comment.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/06/2010 04:14:32

Oh c'mon, we all know you can ascent to it.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/06/2010 04:35:10
Knock Knock
Who's there
Diesel !
Diesel who ?
Diesel teach me to start punning threads.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/06/2010 23:58:26
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 04/06/2010 02:40:45
Doggone it, Pavlov does - but WHY?

(And I can't keep my tongue in my cheek on this one, either.)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 04/06/2010 03:11:42
Pavlov was a dead ringer for his brother.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/06/2010 03:55:02
                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)

                          "Doggone drooling brother!"



Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 04/06/2010 21:35:00
Better a drooling brother than a ruling other!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/06/2010 02:14:37

My vote, so far, goes to Geezer for his Proctology Pun. He certainly doesn't make an ass of himself!

(http://www.localmouth.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/istock_000003721276xsmall.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/06/2010 02:25:26

Better a drooling brother than a ruling other!


This reminds me of a very cruel ruler called Pun-ara.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 06/06/2010 00:04:41
or a ruling udder around the house - why I am still a bachelor
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/06/2010 02:56:21

Hey, no fair, that's hitting below the bleat!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 06/06/2010 04:31:00
If your math teacher is Miss McClain, would her tests include some Miss McClaineous questions?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 06/06/2010 05:22:58
Lest we forget, there is also that old musical number,

"We're Sliding a Gong on the Breast of a Slave."

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/06/2010 19:12:34

If your math teacher is Miss McClain, would her tests include some Miss McClaineous questions?


Yes, but those questions are graded separately by assorted teacher-aides scattered about here and there.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/06/2010 19:26:01

                             (http://www.dalegrimshaw.com/images/DaleGrimshaw_Exorcism2.jpg)

             If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed!



Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: geo driver on 06/06/2010 21:05:23
there is a difference between
merci beaucoup

and

merci beau cue
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: geo driver on 06/06/2010 21:06:31
both pronounced .... roughly the same

can any one tell me what they meen, its got me into trouble b4 with the wife.  however a deep fryed mars to anyone who gets it

and io hope punning in a different language was permitted? [:I]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: LeeE on 06/06/2010 21:16:38
demografx: very nice pic indeed.

I hadn't heard of Dale Grimshaw before, so thanks for posting it.

It really reminds me of some of the stuff that Bill Sienkiewicz has done though, and that was my first thought upon seeing it.

However, DG's name has registered now, so I'll look out for more of his work.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/06/2010 20:53:54

                             (http://images.clipartof.com/small/4986-Pirate-With-Missing-Teeth-Hook-Hand-Holding-A-Knife-And-A-Wooden-Leg-Clipart.jpg)


        She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 08/06/2010 23:42:29

                             (http://images.clipartof.com/small/4986-Pirate-With-Missing-Teeth-Hook-Hand-Holding-A-Knife-And-A-Wooden-Leg-Clipart.jpg)


        She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.


Surely that's a matter of a pinion?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/06/2010 00:56:42
                             (http://images.clipartof.com/small/4986-Pirate-With-Missing-Teeth-Hook-Hand-Holding-A-Knife-And-A-Wooden-Leg-Clipart.jpg)

        She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.


Surely that's a matter of a pinion?


Well, as a next STEP, I suppose that we could go get your proctologist's assessment.
 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 09/06/2010 01:00:15
But a pinions are like arse holes - everyone has one.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/06/2010 01:09:09

And everyone thinks everyone else's stinks.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 09/06/2010 01:13:30
Some people have several.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/06/2010 01:34:26

                     (http://www.picturestore.com.au/images/products/medium/LPI1/BN22686_31.jpg)

         When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: geo driver on 09/06/2010 05:57:53
demo good pic looks the the galreys l'afiette
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 09/06/2010 06:04:11

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.


Which only goes to show,

"It's a mall World after all."
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/06/2010 22:56:58

                       (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OO7WbmARD08/SSQ2x7pyDRI/AAAAAAAAJeI/2dVt5g_6Jug/s400/walt+small+world.jpg)

                         It's a small world after Walt.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/06/2010 16:59:24

                       (http://photos.igougo.com/images/p318292-Paris-Bridge_on_the_Seine.jpg)


                       If you jump off a Paris bridge, you're in Seine.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: geo driver on 10/06/2010 22:24:57
or drunk and Parisletic
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: geo driver on 10/06/2010 22:31:00
charles de gaulle etoile at night, the parisians saw the dark de triumph
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 11/06/2010 06:25:29
charles de gaulle etoile at night, the parisians saw the dark de triumph

Did he take his lawnmower there to coup de grace?

Isn't the "dark de triumph" the motorbike Batman rides?

and if that wasn't punishing enough

(drum roll)

http://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/index.php?topic=32020.msg312324#msg312324
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 11/06/2010 17:17:29
With those types of remarks in the last post, would someone please like to recommend a PUNishment for Greezer?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 11/06/2010 19:15:53
With those types of remarks in the last post, would someone please like to recommend a PUNishment for Greezer?

Hey! If you thought that was bad, try this:

Would a Pièce de résistance be the same as 1 Ω ?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/06/2010 01:45:10


With those types of remarks in the last post, would someone please like to recommend a PUNishment for Greezer?


I looked through the Punning Thread Criminal Code and found no punalty where the punishment fits the crime. Lawnmowers and Batman rides are not punishable by Code. Thus decreed.

                    (http://lyrics.smashits.com/artwork/a7/a7114805eed19f5c3f5ec735bb1e202a.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/06/2010 02:06:11

One day Queen Elizabeth the First got so sick and tired of all the puns in Shakespeare's plays that she summoned him to her court.  "Master Shakespeare," she angrily said, "one more pun out of you, I'll have you hanged!"  He replied, "Your Majesty, does this mean you'll make me your poet lariat?"
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/06/2010 02:18:19

                           (http://www.ratebeer.com/beerimages/4911.gif)

Thanks to geo driver for informing us of an appropriate beer to drink while contemplating jumping!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 12/06/2010 02:43:18


With those types of remarks in the last post, would someone please like to recommend a PUNishment for Greezer?


I looked through the Punning Thread Criminal Code and found no punalty where the punishment fits the crime. Lawnmowers and Batman rides are not punishable by Code. Thus decreed.

                    (http://lyrics.smashits.com/artwork/a7/a7114805eed19f5c3f5ec735bb1e202a.jpg)

I hope there would be no punitive damages.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 12/06/2010 02:55:50

One day Queen Elizabeth the First got so sick and tired of all the puns in Shakespeare's plays that she summoned him to her court.  "Master Shakespeare," she angrily said, "one more pun out of you, I'll have you hanged!"  He replied, "Your Majesty, does this mean you'll make me your poet lariat?"


You mean like John Bitumen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Betjeman)?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/06/2010 04:43:33


I hope there would be no punitive damages.


None, unless you expressed some fairly pungent criticisms.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/06/2010 03:38:48

                      (http://www.keratoconustexas.com/images/contact-lenses.jpg)

   Contacts are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 13/06/2010 05:18:10

Contacts are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them


That's not really necessary as long as you keep in contact.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/06/2010 05:32:55

True, Geezer, being in touch is key. I do see that.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: geo driver on 13/06/2010 19:02:00
yep and i have brew many a beer like that.  well i was there brewer and now a manager
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/06/2010 21:11:57

geo driver, that is beery impressive!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/06/2010 21:19:51

                      (http://shambolicamalgam.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/last-will-testament.jpg)

     What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 14/06/2010 04:29:43
and is the thing that holds the coffin together called a potlatch?

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potlatch for you Englisher's

1-1 tie!)


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 15/06/2010 00:57:21
Ta da! (http://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/index.php?topic=32128.msg312576#msg312576)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/06/2010 03:53:20

Oh, you're just dying for attention. Drop the pretense.

                     (http://www.whimsicalcollective.org/djbalance/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Clipse_-_Till_The_Casket_Drops-300x300.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 15/06/2010 18:04:12

Drop the pretense.


Shouldn't that be "future tense"?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/06/2010 22:33:16

Well, the future of entertainment might be in tents.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/06/2010 02:58:09
Tentatively, big tops might be the way to go.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/06/2010 05:45:49

What does Dolly Parton have to do with all this?

Oh, entertainment. Of course! Why didn't I see that?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/06/2010 06:21:41
You're right. Dolly has no part on this.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: geo driver on 16/06/2010 10:51:46
never been into sheep, too country side
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/06/2010 18:19:18

Then ewe don't know what you're bleating about.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/06/2010 18:26:36

(http://www.india.rcuk.ac.uk/NR/rdonlyres/6C9EF5B8-0728-41EE-9CC6-21C36E59D959/2352/dolly2.jpg)(http://images.askmen.com/galleries/singer/dolly-parton/pictures/dolly-parton-picture-3.jpg)

      Dolly               Dolly
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: neilep on 16/06/2010 18:52:30
Did someone mention sheep ?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/06/2010 20:30:21
Uh oh!

JimBob must have hacked Neil's password.

Unless, could it actually be...

"The Return of the Wooly Jumper"

And I don't mean he's taking it back to M&S.

(Stay tuned for more exciting episodes.)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: neilep on 16/06/2010 20:35:12
Yessireebob,

yee haww....I'm a Texan wh-ewe has hacked sheepies password...guffaw guffaw !!

Y'all come back now and y'all have a nice day y'hear ?..gawwd bless america land and our king Elvis...yee haww !! ride em cowboy !!

Sheepy JimBob !
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 16/06/2010 21:02:01
Neilie, I'll ride you any day. I could use your suzzies as styrups.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/06/2010 22:12:54

Now let's not stirrup any trubble heah.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 17/06/2010 02:14:41
Hey, I like stirrup on pancakes and waffles!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 17/06/2010 02:45:45
Hey, I like stirrup on pancakes and waffles!

They don't call him "Sticky Jimmy" for nuthin'
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 17/06/2010 03:50:04
Stucky's? Isn't that a place on the Interstate?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/06/2010 04:32:11


Places on the interstate always take a toll on me.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 17/06/2010 06:20:11
When the bell tolls, it's best not to be interstate. When there is no will, there is no way to avoid a fight.
 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/06/2010 16:03:36

                  (http://www.district196.org/evhs/people/seniorinfo/graduation_hat.jpg)

Congraduations to all of you commencing to graduate ceremoniously this fine June - and to the convocation of the graduating classes' friends, neighbors and relatives!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/06/2010 19:13:22

Hey, I like stirrup on pancakes and waffles!


              (http://imagesource.allposters.com/images/pic/FIP/FO-00040-C~Waffles-and-Pancakes-Posters.jpg)(http://www.parcbench.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/stirrup-pants-from-Bebe.jpg)


        But what if the waitress doesn't have stirrup-pants?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 17/06/2010 21:38:37
You lot can do enough pants over waitresses, stirrup or other.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/06/2010 00:14:49
(http://www.gis.unbc.ca/courses/geog432/projects/2008/castell/index_files/800px-Arrow_east.png)(http://potentialwithin.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/banana-799094.jpg)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 18/06/2010 02:20:26
That is a mutant fruit flie.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 18/06/2010 06:36:32
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Trouser flies like a zipper.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/06/2010 17:17:14

That fast???
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 18/06/2010 20:06:25
Will my TV reception improve if my Aunt Anna is mounted on the roof?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 18/06/2010 22:25:51
Your aunt might appreciate being mounted anywhere.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/06/2010 02:19:29

                         (http://nixonisinhell.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/rcmp-crest.jpg)


You know the saying, "mountees always get their man"!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 19/06/2010 02:40:31
That's right! The RCMP now have female officers as well - forgot about that completely. But mounting buffaloes???? Well, if it is part of the GREAT SEAL OF THE RCMP who am I to cast dispersions on the way they ride?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/06/2010 03:20:46
 
                    (http://www.oblomovka.com/images/entries/wificard.png)


Geezer, I respectfully think that Aunt Anna should signal her true intent.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 19/06/2010 04:20:35

buffaloes????


Are you sure? Looks a bit sheepish to me.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/06/2010 04:31:38


That's right! The RCMP now have female officers as well - forgot about that completely. But mounting buffaloes???? Well, if it is part of the GREAT SEAL OF THE RCMP who am I to cast dispersions on the way they ride?


                     (http://us.history.wisc.edu/hist102/weblect/lec03/WW_show_cody_buffalo_bill.jpg)     
             BB, shown mounted on a horse


Perhaps we could introduce your Aunt Anna to Buffalo Bill?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 19/06/2010 04:40:08

Perhaps we could introduce your Aunt Anna to Buffalo Bill?


Perhaps, but I'm not sure what kind of reception he'd get.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/06/2010 04:55:07

Oh, that's easy, as long as he gets to hold on to her cute little rabbit ears.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 19/06/2010 05:17:38

Oh, that's easy, as long as he gets to hold on to her cute little rabbit ears.

To paraphrase Many Barrowloads, "Could it be FM?"
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/06/2010 05:43:35

             (http://persuasion.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/antique_radios_25.jpg)
          ultra-modern high-tech digital radio



Radio has taught us a grim lesson: Life is FMeral, with everyone just walking about AMlessly, waiting to dial.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/06/2010 19:45:33


buffaloes????


Are you sure? Looks a bit sheepish to me.


          (http://www.batonrougeaidssociety.org/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/LAMBSKIN.JPG)

In that case I would play it safe.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 19/06/2010 20:46:14
Sometimes its funner to be a little RAM-bunctious then to be as gentle as a Lamb!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/06/2010 23:53:26



Karen... [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 20/06/2010 00:00:02



Karen... [;D]
Well you told me to join in and well..uh I can't help it if my mind was in the gutter after your post! :-)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 20/06/2010 01:28:18
after, during and WELL before his post.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/06/2010 02:30:04


Karen... [;D]


Well you told me to join in and well..uh I can't help it if my mind was in the gutter after your post! :-)


No, Karen I don't mind at all - not one bit. I was laughing with you because you won a prize (the shirt)! Now let's see if JimBob and Geezer get tricked into giving away their mindset by "getting" the hot dog pic!

(http://rlv.zcache.com/get_your_mind_out_the_gutter_tshirt-p235322979068339263trlf_400.jpg)    (http://www.mindinthegutter.com/Art/MindInGutterLeft.jpg)

                         (http://files.myopera.com/Tabmartel/albums/633515/1imagesa-dirty-mind.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/06/2010 04:11:03


[her mind's-in-the-gutter] after, during and WELL before his post.


future tents, too?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 20/06/2010 04:44:53
What can I say?   [:I][;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 20/06/2010 16:59:42
I just LOVE to have my hot dog catered to ...  but I find ketchup not sticky enough. Chocolate syrup takes much longer to lick off.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 20/06/2010 19:24:39
Tastes better too!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/06/2010 02:17:03


I just LOVE to have my hot dog catered to ...  but I find ketchup not sticky enough. Chocolate syrup takes much longer to lick off.



Tastes better too!



 [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o]  [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/06/2010 08:48:25


I just LOVE to have my hot dog catered to ... 


But I thought catering was feline jewelry, not for dogs....??
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/06/2010 02:28:26

                    (http://www.readersdigest.ca/mag/2002/08/images/debt.gif)

      You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 22/06/2010 02:42:51

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

I thought that only happened when the Chancellor of the Exchequer was a bit constipated.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 22/06/2010 02:57:08
Or when those pet birds from Australia died.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/06/2010 05:04:21


You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


I thought that only happened when the Chancellor of the Exchequer was a bit constipated.


Is that what is meant about cash flow?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 22/06/2010 16:51:36
Yep, your in a pinch. Seemingly permanently.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 22/06/2010 16:58:51
If you pinch a penny does it scream?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/06/2010 18:21:05

                     (http://www.artazine.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/sCREAMINGpENNYLOGO.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/06/2010 18:28:04


You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


I thought that only happened when the Chancellor of the Exchequer was a bit constipated.


Is that what is meant about cash flow?


Yep, your in a pinch. Seemingly permanently.


Hmmm. Disrupted cash flow. I guess the only solution is to find a cash cow!


               (http://ravesid.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/cashcow2.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/06/2010 01:03:52

Frankly, I see no udder way.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: geo driver on 23/06/2010 12:12:49
in gold we trust
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/06/2010 18:45:38

                            (http://www.taxfreegold.co.uk/images/goldbarjohnsonmatthey5tolas996gold400.jpg)


True, geo driver! But in London it seems that they say "Ingot We Trust".
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 23/06/2010 19:20:32
Unless the ingot you got was a fake ingot, then I know not!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/06/2010 19:52:14
           (http://cache3.asset-cache.net/xc/78823641.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=77BFBA49EF87892155F29F61288AC1CAD69453CF93C446F534FE5B27B245991F6081D12CC429ECC3)

And a fake ingot throne in as well.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 24/06/2010 00:16:39

Frankly, I see no udder way.


I'n got a better solution - it's my goose that done been inseminated by a longhorn bull and now lays golden eggs.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/06/2010 01:52:23

That's a fableous solution, Jim!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 24/06/2010 02:11:36
I'n done got long thought on that 'un. And yes, it's a very stable one as well, cause the goose has water.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/06/2010 02:25:30
Any more like that and I'm locking this thread.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/06/2010 05:55:04

Geezer, please don't! Perhaps Jim can unlock some bull here.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/06/2010 08:12:26
You'd think. That's about all they have in Texarse.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/06/2010 18:55:35

Texarse? Is that where you found your proctologist?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 24/06/2010 19:42:29
I have eaten corned meat that was branded Texan Chilli, very tasty it was too, as far as mystery meat and other by products ( including poultry) goes. The can did not have hooves in it with this brand, others do.

I have met persons who could not find their fundament without a proctologist and a good map to guide their hands...............

I think the goose pate is well and truly cooked as far as this subject goes, I would go as far as to say it's goose is as good as its gander.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/06/2010 01:22:58

               (http://www.btcnews.com/btcnews/images/freudian_slip.jpg)
                          Freudian slip


A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/06/2010 18:39:22

               (http://www.markstivers.com/wordpress/comics/2008-05-08%20Photographic%20memory.gif)

   Or...he had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 25/06/2010 19:41:42
De-velope is what you do when you open the mail.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 25/06/2010 20:10:20
Is that what you do after around 15 years after E-loping?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 25/06/2010 22:18:08
Isn't that a website for people that like virtual running.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/06/2010 22:39:45

Some women develop very early in life. Does that make them developtuous?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/06/2010 03:22:22

(http://www.shelsmusic.com/ef/images/album%20cover/Ef_Mourning_G_Morning2.jpg)(http://www.abc.net.au/science/surfingscientist/img/conundrum21.jpg)


          Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 26/06/2010 16:15:08
now I am thinking about Christina Applegate!

A doctor is asking his audience about dangerous foods, and a old man says to him " Wedding cake "!



Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/06/2010 18:05:33

Good one, Sean. [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/06/2010 02:43:12


A backward poet writes inverse.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/06/2010 04:34:52

              (http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e82/advisor31/funny%20pictures/funny_pictures_Hottest_Wedding_Gown.jpg)(http://www.steubencony.org/mageehouse4.jpg)

       
       With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 27/06/2010 17:45:47
And with the divorce she became a housewife.

I do know a guy who loved wedding cake, but hated the new car smell. He had a car that outlasted 3 wives. All became housewives, they kept the house, he kept the car.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/06/2010 16:23:17

A divorce attorney from San Antonio came up with a pun, "Remember the Alimony”

The pun became the official slogan of the firm.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 28/06/2010 17:43:38
I remember Alimony - it is right next to Antimony on the periodic chart.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 28/06/2010 19:39:49
That's not right JB. See, the Alimony is that place in Texarse where David Bowie had his final concert.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/06/2010 19:53:07
Hey, Geez, DB's pianist didn't tell me that! Hmm, he must be keeping secrets...


            (http://affordablehousinginstitute.org/blogs/us/wp-content/uploads/divorce_furniture_small.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/06/2010 20:00:44


I remember Alimony - it is right next to Antimony on the periodic chart.



(http://oecotextiles.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/sb.jpg)(http://www.mineralatlas.com/mineral%20photos/A/antimony158a.jpg) Antimony


Does this mean that we must have rocks in our head to get married????????????? 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 28/06/2010 20:04:27
Not mandated demografix, but it does help..........

Do old chemists not die, just become fully amalysed?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/06/2010 20:07:00

Of course, Sean, now I understand. Thank you.

Analysis leads to paralysis!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 28/06/2010 22:02:15
Would Lisa's nieces call her Auntie Mony?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 28/06/2010 22:19:22
If you miss the target at an archery competition in Spain, do you get the el bow?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/06/2010 06:04:06

Not if you're el straight shooter. Or uno heckuva straight arrow.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/06/2010 11:52:57

That's not right JB. See, the Alimony is that place in Texarse where David Bowie had his final concert.


I lived in Texarsekana for awhile, but I was never sure if I was in Texarse or Arsekansas.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/06/2010 11:57:06

Would Lisa's nieces call her Auntie Mony?



Only if she bribed them with Reece's Pieces.


              (http://www.importladen.de/images/products/reeses_pieces.jpg)

                  For Lisa's nieces!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 29/06/2010 18:03:18
Now I have a song in my head, about ali money!

If you do not pay the alimony do you get your ex returned?

Around here it is very common, it even has a slang nane, namely &&&&tax ( cannot say on a moderated forum, but it is a word of four letters referring to a male chicken), and is a depressingly common thing taken from payslips.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/06/2010 21:09:00

Like this, Sean?

        (http://www.hilaryshepherd.com/rantsnraves/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/alimony-cartoon.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 30/06/2010 21:45:27
Middle leg there, not an arm and a leg. To be correct in most divorces the wife gets both arms, the legs and the house and car. The Ex hubby is left with the bills. Equal division.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/06/2010 22:45:47


Middle leg there, not an arm and a leg. To be correct in most divorces the wife gets both arms, the legs and the house and car. The Ex hubby is left with the bills. Equal division.



Ouch to the middle leg!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/06/2010 22:51:05

Wow, Sean, it seems like we just don't have a leg to stand on! (But the other side gets a kick out of it)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/07/2010 03:03:34


Would Lisa's nieces call her Auntie Mony?


(http://www.mineralatlas.com/mineral%20photos/A/antimony158a.jpg) Antimony
(http://www.wirednewyork.com/images/mony_carnegie_mews.jpg)(http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Business/images-4/mona-lisa.jpg)

It took me a few days to finally see Geezer's brilliant playonwords!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/07/2010 03:44:15


De-velope is what you do when you open the mail.

There was a Newspaper Headline story about JimBob's Award for his pun above, but I lost it.

Similar to the Award below.

(http://www.funnytimes.com/playground/img/123148257940631.png)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 01/07/2010 03:48:19


Would Lisa's nieces call her Auntie Mony?


(http://www.mineralatlas.com/mineral%20photos/A/antimony158a.jpg) Antimony
(http://www.wirednewyork.com/images/mony_carnegie_mews.jpg)(http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Business/images-4/mona-lisa.jpg)

It took me a few days to finally see Geezer's brilliant play on words!

If it were brilliant it would be comprehensible to anyone without being in pictures. A pun is a play on words, not pictures.

This is pure

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 01/07/2010 03:50:31


De-velope is what you do when you open the mail.

There was a Newspaper Headline story about JimBob's Award for his pun above, but I lost it.

Similar to the Award below.

(http://www.funnytimes.com/playground/img/123148257940631.png)




De-velope is what you do when you open the mail.

There was a Newspaper Headline story about JimBob's Award for his pun above, but I lost it.

Similar to the Award below.

(http://www.funnytimes.com/playground/img/123148257940631.png)


To tell the tooth I am rather honored.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/07/2010 03:58:35

Apparadentally doubly honored.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/07/2010 04:00:51


Would Lisa's nieces call her Auntie Mony?


(http://www.mineralatlas.com/mineral%20photos/A/antimony158a.jpg) Antimony
(http://www.wirednewyork.com/images/mony_carnegie_mews.jpg)(http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Business/images-4/mona-lisa.jpg)

It took me a few days to finally see Geezer's brilliant play on words!

If it were brilliant it would be comprehensible to anyone without being in pictures. A pun is a play on words, not
pictures.

This is pure


A vast improvement, however, over my original 3-hour slide show.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 01/07/2010 04:10:27
That ain't no bull.

Also, I am not Russian spy.

 [ Invalid Attachment ]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/07/2010 15:52:11

Can someone please revive Geezer's image?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 01/07/2010 17:52:19
Is it near death? It just looks hermaphroditic to me.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 01/07/2010 18:55:43
Well  it is a blonde..........

Though I got good news today, i had the winning lottery ticket.










Too bad it was not a winning ticket for me, but it was a winner for the operator. :(

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/07/2010 19:39:43

Can someone please revive Geezer's image?



Is it near death? It just looks hermaphroditic to me.



Well  it is a blonde..........


I can't see it. Can either of you?
http://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/index.php?topic=31700.msg314319#msg314319
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/07/2010 19:45:50


Too bad it was not a winning ticket for me, but it was a winner for the operator. :(


I bet you're right!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 02/07/2010 16:18:23
Only half of him is right, the other half is left.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 02/07/2010 19:51:40
And the bit in the middle is of course.........
.
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.
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undecided


( insert  sound from vuvuzela here)

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/07/2010 20:24:32

      [:o] [::)] [:o] [::)] [:o] [::)] [:o] [::)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/07/2010 20:28:06


Only half of him is right, the other half is left.


Make it Lady, did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

(Did anyone else hear that loud groaning again?.......)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 02/07/2010 20:34:45
Yes it is one of my customers in the dungeon room.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/07/2010 20:46:52

            (http://bestgamewallpapers.com/files/2moons/castor-dungeon.jpg)

              MiL's customer entrance
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 02/07/2010 23:10:06

Can someone please revive Geezer's image?



Is it near death? It just looks hermaphroditic to me.



Well  it is a blonde..........


I can't see it. Can either of you?
http://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/index.php?topic=31700.msg314319#msg314319

Yes - can't you?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 02/07/2010 23:14:11

Can someone please revive Geezer's image?



Is it near death? It just looks hermaphroditic to me.



Well  it is a blonde..........


I can't see it. Can either of you?
http://www.thenakedscientists.com/forum/index.php?topic=31700.msg314319#msg314319

Yes - can't you?


That's udderly incredible  [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 02/07/2010 23:24:07
Yes it is one of my customers in the dungeon room.

Don't your customers get a bit stiff being kept in a dank dungeon like that?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/07/2010 23:29:25

Geezer, shame! It's NOT a massage parlor.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 03/07/2010 02:21:45
No - it is full service.

Udderly delightful.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/07/2010 04:01:19

Geezer, shame! It's NOT a massage parlor.



No - it is full service.

Udderly delightful.


 [:o]  [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o]  [:o]  [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o]  [:o]  [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o]  [:o]  [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 03/07/2010 20:09:45
You are putting it on a bit thick! Is that Jersey you are using?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 04/07/2010 03:31:15
No wool, in honor of Sheepy.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 04/07/2010 14:31:32
Ah, so must be covering my eyes then!

I hope it is properly carded, or you will be getting a red one then.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/07/2010 17:34:37

I remember Alimony - it is right next to Antimony on the periodic chart.


Are you sure? I thought it was the capital of New York State.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 04/07/2010 19:29:32
Ah, so must be covering my eyes then!

I hope it is properly carded, or you will be getting a red one then.

I thought you got a yellow one first!  DARN!

 [>:(]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 05/07/2010 02:22:32

I remember Alimony - it is right next to Antimony on the periodic chart.


Are you sure? I thought it was the capital of New York State.

What does a metal have to do with rabbit LUV?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 07/07/2010 03:12:56
OK you slakers:

Chose one of the two are  get your own.

On the morning of the third day of their honeymoon the bridegroom is reading the TV schedules in the newspaper, but the bride, in the other room, is unaware of that.

He says: "Do you want to see Oliver Twist?"

She says: "If you make that thing do one more trick, I'm outta here."

________________________________________________________________________


There was a small village nestled at the bottom of a hill. It flourished because of the richness of the soil and the abundance of game in its forests. However, one spring the village hunters noticed a sparsity of game. It became increasingly difficult to find birds, small mammals, and other sources of protein. Alarmingly, the farmers noted as the spring progressed that the soil was becoming acidic and the crops were failing bit by bit.

One day the hunters quite by accident stumbled upon the source of their woes. While cautiously exploring one of the many nearby caves they discovered a very large and dangerous carnivore previously unknown in their area. One of them had seen pictures of this animal at a distant market in his youth, and could only recall it being called a Rarie. The foul smell of the beast's excrement immediately told them the source of the soil problems in their gardens, and the piles of bones strewn about the cave provided more than enough evidence for the dwindling meat supplies in their forest.

After much discussion and consultation with the village herb women, the hunters prepared a special "snack" for the dangerous and hungry rarie. They filled a large possum with an herb guaranteed to put their enemy into a deep sleep and left the meal at the mouth of the cave.

Upon awakening the rarie set to and ate possum with all due haste. The herb acted almost immediately, to the villagers' chagrin, since they had hoped to lure the beast to the hill above their village where they could carry out their plan to rid themselves of it by pushing it over the top and down onto the rocks at the edge of the ocean below.

It was necessary to rig a canvas, roll the beast onto it, and pull it with great effort to the village and on up the hill, all the while feeding it more of the herb whenever it threatened to awaken. Finally they had it near the top, when everyone's energy gave out.

More discussion led to a new plan, whereby long sticks would be put under the somnulent beast, and they would lever it up and over the top of the hill.

As they were laboring away at this final plan, a wandering beggar came by and began laughing loudly at their efforts. Offended, they demanded to know what he found so funny.

"Oh, your plan will never work. I cannot believe you are so ignorant," he said. "Everyone knows that that's the wrong way to tip a rarie."
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/07/2010 03:53:19

OMG, I heard that one in 1973!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 07/07/2010 04:07:52
He'll be telling us how he "left his arse in Sam Pam's disco" next,
 
or the one about "two lips from hamster jam".
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/07/2010 04:30:31

                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 07/07/2010 16:56:08
Three things -

1.) the rarie's fits well with you two dinosaurs all are old and stale

2.) At least I didn't slack on the thread and got you old coots moving again. 
 
3.) If you do not continue to add to this thread I will tell you the story of how to make a moth ball.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/07/2010 17:13:52

This thread is on its last legs, I can't stand it.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/07/2010 17:59:38

However, Geezer, I must admit to wanting to hear all about the <snicker>  moth ball  [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/07/2010 22:56:45


This thread is on its last legs, I can't stand it.


Is that a run - on sentence?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 08/07/2010 03:28:43
Funny, the moth went out for the track team when he was in middle school. He was a good runner and soon aspired to the Olympics. After days of training he made it to the monthly moth Olympics. (I have made a shaggy dogs story very short.

Just making it to the Olympics was a huge achievement, especially since he was the first moth from his species to ever make the cut for the team.  He made it to the finals of the 50 inch sprint. He was in the middle lane. As they were in the starting block one of the two members of the Birch Tree Moths looked at him and spit at him. Taking this as just a mind game, the little moth set his mind and set himself firmer in the starting block. As the gun went off, the Birch Tree Moth bumped him, setting him off stride. But the little moth was tough. He only missed one step and speed on. But then the moth that bumped him did it again, and the little mouth went down, along with all of his dreams in his pathetically short life.

That is how you make a moth ball.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 08/07/2010 03:57:15
Blimey!

I thought it might at least have had something to do with the one about giant moths (which, I can no longer remember).

There is nothing else for it but a public banning.

JimBob is hereby banned for at least 30 minutes.

(Sorry JB, but you gave me no choice.) 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/07/2010 04:50:57

JB, you could go to the bank with that one.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 08/07/2010 05:19:47

JB, you could go to the bank with that one.

I would not recommend it:

They are nothing but a bunch of bankers.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/07/2010 04:10:23


This thread is on its last legs, I can't stand it.


Is that a run - on sentence?


Perhaps JimBob will put his best foot forward and add to this, keeping us on our toes?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/07/2010 17:27:00


Hey, Geezer, I sincerely hope that your Auntie Histamynne's bronchial condition's improved!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 09/07/2010 17:47:12
No but his Auntie inflammatory is helping him to sleep at night.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 10/07/2010 01:46:31
Actually, Geezer is from a very loving Scottish family. His Auntie keeps him awake all night. That is why Geezer has been BANished to the US.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/07/2010 05:40:05

Is that a Scottish roll-on deodorant???
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/07/2010 05:52:50

No but his Auntie inflammatory is helping him to sleep at night.


I'm happy that something was found to Aleveiate the situation!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/07/2010 05:57:31


This thread is on its last legs, I can't stand it.


Is that a run - on sentence?


Perhaps JimBob will put his best foot forward and add to this, keeping us on our toes?


You know, like he gets his foot in the door on great new deals.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 11/07/2010 22:08:17


This thread is on its last legs, I can't stand it.


Is that a run - on sentence?


Perhaps JimBob will put his best foot forward and add to this, keeping us on our toes?


You know, like he gets his foot in the door on great new deals.


The best thing is to see Geezer when he dresses up in his tights, tutu and toe shoes.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 12/07/2010 07:39:26

The best thing is to see Geezer when he dresses up in his tights, tutu and toe shoes.

You've got a thing about tutus, don't you? Fess up now. We're all family here. There's no need to be embarrassed about it.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/07/2010 12:16:54


The best thing is to see Geezer...in his...toe shoes.


Hmmm, something's afoot here.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/07/2010 12:22:26

But at least Geezer put his foot down.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/07/2010 23:23:49

C'mon everybody, take the first step, and pun, pun, pun. Hurry, or we'll haveta listen to JimBob's olden tales.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 13/07/2010 23:36:32

But at least Geezer put his foot down.

Yes he did. And that is what got him in trouble. How do you expect to dance in the ballet in Highland Brogans?

Geeze is now having trouble speaking. After his failure to show up for the performance in toe shoes they gave him the boot.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/07/2010 01:50:13

That's sad. I bet they didn't walk a mile in his shoes.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/07/2010 15:58:31

             (http://www.supermotors.net/getfile/647377/original/voyeurism.jpg)


               Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/07/2010 16:25:19


1.) the rarie's fits well with you two dinosaurs all are old and stale

2.) At least I didn't slack on the thread and got you old coots moving again. 



It is why I have worked for myself these last 35 years. 12 years for someone else was all I could take.


Hmmm, do the 2 above add up? 35 + 12 + ... hmmm [;D]

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 15/07/2010 17:55:36
I can't get the image of Jimbob in a Tutu out of my head.Geezer what have you done!!!!!!!!!

The best thing is to see Geezer when he dresses up in his tights, tutu and toe shoes.

You've got a thing about tutus, don't you? Fess up now. We're all family here. There's no need to be embarrassed about it.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/07/2010 19:34:30


                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 15/07/2010 22:15:57
It 'tis indeed a fine sight, ye know. You have seen me in Les Trockadero, haven't you, Shazza? (http://www.trockadero.org/)


             (http://www.supermotors.net/getfile/647377/original/voyeurism.jpg)


               Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?



Is this the same as Kelly's Blue Book?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/07/2010 00:33:37

I can't get the image of Jimbob in a Tutu out of my head.Geezer what have you done?


Didn't he tell you he runs the Texarse Bolshoi?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 16/07/2010 04:23:08
I beg your pardon, (writer snickers at his deceit) but in Texas we have a Bull who runs the showe. It is in the name, fer cryin' out loud!

Wish you would learn to spell, you foreigner - haggis-eating reject of the BRITISH Isles, even counting Bannockburn.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/07/2010 06:00:38
Them Texarns is a right bunch of Bolshies if you arsks me.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/07/2010 21:22:18

Now, now, boise, we don't talk like that in Idy-ho.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/07/2010 21:24:11

Hey, all, best regards from NYC, been visiting my old home turf. Sweltering!!!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/07/2010 23:08:09


             (http://www.supermotors.net/getfile/647377/original/voyeurism.jpg)


               Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?



Is this the same as Kelly's Blue Book?


Yes. It covers auto-voyeurism.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 17/07/2010 03:30:06
I am NOT touching that remark - uh-uh!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 17/07/2010 10:41:30
You know the old saw of the blonde who was pregnant....... - She asked the doc "Is it mine?"

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/07/2010 19:32:20



Sean...and JimBob.....and Geezer...and Make it Lady.....


                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 20/07/2010 16:43:52
Do you have stomach problems Demo? You keep posting this picture of holding your stomach. I am a bit worried. Please let us know. We are just one big family here.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/07/2010 17:51:13


Do you have stomach problems Demo? You keep posting this picture of holding your stomach. I am a bit worried. Please let us know. We are just one big family here.


JimBob, you are so prescient! How did you know that this NYC record-breaking heat/humidity has done that to me?? However, I board a big bird in just a few hours back to la-la-land where my troubles will transform once again. [:)]

Thanks so much for your touching compassion!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/07/2010 17:55:13


The best thing is to see Geezer...in his...toe shoes.


Hmmm, something's afoot here.


Almost like having one foot in the grave.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/07/2010 18:17:20


You know the old saw of the blonde who was pregnant....... - She asked the doc "Is it mine?"


 [;D] [;D] [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/07/2010 18:37:10

Is this the same as Kelly's Blue Book?


Yes. It covers auto-voyeurism.


I am NOT touching that remark - uh-uh!


TOUCHING?? There goes my stomach again......
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 20/07/2010 19:06:49
Reminds me of the song as well.

Auto-voyeurism - is that what happens when you ride around " certain areas" looking for something, but not actually having the nerve to " complete" the transaction?

Or did I get it Auto about face again?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/07/2010 21:05:20

Eggsactly, Sean! That's why JimBob carries Kelly's Blue Book with him wherever he goes.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 22/07/2010 03:14:06
No, not really auto voyeurism for me. I should live in Trucke, California having a Toyota T-100
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/07/2010 07:57:29

           (http://www.theautochannel.com/media/photos/toyota/1998/98_toyota_t100_4x4_xcab_sr5.jpg)

Wow, Sean, think of the number of multiple "transactions" in THIS baby!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 22/07/2010 19:36:27
I like it over rough terrain.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 22/07/2010 19:52:04
Leave it to Demo to comment on something like traction which is just so difficult if just one tire is BALD.

And as for MILf, you can have a ride any time.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 22/07/2010 23:02:56
I never tire of the bald.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 23/07/2010 00:16:31
Don't you think people should retire before they go bald?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/07/2010 03:03:07


I like it over rough terrain.


 [;D]  [;D]  [;D]


I never tire of the bald.


Whew! Saved from JimBob! (Bowing before MiL)
                                        (http://www.feebleminds-gifs.com/chickenb.gif)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/07/2010 05:49:27

Don't you think people should retire before they go bald?


But Geezer, then they'll be re-treads...
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/07/2010 05:50:55


And as for MILf...


 [:o]  [:o]  [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 23/07/2010 18:09:21
I know, I was shocked too. I can't remember who started calling me MIL(f) in the first place. Was it Beaver or was it you Jim?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 23/07/2010 18:34:24
I was confused, was it because of seeing rather too much beaver, or that jim was there bobbing for road apples....

Back to the auto fixation, I find that it is bad to use it when there is no lubricant inside the engine, it only lasts for a short while before stopping. Also you have to use the right kind, synthetic is great, and lowers friction as well, while natural is good for most uses, and is generally very good. Just remember that some are not compatiable with certain rubber seals, and can cause them to fail, most embarassing to leak in the wrong places, it leaves a permanent reminder sometimes.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 23/07/2010 20:26:55
I love a good leek!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 01:33:45

 [;D]  [;D]  [;D]

(no, JB, it's not my stomach. I like leek : - )
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 24/07/2010 03:47:48

I never tire of the bald.


Whew! Saved from JimBob! (Bowing before MiL)
                                        (http://www.feebleminds-gifs.com/chickenb.gif)
[/quote]

Saved - I THINK NOT!

Your pate is a matter of debate - tire or tired - the latter I believe.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 24/07/2010 03:52:05
I know, I was shocked too. I can't remember who started calling me MIL(f) in the first place. Was it Beaver or was it you Jim?

Sean - The Beaver is the late good Dr. Beaver, a member of the forum who has pissed us alll off by up and going on to better things -

He would have LOVED your remarks about beaver.


I love a good leek!

Are your female troubles back, my dear? - Leaking again?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 06:18:05


I never tire of the bald.


Whew! Saved from JimBob! (Bowing before MiL)
                                        (http://www.feebleminds-gifs.com/chickenb.gif)


Saved - I THINK NOT!

Your pate is a matter of debate - tire or tired - the latter I believe.


Look again, JimBob. See how "full" is the red pate above?

Case closed.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 24/07/2010 11:13:59
When I was young we had a hen called Lamebrain. Dog friendly too, a skipperkie is no match for a hen. Her only downfall was that she only laid eggs in flowerpots, and was a surprisingly good cat burglar, able to find her way into the house though any window. That was her downfall, when one day she left a calling card all over mother's dresser and chair.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 24/07/2010 16:52:43


I never tire of the bald.


Whew! Saved from JimBob! (Bowing before MiL)
                                        (http://www.feebleminds-gifs.com/chickenb.gif)


Saved - I THINK NOT!

Your pate is a matter of debate - tire or tired - the latter I believe.


Look again, JimBob. See how "full" is the red pate above?

Case closed.


HA!


There is NO hair on a chicken. What ARE you smoking?

VERDICT: BALD & TIRED (or is it tyred?)

WARNING,  WARNING,  WARNING! 
Old guy on wheels! Watch out for the electric scooter!
 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 19:09:05

                  (http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/dpa/lowres/dpan2960l.jpg)



WARNING,  WARNING,  WARNING! 
Old guy on wheels! Watch out for the electric scooter!
 

To all unsuspecting females: Let's thank JimBob for being so considerate to issue advance warnings about himself!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 24/07/2010 19:45:49
Quote
To all unsuspecting females: Let's thank JimBob for being so considerate to issue advance warnings about himself! 

But what about the women who already suspect him? I am not ruddy well thanking him for anything!  [;)]

Interpoll issused the warmings about him before he did anyway...  [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 19:54:49

Variola, thank you so much for coming forward in spite of his repeated threats, harrassment and heavy-breathing phone calls! Womankind is now so much safer!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/07/2010 20:09:04
Oximoron alert! Woman!!!!Kind!!!! we never are!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 24/07/2010 20:19:09

Variola, thank you so much for coming forward in spite of his repeated threats, harrassment and heavy-breathing phone calls! Womankind is now so much safer!

Yeah but they have a lot of sheep in Texas.... I think Jimbob is grumpy because he has a wool allergy...
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/07/2010 20:27:10
My Mum knitted me a wool allergy once
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 20:39:26

Oxymoron alert! Woman!!!!Kind!!!! we never are!


LOL! I second that emotion!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 24/07/2010 20:41:41
Quote
My Mum knitted me a wool allergy once   

 [;D]Did it have 2 neck holes and 3 arms??
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/07/2010 20:42:55
I've just put two coats of white paint on my door, I second that emulsion!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 20:43:44


Variola, thank you so much for coming forward in spite of his repeated threats, harrassment and heavy-breathing phone calls! Womankind Femality is now so much safer!


Thanks, Make it Lady!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 20:44:45

I've just put two coats of white paint on my door, I second that emulsion!


But first you must strip.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/07/2010 20:47:53
JimBob is very keen on wooly alegories. Consequently, he's sometimes quite overcome with emulsion.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/07/2010 20:49:47
Demo, I'll be around with my blow torch.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 20:50:11

Geezer to the rescue! [:)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 20:50:59


Demo, I'll be around with my blow torch.


 [:o]  [:o]  [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/07/2010 20:51:41
Has he got a blow torch too?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/07/2010 20:52:36


Demo, I'll be around with my blow torch.


 [:o]  [:o]  [:o]
All three of them have blow torches
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 24/07/2010 20:54:01


Demo, I'll be around with my blow torch.


 [:o]  [:o]  [:o]
All three of them have blow torches

They would all blow their own torch if they could reach
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 20:54:31


Demo, I'll be around with my blow torch.


 [:)]  [:)]  [:)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 20:57:41


They would all blow their own torch if they could reach


  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/07/2010 21:00:55


They would all blow their own torch if they could reach


  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]


All 20 are very flexible
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/07/2010 21:03:14

They would all blow their own torch if they could reach

Ah! That clears up something. I always wondered what was meant by, "She's holding a torch for him."

I always thought it was because she was an usherette in a cinema.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/07/2010 21:05:27
I got a chance to ush 'er ette once and very nice it was too.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/07/2010 21:13:50
I got a chance to ush 'er ette once and very nice it was too.

There's really no answer to that  [:)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 21:20:23

Not a printable one. [:)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/07/2010 21:24:26
As you all well know, I'm not one to "toot my own flute", but I have to say my;

"I always thought it was because she was an usherette in a cinema" would at least have received an Honorable Mention from Kenneth Horne.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 24/07/2010 21:37:45
Quote
As you all well know, I'm not one to "toot my own flute", but I have to say my;
   


Only because you can't reach.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/07/2010 21:42:00
I have been known to play a tune on the pink oboe
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/07/2010 21:55:17
The Cor Écossaise is also quite an instrument.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 22:14:36

JimBob is very keen on wooly alegories. Consequently, he's sometimes quite overcome with emulsion.


But that only serves to generate revulsion.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 24/07/2010 22:19:00
It was Generate Revulsion, in the ballroom with the pink oboe
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/07/2010 22:21:09
Nonsense. It was the lead pipe.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 24/07/2010 22:27:46
He lead them out of Hamlyn and far away .
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/07/2010 22:32:18
Yes. But he was pie-eyed at the time.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 24/07/2010 22:42:00
I hear his name was Simon,  simply asking for a taste landed him with two freebies in the face.














( Ok that is a little cryptic here you go http://www3.amherst.edu/~rjyanco94/literature/mothergoose/rhymes/simplesimonmetapieman.html)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 22:53:03


They would all blow their own torch if they could reach


  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]  [:o]



All 20 are very flexible


Like this?      (http://www.feebleminds-gifs.com/chickenb.gif)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/07/2010 22:54:14
I'm familiar with a slightly different version. It goeth thusly:

Simple Simon met a pieman
Gowing to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"What have you got there?"

PIES YA MUG!

I'm sure this is, at the very least, politically incorrect. I only cite it as a reference for academic reasons.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 22:57:54

It was Generate Revulsion, in the ballroom with the pink oboe


Yes, we talked about de Generate Revulsion earlier.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2010 23:02:27

As you all well know, I'm not one to "toot my own flute"


So Variola and Make it Lady were wrong after all!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/07/2010 01:02:42

The best thing is to see Geezer when he dresses up in his tights, tutu and toe shoes.


You've got a thing about tutus, don't you? Fess up now. We're all family here. There's no need to be embarrassed about it.


Go easy, Geezer, he didn't want to be out of step.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 25/07/2010 03:40:16
Then why does Pox wish me to cruise to Iceland with her? She asked ME!

Adoring women just love dirty old men. Get with it demo. Bald is beautiful. Some women love it.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/07/2010 05:25:30

Hmm. This forum constantly challenges my Supreme Knowledge...
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 25/07/2010 08:06:22
Then why does Pox wish me to cruise to Iceland with her? She asked ME!

Adoring women just love dirty old men. Get with it demo. Bald is beautiful. Some women love it.

Tis true I do want you to come with me  [:)] I get a discount if I take an OAP with me..... [:P] Plus I thought your geo knowledge might come in useful  explaining to me about the mud puddles that go 'floop'.
I would have to check your clothing before we went anywhere though...... some of your shirts are very dubious!
Anyway you are not that bald.... more sparsely furnished!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 25/07/2010 16:44:32

...... some of your shirts are very dubious!


Wait till you see the tutu  [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 25/07/2010 17:02:05

...... some of your shirts are very dubious!


Wait till you see the tutu  [;D]

I'd rather see the four four!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 25/07/2010 17:23:09
1
 [ Invalid Attachment ]

Here's a recent photo of JimBob and I in our plus-fours. I presume that's what you were looking for?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 25/07/2010 20:35:17
Actually those socks are exactly the sort of thing Jambib wears!!!  [:-\]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/07/2010 20:45:53


you are not that bald.... more sparsely furnished!


Wait, I'm less sparsely furnished! Take me instead.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 25/07/2010 21:57:10


you are not that bald.... more sparsely furnished!


Wait, I'm less sparsely furnished! Take me instead.

AH the truth will out!

Led by the lady with the blow -

TORCH


And Pox, I am accompanied by a full suitcase full of petite fours.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 25/07/2010 21:59:06
I was asleep through about a full page of banter - thus the tardiness of my previous post  - exucse moi, por favol.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/07/2010 22:14:11


I've just put two coats of white paint on my door, I second that emulsion!


But first you must strip.



Demo, I'll be around with my blow torch.


Make it Lady, painting is a serious job! You must finish what you started!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 25/07/2010 22:20:07
And be sure to French Polish the knob very, very well. Other wise it is a failed ending.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/07/2010 22:22:02


And be sure to French Polish the knob very, very well. Other wise is is a failed ending.


Yes, and I learned from JimBob that "happy endings" are crucial to success.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/07/2010 22:25:25


And Pox, I am accompanied by a full suitcase full of petite fours.


                  (http://blogs.smarter.com/blogs/Haba%20Play%20Food%20Biofino%20Petit%20Fours%20Set%20of%209.jpg)

See? One has to watch him carefully, these are rows of only three (3) !!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/07/2010 22:30:41


you are not that bald.... more sparsely furnished!


Wait, I'm less sparsely furnished! Take me instead.


AH the truth will out!


No! No! Less means more! Look up 'sparse' or you will get a C- !
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 25/07/2010 23:01:52


you are not that bald.... more sparsely furnished!


Wait, I'm less sparsely furnished! Take me instead.

AH the truth will out!

Led by the lady with the blow -

TORCH


And Pox, I am accompanied by a full suitcase full of petite fours.


It is about time you appeared I was going to insult you but if you have sweet things I will be nice.... ish!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 26/07/2010 05:18:11
Heeeelllllloooo!

Sorry, but JimBob seems to have dropped off again. I suspect the plus-fours are cutting off some circulation.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/07/2010 06:04:20

                  (http://nefariouslabs.r30.net/dirty-old-man.jpg)


             Congrats to JimBob for His 2010 Award!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 26/07/2010 16:50:39


you are not that bald.... more sparsely furnished!


Wait, I'm less sparsely furnished! Take me instead.


AH the truth will out!


No! No! Less means more! Look up 'sparse' or you will get a C- !
Grass doesn't grow on a busy street.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/07/2010 18:29:05

Grass doesn't grow on a busy street.


 [;D] [:o] [;D] [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 26/07/2010 19:22:31
Heeeelllllloooo!

Sorry, but JimBob seems to have dropped off again. I suspect the plus-fours are cutting off some circulation.

I do have a life besides sitting at my computer and yacking all day.
_________________________________________________________

sparse   /sp'ɑːʳs/
synonyms:
    * adjective: thin, rare, scarce, infrequent


I rest my case.
______________________________________________


                  (http://nefariouslabs.r30.net/dirty-old-man.jpg)


             Congrats to JimBob for His 2010 Award!



Thank you, my dear Shazza.  But then we need to hang a hat on the knob - it looks as if Demo has been "keyholeing" on us again.


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 26/07/2010 20:07:20
That does look a bit like me!!!! When I was younger that is.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/07/2010 23:01:39

As it looks like JimBob in his youth as well.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/07/2010 23:18:18


sparse   /sp'ɑːʳs/
synonyms:
    * adjective: thin, rare, scarce, infrequent


I rest my case.
______________________________________________


Excellent, JimBob!

But not so fast. You're a-l-m-o-s-t there, so be patient.

Now, JB, as I so clearly wrote, "less sparsely" means.......?

C'mon, we all know you can do it! Let's earn that C+ !
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 27/07/2010 02:18:56
Less? WHO is HE? Your alter ego or your id?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/07/2010 17:48:02
If you read the post carefully, HE is YOU lol.



you [addressing JimBob] are not that bald.... more sparsely furnished!


Wait, I'm less sparsely furnished! Take me instead.


However, JimBob, you are to be commended on your clever camouflaging segues, so...B- !  (I am soooooo generous)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/07/2010 17:51:15

Thank you, my dear Shazza.  But then we need to hang a hat on the knob -


Won't you look a tad silly prancing around the bedroom with your hat on it? Cute trick, but I say focus, focus, focus!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 28/07/2010 05:34:09
If you read the post carefully, HE is YOU lol.



you [addressing JimBob] are not that bald.... more sparsely furnished!


Wait, I'm less sparsely furnished! Take me instead.


However, JimBob, you are to be commended on your clever camouflaging segues, so...B- !  (I am soooooo generous)

You are too kind OLD boy.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/07/2010 06:04:12

awwww, hugs back to ya, JimBob!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 29/07/2010 00:04:37
Is that why you reposed the two posts above after no one got them the first time around? Hanging buns?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/07/2010 03:44:08

No just one. And I wanted to separate the *old* from the new. And since it worries you, I got rid of that one.

BTW it's re-posting not re-posing.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/07/2010 03:44:59

As in *old* people.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 29/07/2010 04:18:21
Not to mention that it is seems like it happens again. Or did I already say that?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/07/2010 17:24:35

What? Deja vu? Hmm.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/07/2010 17:31:37

Geezer disappeared! [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 29/07/2010 19:01:22

Geezer disappeared! [:o]

That, too, is an infusion.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 29/07/2010 22:55:13
Yes it got too cold to hang a hat on his knob, so he went.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/07/2010 23:51:20

Make it Lady, if I were out of the hospital post-surgery I would worry about your posts tearing my stitches apart  [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 30/07/2010 01:41:59
I thought they used Staples (http://www.staples.com/) these days.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/07/2010 02:13:02

Haha. That put me back in stitches. Thanks!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 30/07/2010 14:45:47
Well that has sewn this thread up!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 30/07/2010 15:30:20
(http://www.funnyforumpics.com/forums/this-thread-sucks/10/Thread-Crap-No_Hope.jpg)
 [:)] [:)]

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 30/07/2010 17:46:57
Oh so cute. I've lost my big Tom, Mossy. I'm sure he'll turn up. He is not struck on the kitten.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 30/07/2010 21:29:23
There is hope, but we are missing something to knit things together into a complete tapestry, not a complete travesty.

We need to stay on our toes, keep an eye on the ball and not get caught up in a lot of old yarn.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/07/2010 22:11:15


                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)


(ps - would someone kindly convey to JimBob that there's nuttin' wrong with my stomach!)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/07/2010 22:12:23

Variola, that is the utmost cutest thread demise I've ever seen!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 30/07/2010 22:13:20


                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)


(ps - would someone kindly convey to JimBob that there's nuttin' wrong with my stomach!)

No but if you resemble that cartoon in anyway  then your dress sense needs some urgent attention!!! :-D
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/07/2010 23:53:27

But...but....<sputter>...Variola! I just got these on sale at Toys 'R' Us!...........
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 30/07/2010 23:55:08

But...but....<sputter>...Variola! I just got these on sale at Toys 'R' Us!...........

That is still no excuse for wearing shoes like that...  [:P]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 31/07/2010 00:15:18

But...but....<sputter>...Variola! I just got these on sale at Toys 'R' Us!...........

That is still no excuse for wearing shoes like that...  [:P]

The problem is that the thread, Like the Toys 'R us shoes, has no soul.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/07/2010 01:34:07

You're such a heel!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/07/2010 01:38:47

I stand firm by these shoes.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/07/2010 03:12:26


[:P]


Nice tongue  [:)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 31/07/2010 04:16:18

I stand firm by these shoes.

"Stand fern?" Shouldn't that be "fern stand?"
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/07/2010 04:55:41

No. Ferns don't stand out. And I'm just not head over heels about them.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/07/2010 05:02:28

Oh so cute. I've lost my big Tom, Mossy. I'm sure he'll turn up. He is not struck on the kitten.


Sorry to hear and best wishes!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/07/2010 05:08:00

We need to stay on our toes


Sean, you're always a step ahead of me.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 31/07/2010 11:16:05


[:P]


Nice tongue  [:)]

Yeah pity such blue language rolls off it...!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 31/07/2010 11:16:50

We need to stay on our toes


Sean, you're always a step ahead of me.

Well put your best foot forward, but change the shoes first.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 31/07/2010 20:32:12


[:P]


Nice tongue  [:)]

Yeah pity such blue language rolls off it...!

Actually, what my tongue does best is wrap it self around the little man in the boat for hours and hours at a time.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 31/07/2010 20:33:59
Quote
Actually, what my tongue does best is wrap it self around the little man in the boat for hours and hours at a time.   

<<<<< checks flight times to Austin. [;)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/07/2010 21:59:07


Ooo, there goes my stomach again...
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/07/2010 22:05:11

We need to stay on our toes


Sean, you're always a step ahead of me.

Well put your best foot forward, but change the shoes first.

Kick up your heels all you want, I'm not giving in to that fancy footwork of yours!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 31/07/2010 22:11:53


Ooo, there goes my stomach again...

Jimbob does look a bit scary I have to admit....
 [:D]

We need to stay on our toes


Sean, you're always a step ahead of me.

Well put your best foot forward, but change the shoes first.

Kick up your heels all you want, I'm not giving in to that fancy footwork of yours!

Not even if I pull my stockings socks up? My best ones with lace(s)?

 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/07/2010 22:43:42

Hmmmmmm..........
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/07/2010 22:48:20

Too bad you're not just a hop, skip, and a jump away.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 31/07/2010 22:56:14

Too bad you're not just a hop, skip, and a jump away.

Is that a new form of travelling??

And I am nearer to you than..... um.... well someone who is not so near!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/08/2010 03:14:17

You mean you're all interchangeable???
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 01/08/2010 05:33:15
Ah, Heather, could I, I would 'Waltz across Texas(1)' with you showing the fancy footwork I once was capable of doing. Alas, Demo has a stomach ache and I can here the growls from his stomach ache HERE they are so loud. It breaks the rhythm of the waltz drastically.

Very disquieting.

(1)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/08/2010 08:43:38

Dis is more quiet than dat.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/08/2010 18:33:12


(http://www.funnyforumpics.com/forums/this-thread-sucks/10/Thread-Crap-No_Hope.jpg)
 [:)] [:)]


         (http://members.optusnet.com.au/yeseron/Thread%20pics/this_thread_rocks.jpg)

         So says JimBob as you can all plainly see!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/08/2010 18:39:45

(Rocks = Geology)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 01/08/2010 19:00:20
I like that picture.... it's so gneiss...  [:D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 01/08/2010 20:18:33
With my dyslexia I thought that read Guiness
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/08/2010 23:08:41


I like that picture.... it's so gneiss...  [:D]


With my dyslexia I thought that read Guiness


You mean...

     (http://rlv.zcache.com/beer_rocks_poster-p228892823582635909td87_210.jpg)  ???
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/08/2010 23:21:37


With my dyslexia...


Then you must know the dyslexic cop who was arrested?

He was pulling over drunk drivers and issuing them IUD's...



(I hope this translates OK in the UK!)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 02/08/2010 16:44:50
It does. I have a Marina coil so I'm safe whilst sailing.

When I was told I had dyslexia, my Dad drove me to the Welsh boarders and pointed at all the signs and said "See, you are not the only one."   
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 02/08/2010 20:15:48
It does. I have a Marina coil so I'm safe whilst sailing.

When I was told I had dyslexia, my Dad drove me to the Welsh boarders and pointed at all the signs and said "See, you are not the only one."  


That is twice now I have choked on my coffee..... the first was with the cookie monster quip....

Marina coil....sailing..... PMSL...!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/08/2010 21:18:58

When I was told I had dyslexia, my Dad drove me to the Welsh boarders and pointed at all the signs and said "See, you are not the only one."  


No, you're not. And don't forget the dyslexics battle cry, "Dyslexics: Untie!!"
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/08/2010 21:20:23

Did you hear about the dyslexic who was also an insomniac and an agnostic? Stays up all night wondering whether there really is a Dog.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/08/2010 21:38:14

...choked on my coffee.....the cookie monster quip....


Cookie monster quip? I missed that one...
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 02/08/2010 21:42:08

...choked on my coffee.....the cookie monster quip....


Cookie monster quip? I missed that one...

Its on the flash cookie thread!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 03/08/2010 00:24:31
Cookies? Have you checked you browser lately? It sets them all over the place.

And spys on you as well.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/08/2010 00:27:38

So THAT'S how the cookie crumbles!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 03/08/2010 01:08:14
No, a Crumble is a totally different item. Set him straight you Britishers.

Or if no one is on-line at 1 AM,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crumble
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/08/2010 05:03:30

How did ewe know that Apple Crumb Pie is my all-time flavorite! Yum!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 03/08/2010 18:49:28
It is not a pie. It has no pastry. It is simply an apple crumble. I like a spot of rhubarb myself.

What do biscuits say when you ask them how they are?
"Mustn't Crumble"
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 03/08/2010 19:10:08
I guess it is the force expended during the fight that turns you on so much.


rhubarb
*** 4.) An excited, angry exchange of words, especially at a sporting event.

American slang
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/08/2010 19:53:38

Wiki says, "A crumble is a dish of British origin that can be made in a sweet or savoury version, depending on ingredients used. A sweet variety usually contains stewed fruit topped with a crumbly mixture of fat (usually butter), flour, and sugar." What is different from my beloved said Pie?

Hungry for answers.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 04/08/2010 08:51:39
(http://www.mydish.co.uk/interface/members/240670/20095199316328-562670-610310-894374.jpg)


Crumble does not have a pastry base, like a pie does and the top is crumbly rather than pastry.

That one looks like it has oats in the crumble too.

Yum yum yum!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/08/2010 09:03:43

Yes, yes, yum!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 04/08/2010 10:40:37
Yo, what's on the menu today?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: imatfaal on 04/08/2010 11:06:09
I think you have cobbler in the states - well; the mixture on the top of crumble is the same as in cobbler but spread out fairly evenly rather than in balls.  crumble is ace.  rhubarb crumble and custard is the comfort food of the gods. 
Matthew

nuts and oats in the crumble ... shudder of delight
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 04/08/2010 19:55:08
Cobbler, something to do with shoes I think? Anyway, today had to be a cobbler myself, as my work shoes suddenly decided that they were soulless, or at least one was sole less, so had to use a little contact adhesive and a few small brads to "persuade" the heel and upper to be good friends, or at least to stick around each other though thick and thin.

As to pie, I do like a good shepherds pie myself, very nice it is. Rhubarb pie too is nice.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 04/08/2010 20:03:33
I thought cobblers were always balls.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/08/2010 02:31:54

 [:o]  [:o]  [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/08/2010 02:36:27


Cobbler, something to do with shoes I think?


At last! A good example of foot-in-mouth!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/08/2010 15:01:14

Yo, what's on the menu today?


Chem, nice to see you again!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 06/08/2010 23:32:13
Yo, what's on the menu today?

EXUBERANT SMILES AND WELCOME BACKS

AND


(evil grin) - Another person to beat up on!!!



Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 06/08/2010 23:33:22


Cobbler, something to do with shoes I think?


At last! A good example of foot-in-mouth!



I thought it was hoof-and-mouth disease.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/08/2010 05:22:07

I hoof no answer to that one!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/08/2010 05:29:25


...WELCOME BACKS...


Like this?

          (http://www.musicranch.ch/Bilder/pink-floyd-backs-5000178.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 07/08/2010 17:31:54


...WELCOME BACKS...


Like this?

          (http://www.musicranch.ch/Bilder/pink-floyd-backs-5000178.jpg)

Yes, quite so !!! Only closeups and ... er, a spot of tea??
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 07/08/2010 17:38:26

I hoof no answer to that one!

(http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-devil12.gif) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)(http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-devil25.gif) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/08/2010 17:51:14



...WELCOME BACKS...


Like this?

          (http://www.musicranch.ch/Bilder/pink-floyd-backs-5000178.jpg)

Yes, quite so !!! Only closeups and ... er, a spot of tea??


"Spot of tea"???? JB, stop pretending culture/civilization, you're in Texas, not Great Britain!!!!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 08/08/2010 00:48:39



...WELCOME BACKS...


Like this?

          (http://www.musicranch.ch/Bilder/pink-floyd-backs-5000178.jpg)

Yes, quite so !!! Only closeups and ... er, a spot of tea??


"Spot of tea"???? JB, stop pretending culture/civilization, you're in Texas, not Great Britain!!!!!!


You are quite right, my man. But my tea is English, properly brewed from loose tea in a pot (a Brown Betty, to be exact) already hot and served only with milk.

I have been drinking tea like this for 35 years, ever since I lived in University Village within Houston and walked into a shop named "British Market"

My latest tea of favor came via a CARE package from Sheepy. The package included proper biscuits of several types, a tea from Belfast named "Punjava," a box Of Earl Grey from Twinings, a box of P.G. Tips and a new market brand, London Cuppa' which is a delightful "every day" tea. I was so enamored of this last tea I order a kilo.

Any questions, my dear boorish lout?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/08/2010 01:58:41

I sit here cringing, loutish Coffee Bean coffee in hand, slurping loudly, hoping against hope that Sheepy will one day refine/save me too from this Crass Commercial California existence.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/08/2010 20:36:14


WAIT! Exoneration? I am typing this from my kitchen closet:

English Classic Tea (with a piccy of Big Ben on da box!)
Chai Tea

Harrisons & Crosfield
Classic English Tea Merchants
Classic Earl Grey Tea
Imported from England

Plus a dozen or so assorted herbal tea concoctions.

Nyah, nyah!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 09/08/2010 16:36:00


WAIT! Exoneration? I am typing this from my kitchen closet:

English Classic Tea (with a piccy of Big Ben on da box!)
Chai Tea

Harrisons & Crosfield
Classic English Tea Merchants
Classic Earl Grey Tea
Imported from England

Plus a dozen or so assorted herbal tea concoctions.

Nyah, nyah!


In order to be totally cleared of the embarrassment, one must not use tea bags. They are so "lower class." But on occasion we all sacrifice tradition for convenience.

But alas, the Americanization of teas purchased from Harrisons & Crosfield is complete. Their website is described their teas thus: "Harrisons & Crosfield teas are unique as they are blended in England to renowned British tea industry quality levels & American tastes ..."

And this "Twinings English Classic Cold Brewed" just does not sound British. No way, no how.

OH! The ignomy of it all, the shame!

(ignomy - Shakespearean spelling - not the new-fangled cra*py way the pundits have abused it)

Exoneration? - NAY! I say, NAY!

Excriment-aion - most likely. (That is the pun in this post)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 09/08/2010 19:38:29
And there I was today, going past Entyce ( formerly Tea Blenders) and admiring the tea dust emanating out from the extractor fans.

Tea, tea, tea, it just gets on my nerves! To quote from a favourite OTR show I used to listen to - The Men From The Ministry.

I do miss Springers.

Anyhow, I rather like Earl Grey, and am not a fan of most tea bags, as I prefer to use them as firelighters ( soak used ones in paraffin and light), having been exposed to some truly horrible substances masquerading as tea in the past. Worst tasted like pineapple, though that could be because everything had pineapple added, as they were in season and the catering staff had a 10 ton load to use up before it went bad.

I do like a nice coffee, fresh roast is best, but if not then a granule, Nescafe Classic or Jacobs.

Worst is a well known brand catering quality coffee - to make one cup I would add 5 dessertspoons of brown powder/coffee to hot water, stir, add sugar and milk, and still it did not taste like coffee. I did find one person who liked it, strange that, you cannot account for some people's tastes ( or lack therof), though it did make a pretty fair grinding compound.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/08/2010 20:36:31

<sigh> back to Yuban, might as well admit it...even the tea bags in the closet aren't mine...<sheesh>
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/08/2010 23:19:02
(http://www.magiclanterngraphics.com/kangaroo_throwing_boomerang_hg_clr.gif)


I forgot how to throw a boomerang, but soon it came back to me.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/08/2010 23:30:12

I do miss Springers.


Consensually, I hope.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 11/08/2010 03:08:10
Only if you have a permit - or license.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 11/08/2010 05:07:10
In order to be totally cleared of the embarrassment, one must not use tea bags. They are so "lower class." But on occasion we all sacrifice tradition for convenience.

But alas, the Americanization of teas purchased from Harrisons & Crosfield is complete. Their website is described their teas thus: "Harrisons & Crosfield teas are unique as they are blended in England to renowned British tea industry quality levels & American tastes ..."

And this "Twinings English Classic Cold Brewed" just does not sound British. No way, no how.

OH! The ignomy of it all, the shame!

(ignomy - Shakespearean spelling - not the new-fangled cra*py way the pundits have abused it)

Exoneration? - NAY! I say, NAY!

Excriment-aion - most likely. (That is the pun in this post)

Silly fellow.

Unless you happen to have a hyperbaric chamber, you can't make proper tea in Austin. You can't get the water hot enough at that elevation.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/08/2010 19:30:35

Silly fellow.

Unless you happen to have a hyperbaric chamber, you can't make proper tea in Austin. You can't get the water hot enough at that elevation.


Thanks, Geezer, I was having trouble beating up on him all by myself.

Besides, couldn't JB just go here?


                (http://lh5.ggpht.com/EvsMfsF49wWX89mIn2-x-wTPwjfpJZ4FvxOowJtjxZdte3ii2iOkG_wWAoWxk8W-UIgYR4ipCyHx_prBImYoIMNVV95LNIjOJl-UWnPsAgiAitJX-DaZd12Uc7G0Apxo5yALUulLbTl0)

                 Elevation Burger
9828 Great Hills Trail, Austin, Texarse 78759-6391
                  (512) 608-4054

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 11/08/2010 23:35:41

Silly fellow.

Unless you happen to have a hyperbaric chamber, you can't make proper tea in Austin. You can't get the water hot enough at that elevation.


Thanks, Geezer, I was having trouble beating up on him all by myself.

Besides, couldn't JB just go here?


                (http://lh5.ggpht.com/EvsMfsF49wWX89mIn2-x-wTPwjfpJZ4FvxOowJtjxZdte3ii2iOkG_wWAoWxk8W-UIgYR4ipCyHx_prBImYoIMNVV95LNIjOJl-UWnPsAgiAitJX-DaZd12Uc7G0Apxo5yALUulLbTl0)

                 Elevation Burger
9828 Great Hills Trail, Austin, Texarse 78759-6391
                  (512) 608-4054



No. He'd need to go spelunking instead.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/08/2010 00:27:17

Yes! I do see the Cave Man thinking style!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 12/08/2010 04:42:01

Silly fellow.

Unless you happen to have a hyperbaric chamber, you can't make proper tea in Austin. You can't get the water hot enough at that elevation.


Thanks, Geezer, I was having trouble beating up on him all by myself.

Besides, couldn't JB just go here?


                (http://lh5.ggpht.com/EvsMfsF49wWX89mIn2-x-wTPwjfpJZ4FvxOowJtjxZdte3ii2iOkG_wWAoWxk8W-UIgYR4ipCyHx_prBImYoIMNVV95LNIjOJl-UWnPsAgiAitJX-DaZd12Uc7G0Apxo5yALUulLbTl0)

                 Elevation Burger
9828 Great Hills Trail, Austin, Texarse 78759-6391
                  (512) 608-4054 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              (512) 608-4054      end_of_the_skype_highlighting



No. He'd need to go spelunking instead.

Yes! I do see the Cave Man thinking style!


Elevation Burger?? That is like going to McDonald's for gourmet coffee!

--------------------

Thanks for pointing this out, Demo. I do see Geezer's caveman thinking style.

As for whether I can boil a decent cup of tea, well pardon me, sir, BUT I believe you are the one who cannot get the water hot enough, miserable Scottish outcast. At your home, the altitude is 680 meters or 2231 feet. I live at 265 meters (869 feet) Thus to make a proper cup of tea I need heat my water to the astounding temperature of 210.460 F, (99.145 C) whereas you, the skirt wearing crotchety old man in the Selkirk's, must only heat your pot to the ridiculously low temperature 208.015 F (97.786 C)

Considering this, it is self-evident that tea I make will be much, more close to a proper cup of tea than anything said Geezer makes.

(who says we are not scientists here???)

Besides, has anyone ever tried to swallow a mouthful of the despised, contemptible, mean, vile, Scottish Breakfast Tea??? It is the most unpleasant tea to which I have ever subjected myself. It is what I imagine it would be like taste the fresh cut wool from the loins of an un-neutered sire ram. The Scottish Breakfast tea was available for a short while several years ago in a red box but Twinings had the good sense to discontinue this travesty. Taylors of Harrogate has yet to see the error of their ways.

And the two of you - FOR SHAME! & Tisk, tisk. - trying to outdo the master. Hurmph! The sink-holes riddling the karsts of your minds has caused your brains to become like Swiss cheese. Spelunking in those karts would like be wading in a cesspool

Don't Mess With Texas!!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/08/2010 08:09:24


Don't Mess With Texas!!




            (http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/PackSquare.jpg?t=1281596854)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 12/08/2010 08:10:45
Quote
As for whether I can boil a decent cup of tea, well pardon me, sir, BUT I believe you are the one who cannot get the water hot enough, miserable Scottish outcast. At your home, the altitude is 680 meters or 2231 feet. I live at 265 meters (869 feet) Thus to make a proper cup of tea I need heat my water to the astounding temperature of 210.460 F, (99.145 C) whereas you, the skirt wearing crotchety old man in the Selkirk's, must only heat your pot to the ridiculously low temperature 208.015 F (97.786 C)
 

Jambib, you need to get out more....  [::)]


Quote
(who says we are not scientists here???)

Me..... you are a rock-hugger, that isn't science, in your case it is more like paraphilia  [:P]

Quote
It is the most unpleasant tea to which I have ever subjected myself. It is what I imagine it would be like taste the fresh cut wool from the loins of an un-neutered sire ram.   

What has Neil been sending ewe???  [:o]





Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/08/2010 08:19:04


Quote
(who says we are not scientists here???)


Me..... you are a rock-hugger, that isn't science, in your case it is more like paraphilia  [:P]


Petraphilia is legal in Texas. Or did you mean paraphernalia?? [:0]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 12/08/2010 20:03:33

Petraphilia is legal in Texas. Or did you mean paraphernalia?? [:0]


Well, as Yogi Berra says,

"There's nothing wrong with a bit of incest, as long as you keep it in the family."
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/08/2010 21:11:48

Rocks are family???
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 12/08/2010 22:21:30
I am in Scotland this week and boy, can they make a cup of tea. They use actual leaves and not scummy tea bags. The most important thing about Tea making is the water and in the North of this wonderful isle it is the best. I climbed Ben Nevis this week and Tea tastes so much better when you've earnt it. So JimBob you need to climb a few mountains in order to appreciate real Tea.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 12/08/2010 22:34:05
I am in Scotland this week and boy, can they make a cup of tea. They use actual leaves and not scummy tea bags. The most important thing about Tea making is the water and in the North of this wonderful isle it is the best. I climbed Ben Nevis this week and Tea tastes so much better when you've earnt it. So JimBob you need to climb a few mountains in order to appreciate real Tea.

My mum was a true officianado of the art. Her fav. was Typhoo - and never in bags.

On one famous occasion in the South of France, she was so pissed off because she couldn't get a decent cup of tea that she went behind the bar in a cafe and showed the bartender how to make it!

I imagine there was still a bit of snow on Ben Nevis this year. It's a dangerous place. The weather can get very ugly in no time at all.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 12/08/2010 22:37:50
We have had beautiful weather in Scotland this week. I had a 180 degree view at the top of Ben and it was sunny for 60% of the climb. No Snow at all due to climate change. I have a large blister and my muscles don't work any more!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 12/08/2010 22:54:36


whereas you, the skirt wearing crotchety old man in the Selkirk's, must only heat your pot to the ridiculously low temperature 208.015 F (97.786 C)



Well, a real geeholergist would know that I live in "the gem state" (unlike "the bull-puckey state" aka Texarse) and that there are a lot of mines here, so I always descend to 50 feet above sea level at tea time.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 13/08/2010 00:36:14


whereas you, the skirt wearing crotchety old man in the Selkirk's, must only heat your pot to the ridiculously low temperature 208.015 F (97.786 C)



Well, a real geeholergist would know that I live in "the gem state" (unlike "the bull-puckey state" aka Texarse) and that there are a lot of mines here, so I always descend to 50 feet above sea level at tea time.

RRRRIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTT  !!!!!

Like I really believe that (snicker!)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 13/08/2010 00:39:37


whereas you, the skirt wearing crotchety old man in the Selkirk's, must only heat your pot to the ridiculously low temperature 208.015 F (97.786 C)



Well, a real geeholergist would know that I live in "the gem state" (unlike "the bull-puckey state" aka Texarse) and that there are a lot of mines here, so I always descend to 50 feet above sea level at tea time.

The Lone Star State, for your information.

And how can Scottish Breakfast tea be even compared to any other real black tea??

Petrophilia gets your rocks off!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 13/08/2010 02:28:08


whereas you, the skirt wearing crotchety old man in the Selkirk's, must only heat your pot to the ridiculously low temperature 208.015 F (97.786 C)



Well, a real geeholergist would know that I live in "the gem state" (unlike "the bull-puckey state" aka Texarse) and that there are a lot of mines here, so I always descend to 50 feet above sea level at tea time.

The Lone Star State, for your information.

And how can Scottish Breakfast tea be even compared to any other real black tea??

Petrophilia gets your rocks off!

Are you busting my stones?


Ah yes. Willie Nelson is the lone star of Texarse.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/08/2010 03:03:16

Petrophilia gets your rocks off!


Are you busting my stones?



                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/08/2010 03:07:11


Ah yes. Willie Nelson is the lone star of Texarse.


What about this Texas policewoman? Just a Dolly P. wannabe?

                 (http://www.clumsycrooks.com/busty.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/08/2010 03:13:13


[Reporting from Scotland!]

I have a large blister


OK, OK, I won't ask where...

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/08/2010 03:38:12

(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/52b31627c33845d0b6aa216837a26ffc_0.jpg?t=1281667380)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 13/08/2010 04:59:04
Hot off the wire!

8-12-2010
Austin, TX
Reuters
By Tom Jones

Speaking at his home, the the Speaker of the House's Apartment in the Capital of Texas building,
JimBob was asked about the article concerning a imaginary "feud" between his state and the state of Idaho which appeared in the notoriously erroneous "Punning Times," also know a the flagship name in liberal Yellow Journalism. We quote the most cogent of his very erudite comments.
 
"Now, the nuclear option was not on the board because the sanctions are working. Yet the interference of the liberal press in this matter is causing concern to our Department of State. We disavow all actions and libelous statements made by the worrisome rag and reject any unilateral action on our part.

"We obviously are superior to the man in the Catholic school-girl uniform skirt. We need not defend ourselves."


BESIDES

Demo has too much time on his hands! Doesn't he have a job or a hobby?  What about getting him a pet fish? Can he be trusted with the care of a dog? Bloody hell, what is wrong with this agitator?????? 

It is time for us to seek a home for this elderly, misanthropic troublemaker.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/08/2010 05:59:18
                 (http://www.clumsycrooks.com/busty.jpg)



This just in from CNN!
Friday the 13th, 2010

JimBob arrested outside his House/Home/Apartment for outrageously libelous statements made in the press against St. Demografx, the very first individual ever canonized while still alive.

Police Staff Sgt. M. I. Bigg, Austin PD CKU (Carnal Knowledge Unit), shown above, says she has nothing but contempt for JimBob, who refused to show a good ol' boy Texan-resisting-arrest struggle which she patiently awaited while JB simply allowed the strip-search procedure to go without a struggle. Harrumph!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/08/2010 18:40:43

(http://punpunpun.com/images/Poster2010_LargePunOff.jpg)

Finally, a Claim To Fame
for JimBob's Beloved Austin, TX!!

That's where the World Punning Championship is held!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 13/08/2010 21:11:13
Somehow I think we have gotten our knickers in a knot, gone off the straight and narrow, been punning and oblivious, and have taken the teapot and have thrown it out with the bath water.

Seriously, I think we are punning it on a bit thick, making a mountain out of a teabag, and are bagging each other silly, all over two leaves and a bud originally from Darjeeling, and now, as it is said by some, being pretentious over a mere colour and assorted dissolved solutions of dried and mixed plant leaves that have steeped in hot water.

Tea is a sacred ritual, and the only tea to drink is the one that you prefer, not any other. As the one closest to sea level, at a mere 5m ASL at work ,and at 80m ASL at home, I can guarantee you all that the water is more important than anything else, and living in a city with good quality water is very important, as this influences the taste of the brew considerably.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/08/2010 22:27:53


...solutions of dried and mixed plant leaves that have steeped...


SeanB, this means that the whole thread is in hot water???
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/08/2010 22:36:44

I can guarantee you all that the water is more important than anything else, and living in a city with good quality water is very important, as this influences the taste of the brew considerably.


Interesting, Sean. On a serious note <no giggles> it took me _decades_ to find out why my old NYC pizza was so superior to the crappy L.A. pizza.

Yup, it's the water.

Some pizza merchants out here go to significant expense to import the water from NYC, or to filter and re-filter it many times over in order to achieve the same level of quality.

Now THIS is Science!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/08/2010 20:27:42

Demo has too much time on his hands! Doesn't he have a job or a hobby?  What about getting him a pet fish? Can he be trusted with the care of a dog? Bloody hell, what is wrong with this agitator?????? 

It is time for us to seek a home for this elderly, misanthropic troublemaker.


And your point is?

(Harrumph. That'll show him!)

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 15/08/2010 03:17:14
Spot-on, sharp, barbed, intrinsically correct.

Pun on, my good fellows, the chase is on for suitable punning material.

Lets begin with the phrase "The clothes are on the Rack"
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/08/2010 07:27:23

Especially at the Austin PD.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/08/2010 07:39:15

Pun on, my good fellows


A slap in the face to The Lovely Ladies! Apology!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 15/08/2010 16:56:27
fellow - A member of a literary or scientific society; as, a Fellow of the Royal Society.

This is the TNS punning fellowship. Women are not excluded; far from it.

They are the ones with the racks!   
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 15/08/2010 19:38:40
Fellowship - a gathering of like minded Hobbits, or a group with common aims, hopefully not destined to immolation as the counterpoint to a sad tale of want, determination and really big hairy feet, destined to eat raw fish, and not sushi to be worried about anything  other than a mythical ring said to bind all together.

Somehow I am all tolkiened out, and feel a little like Gollum after loosing the ring.

I hope to avoid the rack though, I feel I have been stretched out enough for the day.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/08/2010 21:33:08
Primary definitions for "fellow":

From The Oxford Dictionary:
fellow (fel·low)

Pronunciation:/ˈfelō/noun

1 informal a man or boy:
he was an extremely obliging fellow

  a boyfriend or lover:
has she got a fellow?


From Princeton University WordNet:

chap: a boy or man; "that chap is your host"; "there's a fellow at the door"; "he's a likable cuss"; "he's a good bloke"

an informal form of address for a man; "Say, fellow, what are you doing?"; "Hey buster, what's up?"

boyfriend: a man who is the lover of a girl or young woman; "if I'd known he was her boyfriend I wouldn't have asked"


From American Heritage Dictionary
fel·low   /ˈfɛloʊ/  Show Spelled[fel-oh]  Show IPA
–noun

1. a man or boy: a fine old fellow; a nice little fellow.

2. Informal . beau; suitor: Mary had her fellow over to meet her folks.


From American Heritage Dictionary Idioms & Phrases

fellow 

see regular guy (fellow); strange bedfellows


From The Free Dictionary:

fel·low (fl)
n.
1.
  a. A man or boy.
 
  b. Informal A boyfriend.


From Roget's Thesaurus: 

Noun 1. fellow - a boy or man; "that chap is your host"; "there's a fellow at the door"; "he's a likable cuss"; "he's a good bloke"
bloke, chap, fella, lad, blighter, feller, gent, cuss
male person, male - a person who belongs to the sex that cannot have babies
dog - informal term for a man; "you lucky dog"


Quick! Apologies now to The Wonderful Ladies of Punning - before it's too late and the punishment goes up a notch!! Take advantage now, gents! (er, I mean fellows)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 15/08/2010 21:36:30
Fella- from the word fellatio   [:P] [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/08/2010 21:42:10

Fella- from the word fellatio   [:P] [;D]


To My Wonderful Variola Lady/Woman/Female/NonFellow: You took the words right out of my, er, mouth...and you beat me to it!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/08/2010 21:44:36

I would call this absolutely treacherous, unforgivable word-distortion.........WaterFellowgate!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 15/08/2010 22:14:08

Fella- from the word fellatio   [:P] [;D]


To My Wonderful Variola Lady/Woman/Female/NonFellow: You took the words right out of my, er, mouth...and you beat me to it!

[:I] [:I] [:I] awww. You are so much nicer to me than that Jimbob...
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/08/2010 00:57:32

<bowing graciously>
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/08/2010 16:01:32


Lets begin with the phrase "The clothes are on the Rack"



A punny place to hang your clothes

(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/d7ee12b8.jpg?t=1281904613)

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/08/2010 16:04:57

                    (http://memegenerator.net/Lame-Pun-Coon/ImageMacro/1156054/Lame-Pun-Coon-Two-hats-were-hanging-on-a-hat-rack-in-the-hallway-One-hat-says-to-the-other-You-stay-here-Ill-go-on-a-head.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 16/08/2010 16:08:57
All freezers are male! Do you know how I know?

"Freezer jolly good fellow, freezer jolly good fellow"

Punning thread fixed and back on track!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/08/2010 16:15:36

LOL, Make it Lady. A hearty welcome rack back!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/08/2010 16:21:06


All freezers are male! Do you know how I know?

"Freezer jolly good fellow, freezer jolly good fellow"

Punning thread fixed and back on track!


          (http://brneurosci.org/info/terminator2.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/08/2010 16:27:20

...Fellowship.....

...I hope to avoid the rack though, I feel I have been stretched out enough for the day.


        (http://www.offthemarkcartoons.com/cartoons/1993-04-22.gif)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/08/2010 16:30:39

And lest we forget.........

          (http://991.com/newGallery/Burt-Bacharach-Magic-Moments---T-450490.jpg)

(They didn't have SpellCheck back then)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 16/08/2010 16:56:21

...Fellowship.....

...I hope to avoid the rack though, I feel I have been stretched out enough for the day.


        (http://www.offthemarkcartoons.com/cartoons/1993-04-22.gif)

I'd attach the ropes somewhere else as I like to stretch a point!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/08/2010 20:12:19

But too much stretching and it becomes pointless!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/08/2010 20:30:13


Punning thread fixed and back on track rack!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 17/08/2010 04:27:27


Punning thread fixed and back on track rack!


It took a LONG time to get back to the POINT.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/08/2010 06:22:38

But a pinions are like arse holes - everyone has one.


And everyone thinks everyone else's stinks.


Some people have several.


Geezer was right!
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s1i80717
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 17/08/2010 23:18:42
Quote
   

Quote from: JimBob on 09/06/2010 01:00:15

But a pinions are like arse holes - everyone has one.

Quote from: demografx on 09/06/2010 01:09:09

And everyone thinks everyone else's stinks.

Quote from: Geezer on 09/06/2010 01:13:30

Some people have several.


Geezer was right!
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s1i80717 


And some people marry theirs too thinking it might change....  [;)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 17/08/2010 23:51:40
And everyone knows that a psychiatrist cannot change a light bulb unless the light bulb REALLY wants to change.

That is why Geezer is so dull.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/08/2010 03:03:12

1st Kid:
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

2nd Kid:
I dunno, how many?

1st Kid:
I'm going to ride my bicycle now.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 18/08/2010 04:49:13
It sounds as if 'add' is less.

That is mathematically impossible except in theoretical numbers.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 18/08/2010 08:10:54
Quote
That is mathematically impossible except in theoretical numbers.
   

FFS! Stop ogling rocks all day and get out more....!


How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

10- 1 to change it and 9 to write a paper entitled "Coping with darkness"  [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/08/2010 20:46:34

Haha!! Variola strikes again!! [;D] [;D] [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/08/2010 20:52:50

Quote
That is mathematically impossible except in theoretical numbers.


FFS! Stop ogling rocks all day and get out more....!


Like this, Var?

         (http://lh4.ggpht.com/_WmATPiE0GtE/SOJNPa5Uf8I/AAAAAAAAAZQ/bdj-SnweCes/IMG_2200.JPG)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/08/2010 20:55:42

10 [psychiatrists]- 1 to change it [the lightbulb] and 9 to write a paper entitled "Coping with darkness"  [;D]


Yep. And here it is!
http://www.mysticaljudaism.org/Coping_With_Darkness.pdf
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 18/08/2010 22:47:19
It sounds as if 'add' is less.

That is mathematically impossible except in theoretical numbers.

I am trying to get the thread back to PUNS!!! The above WAS a pun of the previous message.

So what does it take to refocus on puns?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 18/08/2010 22:50:23
Quote
So what does it take to refocus on puns?
 

Twiddling the knob usually sets the focus ok for me...  [;)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/08/2010 23:06:25
JimBob is right!!! We've lost our way!!! Let's all refocus on
 
(http://www.irregardless.net/punster/puns-punspunspuns.jpg)(http://rlv.zcache.com/i_heart_puns_tshirt-p235116072170340465qw9u_400.jpg)(http://www.irregardless.net/punster/puns-punspunspuns.jpg)(http://rlv.zcache.com/i_heart_puns_tshirt-p235116072170340465qw9u_400.jpg)(http://www.irregardless.net/punster/puns-punspunspuns.jpg)(http://rlv.zcache.com/i_heart_puns_tshirt-p235116072170340465qw9u_400.jpg)(http://www.irregardless.net/punster/puns-punspunspuns.jpg)(http://rlv.zcache.com/i_heart_puns_tshirt-p235116072170340465qw9u_400.jpg)
(http://www.irregardless.net/punster/puns-punspunspuns.jpg)(http://rlv.zcache.com/i_heart_puns_tshirt-p235116072170340465qw9u_400.jpg)(http://www.irregardless.net/punster/puns-punspunspuns.jpg)(http://rlv.zcache.com/i_heart_puns_tshirt-p235116072170340465qw9u_400.jpg)(http://www.irregardless.net/punster/puns-punspunspuns.jpg)(http://rlv.zcache.com/i_heart_puns_tshirt-p235116072170340465qw9u_400.jpg)(http://www.irregardless.net/punster/puns-punspunspuns.jpg)(http://rlv.zcache.com/i_heart_puns_tshirt-p235116072170340465qw9u_400.jpg)

(http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/cza0340l.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/08/2010 23:08:37

Quote
So what does it take to refocus on puns?


Twiddling the knob usually sets the focus ok for me...  [;)]


 [:o] [:o] [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/08/2010 23:18:30

If we're still talking about a rack, is it true that it contains weapons of mass destruction??



              (http://static.newworldencyclopedia.org/e/ee/Iraq_map.png)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 18/08/2010 23:33:04
Quote
So what does it take to refocus on puns?
 

Twiddling the knob usually sets the focus ok for me...  [;)]

Isn't that a bit like what the Irish girl said to her sisters when the photographer kept asking them to get closer to the camera? OK - I remember now. What she said was,

"He's trying to focus."


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 18/08/2010 23:33:30
My rack is


(http://images5.cpcache.com/product/252587425v4_480x480_Front_Color-Black.jpg)

( I actually have a T-shirt very similar to that)  [:)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/08/2010 00:49:04
Variola, don't forget, this is a sharing thread.  And that comes in handy. [:)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/08/2010 00:51:54
Quote
So what does it take to refocus on puns?
 

Twiddling the knob usually sets the focus ok for me...  [;)]

Isn't that a bit like what the Irish girl said to her sisters when the photographer kept asking them to get closer to the camera? OK - I remember now. What she said was,

"He's trying to focus."




Brilliant, Geezer! You just came up with a motto for the Fellows Of This Thread, "Focus Or Leave Us!"
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/08/2010 00:54:12

Of course, let's not forget JimBob for firstly getting us back on rack with focus!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 19/08/2010 02:59:24
Not to mention getting Pox in hand!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/08/2010 04:46:18

Pox-in-hand? Is that curable? Contagious?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 19/08/2010 08:11:20
A pox in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/08/2010 17:42:56

 [:o] [:o] [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/08/2010 17:45:29

But Var, then you gave up the bird!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 19/08/2010 18:53:53
A pox in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.

Whose bush? George WWWWWWWW?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/08/2010 21:51:12

No. Since they are from Texas, she must be referring to JimBob's!  [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/08/2010 01:42:03


A pox in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.


 [:o] [:o] [:o]


But Var, then you gave up the bird!


See? Even (First) Lady Bird Johnson was from Texas! This PROVES that all fingers point to JimBob Bush.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/08/2010 02:47:14

This is nerve wracking.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 20/08/2010 02:57:34

No. Since they are from Texas, she must be referring to JimBob's!  [:o]

And obviously Demo is wracking his brain (if that is what hydrocephalics have) to make that far of a stretch.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/08/2010 05:00:34

Highly inaccurate. No stretch marks whatsoever.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 20/08/2010 14:35:50


A pox in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.


 [:o] [:o] [:o]


But Var, then you gave up the bird!


See? Even (First) Lady Bird Johnson was from Texas! This PROVES that all fingers point to JimBob Bush.



If Jimbob has a bush how can he be a man? And if he has got one I am not pointing my finger anywhere near it...!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/08/2010 20:32:07
                   (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)


(sorry about the shoes, Var, but I did order a new pair off-the-RACK)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 21/08/2010 01:07:00

Highly inaccurate. No stretch marks whatsoever.

See? a wrinkle-less brain.

And Var, we need to be charitable to the retard.

OOOHH, I am sooo politically incorrect.

And I certainly have no bush or rack.

Unless the 12-point one on the dead deer on the wall counts.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/08/2010 02:32:10
My rack is


(http://images5.cpcache.com/product/252587425v4_480x480_Front_Color-Black.jpg)

( I actually have a T-shirt very similar to that)  [:)]


Variola, if this is true, then you must conform to international rules and convention, which stipulate frequent examination and inspection.

But don't worry, you're in good hands!  [:)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 22/08/2010 18:47:30
What does Allstate Insurance have to do with it??

For the non-American see http://www.allstate.com/   (Company Motto "You are in good hands with Allstate" - see logo)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/08/2010 20:40:16


It's Variola's insurance policy against excessive hanky panky during required inspection. [:)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 23/08/2010 23:05:25
I am certain I replied to this post. Where has that reply gone?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/08/2010 23:43:07

I didn't see it, JB.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/08/2010 05:12:10

Could Geezer have made off with it for posting to a secret Scottish forum??? [:o] [:o] [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/08/2010 19:37:38
Speaking of "made off", have I got an investment for you! Yes! Guaranteed annual returns!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 24/08/2010 20:18:20

Could Geezer have made off with it for posting to a secret Scottish forum??? [:o] [:o] [:o]

They are doing a play, which shall remain nameless.

Here Spot, good dogie -  Now - Out, out, damned Spot!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/08/2010 20:36:59

Highly inaccurate. No stretch marks whatsoever.

See? a wrinkle-less brain.

And Var, we need to be charitable to the retard.

OOOHH, I am sooo politically incorrect.

And I certainly have no bush or rack.

Unless the 12-point one on the dead deer on the wall counts.


Apparently the street use Remtard as it is a combination of retard and remedial. I guess trying to make you politically correct would be a backward move!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 24/08/2010 20:38:32
Sheepy has a good rack. Rack of lamb gaaaaaa! droool!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 25/08/2010 00:05:42
Mutton mess with Sheepy. Underneath the wool he carries an assault rifle.

 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/08/2010 20:17:34
(Re-posted due to inordinate lack of creativity today!)

                         (http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll149/imflitterhead/Asaultwithweapon.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/08/2010 20:19:52

Sheepy has a good rack. Rack of lamb gaaaaaa! droool!


We prefer yours.
.
.
.
.
.
.
 [:o]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/08/2010 20:25:45

(Originating drooling duly noted and reciprocated)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 26/08/2010 22:44:55
I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 27/08/2010 01:15:13
I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!

I will help you hold them up. JimBob's Hand Bra Service available at nominal costs. Write for details.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/08/2010 01:26:24

I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!


I will help you hold them up. JimBob's Hand Bra Service available at nominal costs. Write for details.


Don't do it, Make it Lady, I heard complaints from all over that the service just doesn't hold up under pressure!!

Even more laid back than California businesses!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Variola on 27/08/2010 08:35:17
I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!

I wish it would go from mine!!!!! My waistline doesn't appear to be reducing either. Feck knows where it is going from, maybe it is because I shaved my armpits rather than plaiting the hair!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 27/08/2010 09:37:04
My Mrs said she would help me loose weight. So far I’ve put on 7lbs and she’s lost 12lbs. A net loss of 5lbs, I thought that was a good result, she does not share my opinion and has made an appointment for me with a French surgeon. Apparently from a long line of practioners in her family, she will help me loose 10lbs of ugly fat in one session.

Sounds like a real ‘chip off the old block’ this Madame Le Guillotine.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 28/08/2010 04:03:33
My Mrs said she would help me loose weight. So far I’ve put on 7lbs and she’s lost 12lbs. A net loss of 5lbs, I thought that was a good result, she does not share my opinion and has made an appointment for me with a French surgeon. Apparently from a long line of practioners in her family, she will help me loose 10lbs of ugly fat in one session.

Sounds like a real ‘chip off the old block’ this Madame Le Guillotine.


Perhaps Don, it is more like a cut of the old ham. (Or mutton??????????????????????? Neil)

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 28/08/2010 04:58:17
I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!

I will help you hold them up. JimBob's Hand Bra Service available at nominal costs. Write for details.


Be warned. JimBob's service requires that he weighs them first.

Wwaaahhhhhaaaaaayyyy!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 28/08/2010 17:41:14
That is fine, I am adept at heavy lifting.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/08/2010 19:44:47

I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!


I wish it would go from mine!!!!!


Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/08/2010 20:01:22

    (http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/vsh0119l.jpg)



Be warned. JimBob's service requires that he weighs them first.

Wwaaahhhhhaaaaaayyyy!


This brings up a serious question regarding measurement accuracy!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Bored chemist on 29/08/2010 10:59:30
If she turns round does she get a bit behind with the orders?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 29/08/2010 18:50:10
I hear Jimbob has a "Bit Behind" service as well as "Hand Bra." I have also heard that he offers both services at once for a discount. (When I first typed this I left the O out of Discount....OOOPs)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/08/2010 21:50:28

MiL, yes! His firm has all angles covered!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/08/2010 02:13:04

If she turns round does she get a bit behind with the orders?


No. Only with the odors.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/08/2010 02:25:49

    (http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/vsh0119l.jpg)



Be warned. JimBob's service requires that he weighs them first.

Wwaaahhhhhaaaaaayyyy!


This brings up a serious question regarding measurement accuracy!


I notice that Don and Bored Chemist have yet to weigh in on the matter.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/08/2010 03:04:29
BEST WISHES TO JIMBOB FOR A SPEEDY-AS-POSSIBLE RECOVERY!

(See new "JimBob" thread)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/09/2010 02:56:34

          (http://www.bandofcats.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/pictures-of-cats_dax-big-yawn_03.jpg)


Is it true women like men who yawn?

No actually. Sighs don’t matter.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/09/2010 22:47:28


Well, as Yogi Berra says,

"There's nothing wrong with a bit of incest, as long as you keep it in the family."


Geezer, the lady bug mated with her ant. It was an insectuous relationship. Is that what you mean?

JimBob:       Would you sleep with one of your relatives?

Geezer:       Only if I had a nap kin.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 06/09/2010 20:20:37
A guy is sitting in a pub, staring morosely at the full glass in front of him. His contemplation is rudely interrupted by the arrival at his stool of a garrulous drunk, who proceeds to berate him, before downing his drink and staggering off.

The barkeep comes over, to find the man weeping softly. He says to the guy to cheer up, he will give him a free drink.

The guy looks at the barkeep, and says: " Today I got fired from my job for 15 years. I came home early, to find my wife in bed with the garbage man. She told me to get out, and that she was divorcing me, and our 2 children were the garbage mans. I walked out, to find the repo man there, telling me that the bank was taking the house, the car and freezing my accounts. I had a few bucks in my pocket, and went to the bar, where I am now. I wanted to end it all, but am such a failure, I even had some guy drink the poison I was trying to get the courage to drink."

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/09/2010 01:49:41
Sean, here's the guy.......

         (http://boozenews.ca/nucleus/media/1/20060811-BarDrunkFallDown.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 08/09/2010 20:16:45
Ah, the heady days of our youth, where we had a seemingly unquenchable thirst for alcoholic beverages, a bladder with limitless capacity and an unerring ability to find a source of free booze.............

DARN IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/09/2010 03:53:46
I know, Sean, I too, long for the GOOD OLD DAYS of health, happiness and boundless joy!!!

       (http://wintersoldier1.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/hangover1.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 09/09/2010 13:11:43
The best part of it all was trying next to clean the bathroom while contending with the hangover resulting from the previous night's revelry and worship of the Great Porcelain God we worshiped just hours before.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 09/09/2010 20:05:22
I was never that bad! Though I did have a bit of trouble with Mulled wine, it kept on exploding.

We solved that one, by the application of some fine engineering - we wired the bottle tops on, like the French use for the sparkling wines. Result was batch 2 had a much reduced probability of popping it's top, though a few of the plastic 2l bottles did detonate, though luckily not when we were around. Was not at all bad, though I did prefer ciders, Woodpecker being the best, not the modern sweet ones. I think I drank a case one night......... The off sales loved us though.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 10/09/2010 01:06:40
Mead!

Nuff said.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/09/2010 05:32:48

I had to look that up.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 10/09/2010 14:25:12
Oh the shame of it all. The lack of a decent education in the US again shows through.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 10/09/2010 20:27:11
There is education in the USA???????

I thought that it all consisted of blonde bimbo's worrying over the state of hair, and jocks with the same preoccupation. Add in a few capable of walking and chewing gum, and there you had it.

At least here the teachers are on strike, the pupils are on holiday, the few who want to study are doing so, and the department of education has still not sent out the curriculum for this year - they are looking for a cleft stick of correct dimensions, as well as the right kind of post stone.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/09/2010 06:09:18

He said I was average - but he was just being mean.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 15/09/2010 06:58:31
The local landowner, Edmondo Finknottle Snodgass Marjoribanks (pronounced Chumley), or "Stinky" to his pals, and his gamekeeper were out hiking around their extensive policies, which were so vast that they had to use a map. It was getting a bit late, and the landowner decided they better head back to the manor house for some crumpet. The game keeper consulted the map and pointed out two ways they could take.

The landowner looked at the two paths and said "I think we better take the second one. We really don't want to find ourselves caught on the first."

To which the gamekeeper said,

"What does that route mean Squire Ed?"
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/09/2010 01:11:07



To which the gamekeeper said,

"What does that route mean Squire Ed?"


Squire Ed replied to the gamekeeper (whose friends call him "RMS") that the magnitude of the first route means it might take forever to get back to the manor in time for crumpet.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/09/2010 04:28:11
Johnny's mother was admonishing him, yet again, for bolting his food.

"Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you. Do not swallow your meat until it's been amply chewed!"

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/09/2010 06:26:58

Johnny's problem is not only with his food being amply chewed, but the frequency with which this happens!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/09/2010 17:54:24
If he keeps it up, he's going to get smacked where it really hertz.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/09/2010 22:34:59
Johnny's mom is called Maude, so he's going to get maudulated.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/09/2010 23:21:41

Johnny is certainly a generator of all sorts of trouble!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/09/2010 03:31:16
               (http://static.neatoshop.com/images/product/59/459/Math-Puns-are-the-First-Sine-of-Madness_1869-l.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 17/09/2010 04:03:04
My pub has one of these hanging above the door.

[diagram=601_0]


It's a bar sign.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/09/2010 16:42:11


As due diligence, I followed up and checked on your bar sign, Geezer, and I only saw one over the men's room urinal:

We Aim To Please
You Aim Too, Please


So now I will check out The Pistol Dawn Bar
(Drink till 3, pistol dawn)

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/09/2010 16:49:52

My greatest sphere is that the Earth is round.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 18/09/2010 00:52:57
Hyspherical!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/09/2010 19:45:49

Now is not the time for hyspheria.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 19/09/2010 05:54:43
Great! So now you've gone all botanical on us.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/09/2010 04:59:35


That's funny, Geezer, sometimes you flora me! [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 20/09/2010 10:30:43
Oh! Very fauny.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/09/2010 23:15:41


How did the botanist, after dealing with fertilizer, clean her hands?

She had a manure-cure

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 21/09/2010 00:41:17
Now you've gong and dung it.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/09/2010 05:59:30

OK, but don't get pissed over it.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/09/2010 06:22:47


That's funny, Geezer, sometimes you flora me! [;D]



Oh! Very fauny.


           [;D]


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/09/2010 17:41:46


There is education in the USA???????


Yes, of course, Sean. For example, we wear glasses while learning math because it improves division.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 21/09/2010 20:29:45



There is education in the USA???????


Yes, of course, Sean. For example, we wear glasses while learning math because it improves divison.



..but, evidently, not dispelling.  [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: peppercorn on 21/09/2010 20:55:43
I find mult liquor is a factor in my mathematical product-ivity.
After a mult everything is more pliable !
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/09/2010 21:35:26


There is education in the USA???????


Yes, of course, Sean. For example, we wear glasses while learning math because it improves division (mod edit - corrected sp).



..but, evidently, not dispelling.  [;D]


Witch?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/09/2010 21:49:16

I find mult liquor is a factor in my mathematical product-ivity.
After a mult everything is more pliable !


(http://therattrick.com/files/2009/08/glass-of-beer1.jpg)

...and after a few.......even mistakes mult   i   ply!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 21/09/2010 23:36:05


There is education in the USA???????


Yes, of course, Sean. For example, we wear glasses while learning math because it improves division (mod edit - corrected sp).



..but, evidently, not dispelling.  [;D]


Witch?



Actually, I'm more of a whizzard.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/09/2010 01:50:50



There is education in the USA???????


Yes, of course, Sean. For example, we wear glasses while learning math because it improves divison.



..but, evidently, not dispelling.  [;D]


Dispelling of miths is important to me.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/09/2010 01:55:57


There is education in the USA???????


Yes, of course, Sean. For example, we wear glasses while learning math because it improves division (mod edit - corrected sp).



..but, evidently, not dispelling.  [;D]


Witch?



Actually, I'm more of a whizzard.


Of Ozz, apparentlee.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/09/2010 08:36:17
Witches? Wizards? Its all a load of Warlocks.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/09/2010 15:10:22

(http://rlv.zcache.com/wicked_witches_brothel_dog_shirt-p15538065733959940722hfo_400.jpg)

Don, let's thank Geezer for getting us these souvenir tee-shirts from his last vacation!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/09/2010 16:31:12
The tee shirts were OK, but obviously the 'Ladies' were a ruff load of old dogs!

That Geezer must be barking!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/09/2010 20:19:27

Yes, and up the wrong tree!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 23/09/2010 05:54:37
The tee shirts were OK, but obviously the 'Ladies' were a ruff load of old dogs!

That Geezer must be barking!

No, but close - the Isle of Dogs.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 23/09/2010 08:52:32


Can ine give Sir a little pleasure?

 [ Invalid Attachment ]

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 23/09/2010 18:04:22
What's wrong Geezer? Have you had to paws for thought?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/09/2010 20:27:25

Don, I think he's just catching his breath, he's had breeding problems.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/09/2010 20:33:43


Doggone it, now I can't find my glasses....
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 23/09/2010 21:37:15
I'm still waiting for Don to explain, though I say it myself, my quite brilliant allusion to barking.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/09/2010 04:12:16


Can ine give Sir a little pleasure?

 [ Invalid Attachment ]



Geezer, you lucky dog, you! <wink>

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 24/09/2010 10:09:01
I'm still waiting for Don to explain, though I say it myself, my quite brilliant allusion to barking.

That's a tale I'd rather forget.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/09/2010 19:10:51

I'm lost. Has this place gone to the dogs?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/09/2010 19:12:28

Did you hear about the insomniac who is also dyslexic and agnostic?

Stays up all night wondering whether there really is a Dog.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/09/2010 19:56:23



I'm still waiting for Don to explain, though I say it myself, my quite brilliant allusion to barking.


mod edit:
That's a tale tail I'd rather forget.



Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/09/2010 22:09:39
Hey! I just watched that new movie Abattoir. It's in 3-D too!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/09/2010 00:15:22

Stumped, Geezer...
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 27/09/2010 00:46:28

Stumped, Geezer...


More likely stunned I'd think. This thread is turning into a proper shambles.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 27/09/2010 07:44:07
or maybe people are just too knackered to post.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/09/2010 16:38:13



Hey! I just watched that new movie Abattoir. It's in 3-D too!


Geezer, what I meant was that I was stumped by your punning meaning directly above - ("Abattoir and 3-D").


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 27/09/2010 16:49:10



Hey! I just watched that new movie Abattoir. It's in 3-D too!


Geezer, what I meant was that I was stumped by your punning meaning directly above - ("Abattoir and 3-D").




A clue http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0499549/  [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 27/09/2010 17:54:59
That was a clue?

You need to be a detective to work out that clue so
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/09/2010 18:09:24

Haha!!  [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 27/09/2010 19:06:57
That was a clue?

You need to be a detective to work out that clue so

Zat is vi a am at La Sûreté, Monsieur.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/09/2010 02:43:21


                                 ?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 28/09/2010 04:33:33




                                 ?

Oh! Don't go looking for the pun. I don't think there is one.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/09/2010 20:16:40

                                 ?


Oh! Don't go looking for the pun. I don't think there is one.


Ahem, Inspector Clouseau, I am certain that we will find one. We only need to do some careful detective work!!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 28/09/2010 21:53:28


                                 ?

Yep, I found a pun for this:-

                                 !

How does that grab you?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/09/2010 23:18:46


                    ?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/09/2010 23:42:20

(http://www.star-astronomy.com/wp-content/uploads/star-astronomy.jpg)



In my college years I thought about studying astronomy, but I knew I would just be taking up space.


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 29/09/2010 00:39:30
Not to worry, I suppose you didn't plan et.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/09/2010 01:06:38

No, it was a completely different world to me.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/09/2010 05:40:09

(http://www.yogamax.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/swami-ramdev.jpg)(http://colinwetherbee.com/images/hot-dog-vendor.jpg)


The Swami goes up to the hot dog vendor and says:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

(ready?)
.
.
.


"Make me one with everything".
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 29/09/2010 12:13:40
Quote from: Thomas Edison

I have seen the light.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/09/2010 17:47:24
Quote from: Thomas Edison

I have seen the light.


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/09/2010 17:54:30

(http://www.yogamax.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/swami-ramdev.jpg)(http://colinwetherbee.com/images/hot-dog-vendor.jpg)

The Swami goes up to the hot dog vendor and says:

"Make me one with everything".


So the Swami gives the vendor a $20 bill, and after a while says, "Where's my change?"

The hot dog vendor pauses to think, then says, "Change comes from within"...as the Swami wistfully walks away.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 29/09/2010 18:05:12
Swami how I love ya, how I love ya
My dear old Swami
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/09/2010 19:22:41

Al, you're baaaaack!! You and I both said, "California Here I Come!"

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 29/09/2010 19:26:35
she is at home sucking a minstrel (UK. Chocolate sweets)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/09/2010 19:48:33


Mammy? Indeed, how sweet it is!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/09/2010 06:25:19


Scientists allow us to see the sun in a different light.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 30/09/2010 16:56:18
That last pun doesn't regard the sun as a burning issue so should be receive with a black hole of mirth.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/09/2010 22:19:43


Make it Lady, I'm still waiting for you to finish my paint job. All talk. [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/09/2010 22:21:34



Did you know that Geezer once got fired from his job as a software engineer? He just couldn't get with the program.



Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 30/09/2010 23:33:47


Make it Lady, I'm still waiting for you to finish my paint job. All talk. [;D]

I thought she was polishing (door)knobs for you.


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/10/2010 00:35:37

Make it Lady, I'm still waiting for you to finish my paint job. All talk. [;D]


I thought she was polishing (door)knobs for you.


Dang, JimBob, thank you for keeping me up-to-date!! What would we do without your terrific geological approach here???

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/10/2010 00:38:01
(http://www.phg-uk.com/admin1/image/0038bloxwich%20knob%20set.JPG)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/10/2010 02:56:44


An angry bird landed on a door knob. Then flew off the handle.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 01/10/2010 15:40:06
It must have been very startling for him.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/10/2010 16:11:29

OK, Don, ready for a real groaner?
.
.
.
.
.
After being treated by an optometrist, the bird seed.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 01/10/2010 17:23:06
A,B,C,D goldfish?
M,N,O goldfish
S,D,R goldfish
R,D,L goldfish
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 01/10/2010 17:47:36
F U N E M N X?

S, V F M N X.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 01/10/2010 17:54:12
...but we have no bananas today.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/10/2010 20:12:28



...I'm so lost....sigh.....
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 01/10/2010 23:07:05
It's like text speak but came before texts were invented. apparently love letters in the 19th century used this type of notation. demo just read the letters really quickly and they sound like words.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 02/10/2010 06:03:59
It's like text speak but came before texts were invented. apparently love letters in the 19th century used this type of notation. demo just read the letters really quickly and they sound like words.

Whale oil be damned!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 02/10/2010 06:13:51
we have no bananas today.

V F N O bananas today
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 02/10/2010 12:21:52
UB40

I wish I was, but I B alot older than that.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/10/2010 20:50:20


I M SX E
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/10/2010 20:54:21

It's like text speak but came before texts were invented. apparently love letters in the 19th century used this type of notation. demo just read the letters really quickly and they sound like words.


Thanks much!

See? You were wrong: there  _is_ womankind  [;)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/10/2010 11:18:41
Well oil be damned!

Isn't that what Tony Hayward (http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/tony-hayward) said?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 04/10/2010 17:11:57
Well oil be damned!

Isn't that what Tony Hayward (http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/tony-hayward) said?

LOL!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/10/2010 22:02:39

Oil executives are always using crude language.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: geo driver on 05/10/2010 02:29:08
le Bastille is amazing of is that just a phalisy
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/10/2010 14:40:42

One phalisy here is Make it Lady's blow torch. Hard to fathom.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/10/2010 18:43:06

(http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/ghost-stories-hotel3.jpg)

Halloween is coming soon...

An elevator makes ghosts happy because it lifts the spirits.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 06/10/2010 18:47:19

One phalisy here is Make it Lady's blow torch. Hard to fathom.
oi flower stop casting nasturtiums on my character.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/10/2010 19:53:03

Make it Lady, I apologize for the flower derangement. So let's kiss and make up: tulips are better than one.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 07/10/2010 05:57:59
I knew it was just be a matter of time until we bring again two lips from hamster jam.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/10/2010 06:56:48

                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)


Funny then. Funny now.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 07/10/2010 08:35:19
I knew it was just be a matter of time until we bring again two lips from hamster jam.

AGHHhhh! You rotter, damn you for preserving that one.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/10/2010 22:03:48


Forbidden fruit causes many jams.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/10/2010 22:07:38
(http://www.punarama.co.uk/images/puns/hamster-dam.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 08/10/2010 08:17:48
Sammy met a tram and the tram met Sammy.
The tram was jammy.
The jam was Sammy.

Oh, what a mess!

(No pun intended, or even present, but I thought it was relevant. BTW, for Demo's benefit, a "tram" is a streetcar.)

(There are similar tales concerning Algie and Bessie)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 08/10/2010 08:24:41
Here is a reverse pun that is related in a certain way to the prior post. What's the connection, and what was the original line?

"We're sliding a gong on the breast of a slave."
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 08/10/2010 17:45:40
Here is a reverse pun that is related in a certain way to the prior post. What's the connection, and what was the original line?

"We're sliding a gong on the breast of a slave."
I think this is the pun ch line to a joke.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/10/2010 18:43:23


The galley slaves were taking a rest after a full day rowing under merciless sun with the sound of the slave driver's gong still ringing in their ears.

"It's not the captain's waterskiing that bothers me so much" said one slave to his shipmate. "It's that gong, gong, gong every two seconds. I'm going to get rid of it"
The slaves decide that under cover of darkness, they would lift the gong from its chains and throw it overboard.

"We can't do it like that" suggested one of the plotters "They would be sure to hear us - we'll have to find a way to slip it quietly into the water".
So that night, six of the slaves lifted the heavy gong and carried it carefully to the stern of the galley - but there was no way to slip the gong into the water without banging it noisily on the boat.

"I have it! - I'll slip under the rail and hold on with my back to the stern, then I will act as a slide for you to ease the gong over my body and quietly into the water", said the brightest of the slaves.

This was working perfectly, when suddenly the slave driver appeared behind the plotters. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he shouted. To a man, the men sprang to attention, and burst into song ...

One, two, three -

"We're sliding a gong on the chest of a slave ...."

 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/10/2010 18:48:49


(https://www.funnytimes.com/archives/files/art/20020515.jpg)


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 09/10/2010 19:12:08
There is a musical connection

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 09/10/2010 23:18:34
daw-gone-it, I wish I had a gong joke.



Or is this the Gong Show??
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/10/2010 01:15:56

Ha!! You just gave away your AGE, JimBob!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 10/10/2010 15:16:52

Ha!! You just gave away your AGE, JimBob!

And since you got the reference, SO DID YOU!   [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 10/10/2010 15:19:02
Teddie bares - Love them!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/10/2010 06:44:44

Ha!! You just gave away your AGE, JimBob!


And since you got the reference, SO DID YOU!   [;D]


Hmm....yes...true...but....but....I had to....er....LOOK IT UP! YES! THAT'S WHAT I HAD TO DO!! HONEST!!!!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/10/2010 06:49:15

(http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/14_myths_legends_myths_legends_chuck_barris_gong_show.jpg)

           1976
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/10/2010 06:58:15

Teddie bares - Love them!


At one time, we had our beary own Teddie as a President.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/10/2010 00:19:16


I think Iowa 'bout five dollars in sales Texas.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 13/10/2010 12:32:21
Oh dear, we're not going to go through the song are we???

What did Delaware boy what did Delaware? She wore a brand New Jersey.
What did Missisip blah blah She sipped a Mini soda.
Where has Oregon - gone to pay her taxes (Texas)
Perry Como (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NztfOSyCCFM)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 14/10/2010 04:41:32
I think I am going to have a Jersey (a cow) if this goes on and on.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 14/10/2010 08:30:51
"Stand on thisy here rock 'n you can see it son".

"No need Pa, Arkansas it from here".
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 14/10/2010 18:46:26
I think I am going to have a Jersey (a cow) if this goes on and on.

I'm not sure the stress would be good for you JB. I think we should see what your nurse thinks. Alaska and let you know.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 14/10/2010 21:41:13
True, if I had a cow there would be placenta to think and talk about.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/10/2010 00:17:30



I think I am going to have a Jersey (a cow) if this goes on and on.


JimBob is right! Let's broaden our horizons and go....International!

So here's one that will make everyone gag proud!

When you're Hungary, you're nothing Budapest.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 15/10/2010 03:04:00
OK - you asked for it -

Q: How much is a Grecian urn?

A: About two drachmas an hour.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/10/2010 04:08:10



                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)



That's almost as funny as "Greeks can't stay out late because they have a Corfu."

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 15/10/2010 14:50:08
Man walks in to wine store and ask's

"Can you recommend a good port?"

Sales assistant says

"Yes, Southampton".
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 15/10/2010 18:20:19
A man is walking along the road with a banana stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a banana in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"I can't hear you. I've got a banana in my ear."

-------------------------------------------------------------


A man is walking along the road with a lemon stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a lemon in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"You've heard of a hearing aid? This is a lemon aid."
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/10/2010 18:31:33


Unfortunately, no one won the lemon eating contest. They all went home with a sour-taste in their mouth.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/10/2010 18:36:40

Man walks in to wine store and ask's

"Can you recommend a good port?"

Sales assistant says

"Yes, Southampton".


Funny : - )

The wine store manager locks up his best wine in a cabernet.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 16/10/2010 12:41:37
A man is walking along the road with a banana stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a banana in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"I can't hear you. I've got a banana in my ear."

-------------------------------------------------------------


A man is walking along the road with a lemon stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a lemon in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"You've heard of a hearing aid? This is a lemon aid."


Another man had a sponge, jelly and fruit in his ear, he was a trifle deaf.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/10/2010 22:27:06


A man walks into a doctor's office.  He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/10/2010 22:35:17


(There are similar tales concerning Algie and Bessie)


Let's hear 'em!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/10/2010 22:41:34


I mean, let's ear 'em.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/10/2010 22:51:07


(There are similar tales concerning Algie and Bessie)


Let's hear 'em!


Ah, well see, Bessie met a bus. Algie, on the other hand, met a bear. You might try to finish 'em.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/10/2010 23:01:55

Bessie met the bus and the bus met Bessie

The bus was messy and the mess was Bessie

Algy met a bear,

A bear met Algy,

The bear was bulgy,

The bulge was Algy.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 17/10/2010 00:17:50
You got it! The bulgy one is slightly trickier.

There may have been others, but I can't remember. Oh! Wait, there was Mickey too. I think he met a train.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/10/2010 00:37:43

Stumped by Mickey.

But it didn't ruin my train of thought.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 17/10/2010 00:42:15
Wasn't your train of thought a bit sticky?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 17/10/2010 02:53:48
Wasn't your train of thought a bit sticky?

Depends on what substance has cause Demo to become sticky. Is it Jam? Is it ham? Is it Lemon Curd or is it a brown ****?

I could go on but it would just get more nasty. I'll quit here.
 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/10/2010 03:33:42
Jam?

Ham?

Green eggs and ham?

I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!!


(http://www.emerchandise.com/images/p/DRS/pdBXDRS0009.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/10/2010 03:36:03

Wasn't your train of thought a bit sticky?


Depends on what substance has cause Demo to become sticky. Is it Jam? Is it ham? Is it Lemon Curd or is it a brown ****?

I could go on but it would just get more nasty. I'll quit here.
 

A sticky situation, indeed!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/10/2010 07:23:11

(http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/mly0212l.jpg)


The science teachers broke up because there was no chemistry between them.


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 19/10/2010 18:38:17
A man was walking along the road with a kipper stuck in his ear.

This other guy comes up to him and says,

"Do you know you've got a kipper in your ear?"

To which the man replies,

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak up. I'm a bit hard of herring."
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 19/10/2010 18:41:47
A man was walking along the road with a tooth stuck in his ear, no, really....

"In an unusual case, a 47-year old former miner in Britain was finally able get rid of his earache after doctors removed a tooth that had got stuck in his ear"

http://medindia.net/news/Doctors-Remove-Tooth-from-Ear-75535-1.htm
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: RD on 19/10/2010 18:56:10
A man was walking along the road with a tooth stuck in his ear, no, really....

"In an unusual case, a 47-year old former miner in Britain was finally able get rid of his earache after doctors removed a tooth that had got stuck in his ear"

http://medindia.net/news/Doctors-Remove-Tooth-from-Ear-75535-1.htm

 [ Invalid Attachment ]
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/205967/Man-loses-tooth-from-ear

Tooth-fairy related incident ?, (tooth placed under pillow ends up in lughole ?).
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 19/10/2010 20:02:57
Wonder if the tooth fairy will pay interest on the payment, as after all the tooth has been in "storage" for over 40 years.......
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 19/10/2010 20:19:50
Two old geezers in adjacent beds in a hospital in Brighton, UK.

Geezer1: "Did you come 'ere to die?"

Geezer2: "No mate. I come 'ere yesterdie."
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/10/2010 03:16:10

A man was walking along the road with a tooth stuck in his ear, no, really....

"In an unusual case, a 47-year old former miner in Britain was finally able get rid of his earache after doctors removed a tooth that had got stuck in his ear"

http://medindia.net/news/Doctors-Remove-Tooth-from-Ear-75535-1.htm


Fess up, Geezer, are you really telling the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/10/2010 03:17:25

Wonder if the tooth fairy will pay interest on the payment, as after all the tooth has been in "storage" for over 40 years.......


Interesting, Sean.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/10/2010 03:21:13

A man was walking along the road with a kipper stuck in his ear.

This other guy comes up to him and says,

"Do you know you've got a kipper in your ear?"

To which the man replies,

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak up. I'm a bit hard of herring."


They were going to cancel the fishing season due to red tape, but it turned out to be a red herring.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/10/2010 17:59:33
Two old geezers in adjacent beds in a hospital in Brighton, UK.

Geezer1: "Did you come 'ere to die?"

Geezer2: "No mate. I come 'ere yesterdie."

Hey, I thought there was one and only one, i.e., our one and only.......GEEZER!!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 22/10/2010 18:28:17
I think you are getting us muddled up with Australians, and that would never do cobber
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 23/10/2010 04:12:30
What do shoes have to do with this?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 23/10/2010 07:08:27
Mil, I think that's cobblers.

Next thing you'll be trying to tell us that Cholmondeley is pronounced Chumly.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/10/2010 00:15:06

A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back. 'The doctor said, 'It's old age.'  The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well.'
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/10/2010 00:50:52




Mil, I think that's cobblers.

Next thing you'll be trying to tell us that Cholmondeley is pronounced Chumly.


Urban Dictionary: cobber
Australian colloquialism meaning "mate" or "friend", but not necessarily in the literal term.

Oh, and Geezer? I researched it and Cholmondeley is most assuredly pronounced Chumly.



Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: John Chapman on 24/10/2010 22:43:19
Some bloke takes his kids to the zoo. When they get inside there's just one cage with a small scruffy dog sitting inside it. He storms to the office to complain.

"You call this a zoo?! It's just one dog sitting in a cage!" he rants.

The ticket seller calmly replies:

"I know, Sir. It's a shitzu"
 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 25/10/2010 00:32:23
Some bloke takes his kids to the zoo. When they get inside there's just one cage with a small scruffy dog sitting inside it. He storms to the office to complain.

"You call this a zoo?! It's just one dog sitting in a cage!" he rants.

The ticket seller calmly replies:

"I know, Sir. It's a shitzu"
 

Sounds like a Chapman original. You might also consider posting it in the "Is this the worst joke ever?" thread.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/10/2010 03:54:53


Geezer, I Shih Tzu not, a dyslexic man walked into a bra...
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/10/2010 23:04:45

(http://www.tomjonesbiography.com/lib/cover.gif)


'Doc, I can't stop singing the Green Green Grass Of Home.
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.

'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 28/10/2010 10:10:29

'Doc, I can't stop singing the Green Green Grass Of Home.
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.

'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'



AGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

That's so old, its very nearly a fossil.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/10/2010 21:42:59


No it's not. I just heard it!  [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 28/10/2010 21:44:05
Not through the grapevine by any chance?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/10/2010 03:52:31

                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)

That's so funny, Don, that it made me...just about to lose my mind!!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 29/10/2010 10:28:28
I hope it didn't make you laugh so much that it brought you to tears, because, you know a man 'aint supposed to cry.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/10/2010 20:51:13

No matter what you colic, a baby crying for hours is a pain!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 30/10/2010 15:14:12
Ah yes, colic, they suffer greatly from that in a Burpham, a village on the edge of Guilford, Surrey.


OK, OK, so its pronounced Burfam, not Burp-ham, but call it punetical license.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/10/2010 16:49:43

Don't forget, punsters who want to go hunting have to get a punetical license.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/10/2010 23:27:54



(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/ea7bcee7.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 01/11/2010 10:45:47



(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/ea7bcee7.jpg)


Isn't that an oxymoron?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/11/2010 21:34:41

No, it's a daffynition.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/11/2010 21:40:08
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_eIARuH0-x4Y/SDNJ31gA1LI/AAAAAAAAAD0/M0jmDwYpvw4/s400/oxymoron.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 02/11/2010 14:16:23
Remember that accursed woman who was always popping up on the adverts flogging gravy cubes, she must have been an Oxomoron.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 02/11/2010 18:26:35
Is a Spanish hoover El Ectrolux?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/11/2010 19:03:38


I think "si", but I'll tell ya, my new expensive vacuum cleaner really sucks.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 03/11/2010 09:44:52
When it comes to domestic appliances, I like playing with our oven, its a gas!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/11/2010 23:58:30


Many people think that Edgar Allan Poe was a raven madman.



personal/true aside: I grew up in the same house where Edgar Allan Poe wrote "The Raven". That should answer any of your lingering questions about me - demo [:)]



(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/4c07ad9b.jpg)

Photo I took this summer in front of my childhood home
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 08/11/2010 03:57:33
Which question(s)?

Are you a raven?

Are you a mad man?

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/11/2010 05:14:04
A Mad Man:

1) I was in advertising

(http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/defamer/2009/01/fashion_MadMen102B_0411.jpg)

2) I hate the fact that my NSF posts disappear on first try when I use the "Quote" function!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 08/11/2010 12:24:05
(http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/defamer/2009/01/fashion_MadMen102B_0411.jpg)

My word! How you've changed. Sadly, not for the better.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 08/11/2010 12:34:22
There was a young lady on a bender,
Who sat down to play on her Fender.
The strings turned to keys,
Of ebony and ivories.
And when she stood up,
She'd changed her bloody gender.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/11/2010 18:05:23

Is someone trying to tell me that my hair is mussed??

Or is someone not familiar with Mad Men TV series? [:)]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/11/2010 20:43:26

There was a young lady on a bender,
Who sat down to play on her Fender.
The strings turned to keys,
Of ebony and ivories.
And when she stood up,
She'd changed her bloody gender.


If you break a string on your guitar don't Fret.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 09/11/2010 11:15:33
I might have guessed you'd pick up on that.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/11/2010 23:33:22

...
The strings turned to keys,
Of ebony and ivories...


Let me share with you a couple of keys to playing piano.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/11/2010 23:34:23

I might have guessed you'd pick up on that.


Perhaps you can amplify on that statement?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 10/11/2010 00:24:33

I might have guessed you'd pick up on that.


Perhaps you can amplify on that statement?

I would, but it's not terribly polite to give unsolicited feedback.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/11/2010 05:07:09

I might have guessed you'd pick up on that.


Perhaps you can amplify on that statement?


I would, but it's not terribly polite to give unsolicited feedback.


I echo your sentiments.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 10/11/2010 06:26:27

I might have guessed you'd pick up on that.


Perhaps you can amplify on that statement?



I would, but it's not terribly polite to give unsolicited feedback.


I echo your sentiments.

The echo from the sediments is best in a canyon.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 10/11/2010 10:12:40
Well I know that's what he said he meant.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/11/2010 04:15:18
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_R3xKYz0g2Zg/TDiYt3eYdqI/AAAAAAAAAq0/i-MnNDgwrfQ/s1600/award.jpg)


Finally! A true deserving recipient of The Punning Thread Groanloudly Award!!

Congrats, Don!!!!

<wild applause from millions of our readers>
 
[;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 11/11/2010 07:23:59
Gimme a frikkin break!

How could he possibly fail with a setup like that?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 11/11/2010 10:57:18
(http://bestsmileys.com/bowing/1.gif) Thank you fans, thank you.

Unaccustomed as I am to making speeches....... (http://bestsmileys.com/hitting/9.gif) booo hisssss, get off (http://bestsmileys.com/sad/4.gif)

You're only jealous, 'cause you didn't get in before me. That'll teach you to be more punctual.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/11/2010 19:57:29

(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_R3xKYz0g2Zg/TDiYt3eYdqI/AAAAAAAAAq0/i-MnNDgwrfQ/s1600/award.jpg)


Finally! A true deserving recipient of The Punning Thread Groanloudly SETUP Award!!

Congrats, Geezer!!!!

<wild applause from millions of our readers>
 
[;D]

The Groanloudly Award Committee prides itself on unique Awards for unique accomplishment. An Equal Opportunity Scam For All!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/11/2010 20:32:12

I have taken it a pun myself to find a good pun!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 12/11/2010 10:23:33
Give me a comma.
Give me a semicolon
Give me a full stop (period)
Give me an exclamation mark
Give me an apsotrophe.

Oooo, I do like a nice bit of punctuation.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 12/11/2010 17:19:48
I don't think I can take much more of this punishment.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 12/11/2010 17:44:42
Just like an old boxer, it can make you punchy.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/11/2010 18:26:56

The boxer may be old, Don, but his girlfriend is a knockout.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/11/2010 18:29:31

I don't think I can take much more of this punishment.


That reminds me of the soup that was so bad it was gruel and unusual punishment.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/11/2010 21:43:59

I'm embarrassed, but feel obliged to admit: I accidentally deleted this whole thread today. [:(]

But Geezer came along to save the day and restored it.

Thanks, Geezer!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/11/2010 00:52:08

Just like an old boxer, it can make you punchy.


After punching his computer and breaking his hand, the guy required tech knuckle support.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 13/11/2010 12:01:43

I'm embarrassed, but feel obliged to admit: I accidentally deleted this whole thread today. [:(]

But Geezer came along to save the day and restored it.

Thanks, Geezer!

Phuuuuuuweeee, well done Geezer, did you give it an injection to save it from disappearing down the Black Hole of Calcutta?

Could be said to be a Punjab
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 13/11/2010 19:43:21

I'm embarrassed, but feel obliged to admit: I accidentally deleted this whole thread today. [:(]

But Geezer came along to save the day and restored it.

Thanks, Geezer!

Phuuuuuuweeee, well done Geezer, did you give it an injection to save it from disappearing down the Black Hole of Calcutta?

Could be said to be a Punjab

Well, we didn't want to upset the punters.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/11/2010 22:24:09


I'm embarrassed, but feel obliged to admit: I accidentally deleted this whole thread today. [:(]

But Geezer came along to save the day and restored it.

Thanks, Geezer!


Don't you guys realize that every time you re-quote me it becomes more and more an embarrassment of kitsches?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 14/11/2010 01:11:49


I'm embarrassed, but feel obliged to admit: I accidentally deleted this whole thread today. [:(]

But Geezer came along to save the day and restored it.

Thanks, Geezer!


Don't you guys realize that every time you re-quote me it becomes more and more an embarrassment of kitsches?

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I think all our groupies buggered off long ago, unless you include JimBob of course.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/11/2010 01:24:18

I don't think JimBob's feeling too hot these days : - (
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/11/2010 02:03:31

Besides, what about our 10 million readers?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 14/11/2010 06:29:20
Immobility gets you nowhere. [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/11/2010 06:47:22
What did the nice girl say when her date invited her home to see his stamp collection? 'Philately will get you nowhere'.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 14/11/2010 10:59:08
RIGHT!!!!

THATS'S IT......

I'm not going to be licked by that last post (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4NtSqZcT_4).

Rather fitting for today.

Going off for the minute.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 14/11/2010 11:15:48
The Queen lay in her bed one night and turned on her side. She pulled the duvet right up so that only her head could be seen and said, "Look Philip, I'm a stamp."
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 14/11/2010 16:40:58
In The Naked Scientists' forum
I tried to be punny for 'em
But limericks reign
In my little brain
So can we make a limmerick quorum?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/11/2010 17:37:18
Donnah, you're a poet!

But do you know et?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/11/2010 17:41:41
The Queen lay in her bed one night and turned on her side. She pulled the duvet right up so that only her head could be seen and said, "Look Philip, I'm a stamp."

But I thought Philip was at a listed forum that night?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 14/11/2010 18:28:32
Yes, but it was a live forum.  He was drinking and got obnoxious when a lady wanted to leave and he wouldn't letter.  He's not much of a fighter though, so he got licked when someone pasted him.

Maybe he should have had some of that tech knuckle support you talked about, demografx.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/11/2010 01:15:13

Wow, Donnah, I am mightily impressed with your punifical talents! You're teaching me that a pun is its own reword!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 16/11/2010 01:56:40
It's so much pun playing with words and you always get to be write!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/11/2010 03:50:15

Yes, but if you write bad things about me I am libel to sue you.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/11/2010 05:33:19
In The Naked Scientists' forum
I tried to be punny for 'em
But limericks reign
In my little brain
So can we make a limmerick quorum?

We could, but I can only ever remember the first line. For example there was;

A gal from Devizes
A policeman from Clapham Junction
A bishop from Birmingham

Unfortunately (er, well, maybe fortunately) that's all I'm able to remember.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 16/11/2010 11:48:07
There was a young man from Nepal,
Who had one short and long ...........


Oh yes! I see what you mean Geezer!

The language can get a bit fruity, perhaps that's why its called a limerick.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/11/2010 21:49:42

Fruity "one short and long" limerick? Is that like an apple or pear? Or is it that we don't bwannana know?...
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 17/11/2010 05:05:17
Go with the flow of the current; amp
times voltage that pressures the send
to get watt is right the lamp to light,
thanks, my solar panel of friends.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 17/11/2010 10:09:19
I'm very switched on to eletricity.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 17/11/2010 19:00:33
At least try to lighten up.

(I wonder if that's what they said to Guy Fawkes?)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/11/2010 20:43:32

This electric banter gets my juices flowing.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 17/11/2010 22:41:35

This electric banter gets my juices flowing.

WATT???
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/11/2010 00:51:24

This electric banter gets my juices flowing.


WATT???


Yes, of course! It's...
(http://www.watt-works.com/wp-content/themes/wattworks/images/watt-works-logo-large.png)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 18/11/2010 01:40:51
Is Watt Works a company name and logo?  From every psychological angle I can think of that name is...brilliant!!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/11/2010 02:15:43

                             (http://www.kidsfunfile.com/Laughing_Hysterically.gif)


I can't believe I almost fell for that and started researching the logo. Brilliant indeed!!!

Your puns are illuminating.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 18/11/2010 02:23:03
And yours are powerfully enlightening! [;D]

I am serious about the logo too.  I did an online search and found wattworks.com in Ohio with some brilliant products.  Check out their magnetic fireplace and window covers. I love their hybrid tricycle too.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/11/2010 17:01:51
So I'm not that dumb after all! (ok guys, no commentary! [;D])
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 18/11/2010 19:07:03
My brother just emailed me the following:

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The  Forest ?
They Take The Psychopath

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It

 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids

 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Cinco.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes,  Whack.   "Dang! "
 A Bad Skydiver Goes,  " Dang!"  Whack. 

22. How Are a   Texas  Tornado And a  Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

23. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/11/2010 20:35:20

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.


Amazing! This is my favorite corny joke of all time. Heard it on the radio in '76!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/11/2010 20:36:56

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The  Forest ?

They Take The Psychopath


True. But I'll bet it's not the psychopath of least resistance.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/11/2010 20:57:08

I...found wattworks.com...


The logo actually comes from watt-works.com

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 18/11/2010 21:34:25
You'd best go lie down for while Donnah.

After all that punning you'll be sleepun soon.

You really should should have held some in reserve, using so much of your repertoire in one go was a pundamental mistake.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/11/2010 00:31:25

True, Don, but now we're all enriched with a repertoire that's far from puny!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 19/11/2010 03:56:55
Aw shucks, no point in holding back, we have a forum of endless punch lines.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 19/11/2010 05:53:17
It's OK as long as it doesn't result in another Punic War.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/11/2010 08:06:15

Punic War? Why, we shouldn't rome that far from our main purpose.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 19/11/2010 09:36:30
Indeed so, we should cease 'er and put an end to the war by the time Santa Claus de us the honor of a visit.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 19/11/2010 16:47:39
Ho ho ho!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/11/2010 19:14:17
 [;D]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/11/2010 22:44:52

A gal from Devizes

edit -
There was an old girl of Devizes,
Whose forte was in little surprises;
She let you come near,
Then cried: 'Bless us, my dear,
Your eyes are of different sizes.


A policeman from Clapham Junction

edit -
Censored by the Punjab Governor


A bishop from Birmingham

edit -
Censored by the Punjab Governor


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/11/2010 22:48:35


18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.


Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 20/11/2010 04:20:21
Well it is a stirring subject.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 20/11/2010 07:42:38

A gal from Devizes

edit -
There was an old girl of Devizes,
Whose forte was in little surprises;
She let you come near,
Then cried: 'Bless us, my dear,
Your eyes are of different sizes.


A policeman from Clapham Junction

edit -
Censored by the Punjab Governor


A bishop from Birmingham

edit -
Censored by the Punjab Governor




I am only able to advise that the organ of the policeman in question had long ceased to function.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/11/2010 07:49:16


18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.


Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.



Well it is a stirring subject.


Because of the spooning?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/11/2010 07:57:09

I am only able to advise that the organ of the policeman in question had long ceased to function.


Long? Certainly you must be aware that size is not important.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 20/11/2010 15:07:06


18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.


Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.



Well it is a stirring subject.


Because of the spooning?

No, it's because it percolates in my brain, whether I want it to or not.

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/11/2010 17:05:38


In that case, it must be instant.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/11/2010 18:40:39


At least try to lighten up.

(I wonder if that's what they said to Guy Fawkes?)


He was so sensitive to criticism, he would've imploded.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 20/11/2010 19:32:48
Sometimes when you add coffee powder to nuked water it explodes like a volcano.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/11/2010 21:17:53

When I asked if I could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted they assured me I would be covered.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 20/11/2010 21:54:28
Are you covered for seismic events by Quaker State Insurance?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/11/2010 00:04:31

Geezer, that's a catastrophic question.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 21/11/2010 01:46:35
My friend Dick has a thing about unwanted felines showing up in his garden and using it as a toilet. He even borrowed my BB gun once to try to scare them off.

Anyway, I was round at his place the other day, and among the mounted heads of deer, elk and moose hanging on his walls there was also a cat. The strange thing about it was that it was the rear end of the cat that was mounted instead of its head.

"What the heck is that?" I enquired.

"Oh," says Dick, "It's a cat's ass trophy."
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 21/11/2010 14:25:29
Wow Geezer, did you have to hunt long to catch that story?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/11/2010 21:23:38

Donnah, don't expect a reply. Cat's got his tongue.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/11/2010 21:28:11

Also, he might not be feline well today.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 22/11/2010 16:55:12
If he is not feline well today does it mean he has had a bit too much hair of the dog?


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/11/2010 18:31:47

Hair of the dog?? I hope you don't mean...<gasp>...this!


"It's a cat's ass...."

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/11/2010 23:03:56
Dedicated to Don for his reply to my astronomy struggles:

Scientists wanting to send a rocket to Jupiter had to really planet.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 23/11/2010 15:43:51
I asked Demo to take a seat after I had sat Ern down.

"where shall I sit?" Demo asked, I replied, "On uranus".


Phew! I had to get the cobwebs off those two!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/11/2010 22:36:25



(http://www.goodlightscraps.com/content/thanksgiving/thanksgiving-1.jpg)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/11/2010 22:41:58
I asked Demo to take a seat after I had sat Ern down.

"where shall I sit?" Demo asked, I replied, "On uranus".


Phew! I had to get the cobwebs off those two!

Thanks, Don, that's where I'll sit! And on this planet,  since my wife's the apple of my eye I'll sit down right be cider.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/11/2010 09:24:01

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 26/11/2010 09:50:13

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.


Didn't you mean "jiggle"?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/11/2010 02:52:51

Wow,, Geezer, when you are determined to go after another punster, you really know how to go for the juggler!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 28/11/2010 15:58:02
Depends on your view, whether they are juggling balls or jiggling something else.....

Though I have to admit I cannot juggle well, I keep losing something every so often whilst doing it, and it tends to get a bit messy around me if I do it too long.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/11/2010 20:29:39

Sean, I knew someone like that, but instead of continuing that way,  he got a model airplane hobby that really took off.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 29/11/2010 04:17:53
Whao, this is really intense, I need to think of some pun-liners
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/11/2010 07:21:13

Well, Chem, monorails always make for decent pun-one-liners...
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 29/11/2010 08:36:36
I'm not train ed to handle such pun ishment
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 29/11/2010 09:52:43
I hope this does not drive you underground.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/11/2010 16:33:22

I'm not train ed to handle such pun ishment


I hope this does not drive you underground.


Geezer, very perceptive! For all we know,  Chem might be a  spy who works from his basement bed underground and undercover!


Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 29/11/2010 17:00:27
MMMMMM Chem-mystery can be both exciting and scary at the same time, especially if you do not do your research properly and it all blows up.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/11/2010 23:04:35

Sean, yes, that's what happens when you're out of your element.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 30/11/2010 01:33:30
I've also noticed a lot of bad stuff seems to happen when I'm out with my elephant.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/11/2010 02:28:14

But at least they will work for peanuts.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 30/11/2010 04:35:09
Sometimes when you're monkeying around on an elephant you get hounded.

Has anyone seen the video "Suryia and Hound"?  I find it one of those events that touches my soul. http://video.aol.com/video-detail/the-orangutan-and-the-hound/1234581161/?icid=VIDLRVNAT07 (http://video.aol.com/video-detail/the-orangutan-and-the-hound/1234581161/?icid=VIDLRVNAT07)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 30/11/2010 07:37:05

But at least they will work for peanuts.

Yes, but their agents will only wear the latest CA shoes, so it still gets pretty spendy.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 30/11/2010 11:05:02
CA shoes

Bless you!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/11/2010 19:15:52

Reminds me of this nut named Hazel who held up a bank saying 'give me all the cashew have'.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/11/2010 19:23:52

Sometimes when you're monkeying around on an elephant you get hounded.


I gave in when my wife hounded me about getting a puppy.
 
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 01/12/2010 13:33:27
You really should briard, put your foot down and say 'NO'.

Setter up with a little kitten instead, she'll soon be feline OK and you'll retiever respect for you. You must pointer in the right direction.

Will she take it out for a walk and clean up after it? As soon as you take it out for walkies it will cock its leg up some lamp post, or some poor unsuspecting chap, frozen to the bone, waiting for a bus. And once it has wee'd you can guarantee it will shih tzun.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 01/12/2010 14:05:21
What are CA shoes?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 01/12/2010 18:21:00
What are CA shoes?

NY NJ MA NH VT WA FL CA OR etc.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/12/2010 22:43:28

Donnah, as you can see there are also MA shoes, but I'm not parting with that pair!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/12/2010 22:56:04
You really should briard, put your foot down and say 'NO'.

Setter up with a little kitten instead, she'll soon be feline OK and you'll retiever respect for you. You must pointer in the right direction.

Will she take it out for a walk and clean up after it? As soon as you take it out for walkies it will cock its leg up some lamp post, or some poor unsuspecting chap, frozen to the bone, waiting for a bus. And once it has wee'd you can guarantee it will shih tzun.

(http://www.tiggle.ie/images/halo-baby-grow-bag-swaddle-cats-dogs-4.jpg)


I propose that we all chip in and award Don this cat-dog  swaddle for his petfect punning! Anyone second the notion?

BTW, shouldn't that say, shih tzum? (it's usually more than just un)
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/12/2010 01:35:42

What are CA shoes?


WA shoes are you talking about?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 02/12/2010 02:07:04
The kind of shoe that heels you and helps your sole.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/12/2010 04:35:54

Wow, it sounds like it would even dye for me!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 02/12/2010 04:40:44
Indied
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 02/12/2010 09:12:01
Ah, soles, he said tongue in cheek and laced up to the eyes with booze. That's the last time he'el drink so much after taking an upper to find inner sole peace.

What a load of old cobblers!


BTW, nice to see the return of the punning C4M.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/12/2010 17:43:54
(http://p.playme.com/cspv/08-20-05-10-00-AudioPreview-Cover-JPEG256x256/ronald-naldi/mamma-(bixio-cherubini).jpg?ts=1263837518)

He got his foot in the door with this album!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 02/12/2010 19:32:21
Demo, I didn't think you would stoop so low, me old pal.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/12/2010 19:52:47

Has anyone seen the video "Suryia and Hound"?  I find it one of those events that touches my soul.

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/the-orangutan-and-the-hound/1234581161/?icid=VIDLRVNAT07 (http://video.aol.com/video-detail/the-orangutan-and-the-hound/1234581161/?icid=VIDLRVNAT07)


Yes, Donnah, that was heartwarming! Thanks.

This was not a pun
This was not a pun
This was not a pun
This was not a pun
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/12/2010 19:56:40

Demo, I didn't think you would stoop so low, me old pal.


Aw, Geezer, you made me feel bad with that remark, so I'll reform my ways and go back to being a high maintenance old pal!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/12/2010 16:46:30

...laced up to the eyes...


People who make necklaces may get beady eyes.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 03/12/2010 17:15:40
Oh pal, is it jewellery puns now?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/12/2010 17:30:41

Pearl, Opal, and Ruby all work in a jewelry store with Grace.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/12/2010 17:36:02

In just one month we'll have a brand new cable channel, OWN: The Opal Winfrey Network!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 03/12/2010 18:01:30
Will she dye her hair platinum blonde?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/12/2010 18:55:37

Naw, Don, she's well beyond just being a diamond in the rough these days.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 03/12/2010 20:22:19
Oh dear, a bit past it eh? I hope she doesn't have trouble with her, eh em, 'sit-upon'. I hear that emeralds can be quite painful. Though you can get cream for the problem, I don't fancy applying it! If her nurse doesn't do it properly for her, she might gets a phired for her error.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 03/12/2010 20:34:34
Doctor to patient

Come in Mrs Jewel, sit down and tell me qwart zeems to be the trouble?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 03/12/2010 20:58:39
I hear that emeralds can be quite painful.

I wouldn't worry about it. She's got piles of money.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/12/2010 21:22:45

You guys are being too hasty! Shouldn't we more carefully and deliberately analyze the situation??
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/12/2010 21:39:37


But if you feel that I'm mistaken, then by all means go ahead and correct it all.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 03/12/2010 22:05:30
Co lon and get on with it then if you must.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/12/2010 02:06:16

A smelly ant was expelled from the colony because he was deodorant.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 04/12/2010 02:24:26
Did I ever mention that, with hindsight, I could have been a proctologist?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/12/2010 03:17:30
Oh now that, I don't sphinc ter good job.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/12/2010 04:08:13



Did I ever mention that, with hindsight, I could have been a proctologist?


Glad you asked. Maybe now you'll reply!  [;D]


With hindsight, I could have been a proctologist.


And with foresight??

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/12/2010 04:12:54
.....And with foresight??.......

A Rabbi.....

Oh! foresight, sorry pardon, my mistake.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/12/2010 04:17:01
It was an honest bristake.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/12/2010 04:24:17
Well, its no skin off my nose.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/12/2010 04:32:00

My vote, so far, goes to Geezer for his Proctology Pun. He certainly doesn't make an ass of himself!

(http://www.localmouth.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/istock_000003721276xsmall.jpg)

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/12/2010 04:33:52

Well, its no skin off my nose.


The rabbi nose you need an anatomy lesson!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/12/2010 04:36:29
Make sure you have that cup engraved, I suggest with the legend 'You arsked for it'.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/12/2010 04:40:04

Well, its no skin off my nose.


The rabbi nose you need an anatomy lesson!

Well, under the circumstises.....
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/12/2010 04:41:21
I think I'm just about all punned out for today, so I'm off to bed.

Can you dream in puns? I hope not, I should think its nored funny.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/12/2010 05:07:30

Don, I'd wish you sweet dreams, but I don't know if you're diabetic.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/12/2010 05:09:34

Well, its no skin off my nose.


The rabbi nose you need an anatomy lesson!


Well, under the circumstises.....


Yeah, yeah, I know, and the assisting nurse has a lousy salary but makes up for it in tips....groan....
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/12/2010 11:30:20
The beer served in our local is so cold I find it more comfortable to take along a pair of bar mits for insulation.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/12/2010 17:03:23

Yes, the mitz are vahry important the colder it gets!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/12/2010 22:13:30

Are Santa's helpers subordinate clauses?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/12/2010 23:12:54
Yes, and they are subject to stringant elf a safety regulations.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/12/2010 23:43:52
So they must conform or elfs?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/12/2010 23:58:02
Or elfs they wont get the sack!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 05/12/2010 00:26:18
Good grief....  [ Invalid Attachment ]
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/12/2010 06:04:07

Must be someone from The Bored Of Elf.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 05/12/2010 06:38:00
He got a reprimand for goblin down his breakfast.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 05/12/2010 15:19:25
He was not Hobgoblin down his brekkie, he was hobbled for elf violations - he took his boots and would you Rudolpf it put them in front of the fire before Santa Klaus could say Ho Ho NO!

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 05/12/2010 15:25:12
That's fairy interesting, Sean.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 05/12/2010 15:27:33
Beast I cud drool at snort notice.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/12/2010 01:47:53

Beast I cud drool at snort notice.


I noticed the article about peripheral vision out of the corner of my eye.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 06/12/2010 03:14:00
Did you also notice the elfphant in the living room?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/12/2010 04:34:18


Welcome Back Notice to JimBob: WB!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/12/2010 04:56:35

JimBob, thanks for pointing that out. The elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 06/12/2010 05:29:29
He'd get better MPG if he took all the junk out of his trunk.

(Don - See in the US, we never get a boot in the back because we like to keep a hood up front.
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 06/12/2010 12:40:41
Getting all the junk out of his trunk could prove a very time consuming tusk.

If you put a hat on the engine, would it be a bonnet?
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 06/12/2010 17:55:47
If it had a bonnet, would you bee able to find which end was the safe side to be on, and which end is a little pointedly unsafe to bee near?

If I could post something completely different here:

A one... two-- A one... two... three... four...
Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?

But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?

Singing...

La dee dee, one two three,
Eric the half a bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the half a bee.

Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the half a bee!

Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
Eric the half a bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.

I love this hive, employee-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One summer afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.

He loves him carnally,
Semi-carnally.
The end.

Cyril Connelly?
No; semi-carnally!
Oh.

Cyril Connelly.
[whistling]

Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/12/2010 18:39:46

Sean, this is VERY important reading to all those people who have Carnal Tunnel Syndrome!!
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/12/2010 18:43:38

He was not Hobgoblin down his brekkie, he was hobbled for elf violations - he took his boots and would you Rudolpf it put them in front of the fire before Santa Klaus could say Ho Ho NO!


That's fairy interesting, Sean.


Yes, I agree that it's fairy interesting, but do reindeer have tails???
Title: Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/12/2010 19:02:34
(http://www.funmax.com/Tahiti_water.jpg)

Let's all thank Geezer for his oh-so-generous gesture of paying for _all_ our travel, hotel and ANY miscellaneous expenses (e.g., lavish presents for the special someones) to Tahiti this December, 2010 for The Annual Punning Thread Conference! (He said invite friends and family, too, including mistresses/lovers...even kids' friends and their parents!! It's all on him!! Unlimited, really!)

Hurrah, Geezer!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 06/12/2010 21:41:10
Obviously more WikiLeaks propaganda.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/12/2010 22:27:00
Cable from Scottish Embassy! [;D] :)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 06/12/2010 23:39:53
Was it a hemp cable or an iron cable?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/12/2010 23:52:45

Isn't it illegal to promote marijuana via cable?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 07/12/2010 00:29:24
Only if it's mariwanika.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 07/12/2010 11:28:33
Scottish Embassy! [;D]

You'll not get any Ferraro Rocher (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P-nZZkQqTc) off that ambassador!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 07/12/2010 11:40:57
Let's all thank Geezer for his oh-so-generous gesture of paying for _all_ our travel, hotel and ANY miscellaneous expenses (e.g., lavish presents for the special someones) to Tahiti this December, 2010 for The Annual Punning Thread Conference! (He said invite friends and family, too, including mistresses/lovers...even kids' friends and their parents!! It's all on him!! Unlimited, really!)

Hurrah, Geezer!!


Three chairs for Geezer, he'll need to sit down when he gets the bill.

I'm all packed and ready to go, just waiting for the 1st class flight tickets to arrive in the post from the great Geezer.

While I wait, are there any good golf courses there? If so I'll practice my swing. I want to hit the ball squarely, not ta hit tee
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/12/2010 16:17:05
Don, that's the spirit! Just think, at first, Geezer wanted to save money by having us all travel to Tahiti on a flying carpet. That would have been much too rugged an experience!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 07/12/2010 17:30:13

........ on a flying carpet.............

On a flying carpet? Tuft, tuft, tuft, the very idea. Besides, I tend to wilt on such means of transport.

Where's the TNS Minister of Transport? I don't wish to pile it on, but was he aware of this? He must do his job properly, otherwise he'll be made redundant in the ensuing cut backs? ......................... Axe Minister now............................
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/12/2010 17:37:51

TNS Minister of Transport? Excellent idea, Don, he was formerly in charge of transporting salt. That's how he became a mover and shaker!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 07/12/2010 17:53:37
All became rather embarrassing really, that's why he had to locked in the cellar.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 07/12/2010 17:59:53
Speaking of transport to Tahiti, I hear that you no longer will get transported to Australia if you are a criminal in the UK, at least if you are Julian Assange!

Now that is a pun, even though it is true.

Now, locked in the cellar, was he there because he celled out, or was it because he had a poor cell reception?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 07/12/2010 19:39:04
Scottish Embassy! [;D]

You'll not get any Ferraro Rocher (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P-nZZkQqTc) off that ambassador!
Scottish Embassy! [;D]

You'll not get any Ferraro Rocher (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P-nZZkQqTc) off that ambassador!

Right pal! Square go ootside! I'll teach you to call me a cheap 'bassadord.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 07/12/2010 23:43:44
Speaking of transport to Tahiti, I hear that you no longer will get transported to Australia if you are a criminal in the UK, at least if you are Julian Assange!

I'm trying to figure out why he doesn't just paint a target on his forehead with a big arrow pointing at it that says "Shoot Here". Surely that would be a lot quicker than going through all this palaver?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/12/2010 01:09:13

All became rather embarrassing really, that's why he had to locked in the cellar.


You must be talking about C4M aka Chem. At first I thought he might be a spy working from his basement bed, undercover and underground, but now you've got me wondering if he's really an author who writes from his basement and has a best cellar.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 08/12/2010 08:44:20
Scottish Embassy! [;D]

You'll not get any Ferraro Rocher (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P-nZZkQqTc) off that ambassador!
Scottish Embassy! [;D]

You'll not get any Ferraro Rocher (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P-nZZkQqTc) off that ambassador!

Right pal! Square go ootside! I'll teach you to call me a cheap 'bassadord.

Is there an echo around here?
there an echo around here?
an echo around here?
echo around here?
around here?
here?


See yoo Jummy, stitch this
(http://bestsmileys.com/hitting/3.gif) Oh I say! Why you bounder & cad sir, take that!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 08/12/2010 08:54:25
......an author who writes from his basement and has a best cellar.


Available from Waterstones, WH Smith, Amazon and author good book cellers.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/12/2010 19:11:45

Is there an echo around here?
there an echo around here?
an echo around here?
echo around here?
around here?
here?


I will echo the thoughts of the medical community that an echocardiogram does not reveal the artery blockages that led to my 5-way bypass last December (ouch to the memory!).


Available from Waterstones, WH Smith, Amazon and author good book cellers.


 [;D] [;D] [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/12/2010 19:20:22

Now, locked in the cellar, was he there because he celled out, or was it because he had a poor cell reception?


Not sure, but I do know that in jail convicts use cell phones.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/12/2010 19:25:43
Important news about texting!


The IRS (HMRC in UK) left a message on my cell phone that I owed them more money. It was a taxed message.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 08/12/2010 23:52:50
Interesting, I had the same incomeing message
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/12/2010 03:57:43
 [;D]  [;D]  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/12/2010 05:26:42
(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/e3a14ab2.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 09/12/2010 05:52:47
Sheesh Demo! I was trying to keep it as a surprise. OK, enough already! This is where we're staying.

http://www.tahitiinn.com/
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 09/12/2010 09:08:53
... I was trying to keep it as a surprise.

If it has an elevated Michelin stared restaurant, it will still be a nice soup rise.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: yor_on on 09/12/2010 11:40:43
Shouldn't that read 'Planck Place'?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: yor_on on 09/12/2010 16:43:20
Planck Palace?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 09/12/2010 16:48:07
I may be as thick as two short planks, but I have not got those tickets yet, have checked downstairs a few times, nutting new down there, just the same old stuff as before. Though, having looked at the website, I am a little wary of the rooms there, the beds look a little hard and lumpy, and there were no sheets visible.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 09/12/2010 17:27:04
There's another Pack Place in Bastin, Massachusetts. They tried to call it Park Place, but they eventually had to give up.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/12/2010 18:09:24

Shouldn't that read 'Planck Place'?


Yes, yor_on, you're right, here it is!
http://tcande.blogspot.com
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/12/2010 18:25:53
(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/49037443993f4a8ab3a359558d8eb8d30.jpg)



(http://www.women-on-the-road.com/image-files/slum-tourism-01.jpg)

Adding to the shame of it all, here, from Scottish WikiLeaks is a certified stolen photo of Geezer's plan for our "wondrous sightseeing tour". Sigh.

Geezer can be seen above (only partially, mostly his bare feet) in the first doorway on your left, relaxing as he waits for the corrupt "Sightseeing Manager" to negotiate a swindle of a deal. Each of us would have certainly had to pay some "tax".

(http://www.tear.org.au/images/common/slumSurvivorSlum.jpg)

Geezer's nightclubbing plans for all of us!!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/12/2010 18:37:42

There's another Pack Place in Bastin, Massachusetts. They tried to call it Park Place, but they eventually had to give up.


 [;D]  [;D]  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/12/2010 18:43:12

I may be as thick as two short planks, but I have not got those tickets yet, have checked downstairs a few times, nutting new down there, just the same old stuff as before. Though, having looked at the website, I am a little wary of the rooms there, the beds look a little hard and lumpy, and there were no sheets visible.

(http://www.fi.edu/learn/case-files/planck/planck_medal.gif)


Sean, you are hereby awarded this Medal for your fine whistleblower post! Justice has now been served.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 09/12/2010 19:03:03
And I still can'y get money from Mc and V - something about not sending via Western Union to Africa, as it is a scam! How else am I supposed to help that poor relative who has so much money tied up in an account, but who cannot get it out without help, and is willing to give me a 40% share for assistance in doing so.

Getting very good nw, I think the writer is now in high school, or at least is not watching American television exclusively.


BTW Demo, I thank you for the medal, as soon as I figure out how to print screen to metal I will wear it with pride.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/12/2010 19:16:48

No, no, no, Sean, look for the Print Medal key!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/12/2010 19:19:31

And I still can't get money from Mc and V - something about not sending via Western Union to Africa, as it is a scam! How else am I supposed to help that poor relative who has so much money tied up in an account, but who cannot get it out without help, and is willing to give me a 40% share for assistance in doing so.

Getting very good nw, I think the writer is now in high school, or at least is not watching American television exclusively.


Sean, there are great tips here that should help!
http://j-walk.com/other/conf/
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 10/12/2010 09:38:01
The local timber yard advertises 7 metre floor boards available. Does this constitue a max plank?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/12/2010 16:24:50

That local timber yard manager made a huge mistake in that advertisement. I hope his boss doesn't make him walk the plank!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 10/12/2010 16:53:35
demo, is that one next to the "any" key?

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/12/2010 18:18:12

Yes, to the left. Or is it the right? No wait, it's above. No...perhaps it's below. Hmmmmmmm....
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 10/12/2010 18:23:40
It is situated between Key West and Big Coppit Key, about 400 yards NNW of Naval Air Station Key West key.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 10/12/2010 18:30:24
I still do not know where it is.

Perhaps I need a new keyboard, like the ones from www.usbtypewriter.com as an example.

I think it may be a good idea, as it will give a record of all keystrokes, a mechanical keylogger, what a good idea.



On the other hand, what did the fish say when he swam into the wall?




























DAM!



Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 10/12/2010 19:47:25
My keyboard doesn't have an "Any Key" which can be bloody annoying at times, let me tell you!

Piece of crap, friggin imported junk, who's running the place
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/12/2010 00:13:37
(http://www-trader.com/catalog/images/OLD%20TYPEWRITER-3.JPG)

Attention all young, hotshot know-it-alls: just remember, next time you send an email that instantly goes round the world, and you cc: or bcc: someone? It originated as "carbon copy", or "blind carbon copy"...nyah, nyah!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/12/2010 00:16:35

Key West key.


Isn't that repetitively redundant?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 11/12/2010 00:40:17
What's the symbol for blind carbon? There can be no C.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/12/2010 00:49:06

... I was trying to keep it as a surprise.

If it has an elevated Michelin stared restaurant, it will still be a nice soup rise.


True, Don, but if you eat soup that's nine days old you will get bad broth.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/12/2010 00:56:52

What's the symbol for blind carbon? There can be no C.



(http://www.freewebs.com/symbolc/danceingC.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/12/2010 07:07:49
(http://www.tahitiinn.com/Temp/tahiti-logo-250.gif)

The shame never ends. The website declares, "Closed For The 2010 Season"! Bernie Madoff was never this devious!!
http://www.tahitiinn.com/
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 11/12/2010 07:11:15
At least they might be open for fleecing in around 21 days.........
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 11/12/2010 07:41:05
[Bernie Madoff was never this devious!!

Perhaps not, be he sure made off with a lot of people's money.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 11/12/2010 07:41:46

At least they might be open for fleecing in around 21 days.........

Are ewe serious?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 11/12/2010 20:49:09

At least they might be open for fleecing in around 21 days.........

Are ewe serious?

Not if he's ever been in Newe Joisey in January.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/12/2010 20:56:43

At least they might be open for fleecing in around 21 days.........

Are ewe serious?

Not if he's ever been in Newe Joisey in January.

Just like the sheep owner who sold his flock for too little was told: 'ewe were fleeced.'
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/12/2010 00:35:45

Bernie Madoff was never this devious!!


Perhaps not, be he sure made off with a lot of people's money.


Right, Geezer, and that reminds me that when Peter Pan spoke to Captain Hook he made an off-hand comment
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 12/12/2010 01:50:25
Wasn't there a tribe of very small people somewhere that called themselves the Flockawie?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 12/12/2010 12:16:57
Wasn't there a tribe of very small people somewhere that called themselves the Flockawie?

I get the strangest feeling that's not true, infact, I think its contribed.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 12/12/2010 18:42:08
Wasn't there a tribe of very small people somewhere that called themselves the Flockawie?

I get the strangest feeling that's not true, infact, I think its contribed.

Oh, it's true alright. They were so diminutive that they could easily get lost on your lawn if you hadn't cut the grass for a couple of weeks.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/12/2010 22:34:06

Click here:
Punitis is a mental disorder that forces the person inflicted to come up with meaningless word plays. The inflicted will be constantly coming up with puns for sometimes hours on end. Sadly there is no known cure. (http://bugle.wikia.com/wiki/Punitis)


(http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100224235843/bugle/images/thumb/b/b6/Punny_Sign.jpg/180px-Punny_Sign.jpg)           (http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100221000261/bugle/images/thumb/1/15/LepreCan.jpg/197px-LepreCan.jpg)


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/12/2010 22:37:03

Wasn't there a tribe of very small people somewhere that called themselves the Flockawie?


I get the strangest feeling that's not true, infact, I think its contribed.


                      contribed!    [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 12/12/2010 23:59:32

Wasn't there a tribe of very small people somewhere that called themselves the Flockawie?


I get the strangest feeling that's not true, infact, I think its contribed.


Oh, it's true alright. They were so diminutive that they could easily get lost on your lawn if you hadn't cut the grass for a couple of weeks.


Wouldn't they all get eaten alive by those dandy lions???
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 13/12/2010 02:49:12

Wasn't there a tribe of very small people somewhere that called themselves the Flockawie?


I get the strangest feeling that's not true, infact, I think its contribed.


Oh, it's true alright. They were so diminutive that they could easily get lost on your lawn if you hadn't cut the grass for a couple of weeks.


Wouldn't they all get eaten alive by those dandy lions???

See, that's exactlty what they were afraid of. So, to summon help from a neighboring tribe, they bunched together and started yelling in unison,

"We're the Flockawie! We're the Flockawie!"
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 13/12/2010 04:11:50
Now that's some shear determination...
Please continewe...
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 13/12/2010 08:36:16
I think he's just trying to pull the wool over our eyes.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 13/12/2010 17:14:44
I think he is spinning another yarn myself.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 13/12/2010 19:14:34
Well, there really isn't any more to say, unless you say it quickly ten times.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 14/12/2010 01:50:27
Geezer must have been spending "too much time" with the shepard, don't ewe think?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 14/12/2010 06:38:34
Geezer must have been spending "too much time" with the shepard, don't ewe think?

So, basically, you didn't get it. Sheesh!

I suppose that's what happens when you hang out with a bunch of wannabee long horns.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 14/12/2010 10:55:50
Oh no, is this
long horns.
a cue for another round of bovine puns?

We'll have the TNS Pun Squad after us with their water cannons, then they'll angus out to dry.

Perhaps we should move toward the seasonal puns now, I asked Father Xmas for some new garden tools, but he just laughed, "Hoe hoe hoe."
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 14/12/2010 12:58:40
long horns.
How much ram does your computer have?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/12/2010 18:17:31
I agree, there's some ramming going on here  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/12/2010 19:59:48

I think he's just trying to pull the wool over our eyes.


I think he is spinning another yarn myself.


More like a yawn, if you ask me. [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 14/12/2010 20:13:04
How much ram does your computer have?

I'm not sure, but my ram has several computers.

 [ Invalid Attachment ]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/12/2010 22:44:29

Oh no, is this
long horns.


a cue for another round of bovine puns?

We'll have the TNS Pun Squad after us with their water cannons, then they'll angus out to dry.


Don, if you have a beef with the TNS Pun Squad, you can't just stew about it, you have to bring it up to the steering committee.

You cannon do it any other way!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/12/2010 22:45:44

I asked Father Xmas for some new garden tools, but he just laughed, "Hoe hoe hoe."


Don, as a gardener you should know the ground rules by now.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 15/12/2010 00:56:12
Someone threw a snowball at me the other day. It was that rotten little heifer across the street.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 15/12/2010 02:29:16
OK which one?

1. Heifer definition, a young cow over one year old that has not produced a calf.

2. In the slang, when someone uses the word "heifer", they are usually referring to an overweight woman.


Oh, pardon me! I thought this was the punning thread.

(None of the above.)

EDIT: I suppose that's not strictly correct. Either would be appropriate, but you have to get the pronunciation right.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/12/2010 03:05:10

Geezer must have been spending "too much time" with the shepard, don't ewe think?


After the shepherd retired, he felt ewes less.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/12/2010 03:10:40

Now that's some shear determination...
Please continewe...


The optometrist moonlighted as a jazz musician so he could continewe to improve-eyes.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 15/12/2010 10:34:33

I asked Father Xmas for some new garden tools, but he just laughed, "Hoe hoe hoe."


Don, as a gardener you should know the ground rules by now.


Sorry to rake up this post again, but I think it proves that demo speaks with forked tongue.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 15/12/2010 10:38:13

Geezer must have been spending "too much time" with the shepard, don't ewe think?


After the shepherd retired, he felt ewes less.

His wife tried to keep him busy around the house. "Come on man, no good doing nothing, get the work done, chop chop."
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/12/2010 17:11:29

I asked Father Xmas for some new garden tools, but he just laughed, "Hoe hoe hoe."


Don, as a gardener you should know the ground rules by now.


Sorry to rake up this post again, but I think it proves that demo speaks with forked tongue.


Oh no, I forked up again? That's like a knife through my heart!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/12/2010 17:49:22

Geezer must have been spending "too much time" with the shepard, don't ewe think?


After the shepherd retired, he felt ewes less.

His wife tried to keep him busy around the house. "Come on man, no good doing nothing, get the work done, chop chop."

And there's mutton he can do about that nagging? He'll probably flock to the nearest tavern.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 16/12/2010 14:55:24
And upon his return to home he'll just get another lambasting.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 16/12/2010 17:45:18
Merry Chistmas and Happy Newe Year to all the sheople of the world.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/12/2010 21:15:09
Yes, Donnah, and let's not forget the Jeweish celebration of Hannukah.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/12/2010 23:46:29

And upon his return to home he'll just get another lambasting.


Hopefully, after that, they'll kiss and make up and maybe she'll make him his favorite shepherd's pie again.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/12/2010 00:02:02

Someone threw a snowball at me the other day. It was that rotten little heifer across the street.


Similar thing happened to me a heifer dozen times!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 17/12/2010 05:14:34
Someone threw a snowball at me the other day. It was that rotten little heifer across the street.

Similar thing happened to me a heifer dozen times!


You should give the man a prize for being out standing in his field  [;D] [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/12/2010 05:26:25

You should give the man a prize for being out standing in his field  [;D] [;D]


(http://www.clintcatalyst.com/blog/wp-content/gallery/prize-ribbonscollaboration-with-jared-gold/hedonist-prize-ribbon-modeled-by-zoetica.jpg)

OK, Chem, but you'll haveta remove it and give it to her him!         <<<<<edit

(You too can be a standout!)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/12/2010 05:44:35


At least they might be open for fleecing in around 21 days.........

Are ewe serious?


Not if he's ever been in Newe Joisey in January.


Is that near New Lambshire?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Chemistry4me on 17/12/2010 05:49:07
You certainly know how to milk them puns demografx, it's udderly amazing
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 17/12/2010 05:53:43
Is that near New Lambshire?

No. I Think you are confusing it with Newe Hempshire. It's the one slightly to the left of here.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/12/2010 07:26:55

To the left? I try not to be too political (or even correct) about geography, Geezer!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/12/2010 07:29:05

You certainly know how to milk them puns demografx, it's udderly amazing


Why, thank you, Chem! I try to give it a fair shake.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 17/12/2010 10:13:38
(http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39259000/jpg/_39259714_yamaniap203.jpg)
Sheikh Yamani

At this time of year, I've no mani left to sheikh, its all gone on Xmas prezzies.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 17/12/2010 18:08:04

To the left? I try not to be too political (or even correct) about geography, Geezer!


New Hempshire is more potlitical.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/12/2010 17:41:56

To the left? I try not to be too political (or even correct) about geography, Geezer!


New Hempshire is more potlitical.


Is that why Mary Kay doesn't wanna pursue business there?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/12/2010 05:36:37

(http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39259000/jpg/_39259714_yamaniap203.jpg)
Sheikh Yamani

At this time of year, I've no mani left to sheikh, its all gone on Xmas prezzies.


But, Don, if you know just a little about music, you don't need mani to teach the children to play Haydn Sheik.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 19/12/2010 20:01:40
Oh 'El, garantee you'll not be doing any more composer puns.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/12/2010 20:22:59

You have my word, Don!!

Here at my estate on Monteverdi I attempted a Liszt of classical composers but had to go Bach because I couldn't get a Handel on it.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 20/12/2010 05:00:16

Here at my estate on Monteverdi I attempted a Liszt of classical composers but had to go Bach because I couldn't get a Handel on it.


Don,

Pay no attention. My colleague means no harm. He's obviously slightly Brahms'd.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/12/2010 06:17:07

Here at my estate on Monteverdi I attempted a Liszt of classical composers but had to go Bach because I couldn't get a Handel on it.


Don,

Pay no attention. My colleague means no harm. He's obviously slightly Brahms'd.


Well, colleague Geezer, if you were Chopin onions all day like me, you'd be crying, too!!

(boo hoo)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 20/12/2010 06:28:26
if you were Chopin onions all day like me, you'd be crying, too!!

We'll probably be able to Mendelthatssohn, so don't worry about it.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/12/2010 06:41:55

Well something's gotta give, or I'll go baroque. Period!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 20/12/2010 06:46:45

Well something's gotta give, or I'll go baroque. Period!

Surely you mean Bismarck?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 20/12/2010 13:19:40
Are you some sort of a hood?

I need to find something to stops yarn horseing around.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 20/12/2010 19:12:55
Are you some sort of a hood?

I need to find something to stops yarn horseing around.

I was not horseing around. It was Demo hoodunnit sir!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/12/2010 23:15:54

Well something's gotta give, or I'll go baroque. Period!


Surely you mean Bismarck?


Geezer, why do you accuse me of sinking to such depraved depths? This thread has indeed hit upon some treacherous waters.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/12/2010 23:25:21
Are you some sort of a hood?

I need to find something to stops yarn horseing around.


I was not horseing around. It was Demo hoodunnit sir!


OK, you guys want a Whodunit??? Well, you asked for it! No mercy!!  [;D]

The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/12/2010 09:47:43
The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.

(http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing021.gif) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php) Hahahahaha, oh dear! That's a gas!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/12/2010 14:36:54
What might have been the first ever pun?

Could it have been when a litterbug caveman spoilt the view of a meadow by discarding his old worn out boots there?

"Ugg lea".
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/12/2010 14:40:51
Geezer, why do you accuse me of sinking to such depraved depths? This thread has indeed hit upon some treacherous waters.


Mr Justice Soxon

Mr Demografx, You stand here accused of depth charges.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/12/2010 19:23:25
To both you guys:        (and everyone here contributing to my mirth day...

 [;D]    [;D]    [;D]    [;D]    [;D]


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/12/2010 05:45:13

Geezer, why do you accuse me of sinking to such depraved depths? This thread has indeed hit upon some treacherous waters.


Mr Justice Soxon

Mr Demografx, You stand here accused of depth charges.


(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3100/2794463063_53b1425e49.jpg)

The Honorable Mr Justice Soxon relaxing between Sessions

(Judiciously, the socks match).
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/12/2010 05:49:30

The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.


(http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing021.gif) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php) Hahahahaha, oh dear! That's a gas!


Everyone's fuming over the high cost of gas.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/12/2010 08:58:00
I phoned British Gas and had a blazing row with them over their prices. They told me there is another price rise in the pipeline.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/12/2010 03:10:57


Similar to tire prices, Don. Due to inflation.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 23/12/2010 03:15:09
Dion, I bet that made you flaming mad. And I am sure the inflation just made you hotter.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 23/12/2010 07:08:18
Take it easy JimBob. We don't want Don to get all irrigated.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 23/12/2010 08:17:35
Water you suggesting?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/12/2010 17:14:18

Dion, I bet that...


(http://oldies.s3.amazonaws.com/i/boxart/simu/93/090431937020.jpg) (http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_mbWThvBk2kA/SDwg84_dTVI/AAAAAAAAFhE/rteYA9K4TD8/s320/Dion.jpg)


JimBob, Dion is a Forum member? The Belmonts, too?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/12/2010 17:16:34

Water you suggesting?


Water you waiting for? Just jump in.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/12/2010 17:37:47

Take it easy JimBob. We don't want Don to get all irrigated.


I have no drought about that.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/12/2010 01:01:39

Similar to tire prices, Don. Due to inflation.


Dion, I bet that made you flaming mad. And I am sure the inflation just made you hotter.


Not with tires. Only with Viagra.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/12/2010 02:40:29
(http://toons.artie.com/20010301/arg-dancing-happy-holidays-red-sm-url.gif)

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: JimBob on 26/12/2010 03:24:03
(http://toons.artie.com/20010301/arg-dancing-happy-holidays-red-sm-url.gif)



The Alpha (first) bet lost - came up snake eyes  while playing craps.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/12/2010 22:47:15
(http://toons.artie.com/20010301/arg-dancing-happy-holidays-red-sm-url.gif)


The Alpha (first) bet lost - came up snake eyes  while playing craps.


I wanted to gamble, but my wife said, "No Dice".
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/12/2010 19:52:27

You are giving up gambling?

Can I bet that you are not..........



Sean, how can you say that? You don't have the Vegas idea of my intentions!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Make it Lady on 27/12/2010 19:59:37
I went camping with my husband and got no rumpy pumpy, just a lot of in tent shuns.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/12/2010 20:03:22

I went camping with my husband and got no rumpy pumpy, just a lot of in tent shuns.


Reminds me of the fire at the circus. Did you hear about it? It was in tents!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 28/12/2010 06:30:27
Speaking of a fire at the circus, did they manage to keep the fire under wraps?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/12/2010 07:22:35

Nah, the circus manager tried real hard, but it's all unfair so he's always getting a bum wrap.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/12/2010 14:20:33

I went camping with my husband and got no rumpy pumpy, just a lot of in tent shuns.


Make It Lady, I'm sure one of us would gladly step up to the challenge and...er...fill in...what dereliction of husbandly duty!

Then afterwards, we could all celebrate and have a rump roast dinner. Nothing butt!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 28/12/2010 17:19:25
Aside from the Demon Demo doing his darnedest to delete my delectable dissertation, I can definitely say that dinner and a delightful night are definitely a desire at the present time, a thing that would be desirable is a cool night, as it is moderately warm here, decidedly dripping with humidity, and a darn sight sticky, without any of the delectable desirable doings that normally describe the delights that precede the sticky delight, just a hot muggy day here.

A rump roast dinner is not on the cards, more like a roast rear of an unfortunate reptilian descendant, rather the worse after losing the ability to fly, and even more so after losing the ability to cluck rather recently as well.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/12/2010 18:04:43

Sean, Poetry In Motion!!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 28/12/2010 19:09:48
Praise indeed from the master of cunning linguistics!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 28/12/2010 19:24:12
Praise indeed from the master of cunning linguistics!



Did you know he's also a master magician? He loves cunning stunts.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 28/12/2010 20:09:35
I know, it is his mastery with his wand that amazes me, it is amazing just how well the orchestra plays when he waves that little stick at them, sheer musical enjoyment.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/12/2010 20:44:24

Praise indeed from the master of cunning linguistics!


 [:o]   [:o]    [:o]   [:o]   [:o]   [:o]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/12/2010 03:04:15

Did you know he's also a master magician?


Yes! People have even watched in awe as he walks down the street and turns into a drugstore!!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 29/12/2010 16:25:04
You turned into a shop, would it be the transformation that amazes them, or the variety and potency of the supplies on the shelves?

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/12/2010 20:34:32

My magic has a short shelf life.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/12/2010 23:04:39

He loves cunning stunts.


I actually prefer publicity stunts.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/12/2010 23:42:33

...a darn sight sticky...

...delights that precede the sticky delight...




...when he waves that little stick...


Hmm. A predilection for "stick"??

Oh well. I've tried numerous times to apply myself, but nothing seems to stick.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 30/12/2010 06:22:00
It is in the usage of the stick, not just the application therof to the object in question.........

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 30/12/2010 17:26:31
If you are RC, would you use a rhythm stick?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/12/2010 19:13:08

It is in the usage of the stick, not just the application therof to the object in question.........


I guess that means if you have sticky buns you shouldn't put pants on.


                                                     (http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1218/1460887361_9d2be0fe61.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/12/2010 19:14:19

If you are RC, would you use a rhythm stick?


Ha. That reminds me of the dyslexic cop who was arrested for stopping drunk drivers and issuing them all IUD's.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/12/2010 23:12:31
(http://davidkiyokawa.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/happy-new-year-animated-gif-2.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 31/12/2010 23:21:51
You should see the snow around here. Looks like the fake stuff you see in movies. We certainly got a good flocking.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/01/2011 01:39:13

Geezer, I was thinking of seeing the movie, Little Flockers, but 'rotten tomatoes' gave it only a 10% rating!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/01/2011 21:19:28

We certainly got a good flocking.


A flock of doves decided to stage a coo.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/01/2011 14:42:02
I think the ring leader's name was coobler kahn.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Airthumbs on 04/01/2011 14:50:16
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/01/2011 15:56:04
Oh dear, you shouldn't have said that. you have invited a cornucopia of farming puns to be ploughed up by the combined harvesters of puns on this forum.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Airthumbs on 04/01/2011 18:05:47
Wheat else do you suggest?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 04/01/2011 22:36:47
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dung can...

Duncan who?

Dung can make the grass grow.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Airthumbs on 05/01/2011 03:01:09
What do you call a farmer with a spade in his head?

Doug!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/01/2011 04:49:35

Did you know he's also a master magician?


Yes! People have even watched in awe as he walks down the street and turns into a drugstore!!


A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!


Similar strokes for similar folks?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/01/2011 04:55:06
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dung can...

Duncan who?

Dung can make the grass grow.


Really? No sh - - !!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/01/2011 05:04:36

We certainly got a good flocking.


A flock of doves decided to stage a coo.


I think the ring leader's name was coobler kahn.


Not sam t. cooleridge???
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Airthumbs on 05/01/2011 05:30:34
A flock of crows flew over the farm yesterday... it was murder!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/01/2011 05:30:58

Oh dear, you shouldn't have said that. you have invited a cornucopia of farming puns to be ploughed up by the combined harvesters of puns on this forum.


I think this one deserves a prize:

(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/photo.jpg)

Sorry, Don, I couldn't find one in your gender...
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 05/01/2011 05:34:26
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dung can...

Duncan who?

Dung can make the grass grow.


Really? No sh - - !!

No. Quite a lot really.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 05/01/2011 09:02:03
(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/photo.jpg)

They don't look like corns to me. Is something afoot here?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 05/01/2011 15:37:43
Defeat stared us in the face, so did de toes and de ankles.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 05/01/2011 16:41:15
Well, we were under a tack at the time.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 05/01/2011 16:56:07
I would go so far as to say we were well and truly screwed. But we turned the tables and gave them a good hammering.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 05/01/2011 17:48:06
Pretty much a nailated I'd call it. Just as well we were able to get three-and-fourpence.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/01/2011 21:14:50
(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/photo.jpg)

They don't look like corns to me. Is something afoot here?


Aw, shucks, Don, it was my Consultant's fault, below, Princess Husk!

(http://www.blindpigment.com/images/CornWoman.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/01/2011 21:33:14
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dung can...

Duncan who?

Dung can make the grass grow.


Really? No sh - - !!

No. Quite a lot really.


Whew! For a sec there, I thought you were feeding me a buncha crap...
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 05/01/2011 21:42:42
I would go so far as to say we were well and truly screwed. But we turned the tables and gave them a good hammering.

It's just as well Brad brought all those staples with him, or we might have starved to death. Just as well too, cause some of the men were going a bit nuts and getting ready to bolt.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/01/2011 22:01:32


Seems like Brad nailed it, even though he didn't bring a hammer.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 06/01/2011 10:29:54
Brad? I'd pitt my wits against him any time. It would be plane sailing. I shall file my report for all to saw ---- Oops, wrong tense, I mean 'see'.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/01/2011 01:43:49

Don't be too harsh, I heard from the buzz that he's a sensitive gay blade.  And don't chisel him out of his due respect. There's room for many of us to grind out our unique contribution. Weld, I have to go now.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 07/01/2011 02:20:31
Weld there's no need to be so brazing about it. I suppose we'll just have to solder on without you.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/01/2011 07:27:25

Weld there's no need to be so brazing about it. I suppose we'll just have to solder on without you.


OK, then solder on if you must. As long as you're not gunning for me. We can always iron things out later!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 07/01/2011 11:25:36
There goes Demo, showing his metal. Could he be a retired copper? I don't know what lead me to say that.

Oooo, Owch, my plumbago is playing up.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 07/01/2011 15:22:03
OK, then solder on if you must.

We shall. And we will ensure that the metal gets fluxed.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/01/2011 17:27:22

This whole thread is in a state of flux. Hasta lumbago, guys, I'm going to the coppers' retirement ball. Hm, Don is so perceptive I wonder how he knew I was a copper, I'm usually so off-beat.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 07/01/2011 18:04:25
Just what planished are you living on?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 07/01/2011 18:10:12
I wouldn't say I was exactly planished, but I am getting slightly peckish.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 07/01/2011 19:17:01
Peckish, like Gregory or like Silky?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/01/2011 20:13:21


Just what planished are you living on?


This chat is making me phamished, gotta eat sump'n now.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/01/2011 21:55:19

I wouldn't say I was exactly planished, but I am getting slightly peckish.


Not to worry, Geezer, we have no pecking order here.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 08/01/2011 12:24:11
But you could end up with a hefty bill.

If you refuse to pay, you will find yourself up in front of the beak.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/01/2011 21:57:51

Well, I'm standing my ground, so I will just bea kourageous!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 09/01/2011 05:55:40
Like my mum used to say, "If you can't be good, bea kareful."

So there, beak!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 09/01/2011 10:42:26
And if you can't be careful , make sure you don't do it where there are non witless witnesses.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/01/2011 00:25:20

It paste to be careful with glue.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 10/01/2011 07:00:13
Q: Why do they call him Charles Atlas?

A: Because 'e never wears an 'at.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 10/01/2011 10:07:53
You bowlered me over with that, I just can't topper it.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/01/2011 20:28:37
Q: Why do they call him Charles Atlas?

A: Because 'e never wears an 'at.

For the above pun, Geezer gets the Charles Atlas Demografx Award!

(http://www.fitnesshealthzone.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/charles-atlas.jpg)


(Geezer will receive this recent picture of me - autographed! )

Framed, too!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/01/2011 21:44:29


Q: Why do they call him Charles Atlas?

A: Because 'e never wears an 'at.


You bowlered me over with that, I just can't topper it.


Hmm. Ya know, you two bowlers bear a striking resemblance!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 10/01/2011 22:29:13

(http://www.fitnesshealthzone.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/charles-atlas.jpg)


Can you turn around? I think it looks more like Gregory's pecks.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/01/2011 23:40:54

(http://www.fitnesshealthzone.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/charles-atlas.jpg)


Can you turn around? I think it looks more like Gregory's pecks.


Harrrumph, ok, Geezer, but your request is absolutely infuriating, let me tell ya!!

(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y215/haven555/ugly_fat_man_big_tummy_funny_pictur.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 13/01/2011 12:42:37
So, you think you can post a picture of me here with impunity eh!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/01/2011 18:40:04


So, you think you can post a picture of me here with impunity eh!


Uh-oh! Why do I feel that my picture-posting will now lead to my punishment??? (I hope I won't get punched out!!)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 15/01/2011 16:01:08
After much puntification, the court has ruled that you be immersed in a stagnant fishpund, whereupon your odour will become extremely pungent.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/01/2011 16:48:48

I accept said punishment deservedly and will not be punacious or repunant in any manner.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 15/01/2011 21:12:27
Will you punctilious punters please pole your punt punctually to the place for puny punks?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 16/01/2011 01:48:20
Pardon me dude, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/01/2011 03:01:33

Will you punctilious punters please pole your punt punctually to the place for puny punks?


Geezer, Geewhiz, what in Geeziz name would make Gearz like ours spin like Whirling Geervishez and defy Laws of Geezravity???
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 19/01/2011 18:12:14
Is a counteroffensive French for somebody that can't do arithmetic?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/01/2011 21:01:33
No, the counteroffensive is really just the aftermath of the teacher grading his arithmetic.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 20/01/2011 00:44:45
Is it true that the fresh air accused the smog of acting like a complete aerosol?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/01/2011 04:19:33

Is it true that the fresh air accused the smog of acting like a complete aerosol?


When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 20/01/2011 15:37:27
I think you have mist the point.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 20/01/2011 15:56:27
Is it true that the fresh air accused the smog of acting like a complete aerosol?

need a pair of shoes? (http://www.qype.co.uk/place/38745-R-Soles-London/photos/98079)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/01/2011 21:40:40

Don, is that the sole place they can be found?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/01/2011 21:45:09

I think you have mist the point.


True. I usually don't have the foggiest notion.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 21/01/2011 00:16:09

Don, is that the sole place they can be found?

I understand they also franchise them to "Cobblers At Last"
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/01/2011 00:50:43


Of course! They even supplied the old-time rockers when they performed "Blue Suede Shoes".
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 21/01/2011 04:30:40
I didn't know they did that one. I thought it was "Glue Made Hooves"
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/01/2011 07:29:39


No,you're confusing it with "Johnny B. Glued". The publishing rights were recently bought by Bill Gaits. And did he ever pony up a small fortune to buy it!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/01/2011 12:50:52
........ "Glue Made Hooves"

I'll bet you're knackered after working that one out.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/01/2011 13:11:52
'Er indoors broke the heel off her shoe the other day, so she took it to the cobblers to be healed.

Over the door was a royal crest and the legend 'By Appointment, Cobblers to the Queen'. Would that constitute treason? Could he have his tongue cut out for not being in step with popular notions? Has he reached the upper limit? Should we take out his eyes for not toeing the line? Would he realise if he were first laced with vodka? What would be the last thing he would ever see? Call the police, quickly, to deal with this man, get that famous detective Slipper (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Slipper) of the Yard to investigate.

Does this very nearly cap it all? I hope you can read it all, I should hate to have to revamp it.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/01/2011 13:16:58


.... The publishing rights were recently bought by Bill Gaits. And did he ever pony up a small fortune to buy it!


He took it in his stride.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/01/2011 14:13:32
Alternative soliloquy to Shookarrow's mild cigar.

To b, or not to b, wasp's dilemma.

To c, or not to c, optician's dilemma.

To d, or not to d, tomorrow's dilemma.

To e, or not to e, Fosters dilemma.

To f, or not to f, dentist's dilemma.

To g, or not to g, horse's dilemma.

To h, or not to h, another dentist's dilemma.

To i, or not to i, upper class footballer's dilemma.

To j, or not to j, pedestrian's dilemma.

To k, or not to k, Gecko's dilemma.

To l, or not to l, St Peter's dilemma.

To m, or not to m, grave digger's dilemma.

To n, or not to n, composer's dilemma.

To o, or to it, owl's dilemma.

To p, or not to p, (http://bestsmileys.com/toliot/4.gif)

To q, or not to q, bus passengers' dilemma.

To r, or not to r, guide's dilemma.

To s, or not to s, chiropodist's dilemma.

To t, or not to t, fruit's dilemma.

To u, or not to u, Ram's dilemma.

To v, or not to v, auctioneer's dilemma.

To w, or not to w, mathematician's dilemma.

To x, or not to x, breakfast's dilemma.

To y, or not to y, inquisitor's dilemma.

I've z and I shall zay no more.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/01/2011 19:21:00
'Er indoors broke the heel off her shoe the other day, so she took it to the cobblers to be healed.

Over the door was a royal crest and the legend 'By Appointment, Cobblers to the Queen'. Would that constitute treason? Could he have his tongue cut out for not being in step with popular notions? Has he reached the upper limit? Should we take out his eyes for not toeing the line? Would he realise if he were first laced with vodka? What would be the last thing he would ever see? Call the police, quickly, to deal with this man, get that famous detective Slipper (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Slipper) of the Yard to investigate.

Does this very nearly cap it all? I hope you can read it all, I should hate to have to revamp it.

Wow! I hereby nominate Don as a shoe-in for this award below!

(http://www.saferoutestoschool.ca/gallery/gallery%2FWalking_is_Fun%2FIWALK06-GoldenShoe.JPG)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 21/01/2011 19:24:21
Maybe he should get the boot  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/01/2011 22:04:12

Maybe he should get the boot  [;D]


And for Geezer's pun above, he gets THIS award!

(http://www.crystalimagesinc.com/boot_mx07.jpg)

(Sorry, Geezer, but I could only find 2 left feet [;D] )
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/01/2011 22:20:31

To p, or not to p, (http://bestsmileys.com/toliot/4.gif)


oooooooo...urine trouble now!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 22/01/2011 04:55:17
(http://www.crystalimagesinc.com/boot_mx07.jpg)

(Sorry, Geezer, but I could only find 2 left feet [;D] )

Canadians wouldn't care aboot that.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/01/2011 05:15:45

Eh?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 22/01/2011 06:19:30
Did you know the UK has the eh, eh, while the US has the eh, eh, eh, eh?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/01/2011 06:29:02

Did you know the UK has the eh, eh, while the US has the eh, eh, eh, eh?


hee hee
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/01/2011 13:14:18

Did you know the UK has the eh, eh, while the US has the eh, eh, eh, eh?


hee hee

No, eh eh, are you dyslek dislecks dissleksyc Oh bugger it!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/01/2011 18:11:50

Have you heard The Dyslexics Battle Cry?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Dyslexics Untie!!"
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 22/01/2011 18:50:34
They always fly on Untidy Airlines too.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/01/2011 21:04:20

They always fly on Untidy Airlines too.


Still better than GWA (Geezer World Airways)...(flight attendant required training as exemplified below)

(http://www.creators.com/editorial_cartoons/14/3777_image.gif)

No doubt they're all on their way to Tahiti...(island owned by Geezer & Co.)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/01/2011 05:32:20

Take heart. Valentine's Day is coming soon.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 24/01/2011 12:10:57

Take heart. Valentine's Day is coming soon.

I suppose ay orta know that.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 25/01/2011 04:29:15
That's bloody pumping it!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 25/01/2011 04:34:07
That's bloody pumping it!

Most appropriate for the St Valentine's Day (massacre).
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 25/01/2011 08:55:28
I always get a stack of bloody cards on Valentines day, no really, I'm not just being vein.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 25/01/2011 09:05:41
I always get a stack of bloody cards on Valentines day, no really, I'm not just being vein.

Its true, I tell you, I am so handsome I am know locally as Papillon. When I was younger I was known as caterpillary.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 25/01/2011 17:29:54
Its true, I tell you, I am so handsome I am know locally as Papillon. When I was younger I was known as caterpillary.

I didn't think you were that vein. Artery, I thought you were quite modest.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/01/2011 23:06:29
I wish I could've bypassed my surgery last year. Five different ways! But at least they were open about it. And they rushed me to politely and diplomatically, er, ignored me when I said, "Have a heart! Where's the emergency???"

People need to make more room for differences of opinion.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 26/01/2011 06:25:52
I always get a stack of bloody cards on Valentines day, no really, I'm not just being vein.

Perhaps people thought they were sending cards to Don_1 DeMarco.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 26/01/2011 10:05:44
You may have hit de marc on target there!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 26/01/2011 10:10:26
There's a murmur going around you had heart problems in the past Demo. I hope you'll be OK in the suture.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 26/01/2011 10:20:25
Its true, I tell you, I am so handsome I am know locally as Papillon. When I was younger I was known as caterpillary.

I didn't think you were that vein. Artery, I thought you were quite modest.

Have you been hacking in to my e-cards? (Card e hack).
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/01/2011 16:58:53

Card e hack??? Why,  <sputter>  that's illegal!! It could lead to an arrest!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 26/01/2011 17:00:59
Arrest???? Yes, actually I could do with a rest.(http://bestsmileys.com/sleeping/9.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/01/2011 17:03:40

There's a murmur going around you had heart problems in the past Demo. I hope you'll be OK in the suture.


Thanks, Don! These days it's no more than heartburn for me!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/01/2011 17:05:52

Arrest???? Yes, actually I could do with a rest.(http://bestsmileys.com/sleeping/9.gif)


And a rest is history.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 26/01/2011 17:08:02
Oooo, I do like his story at bed time.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 26/01/2011 20:43:15
Arrest???? Yes, actually I could do with a rest.(http://bestsmileys.com/sleeping/9.gif)

NO! Irish stew in the name of the law.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/01/2011 21:19:26

But I thought you were Scottish!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 27/01/2011 01:45:06
OK. 

Haggis in the name of the law.

(hmmm???)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/01/2011 02:37:08


OK. 

Haggis in the name of the law.

(hmmm???)


OK. You win.

Speaking of the law, do lawyers wear law suits?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 27/01/2011 05:26:37
You guys are punny; your remarks bring hearty laughs.

Did you hear about the Chinese lawyer?  Her name is Sue Yu. [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 27/01/2011 09:25:50
Well My lawyer is I.P. Freely and he can really put the fire out if Ker-choo's, and Sue's Me!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 27/01/2011 10:27:24
OK. 

Haggis in the name of the law.

(hmmm???)

(http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing021.gif) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php) I like it!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 27/01/2011 10:29:46
Chinese? Yes I have, that's why I always wear long trousers, to keep them covered up.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 27/01/2011 10:31:51

Speaking of the law, do lawyers wear law suits?

Yes, and they wear briefs under them.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/01/2011 20:09:02

You guys are punny; your remarks bring hearty laughs.

Did you hear about the Chinese lawyer?  Her name is Sue Yu. [;D]


I worked with her! She's excellent. Her telephone number is still ** 1-800-LETS-SUE

                                                                  ** 0800 in the UK
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/01/2011 20:13:55

Well My lawyer is I.P. Freely and he can really put the fire out if Ker-choo's, and Sue's Me!


 [;D]


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 27/01/2011 20:19:20
I use the old law firm of Dewey, Cheetham, and Howe.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/01/2011 20:21:29
Do you know what happens when you combine The Godfather with a lawyer?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You get an offer you can't understand.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 27/01/2011 23:10:46
What's hard to understand is why the man who went for surgery to have a gangrenous leg removed can't sue his doctor for cutting off the wrong leg, then having to go back and remove the one he was supposed to remove in the first place.  His lawyer was Sue Yu and she told him he didn't have a leg to stand on in court.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 27/01/2011 23:17:31
What do you call the person with no arms and no legs

in the bushes?  Russell
in the ditch?  Phil
on the wall?  Art
on the eastern horizon?  Dawn
on the floor?  Matt
who's an exercise fanatic?  Jim
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/01/2011 23:28:52
OK. 

Haggis in the name of the law.

(hmmm???)


(http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing021.gif) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php) I like it!


OK, then, Don. Dig in!

(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/dde69d07.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/01/2011 06:56:30

I use the old law firm of Dewey, Cheetham, and Howe.


Howe Dewey meet them?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 28/01/2011 18:01:35
Employ Messers Bojjit & Leggit (Property Maintainence) Inc. and they(The Eh! Team) will find you.

"Ah Hello, I'm Julle and this is my friend Sand" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0I408B1jiw&feature=related)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/01/2011 18:32:18

Only 63 days left till April Fool's Day. Hope everyone's prepared!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 28/01/2011 18:56:00

Only 63 days left till April Fool's Day. Hope everyone's prepared!

Oh, you mean Tax day! I get mine prepared by a CPA.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/01/2011 20:54:42

I heard your CPA enjoys his work, figuratively speaking.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 29/01/2011 06:29:53
SHE has good figures.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/01/2011 08:26:28
Yes she does! And as CPA for  a restaurant, she has to be especially sure the books are not cooked.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/01/2011 20:19:19

Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 30/01/2011 21:20:05
Are Rotarians just sectarians by another name?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/01/2011 00:56:52

Are Rotarians just sectarians by another name?


Certainly you must be referring to  the insect affinity group, International Fellowship of Cricket Loving Rotarians
www.rotarycricket.org/

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/01/2011 01:07:45

Whoops! It's the sport Cricket, not the insect! Oh, well. [:I]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 31/01/2011 04:01:47
You mean to say cricket's a sport? I thought it was mass hypnosis.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/01/2011 04:14:51

You mean to say cricket's a sport? I thought it was mass hypnosis.


That's just not cricket to say.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/02/2011 21:46:16

At Naked Science Forum we have so many threads, why aren't there more tailors???
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 03/02/2011 22:50:23
I don't think it suits them.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/02/2011 02:39:21
 [;D]  [;D]  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/02/2011 17:55:58

At Naked Science Forum we have so many threads, why aren't there more tailors???


I don't think it suits them.


My local dry-cleaner has a dozen suits in court.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/02/2011 21:38:27

People are determined to remain silent, to say the least.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 07/02/2011 18:53:59
You have the right to silence, and if you give up this right we will be forced to listen to you ad nauseum, ad infinitium and of course till the cows come home.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/02/2011 04:37:15
Good pun [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 08/02/2011 04:44:00
Silence? I'll give you silence
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/02/2011 21:33:43

Silence? I'll give you silence.


Which one?  A silent movie? Golden silence? A deafening silence? A broken silence? A suffering in silence?

Inquiring minds wanna know!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 08/02/2011 21:52:12
































.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/02/2011 01:52:38

 [;D]   [;D]   [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 09/02/2011 17:43:05
A Blinding Silence!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 09/02/2011 17:49:16


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/02/2011 02:42:33




.


A Blinding Silence!


Maybe because Geezer lost his Status as Anecdotal Physicist??

Anyway...did you hear about the two seeing eye dogs that went on a blind date?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/02/2011 02:47:14



I love that song, thanks, Sean. There was a good sound reason to post that.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 10/02/2011 21:34:39
Glad I could make an impression on you, I thought that this sounded best for the occasion.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/02/2011 23:20:24
Sean, you sound a little hoarse. I hope you don't  feel a colt coming on.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 13/02/2011 11:46:08
Hardly a colt, possibly a little hair of the dog will help, if not then I will have to try some other remedy or some other melody.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 13/02/2011 15:35:00



An echo in my past....wonderful song of silence......
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 13/02/2011 18:31:17
A two enjoyments for one posting special that was, thank you Karen!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/02/2011 01:34:21


A two enjoyments for one posting special that was, thank you Karen!


What?? Can you repeat that??
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/02/2011 01:37:56

Hardly a colt, possibly a little hair of the dog will help, if not then I will have to try some other remedy or some other melody.


Careful, Sean, lest the melody keeps on playing until it becomes a strain!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 14/02/2011 03:31:25

Hardly a colt, possibly a little hair of the dog will help, if not then I will have to try some other remedy or some other melody.


Careful, Sean, lest the melody keeps on playing until it becomes a strain!


I know it's hard, but will you try to refrain yourself, and refrain from making similar remarks in future.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 14/02/2011 04:18:01
So, shall we refrain from making this a refrain?

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/02/2011 20:25:11


Hardly a colt, possibly a little hair of the dog will help, if not then I will have to try some other remedy or some other melody.


Careful, Sean, lest the melody keeps on playing until it becomes a strain!


I know it's hard, but will you try to refrain yourself, and refrain from making similar remarks in future.


So, shall we refrain from making this a refrain?


Refrain? Of chorus we will!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: tbarron on 15/02/2011 12:34:31
Did you hear about the cross-eyed schooteacher?

She had trouble with her pupils.

Every time she cried, the tears ran down the back of her neck.

That gave her bacteria.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/02/2011 19:51:38


Did you hear about the cross-eyed schooteacher?

She had trouble with her pupils.


Yes, one of her pupils was suspended for cheating after eyeing another pupil's exam sheet!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 15/02/2011 20:35:51
Did you hear about the cross-eyed schooteacher?

She had trouble with her pupils.

Every time she cried, the tears ran down the back of her neck.

That gave her bacteria.

I bet that got up her humps. Maybe she was a bacterian?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/02/2011 21:49:51
(http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/2765/bacterian.png)

This one?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/02/2011 22:47:39

Every time she cried, the tears ran down the back of her neck.

That gave her bacteria.


I thought that was the back door to a cafeteria!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/02/2011 02:44:11
Speaking of doors....there is only one way to open the door and that is the key.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 20/02/2011 14:42:42
I don't like skinny keys or fat keys, but I don't mind keys which are a little chubby.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/02/2011 17:36:54
I say put the chubby keys on a diet. Fat chance they'll do it?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 21/02/2011 06:04:42
These days, I'd be happy with a little chubby.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/02/2011 11:08:26
These days, I'd be happy with a little chubby.

I hope Mrs Geezer doesn't see that, you might have trouble explaining yourself.


I hear Yale University is relockating it's school of carpentry to Florida's Key West. They hope to teach students how to make the perfect mortice and tennon joint.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/02/2011 20:53:23

These days, I'd be happy with a little chubby.


 [:o] [;D] [::)] [:o] [;D] [::)]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/02/2011 21:38:29

I hear Yale University is relockating it's school of carpentry to Florida's Key West. They hope to teach students how to make the perfect mortice and tennon joint.


What? Are you operating on all cylinders??? Teaching students how to make a superior combination of mortice and tennon joints will be addressed by Yale University's keynote speaker, who will unlock the secret to the school of carpentry's success, that is, a much more suitable relockation to Woodmere, Long Island, New York! Even the President's Cabinet has approved the idea.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 21/02/2011 23:24:05
Even the President's Cabinet has approved the idea.


Woody like me to be a guest cabinet speaker?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/02/2011 06:17:30

Woody ever! But you're in enough trouble already with your chubby and now your woody...
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/02/2011 10:32:59
Even the President's Cabinet has approved the idea.


Woody like me to be a guest cabinet speaker?

Yes, indeed e wood.

You must address the chair of the cabinet, whereupon you may table a motion. Be careful not to go against the grain, theses people are knot to be trifled with. They pine for the unaccustomed speaker.

Should your motion be carpeted, you can cushion the effect. you must display unity, but know where to drawer the line.

If your wife wishes to be present, I shall be happy to joiner and will be pleased to furnish you with more tips and help you polish your speach (or spapricot) if required.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/02/2011 16:43:04
(http://rlv.zcache.com/carpenter_gift_mousepad-p144121816510487956trc6_152.jpg)

Once again, Don walks away with an Excellence Award!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 23/02/2011 13:47:22
How kind, nice to know my lunacy does not go unnoticed.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/02/2011 16:01:53

How kind, nice to know my lunacy does not go unnoticed.


This is sick, but the only one I could come up with. The frog went unnoticed in the milkshake because it blended so well.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/02/2011 16:08:37

These days, I'd be happy with a little chubby.


 [:o] [;D] [::)] [:o] [;D] [::)]


And let's not forget The Chubby Award for Geezer!

(http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/hs342.snc4/41571_122447097772719_1485_n.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 23/02/2011 17:47:05

How kind, nice to know my lunacy does not go unnoticed.


This is sick, but the only one I could come up with. The frog went unnoticed in the milkshake because it blended so well.


(http://www.anchoredbygrace.com/smileys/sheildsmile.gif) A pun, a pun, my Kingdom for a pun.


Or should that be a horse?

 [ Invalid Attachment ]

"Horse", I said, deaf head.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/02/2011 19:16:04
I'm hearse, too, I hope it's not a colt.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/02/2011 00:16:32
I'm hearse, too, I hope it's not a colt.

It could be if you've been coffin a lot. BTW, do undertakers have to go to a lot of rehearsals?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/02/2011 04:46:16
Geezer, that's a terrible cough you've got. Consumption be done about it?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 24/02/2011 06:26:32
I'm hearse, too, I hope it's not a colt.

If you're manely horse it's a cinch to trot over to the centaur of town and get some colt medication, unless you want to just ride it out.  If you have hayfever you might wish for rein.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 24/02/2011 07:51:53
How do you know he's not a centaur then?

Because he ain't half hoarse.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 24/02/2011 11:38:47
Are we to be saddled with a herd of equine puns?

I must be off now, I have a bit of work to do, but first I'm going to have some toast with maple stirrup which I shall ram down my gullet. Hope it doesn't give me the trots!!! The last thing I need is to be constantly going for a pony! I'm looking forward to some unbridled passion tonight.

I do hope it doesn't rein while I'm about my business.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/02/2011 00:21:51

I'm hearse, too, I hope it's not a colt.


If you're manely horse it's a cinch to trot over to the centaur of town and get some colt medication, unless you want to just ride it out.  If you have hayfever you might wish for rein.


Donnah isn't horsing around here, she's serious! Don, Geezer, and Sean are too, but they've just been hogging horsing too many awards, so this one's for Donnah!

(http://appaloosablogspot.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/ironhorseaward.jpg)

Besides, no one is superior here. We're all equus.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here? - Deleted by demografx at 2011-02-25 03:47:49 - Deleted by Geezer at 2011-02-25 20:11:18
Post by: Geezer on 25/02/2011 02:05:39
Two posts in a row? Isn't that gelding the lily a bit?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 25/02/2011 05:02:34
Oi! Where's me post?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 25/02/2011 10:01:00
Well there's a turn up, Geezer. Looks like Demo has been postnapping. Has he sent you a ransom note?

Quote
Your posts are OK but you will never see them again unless you do as I say. You will get your instructions soon. Do not contact the Fuzz or you will never see them again
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 25/02/2011 10:30:18
Yep, no doubt about it, you have to hand it to Donnah, she's the main man (well, woman actually).

But I see Demo hoof only given her a bronze award. Hi ho! Silver should have been awarded.

Fetch locks to secure said award until the ceremony. I shall look after the key..... Yup, it will be a Don Key. I shall also arrange the seating so we can all sit our asses down while the town mare presents the award.

I was going to put a piece of ribbon around the award, but can't find my scissors, I cantear some off if that would be OK.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/02/2011 18:23:34
(http://www.mannythemovieguy.com/images/the-lone-ranger.jpg)

Look! There's Don, bringing Donnah's award to her! Thanks, Don!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 25/02/2011 18:45:01
Thanks Keemosabies!

The bronze looks manely like my hair.  Silver's mouth is open (appropriate).  I'd like to pack a 6 shooter like my great-grampa (Tom Sawyer) used to.  The mask could hide some of the wrinkles I've earned in my golden years.

Hi ho Silver, I'm going away!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 26/02/2011 00:28:54
Fetch locks to secure said award until the ceremony. I shall look after the key..... Yup, it will be a Don Key. I shall also arrange the seating so we can all sit our asses down while the town mare presents the award.

Is Demo giving out the award in Sam Pam's Disco? Has he arranged to have the award presented by the Bay Mayor?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/02/2011 01:54:09
Geezer, Don is key, so he's been assigned the task of awarding Donnah.

The mare of Sam Pam's Disco will be kept at bay.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 27/02/2011 06:02:05
Quote
Is Demo giving out the award in Sam Pam's Disco? Has he arranged to have the award presented by the Bay Mayor?

Well I've herd that the old Bay Mayor, she ain't what she used to be.  Seems she bridles when saddled with too much horsing around.  I realize that's a blanket  statement, but I've got to race, so at the post, I'm off.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/02/2011 21:59:35
Trotting off again, Donnah, such a busy life keeps you racing I bet! But don't rush around too much, and be thorough about the bred you eat. And too much racing around can lead to leg cramps, like a charley horse.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/03/2011 02:53:33

Do undertakers have to go to a lot of rehearsals?


Everyone got plastered for the Beethoven rehearsal. It was the bottom of the Ninth, chorus tight, basses loaded.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 01/03/2011 03:41:13
What bar did they start at?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/03/2011 06:46:02
It was in Alaska. A polar bar.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 01/03/2011 11:05:04
Not the Alaskan Polar Bar! That's a real grizzly place. They only sell brown ale, you can't even get a Coca Koala there!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/03/2011 16:47:13
Neigh, Neigh, Don, bear with me for just a moment!

The Alaskan Polar Bar has changed. So please get your bearings.

I know what you're thinking: If you saw a bear foot in the woods it would give you paws for concern.

Think instead of the old saw, "If you can't bear the heat, then get the hell out of the kitchen!"
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 01/03/2011 17:27:45
Oh sbare me the old proverbs please.

Last I herd the place was still so rough you have to sign a disclaimer claws before they'll let you in.

I commented on the originality of sawdust on the floor. "Sawdust! Sawdust?" said the bareman* "That's not sawdust, that's last night's furniture!" The mob then pelted me strawbearies.

*He was in the nude and apparantly suffers from bipolar dissorder.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/03/2011 18:15:05
Oh yes, you're right. I do remember Teddy, the Alaskan Polar Bar bareman. He could barely keep his clothes on, but by all accounts a beary nice guy!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/03/2011 04:03:18
Speaking of clothing, has anyone ever had a Clothes Encounter?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 02/03/2011 06:16:53
Only once. It was in the Bearing Sea, off Alaska.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/03/2011 07:18:28
That's near the Russian Bear!

(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Z-DEoN3ydt4/SNaAF5sOYxI/AAAAAAAAAN4/yGtGmrvblG0/s400/Russian+Bear.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 02/03/2011 11:36:33
I hear tell that was suppossed to be close to where the next asstroid should come down bearing that all the bear facts have been calculated to the most precise asspects of trajectory...
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/03/2011 15:01:51
Karen, that was bearilliant reporting, thank you!!

(http://usa.stockfood.com/images-pictures/Woman%20licking%20an%20ice%20cream-403246.jpg)

NewsFlash! Karen gets Reporter Award  for being at an ice cream store getting the scoop.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 02/03/2011 15:03:50
Speaking of clothing, has anyone ever had a Clothes Encounter?

Yes inded I have and would like to hear of any other such clothes shaves, so sock it to me.

Shall I tell you about it? (pants in anticipation)

I had been working on the Egyptian finds sponsored by Lord Cardigan. It was getting late and I had had enough of work, so I thought I would jacket in for the day. On my way home I decided to skirt around the town. Traffic was still heavy and drivers were getting shirty. 'Button your lip' I said to one as he zipped up the hard shoulder pad. Just then I saw a jumper on the bridge, so I put my boot down. He looked laced with booze. I continued gown down the road until I reached Bromley By Bow, where my need for a visit to the loo got almost too much to bare. I thought I would have to tie a knot in it. I stopped and went to the loo. Upon my return a copper felt my collar. "Ello, allo, ello, you can't park 'ere sur." He said.

(http://bestsmileys.com/angry2/11.gif) Oi! Button your lip, you old fool.

But...... but....... but the vest is yet to come.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/03/2011 15:57:07
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_KIYe7DH8LRw/SxTMUp5HdQI/AAAAAAAACCg/JKw27nqvVTA/s1600/DSC05158-1.JPG)

Gus Albert didn't show up, so Don proudly claims the Award!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/03/2011 16:04:29

(http://bestsmileys.com/angry2/11.gif) Oi! Button your lip, you old fool.


That was a snappy reply!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/03/2011 15:46:22

Oi! Where's me post?


Not sure, but we'll keep you posted.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 05/03/2011 12:12:14
Probably was transferred to the round bit filing system...........

Or removed to the new popular board......./dev/null

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/03/2011 20:06:18
Sean, I'm not sure. I've been to the new popular board...../dev/null.

They insist that the only way to find Geezer's post is by contacting the post office.

Perhaps through your contacts, you know the Postmaster General?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 06/03/2011 11:06:34
I do not know the PMG, but have asked one of his minions as to the POSiTion of the search for the post, and he replied that it was found, but that the post office it was in was a little slow, and the only postman that knew the POSiTion of the post in question was absent from his post, and that if he did not return soon the post would be declared vacant. If that is verified then the post in question would be untraceable and would probably end up at the dead letters office, where it's disPOSiTion would be hard to say.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/03/2011 03:33:38
Sean, this is quickly becoming an imPOsSTible situation for Geezer!

Surely, he will now blame me for POSTulating the wrong formulae for retrieving it, and POsSTibly even have my photograph shown in each POST office for my heinous offense!

He might even "go postal" on me!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 07/03/2011 06:09:18
If you mofos don't knock it off PDQ, the only postal thing will be postmortem.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/03/2011 17:42:47
mofos? I'm reporting you to Martha FoCor! (Forum Contributor)

PDQ? nah, just go Bach to what you were doing!

Postmortem? Don't be anal: over-analysis leads to paralysis!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 08/03/2011 07:08:03
and immobility gets you nowhere.

Would anyone undertake searching the dead letter office for Geezer's mia post?

Karen's so cool!  When I saw she got an award Icecreamed.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/03/2011 16:39:14
This is National Sleep Awareness Week!
http://www.awarenessdates.com/2008/03/national-sleep-awareness-week.html

Doze anyone have a comment to make?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/03/2011 23:40:51

Karen's so cool!  When I saw she got an award Icecreamed.


Whew! I had to read that twice!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 09/03/2011 11:55:39
This is National Sleep Awareness Week!
http://www.awarenessdates.com/2008/03/national-sleep-awareness-week.html

Doze anyone have a comment to make?

I wouldn't dream of it. It snore t my position to do so.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/03/2011 20:36:29

It snore t my position to do so.


Well, since Christmas is only 300 days away...

As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve so no one will know they are there.  One Christmas Eve Santa Claus landed on a rooftop and suddenly he heard a very loud, “Snort sniff honk honk snort!” coming from one of his reindeer.  Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn’t know which one it was.  It happened again, only louder this time.  “Snort sniff honk honk snort!”

Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark.  “Shhh!” Santa hissed.  “Please be quiet!”

He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh when he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. “SNORT SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT!” Lights came on all over the neighborhood and some people even stuck their heads out of their windows.

Santa was horrified.  Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove quickly back to the North Pole.  He lined up all the reindeer and announced, “We are not going to deliver another present until the reindeer who is making funny noises with his nose steps forward and apologizes!”

None of the reindeer stepped forward.

Santa held up a piece of paper. “I know who it is and I have written your name on this paper. But I want to give you a chance to do the right thing on your own.”

Still none of the reindeer came forward.  So Santa did the only thing he could do.  He read off the rude-nosed reindeer…
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 10/03/2011 16:42:32
(http://bestsmileys.com/fainting/1.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/03/2011 16:53:02
Coming up March 17: St. Patrick's Day

I'm green with envy, I'm not Irish.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/03/2011 16:54:18

(http://bestsmileys.com/fainting/1.gif)


 [;D] [;D] [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 10/03/2011 16:58:40
I'm green with envy,

Who is this person named Envy you seem to be sharing your chameleonistic ways with?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/03/2011 17:10:40
Envy and i are able to work that out.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/03/2011 17:31:37

Who is this person named Envy you seem to be sharing your chameleonistic ways with?


I don't actually know, he is so cleverly chameflaged, disguys really good at it. And besides, how much can I really tell since we only once shared a Chame Milo T[ea]?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 10/03/2011 18:57:24
Well since we are talking about tea for two, let's talk about the split personality of our March saint and how green became the color of the day.  Did Pat bring yellow and rick bring blue into the mix?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 10/03/2011 19:21:24
This is not a pun, it's a poem about the award-winning Karen

I see Karen W. and how she behaves
She's clever and witty in so many ways
And though I don't know her I sense she puts others first
Sharing water before quenching her thirst
Supportive, loving, and lending an ear
When those she loves have questions or fears
She smiles when she's happy, she smiles when she's sad
She smiles her way through both the good and the bad
And though you are modest, the human pillar you are
Touches those around you, the near and the far
And so, Lady Karen, you're that rare, special kind
So richly deserving your own turn to shine.
 [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/03/2011 06:33:25

Donnah, that was truly beautiful!  [:)]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/03/2011 06:54:53
Everyone, Easter is coming soon!

My favorite rapper is the Easter bunny, he's really in to hip hop.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 13/03/2011 20:43:27

Donnah, that was truly beautiful!  [:)]
Thanks demo.  Some people were nasty to me recently, so I responded with kindness, but not to the nasty pooheads, but to someone who deserves kindness.  Karen donates her time as moderator, and so I picked her this time.  I see it as a behaviour pun.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/03/2011 21:55:55
I know what you mean, Donnah, some people are often on their pest behavior.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/03/2011 02:57:42
Or is that behaviour?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/03/2011 05:42:46

Would anyone undertake searching the dead letter office for Geezer's mia post?


I thought stray male would be taken to the animal shelter instead?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 14/03/2011 17:20:44
Or is that behaviour?

The British spelling is behaviour, the American removes the U.  Being Canadian, I fluctuate between them.  Is that OK?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/03/2011 17:47:52
Sure it is Ok to vacillate. I learned that at university.

Or was it thru adversity?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 15/03/2011 14:42:27
Well there's more than one way to learn.  Formal education gives us student loans, life experience brings us frequent groans. 
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/03/2011 15:07:33
So THAT'S why they say he or she is now groan up.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/03/2011 16:15:16
March is National Optimistic Month!
http://www.awarenessdates.com/2010/03/national-optimistic-month.html

And don't forget, those who study the moon are optimists. They look at the bright side.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 16/03/2011 05:16:06
Does that make Pink Floyd pessimists?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/03/2011 18:16:00
Yes, Donnah, all the Band members' blood type is b-negative.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 16/03/2011 18:34:55
Bloody pessimists!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/03/2011 20:31:56
Don't let it upset you, Donnah, we can still feel good about the fact that our top math students' blood type is A+.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 17/03/2011 17:32:29
Does that mean most politicians and lawyers are O negative?  Or maybe there's a new blood type: AH negative.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/03/2011 23:59:50
(http://www.solidprinciples.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Man_Laughing_Hysterically.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/03/2011 00:03:50
When you get a transfusion in a Taiwanese hospital, do you receive Taipei blood???
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/03/2011 00:05:38

Does that mean most politicians and lawyers are O negative?


Was that a type-O ?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 18/03/2011 02:54:41
Why?  Are you calling me a liawyer?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/03/2011 04:15:18
A liawyer? Tell me the truth, Donnah, did you - or did you not - walk on your lawn this morning and experience the dew process?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 18/03/2011 04:55:22
Well, I was going to, but then I got cold feet.  Canada + March = snow.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/03/2011 16:48:26
You'll be just fine. For those who live in the land of ice it'snow problem.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 18/03/2011 23:39:15
(http://i1101.photobucket.com/albums/g438/donnah2810/MasterPicturedownload361.jpg)
(Rae, the bear, should be sleeping.  Photo taken from our dining room window.)

It is if you run around in bear feet and eat like a bird.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/03/2011 00:19:51
Speaking of birds, ever wonder why birds with headaches just migraine south?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 19/03/2011 04:27:26
Because they are bird brained?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/03/2011 19:04:39

(http://www.solidprinciples.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Man_Laughing_Hysterically.gif)

Let's savor that one for a moment!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/03/2011 19:58:03
(http://i1101.photobucket.com/albums/g438/donnah2810/MasterPicturedownload361.jpg)
(Rae, the bear, should be sleeping.  Photo taken from our dining room window.)

It is if you run around in bear feet and eat like a bird.

Rae is soooooooo cute. Do you feed him/her??
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 19/03/2011 23:24:07
(http://www.dana.org/uploadedImages/Brainweek/logo_homepage.png)
Brain Awareness Week: March 20th is the last day!
http://www.dana.org/brainweek/


C'mon everyone, a pun about this should be a no-brainer!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 20/03/2011 00:03:30
Much as I would love to develop a relationship with Rae, I don't, because if she is unafraid to approach people someone could misinterpret her intentions and shoot her.  She obviously didn't eat enough to hibernate all winter, and she checks out the compost bin anyway, so anything I toss that she will eat, I set to one side so it doesn't get covered in coffee grounds.  And the bread that doesn't rise might get slathered with a layer of grease before I put it out because she needs the calories.  I don't want her to be dependant, but at this time of year there's little else she can get to eat.  Within the next month her natural food supply should be much more abundant.

Brain Awareness Week!  With an acronym like BAW, how can you go wrong?  If you added His Awareness and Her Awareness you'd have BAW HA HA!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/03/2011 04:01:10
As mostly a city boy all my life, your story from 'the wilderness' is soooooo amazing! I would ask my wife if we could adopt her, but she won't even tolerate cats and dogs (our Aby cat died at 17 - many years ago - and that was just too traumatic).

I like BAW HA HA, it's grown on me...

We're well into the last day of BAW HA HA, and I sense apathy...as well as indifference, and, also, a 'who cares' attitude....sigh...



Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/03/2011 04:17:48
OK, everyone, you have time to redeem yourself, because tomorrow starts:
World Salt Awareness Week! (London, UK-based)
http://www.worldactiononsalt.com/

To double your punning pleasure, the Week is sponsored by WASH (World Action on Salt and Health).

Worried about how your pun will go over?

Just take it with a grain of salt.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 20/03/2011 17:09:53
Fortunately my husband is an animal lover (we have a cat and a dog), and quite at home in the wilderness.  Once we get a barn built we will get chickens, er, maybe eggs first, er chickens...now which was it that came first anyway, the chicken or the egg? [???]

Salt Awareness Week.  I SAW that. [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/03/2011 00:26:18
Chicken or the egg!!!!  [;D]  You're curing my cold!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/03/2011 00:27:45
I know you SAW that, but don't forget the WASH!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 21/03/2011 16:57:54
Oh sure, just because I'm female, you talk aout the WASH like it's my responsibility, and then when I point out that women have brains (BAW HA HA), you tell me to take it with a grain of SALT. [;)]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/03/2011 19:21:28

(http://www.solidprinciples.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Man_Laughing_Hysterically.gif)

Hilarious, Donnah!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 22/03/2011 01:13:37
Can't help it, it's how my little brain works.  Maybe I've been brainWASHed and asSALTed by an evil brainiac. BAW HA HA.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/03/2011 01:26:47
Lazily re-posted from Page 1 of this thread:


                         (http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll149/imflitterhead/Asaultwithweapon.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/03/2011 01:36:44

Can't help it, it's how my little brain works.  Maybe I've been brainWASHed and asSALTed by an evil brainiac. BAW HA HA.


I think this one deserves The Punning Thread Salt Award...not to be taken grainily!

Speech!

(http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090615134237/clubpenguin/images/b/b1/Salt_award.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 22/03/2011 04:23:10
Ooooooooo, thank you, thank you.  It's clear to me that this is a big shiny .....thing (a female technical term), even if it is a bit shakey.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/03/2011 05:18:21

Shakey, perhaps, but not dicey. Enjoy this Award, you are the Salt of the Earth!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/03/2011 05:30:27
And in just a little over a week, we can all raise our glasses, and share a toast to...

Alcohol Awareness Month!
http://www.healthfinder.gov/nho/aprtoolkit.aspx


(http://www.teesforall.com/images/Humor_Toasted_White_Shirt.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 22/03/2011 20:58:20
Ire illied own tunders tand thi splayonwards tuff!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 22/03/2011 21:12:06
Did you konw taht as lnog as you keep the frsit and lsat lteetr of the wrod in palce, it deson't mteatr waht you do wtih the lterets in beweetn?

I wouldn't try it with antidisestablishmentarianism though.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 22/03/2011 21:25:02
Or is that behaviour?

The British spelling is behaviour, the American removes the U.  Being Canadian, I fluctuate between them.  Is that OK?

As a fellow Canadian, I say we can fluctuate ALL we want!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 22/03/2011 21:28:53
Sure it is Ok to vacillate. I learned that at university.

Or was it thru adversity?

Well it's probably University, but then adversity could... teach you, but I don't know I DO like the university theory, I guess I learned the lesson well, from adversity... or was it university.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/03/2011 21:49:22
Daveman! Welcome to punning! Be extra-nice to Donnah, though, I can barely restrain her from unleashing The Power Of Rae <shudder> if you pun too badly!

Uh-oh, now I'm outnumbered! 2 Canadians: 1 Californian!!


Ire illied own tunders tand thi splayonwards tuff!


     [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 22/03/2011 22:08:07
Daveman! Welcome to punning! Be extra-nice to Donnah, though, I can barely restrain her from unleashing The Power Of Rae <shudder> if you pun too badly!

She's liable to smack you with a leash if she catches you restraining her barely.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/03/2011 22:13:23
OK, then...restraining her...clothely!

(thorry for the lithp)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 22/03/2011 23:02:03
But don't get too clothes!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 23/03/2011 02:16:25
With lines like that you might get hung out to dry. Especially after WASH week.

Hey, Canadian daveman, if we smoosh (another female technical term) your nationality and your name into one word it would be Caveman.  What are you doing in Chile, spelunking?  And is it warm in Chile?

I wonder what the demografx are for his website?  How many Geezers, old_bobs, JimBobs, Bored chemists, and Don-1abies?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/03/2011 03:43:03

Hey, Canadian daveman, if we smoosh (another female technical term) your nationality and your name into one word it would be Caveman.  What are you doing in Chile, spelunking?  And is it warm in Chile?


I got an A+ in Spelunking (and Granmar!), but in my college daze I done even bretter, masturing awl kindsa sdubjects!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/03/2011 06:09:59

With lines like that you might get hung out to dry. Especially after WASH week.


NOW I understand what they mean about the wash and dry cycle.

And without a spin put on it!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 23/03/2011 12:30:54
Donnah, I hope you saw my message!

Then it would look like this:

Donnah I hope .y.,
                   ,.o.u saw my message
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 23/03/2011 14:02:55
As for AAM, in Canada we say "I AAM CANADIAN" eh.  At least in the beer ads we do. Which brings me to another point.  In beer ads why do they show so many boobs?  They're selling beer, not milk.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 23/03/2011 14:32:10
I guess it makes us thirsty eh!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/03/2011 15:19:36
The name of the link says it all. Watch if you dare!

http://wn.com/Women_Crushes_Beer_Cans_With_Boob
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 23/03/2011 16:26:31
The name of the link says it all. Watch if you dare!

http://wn.com/Women_Crushes_Beer_Cans_With_Boob


No, no, I didn't go there, not at all.... but somehow I'm not thirsty anymore!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/03/2011 16:34:21
 [;D] [;D] [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 23/03/2011 18:34:49
Why is it that the feet smell and the nose runs?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 23/03/2011 18:41:59
It said today in the newspaper that the two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 23/03/2011 18:45:03
When my wife complained that the coffee tasted like mud I had to tell her

"Well what do you expect! It was ground just a few minutes ago!"
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 23/03/2011 18:50:52
What can be done with these words?

Vial, glasses, ash, cloak?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 23/03/2011 19:19:24
Let's seee..

Please don't put the cloak bottles in the ash can, when the glasses wet it makes a vial smell!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/03/2011 19:56:43

It said today in the newspaper that the two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged!


I demand partial attribution, Dave!


The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/03/2011 20:02:13

As for AAM, in Canada we say "I AAM CANADIAN" eh.  At least in the beer ads we do. Which brings me to another point.  In beer ads why do they show so many boobs?  They're selling beer, not milk.


Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 23/03/2011 20:04:24

It said today in the newspaper that the two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged!


I demand partial attribution, Dave!


The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.



So the current laws don't apply to electrical spies?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 23/03/2011 20:06:43

As for AAM, in Canada we say "I AAM CANADIAN" eh.  At least in the beer ads we do. Which brings me to another point.  In beer ads why do they show so many boobs?  They're selling beer, not milk.


Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.



So they can crush cans without being boobs!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 24/03/2011 04:26:58
Yikes, makes my back ache just to look at that woman's boobs.  She couldn't ride, she'd beat the poor horse to death.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 24/03/2011 13:00:52
Big breasted woman beats horse to death

"He wouldn't let me ride him", she says!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 24/03/2011 17:38:51
Another headline mght read:

Lone woman rides two abreast!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/03/2011 23:35:50

Yikes, makes my back ache just to look at that woman's boobs.  She couldn't ride, she'd beat the poor horse to death.


Neigh! I have no more equestrian to give, Donnah!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/03/2011 02:09:30
It's Harry Houdini's birthday, there's no escaping it!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 25/03/2011 04:08:46
Well I don't want to get roped into it.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/03/2011 04:55:02
Why not? You could teach me all about the rodeo!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 25/03/2011 12:40:59
Don't tell me Donnah's from Calgary (biggest stampede in the world!)... my home town!

Hey, imagine our poor chesty on a brahama!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 25/03/2011 19:26:27
Did not click on the video, but have memories of a stripper called "Fat Annie" who used to work at a club called Airport. I did see her knock out a guy using only what nature gave her, and not her hands or feet. She took him off the stage with one blow, and he landed on the floor dazed for a few minutes. Those were a set of lethal weapons there, under a vest for sure until she started.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/03/2011 20:16:03
I bet she was a knockout! And the guy seems like a real boob for starting in with her. There. Whew. Glad I got that off my chest...it's always breast to be cautious when you don't know someone, some people want revenge, they're not satisfied with just tit for tat.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 26/03/2011 07:36:21
Don't tell me Donnah's from Calgary (biggest stampede in the world!)... my home town!

Hey, imagine our poor chesty on a brahama!!

Yep, I'm from Calgary (though I don't live there anymore) and I used to work as a cowgirl.  So the Stampede City is your hometown too.  Hmmmmm, you actually sound like a friend of mine, your language patterns are similar.  Do you work in IT and does your wife's name start with E?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 26/03/2011 16:52:08
Nope, not me.... but he must be a pretty cool guy! Living up there in the North that is!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/03/2011 23:20:44

Don't tell me Donnah's from Calgary (biggest stampede in the world!)... my home town!


Yep, I'm from Calgary (though I don't live there anymore) and I used to work as a cowgirl.  So the Stampede City is your hometown too.


Calgary? Isn't that where someone was crucified for all of our stampeding? And whoa to transgressors! Today, it's certainly Eternal Calgary Flames for those who don't repent for stop their stampeding ways!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/03/2011 03:51:39

So the current laws don't apply to electrical spies?


I think Dave deserves to get a charge out of this Punning Award for that line.

(http://logos-vector.com/tumbs/5/8/2/58233.png)

(someone at Gold Medallion should brush up on their Elecrtric spelunking though)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/03/2011 07:15:14

...have memories of a stripper called "Fat Annie" who used to work at a club called Airport.


Hm. Firsthand knowledge or hearsay? [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Geezer on 27/03/2011 07:36:54
Presumably Annie walloped the guy with underarm mass?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 27/03/2011 18:29:56
Let us just say that it was not me, but I was a witness, and the guy in question we will just call by his initial of "D". We went there as a part ( unofficial) of a tour of the facilities of a certain airline's maintenance operations, and had a few hours of spare time between the end of the tour and the official end of the lecture day, so the teachers went there for some entertainment, and took us along as a not totally unwilling group. Was in the good old days when the air was clean, shows like that were frowned on by the clergy ( and attended by a lot of them to get ideas or something else) and you could gain easy access to a lot of places as a plain member of the public.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 27/03/2011 22:47:56
Man caught in crossfire as dancer clears her chest after frowning clergy interrupts important maintanence tour.

Mr. D. in critical but stable condition as hearing is regained in left ear.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/03/2011 03:40:03

Presumably Annie walloped the guy with underarm mass?


Hm. The plot thickens.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 28/03/2011 15:01:39

Presumably Annie walloped the guy with underarm mass?


Hm. The plot thickens.

Is that an adumbration to another part of the body?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/03/2011 16:38:16
Underarm mass.

Adumbration? You mean some people aren't smart enough to read this???

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lc8e1y0d-yo/TFhgJqjHWRI/AAAAAAAAAug/FGnW6yZCUPY/s1600/Ration_tin.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 29/03/2011 14:36:22
Not without my glasses.

Adumbration: (n) áddem-bráysh´n - reduction of intelligence as a result of poor vision.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/03/2011 19:49:07
A dumb ration: a ration meant for less-than-smart-ones.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/03/2011 19:25:17
This week is
National Tsunami Awareness Week
www.tsunami.gov

While this is a terribly sad time in Japan because of the tsunami, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but maybe humor can also help? I know, I know, puns are humor?...........

I now anticipate a huge wave of reaction to my post...

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/03/2011 23:15:05
What? Not even a watered-down reply yet???
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 31/03/2011 00:34:34
The tide washes way out first. This must be a biggy because it's really washed out!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/03/2011 00:53:40
I'm hoping that your punchline will bring good tidings!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 31/03/2011 20:23:35
Now this is a punchline!



 [ Invalid Attachment ]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/04/2011 03:31:33

I like hardhitting punchlines!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/04/2011 21:36:24
April 1st came and went. Now I feel Foolish.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 05/04/2011 22:14:40
April 1st came and went. Now I feel Foolish.

Why did she promise something, collect the money and run?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/04/2011 22:45:34
You just can't trust those Springtime romances!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 07/04/2011 22:18:38
Romance in the springtime, now close to six months away, with the cold of winter between now and then. The cold nights, having to use a single sheet to keep warm, having a warm shower instead of cold, icecream not melting in the cone before you can eat it...........
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/04/2011 07:43:49

Romance in the springtime, now close to six months away, with the cold of winter between now and then. The cold nights, having to use a single sheet to keep warm, having a warm shower instead of cold, icecream not melting in the cone before you can eat it...........


Mm, I love melted ice cream in my coffee.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 08/04/2011 20:42:02
I love fresh cream coffee, milk straight from the cow, add coffee and then microwave until just boiling. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 09/04/2011 14:55:23
Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 10/04/2011 21:35:35
But lack of the magical brew causes me to turn into something that bears a strong resemblance to an ogre.............
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/04/2011 21:50:01

But lack of the magical brew causes me to turn into something that bears a strong resemblance to an ogre.............


Yes I get affected the beary same way!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 11/04/2011 23:56:41

But lack of the magical brew causes me to turn into something that bears a strong resemblance to an ogre.............


Yes I get affected the beary same way!


Speaking of bears, how about some coffee and Donnah!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/04/2011 04:20:59
I heard from the mysterious Donnah today, she can't bear to break away from the road, and is power-less with her computer.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: BioWizard on 13/04/2011 06:43:56
 [;D] [;D] [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/04/2011 21:15:27

 [;D] [;D] [;D]


Nice teeth, BioWizard! And welcome to our nuthouse!

A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 14/04/2011 19:31:53
I'm having tea with friends who are well connected.  What kind of tea?  Why nut tea of course.  I just couldn't bear not being around my punny friends.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/04/2011 07:21:17

I'm having tea with friends who are well connected.  What kind of tea?  Why nut tea of course.  I just couldn't bear not being around my punny friends.


Why is tea so therapeutic? Because boiling the water raises your self of steam.

We missed you, Donnah. Welcome back!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: BioWizard on 17/04/2011 22:27:18

 [;D] [;D] [;D]


Nice teeth, BioWizard! And welcome to our nuthouse!

A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"


LOL! I know, this thread is like a nutsie thread!  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 18/04/2011 13:02:59
I thought nutsies wore swastikas!?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 20/04/2011 21:49:12
I haven't had Swasteakas for a long time.  Take a cheap cut steak and marinate for a day, then cook in the slow cooker.  Voila, Swiss steakas.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 22/04/2011 20:03:03
Slow cooker, where you throw it under the armpit. No need for salt!

Iiieeewww!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/04/2011 20:07:34

I thought nutsies wore swastikas!?


(http://www.solidprinciples.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Man_Laughing_Hysterically.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 22/04/2011 20:09:33
Was thinking of a cajun blackened pepper steak! A large sirloin, 1" thick, covered with a 1/8" layer of medium ground pepper (blown to remove the fine powder), fried to medium rare. Served with bacon bits stuffed potatoe skins topped with parmasan cheese! Oh, but where's the pun.... but who cares?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/04/2011 20:20:23
Dave, don't worry that was not a misteak!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/04/2011 02:58:38

I haven't had Swasteakas for a long time.  Take a cheap cut steak and marinate for a day, then cook in the slow cooker.  Voila, Swiss steakas.


You mean marinut?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 23/04/2011 05:46:20
No Demo!! He means "Marry Nate" for a day, then cook him in the slow cooker! Talk about Spiders killing there mates!!! At least he will feast After he marries Nate!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/04/2011 16:16:12
 BTW, Karen, that was "she" not "he"... [:)]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 23/04/2011 18:41:48
BTW, Karen, that was "she" not "he"... [:)]

Whoops You are correct my apologies to Donnah..... Yes indeed I thought it was Daveman's post...LOL even bigger mystic, I mean mistake!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/04/2011 19:13:08
Mystic, lol!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/04/2011 19:15:19
That's daveman, all right, our Very Own Mystic Of The Punning Thread. He reads palms, foretells the future and more!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/04/2011 15:23:58
This is
Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month
www.aboutibs.org/site/about-ibs/april-ibs-awareness-month

I'm sure no one will dare make a pun about this!


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 25/04/2011 19:50:21
I know somebody with that...... She has to be careful what she eats, or else it requires a large truck, with a reefer unit on it, just to keep the toilet paper ( double ply or triple) cool. That and a quick fill cistern.

You could say that at times she is glued to the throne, or hovers above it a little.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/04/2011 20:17:09
A reefer unit? I just learned something new!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/04/2011 02:24:50

This is
Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month
www.aboutibs.org/site/about-ibs/april-ibs-awareness-month

I'm sure no one will dare make a pun about this!


Well, just don't get sick at the airport. It could be a terminal illness.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 26/04/2011 16:52:53
Reefer, a refrigerated trailer, not what the dim memories of your long past youth are thinking Demo...................

Though I will admit that having a moment at the airport can be a long wait, if not a long drop.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/04/2011 00:06:37

...not what the dim memories of your long past youth are thinking Demo...


No need for jealousy, Sean, one day you may attain Wisdom as well.  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 27/04/2011 11:10:34
Wisdom, coming from experience, coming from making bad choices, which leads to grey hair, or no hair, or something like that.

Got the grey, but not Narcissus yet.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 28/04/2011 22:03:03
Who's the bald narcissist with a reefer?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 29/04/2011 20:17:15
This is
Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month
www.aboutibs.org/site/about-ibs/april-ibs-awareness-month

I'm sure no one will dare make a pun about this!


I see much Do-Do about nothing in the future, so don´t get your colin in a knot!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/04/2011 21:14:00

Who's the bald narcissist with a reefer?


He gave it up for Lent 18 yrs ago.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/04/2011 21:16:39
This is
Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month
www.aboutibs.org/site/about-ibs/april-ibs-awareness-month

I'm sure no one will dare make a pun about this!


I see much Do-Do about nothing in the future, so don´t get your colin in a knot!


That's Powell, not bowel!!  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 30/04/2011 00:10:32
This is
Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month
www.aboutibs.org/site/about-ibs/april-ibs-awareness-month

I'm sure no one will dare make a pun about this!


I see much Do-Do about nothing in the future, so don´t get your colin in a knot!


That's Powell, not bowel!!  [;D]

NO, it's knot with Baden Powell.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 30/04/2011 00:14:39
Reefer, a refrigerated trailer, not what the dim memories of your long past youth are thinking Demo...................

Though I will admit that having a moment at the airport can be a long wait, if not a long drop.

Well, that's where a good reefer comes in handy.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 30/04/2011 00:15:56
Who's the bald narcissist with a reefer?

The one on the john at the airport!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/04/2011 21:41:26
National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week
Starts tomorrow - May 1!
http://www.ffcmh.org/events/national-childrens-mental-health-awareness-week/

I wonder if this was set up and specifically intended for the members of this Punning thread?......
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/04/2011 21:48:48
This is
Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month
www.aboutibs.org/site/about-ibs/april-ibs-awareness-month

I'm sure no one will dare make a pun about this!


I see much Do-Do about nothing in the future, so don´t get your colin in a knot!


That's Powell, not bowel!!  [;D]


NO, it's knot with Baden Powell.


Oh, you're just scouting around for a clever comeback.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 30/04/2011 23:41:21
National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week
Starts tomorrow - May 1!
http://www.ffcmh.org/events/national-childrens-mental-health-awareness-week/

I wonder if this was set up and specifically intended for the members of this Punning thread?......

And what if my bowel is still in a knot?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/05/2011 04:26:59
I bet it's knot.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 01/05/2011 12:52:40
If your stomach is in a knot, yet you know it is not totally knotted, then it is not unlikely that you are head over heels in love, is it not?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 01/05/2011 16:15:33
If your stomach is in a knot, yet you know it is not totally knotted, then it is not unlikely that you are head over heels in love, is it not?

Now that's just naughty!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 01/05/2011 19:37:11
It is, is it not?

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/05/2011 21:53:17
Knot so.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 02/05/2011 13:37:32
I'm afrayed knot, but at least I'm not afraid Dave.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 02/05/2011 23:06:20
I'm afrayed knot, but at least I'm not afraid Dave.



However you wouldn't be as strong as before then!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/05/2011 05:36:22

I'm afrayed knot, but at least I'm not afraid Dave.


Sean deserves a Punning  Award for this! His prize - next time he is in Nashville -  is a 1%-off discount on any brand of Club Soda served - at the bar only- at the World  Famous Establishment below! Offer expires May 3, 2011, so no rush!

(http://www.eventective.com/photo/548323.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/05/2011 04:27:23
(http://funandfit.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/mayonnaise.jpg)(http://funandfit.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/mayonnaise.jpg)(http://funandfit.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/mayonnaise.jpg)(http://funandfit.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/mayonnaise.jpg)(http://funandfit.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/mayonnaise.jpg)



Is this what they mean by Cinco de Mayo????

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 06/05/2011 19:59:10
You call that processed oil emulsion Mayo? Not an egg in sight, and nothing in it that is not GM.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/05/2011 20:12:34
General Motors????
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 07/05/2011 14:41:45
No, not Government Motors, but that funny stuff served up be a certain corporation that likes to sue farmers where the patented pollen blows on the wind.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/05/2011 02:06:33
National Doughnut Week - UK
May 7th through May 14th
http://www.nationaldoughnutweek.org/

I can't find any holes in the argument for supporting this worthy cause!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/05/2011 02:08:26
Donut be discouraged if you haven't much to give, every little cruller counts!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 14/05/2011 16:12:43
This should be a jam filled weekend for you then!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/05/2011 02:06:24
I wish I could turn the clock back and jam with Jelly Roll Morton.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 15/05/2011 21:48:32
If you like Red Hot Peppers with you donuts I'll have to give you a Black Bottom Stomp....

And the Red Hot Chili Peppers thought they were original!!


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 18/05/2011 05:57:51
No, not Government Motors, but that funny stuff served up be a certain corporation that likes to sue farmers where the patented pollen blows on the wind.

Do you mean that MonSatano company?  Fits that they would have Red Hot Chili Peppers too.  Nobody's cruller than them.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/05/2011 06:39:42
 [;D] Donnah  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 02/06/2011 03:05:05
Do inmates talk on cell phones?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/06/2011 06:20:03
Yes they do Donnah, but if the inmates are all taken to a supervised beach outing they are not permitted to use call wading.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 05/06/2011 21:00:10
Sometimes life's a bit of a beach.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/06/2011 20:07:04
So you want me to go to the beach with you? I'm not shore I can make it.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 13/06/2011 23:46:42
Then just wave. [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/06/2011 01:20:09

Yes, I instinctively wave at people, Donnah, and it's a natural hi.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 14/06/2011 09:19:51
Now water you lot nattering about? I really can't sea, is it some current trend?

You shouldn't go in the sea, its filthy because the sea weed. (Hehehe, the old ones are the oldest!)

Last time I was by the sea, 'er indoors told me to prepare myself for my picture to be taken, to which I retorted, 'Pose? I? Don?'

I used to like Aker Bilk's 'Stranger on the Shore' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cEr4CCtllA). Nonchalantly walks off whistliN' ep tune.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: imatfaal on 14/06/2011 11:44:45
I sea the pun-meister has returned!!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/06/2011 20:36:26
Oh, Don, I'm really not sure the water in your area is healthy? Yes, we only have well water.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 15/06/2011 00:30:45
well water you make of these five words?
faint, bacon, lava, bra, feat
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/06/2011 01:47:32
I faint if my bacon is not burnt to a crisp, hot as lava.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra...THAT was a feat!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 15/06/2011 10:06:16
well water you make of these five words?
faint, bacon, lava, bra, feat

Fred was in dire straights, defeat stared him in de face, so did de toes and de ankles. Meanwhile, bacon the farm, I was having more luck. “Bravo”, the crowd shouted, as I wrestled Lara Croft’s mammary support garment to the ground. Fay Dunaway rushed to my assistance and the crowd gasped “Fay aint gonna help him, is she?” We were in hysterics, lava? I almost cried.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/06/2011 08:42:21
Is that it? Are we all out of puns? Could this be the end of the 'pun' as we know it?

Dare I say 'pun' full stop, period, en punto?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/06/2011 23:24:57

Oh, Don!

Don't make such a theatrical performance about puns.

Just because they are a play on words!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 23/06/2011 10:39:35
Curses, upstaged again!!!

However, you were a little slow in your response. Kindly be more prompt in the future.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/06/2011 07:44:07

Curses, upstaged again!!!

However, you were a little slow in your response. Kindly be more prompt in the future.



Prompt? You do mean prop, don't you, as in stage prop?

Hmm. For some reason, this all somehow reminds me of the shy stripper who couldn't bare it on stage.




Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 24/06/2011 17:23:29

Prompt? You do mean prop, don't you, as in stage prop?


Put simply (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InTAt2hI_kg&feature=related)

I was going back to the old days before idiot boards (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/idiot_board)

Hmm. For some reason, this all somehow reminds me of the shy stripper who couldn't bare it on stage.

I engaged her for the show, they told me she was a Pole Dancer, turned out she was a ballerina from Poland!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/06/2011 18:13:42

From Poland? So am I.

And ballerinas are really kept on their toes, so I don't see the problem!


(http://poleart.org/Images/HeaderDancer.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/06/2011 20:14:31

Prompt? You do mean prop, don't you, as in stage prop?


Put simply (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InTAt2hI_kg&feature=related)


 [;D] [;D] [;D]


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 25/06/2011 14:55:57
So you like ballet also also(too too)!

I am not overly keen on the Nutcracker. But to get back to the ballet.....
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 25/06/2011 14:57:05

From Poland? So am I.

And ballerinas are really kept on their toes, so I don't see the problem!


(http://poleart.org/Images/HeaderDancer.gif)

I see she is in pole position.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/06/2011 05:18:54

Oh, Don, Don, Don,

That was a pole pun.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 26/06/2011 05:23:24

So you like ballet also also(too too)!

I am not overly keen on the Nutcracker. But to get back to the ballet.....



I can't. I have a high glycemic index, and my doctor told me to cut back on the Suites.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/06/2011 04:48:50
National Columnists Day: Today, June 28
http://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/columnists-day/

Newspapers are a huge part of our society and daily life; Columnists Day celebrates the work of the people who research, write and produce our newspapers.

I hope Don or someone reports how the day went or at least keeps a journal of what went on.

But I'm sure Don has more pressing needs to attend to.

No need to edit this post, it was spell-checked and proofed.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 28/06/2011 13:50:35
There will be prizes for the top 4 columnists. No prizes for any fifth column.

During the day there will be an organised 'Spot the Origami Rodent' game which has been aptly entitled 'Paper Rat See'. Winners will get a giant scoop of Peanuts in a bag.

There will also be a chance to take a swipe at any politician or celebrity in a game called The 'ed 'itter. All guests will be expected to maintain good circulation.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/06/2011 16:59:05
We talked about this post directly above,  Don, but frankly, I'm shocked that you would publish it!

Well my younger son just graduated college, so I'm glad he didn't get any 'ink' (inkompletes ) on any of his courses .

He had way too many papers to write!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/06/2011 03:57:10


So you like ballet also also (too too)!(http://pose7fashion.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/17mila_5.jpg)
                                                                                     mod edit




Oh, tut, Tut, King Don, we all know you just want an excuse to play golf on election day and cast an absent-tee ballot.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 30/06/2011 12:08:26
You may tut most of all, but as pharaohs I'm concerned, it was a valid reason. I don't want to ram esees down your throat, but I nefer tiree of a quick round, aN ile always take the opportunity agmemnon and agmemnon. I's is just that way inclined and am set in my ways. So far as I see it, it's them hor us and they tend to takelot for granted.

Ku fuh or anyone else ptolemy where I can fit Cleopatra into this? I would be hapy to learn hat or anything else.

Ooo look, 'er indoors has made coffee, she's a bit of a nut you know, but I thank her anyway. "Ptah very much, now shu." I wish she would become a nun.

Now I must take my leave of you becosiris going to get my head around anubisness I thoth I would start, or I'll nefer get it off the ground. Oh, and before you ask, no, its not a pyramid scam.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 30/06/2011 12:35:46
I've just sold one of my paintings. "HorRah", the buyer shouted, "that's the bast I've ever seen."
They have now asked me if ah kan arten their drab walls.


I knew my punability wouldn't desert me.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/06/2011 21:52:38
Personally, Don, I think you're in de Nile.

It's only yourself who is getting e-gypped (on the Internet)

You know, hiS AND "her" towels don't fit here, but the S AND does!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 01/07/2011 06:53:24
Cleo patranized the woman in the science forum when she said "Cam el of you to my comedy show and learn how it's done because your humor sphinx: all exscept 'ers."
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/07/2011 20:42:49

Yes, Donnah, Cleo's patronizing reminds me of the time soon after Sir Lancelot moved to Egypt, when he opened his very successful Used Camel Lot!


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/07/2011 20:43:35

(http://themediablog.typepad.com/.a/6a011570c131b2970c014e5f2db9e7970c-pi)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/07/2011 07:37:09
Cinco de Mayo is celebrated on May 5.

So was yesterday Cinco de Julio?

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/07/2011 07:48:05




Oh, tut, Tut, King Don...


You may tut most of all...


At least we have Tut in khommon.


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 06/07/2011 11:11:30




Oh, tut, Tut, King Don...


You may tut most of all...


At least we have Tut in khommon.




I like that one from you tomb me.

I am quite surprised that Geezer (GIZA) hasn't had his two sheckles worth here yet. Me sphynx he must be all out of puns.

When Egypt built the dam across the Nile, they came up with the name for it when an onlooker said, "Cor! Aswan 'ell of a dam".

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/07/2011 00:37:04
Is this another Egyptian Riddle from Don? If I can't figure it out, it ruins my day!

So to feel better, I watch reruns of Dynasty on TV.

Or visit the Empire State Building in NYC.

But I don't have the Luxory of just wandering aimlessly in the desert year after year...


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Airthumbs on 07/07/2011 01:15:20
I don't know all these Yangt zey think it's all about the Egytptians! One might think, Qin Hi Huang for saying that, Zhou bet!

Im perialously close to someone trying to sui me!  People might, i bet, take this to heart. In a way I undertangd  [:D]

Hand on heart were I not joking I WuHud feel the same....  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/07/2011 04:17:05

You must know my friend Won Hung Lo, he's a little embarrassed about his physique...
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 07/07/2011 05:46:22

Oh, tut, Tut, King Don...


You may tut most of all...


At least we have Tut in khommon.


I like that one from you tomb me.


 [;D] [;D] [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 07/07/2011 09:45:40
When I went to our local Chinese restaurant, I said I would have soup for a starter.
"Won Ton?" Asked the waiter. I retorted, "A small bowl will be quite sufficient."
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Airthumbs on 08/07/2011 01:12:16
At least you didn't ask for a superbowl!  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/07/2011 04:56:09

When I went to our local Chinese restaurant, I said I would have soup for a starter.
"Won Ton?" Asked the waiter. I retorted, "A small bowl will be quite sufficient."



I once took alphabet won ton (small bowl was insufficient) soup with me on vacation.

I packed it in my upper case.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 11/07/2011 13:20:47
Well, that's just the type of person you are. Were you all keyed up when you eat it?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/07/2011 22:41:46

Yes. Yes I was, because I like it sooooo much: yes, I'm very font of alphabet soup.

But I'm a good type. Like Gutenberg. He was a good type, even when pressed.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 12/07/2011 09:46:02

..... Gutenberg. He was a good type, even when pressed.



I heard, on the grape vine, he wouldn't stop whining.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 13/07/2011 02:35:42
Hey, the Grape Vine, isn't that where Tarzan works?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 13/07/2011 16:49:49
Tarzan? Yes he worked there, not exactly a barrel of laughs though, was he, and a right plonka to boot.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/07/2011 18:36:13

The first time I tasted wine I  had a blanc stare on my face.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/07/2011 18:48:52
National Ventriloquism Week - starts today!
http://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/ventriloquism-week/

Don't be a dummy and throw your voice away!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Airthumbs on 14/07/2011 06:30:26
I tried to throw my voice away once, thankfully it just slipped through my fingers!  [B)]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 14/07/2011 09:21:28
National Ventriloquism Week - starts today!
http://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/ventriloquism-week/

A reporter from the Daily Blurb said "I haven't a clue who's saying what!"

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 14/07/2011 09:24:02
Too much wine can make your Jacobs Creek.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/07/2011 16:01:52

You can't hold your liquor. Wine not?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/07/2011 16:05:21

If you're always complaining about something, shouldn't you have some cheese with your whine?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 15/07/2011 05:17:06
Isn't punning a whine and cheese party?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 15/07/2011 15:30:47

Wow, Donnah, now we can all see very clearly that nothing cheesy gets pasteurize!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 15/07/2011 21:52:58
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/07/2011 05:12:44

♪♪ I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.


♪♪  I can see all obstacles in my way.....

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 16/07/2011 23:10:17


...and then my knee-jerk reaction kicks in for solutions...

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Cataloochee on 17/07/2011 23:17:05
demografx; True or False and Why? when you  are bored your internal clock speeds up and time seems to slow down but when you are excited, your internal clock slows down and time fly by. I read your material. Cataloochee
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 18/07/2011 18:52:42
Today is

National Get Out of the Doghouse Day!
http://history.holidays.net/index.php?title=National_Get_Out_of_the_Doghouse_Day


(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/photo-4.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 19/07/2011 11:16:21
Ken all of us do that?

 [ Invalid Attachment ]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/07/2011 06:05:10

Yes. If we have a ken to!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: grizelda on 20/07/2011 10:34:08
My fortune cookie didn't have a fortune in it, just the name of the quality control person, Yoo Soon Digh.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/07/2011 03:00:30

My fortune cookie didn't have a fortune in it, just the name of the quality control person, Yoo Soon Digh.


(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_69j7nVK5I7c/S_xC3lKr-5I/AAAAAAAAAXs/zwnjucAA9wg/s320/fortune+cookies.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/07/2011 17:24:07
Elizabethan Serenade (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbLNigDZai8)
Atlantis (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VycZVyApqew)
Stranger on the Shore (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUXmj3Fl7x0)
Jessica (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Swm-j58w94)

Don't mind me, I'm just practising telling fortunes.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 21/07/2011 17:48:03
one (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_4_fF-pIK0)
two (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTUauZaupyI&feature=related)
three (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye8mB6VsUHw)
four (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzq9BQcLnF4)

Ah! Now those fortunes take the biscuit.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/07/2011 19:53:32


Unfortunately, Don, my glycemic index went through the roof just lusting over LOOKING at those vids!

ps - were YOU one of The Shadows???


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/07/2011 08:31:07

ps - were YOU one of The Shadows???


Strange you should ask, I have been accused of lurking around in them!!!(http://bestsmileys.com/misbehaving/10.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/07/2011 14:15:54

ps - were YOU one of The Shadows???


Strange you should ask, I have been accused of lurking around in them!!!(http://bestsmileys.com/misbehaving/10.gif)


Similarly, when I stepped out into the dusk with my wife edit - and two kids,  I had a sudden four-shadowing.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/07/2011 14:21:59
Today is

Pi Day
a/k/a
Pi Approximation Day
http://www.surfnetkids.com/pi_day.htm

So feel free to throw a pie in Don's (or my) face!  [:D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/07/2011 14:53:59
Me an d the wife were going to jet off because we were being harrised into covering the debt of a welcher. A bank was hankering after our money. In our hurry to get away, I bumped into a Frenchman, sending his wine off in all directions. “Mar vin” he cried as he rubbed his scratched and bruced shoulder and noticed his clothing was dripping in the spilt wine from shoulder to knee. I said “You’d still be dri if ter bottles hadn’t broken.”


For the benefit of anyone sad enough to be wondering what I on about here, get a life!
The Shadows (originally The Drifters) original line-up:-
Hank Marvin – Lead guitar
Bruce Welch – Rhythm guitar
Jet Harris – Bass guitar
Tony Meehan – Drums
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/07/2011 15:16:26
Today is

Pi Day


So feel free to throw a pie in Don's (or my) face!  [:D]

WHOOPIE Toss your comestibles down my cake-hole
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/07/2011 15:50:19

The Drifters??? Why didn't you SAY that?

I simply didn't get your drift!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/07/2011 16:56:32
I simply didn't get your drift!

Strange, of all people, I thought you wood!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/07/2011 19:26:59


Oh I wood have drifted there eventually!

Just like a drifter cat that wood never give up, I wood have hardily purred severe!


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/07/2011 20:08:02
And tomorrow, Saturday, July 23, 2011 is:

Hot Enough For Ya Day



(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/photo-5.jpg)



Its hot! Its sticky! And its still hot! Its so hot you can even fry an egg on the street!

So when you’re out and about tomorrow – what do you think we’ll be saying when greeting someone? Go ahead. You know you want to say it!

Is it Hot enough for ya? (OY!)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/07/2011 22:13:58

It was so hot the other day that even the mosquitoes were dropping like flies.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: grizelda on 23/07/2011 10:16:27
You guys are all invited to our new reality show to find the world's ugliest person. If you're all voted off, at least we'll know we left no crone unspurned.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 23/07/2011 17:21:25
Grizelda was asked by la Sûreté to formerly identify the body of whom they believed to be Quasimodo. When she looked at the body she said, "Well, I'm not to sure, but the face rings a bell."
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/07/2011 22:03:24

You guys are all invited to our new reality show to find the world's ugliest person. If you're all voted off, at least we'll know we left no crone unspurned.


You hag no idea witch way that was so offensive!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/07/2011 22:05:03

Grizelda was asked by la Sûreté to formerly identify the body of whom they believed to be Quasimodo. When she looked at the body she said, "Well, I'm not to sure, but the face rings a bell."


Grizelda had a hunch!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 24/07/2011 12:18:30
"Pardonnez-moi monsieur, est-il un tram pour le barrage?"

"Non, il n'ya pas de barrage de tram."

Doesn't seem to work in French, does it, No tram dam (http://bestsmileys.com/lol/4.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: grizelda on 24/07/2011 12:20:39
Poor Quasimodo was in a car accident when he tried to park while lighting a cigarette. His lighter wouldn't work, so he gave it some gas.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 24/07/2011 19:29:21
Is that a Quasi-blast?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2011 19:53:19

No tram dam


At The Univ. of Notre Dame, beaver films are the most popular damn movies!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/07/2011 19:59:59

Is that a Quasi-blast?


You must be referring to:

Phys Rev Lett. 2009 Nov 27;103(22):224501. Epub 2009 Nov 25.
Blast shocks in quasi-two-dimensional supersonic granular flows.
Boudet JF, Cassagne J, Kellay H.
Source
Centre de Physique Moléculaire Optique et Hertzienne, Université Bordeaux 1, UMR 5798 CNRS, 351 cours de la Libération, 33405 Talence, France.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 25/07/2011 13:56:40

Is that a Quasi-blast?


You must be referring to:

Phys Rev Lett. 2009 Nov 27;103(22):224501. Epub 2009 Nov 25.
Blast shocks in quasi-two-dimensional supersonic granular flows.
Boudet JF, Cassagne J, Kellay H.
Source
Centre de Physique Moléculaire Optique et Hertzienne, Université Bordeaux 1, UMR 5798 CNRS, 351 cours de la Libération, 33405 Talence, France.


Now what the hell am I supposed to do with that? I don't know how you have de Gaulle to leave me so stranded.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/07/2011 15:21:42

Now what the hell am I supposed to do with that? I don't know how you have de Gaulle to leave me so stranded.


You're right but give me a chance, it's still Orly in the morning for me to Field a question like that!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 25/07/2011 16:58:35
Oh! Just bourget it!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/07/2011 17:47:57


Now what the hell am I supposed to do with that? I don't know how you have de Gaulle to leave me so stranded.


You're right but give me a chance, it's still Orly in the morning for me to Field a question like that!



Oh! Just bourget it!


Charles de Gaulle? Orly? Bourget? Oh sure, they're very good, but not as good as the Beijing airport. Why, there, they even have a whole lot of Chinese checkers!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 25/07/2011 23:07:27
That's to make sure people are Oriented properly.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/07/2011 23:59:17
Yes! And once they're properly Oriented, they can get in to the Express lines!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 26/07/2011 10:32:58
I'm having trouble keeping track of this....... What was I going to say? Nope, its no good, I've lost my train of thought. I'd best leave it to you two esteamed members.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/07/2011 02:26:01


You know what I like about you? You never  try to railroad us with your train of thought! But I just can't figure out which engine fuels your desires.

Hmm. Your station in life must be important, that's the ticket! So what's the next stop for you? Whatever it is, you're a man with no patience for delays! Your schedule is prompt and our timetables must simply be made to keep chugging along with yours!!




Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 27/07/2011 09:01:22
Water loot of puns in one post! You must have let the air get to your head for that lot, have you had a crewe cut? Some of those puns have been waiting to be used for a long time, the sleepers of the punning world. Which points me in the direction of the old boiler of the station mistress. She would always check the money tendered for fares taken by her son in the ticket office. He was nothing like her, no 'chip off the old block', so we assumed she was 'in loco parentis'. She would get all steamed up if he made a mistake, or something along those lines. She was never on the level, crossing him off her list of good employees, until he blew the whistle on her.

Water tower of lies she came out with at the tribunal, siding with the company all the time. After the proceedings, her son said "Aslef (http://www.aslef.org.uk/)t me shocked. I can't believe the way she was crow (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Crow)ing on."
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/07/2011 19:59:03
(http://www.soulofamerica.com/soagalleries/la/movie/LA-SPE_water_tower.jpg)

Don_1 is hereby awarded The Punning Thread Water Tower Fame Award. SONY Pictures will certainly feature Don in their next blockbuster (and water film it will be!)


(http://www.newscenter.philips.com/pwc_nc/main/standard/resources/corporate/press/2010/city_people_light/CPL_Lucern_3_160.jpg)

Next, Don will be flown to Lucerne, Switzerland to see water certainly the most progressive ways the city works with Water Tower lighting and architecture!


(http://images.theknot.com/PWPimages/9013902918458481/wysiwyg/images/Sofitel%20logo.JPG)

Finally, Don will be whisked to one of the most luxurious establishments water known for its award-winning amenities!


(http://images.broadwayworld.com/columnpic3/2232448Capture256.JPG)

Almost forgot to mention water all-paid season tickets to any and all theatrical performances in London that can train him to improve his already well-honed craft!




Don, you do us all proud here at Punning Thread!

(http://i745.photobucket.com/albums/xx97/JML9999/animated_audience_Applause.gif)


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Airthumbs on 28/07/2011 00:13:22
If you watch the clapping black and white people for more then 30secs it becomes quite disturbing!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/07/2011 03:50:46
No, they're all white.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/07/2011 04:02:15
Today, July 28th is  –

National Milk Chocolate Day!
http://holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/July/milkchocolateday.htm

We can always use an udder reason for a special treat!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/07/2011 05:00:01

...we assumed she was 'in loco parentis'.


Why? Then what would have been the motive?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 28/07/2011 09:10:35
National milk chocolate day!!!!!!!!!!(http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-excited001.gif) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)

YIPEE

No time for puns now, I have some serious scoffing to do......

(http://bestsmileys.com/eating1/20.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 28/07/2011 10:00:37
I recall an old honey of mine whom I was very sweet on. We would Nestle down in the park Rown trees or in front of the TV to watch Coco the clown.
"How candy do that without hurting himself?" She would ask.
She would dream of the day Her sheyp would come in.
"Where are your parents tonight?" I asked and she replied, "Oh, Mars gone to the farm to tend to the cows. Its her milky way to a bountyful milking in the morning and my step Dad, Terry's gone down the pub."
"In that case" I wispaed "show us your snickers!" She laughed and said "You cad, bury that idea." Then she flaked out on the floor.

I think in heinzight, it was a bit krafty, even though I had bought her an Airfix model of a cat........ (WAIT FOR IT......) She had always wanted a kit-kat.



Time for some more chocy now..... (http://d21c.com/walpurgis9/happies/faces/072.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 28/07/2011 19:54:01

(http://bestsmileys.com/eating1/20.gif)
Time for some more chocy now..... (http://d21c.com/walpurgis9/happies/faces/072.gif)


I hereby second that emotion!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/07/2011 06:40:02

"In that case" I wispaed "show us your snickers!" She laughed and said "You cad, bury that idea."


 [;D]  [;D]  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/07/2011 13:35:34
Starting today (July 29 - 31)

World Lumberjack Championships!
http://www.lumberjackworldchampionships.com/


'Not only was I stumped,' said the lumberjack, 'but I was barking up the wrong tree.'

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 29/07/2011 15:02:34
Treemendous!!!

I'll get my chopper out and make a few puns.(http://bestsmileys.com/hitting/19.gif)

What? What did I say wrong???(http://bestsmileys.com/innocent/1.gif)

Just leaf me alone, I'm doing no harm.

Right, now, let's start branching out here. I don't want to sap all my energy on this or I'll be in lumber with the splinter group. Poplar though they may be, I was stuck with them before up the creek without a paddle. We were rowan with our hands to get back to the beech. One of them told a corny joke, so I said, in a Welsh accent 'Willow you pack that in boyo!" He didn't, so I beat him to a pulp. He began to look quite ashen and started pineing for rest. I think he finally twiged it; I was not ammused.

Where would be the best place to learn the art of the lumberjack? The sawbonne!?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/07/2011 16:36:34
Woodn't you know it? Don saw the choppertunity and grabbed it.

He axed no questions, just got on with it.

I bet he's logged many miles to bring punning to a sharpened science!

But doesn't Don know that making fun of a tree is a knock on wood???

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 29/07/2011 16:43:04


Where would be the best place to learn the art of the lumberjack? The sawbonne!?


Yes. But the University of California, Barkeley is also good.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 31/07/2011 11:22:24


But doesn't Don know that making fun of a tree is a knock on wood???



I can assure yew, I did not take the matter treevially. Sitting on my laurels while there are puns to be punned, as pened here, has never been my intention, but I do so with no malus nor with the intent to conker. I vyleaf it is my duty to do so and as such I arose to the occasion.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/08/2011 05:48:36
I know you're not green at this, nature has given you much less bark and far more bite.

I feel sappy thinking how you finally awoak to the responsibility to future punners, that is, to sow the seeds of little puns so they can flower and mushroom into much bigger ones.

Remember, even the largest redwood was at one time only a punny little sapling!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/08/2011 07:21:25
August 1 through August 5 is

National Psychic Week
http://www.psychicsource.com/blog/index.php/3566/featured-psychic/when-is-national-psychic-week-this-year-its-august-1-5/

Now why didn't Don predict that National Psychic Week would start today?????
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: horizon on 01/08/2011 09:22:54
August 1 through August 5 is

National Psychic Week
http://www.psychicsource.com/blog/index.php/3566/featured-psychic/when-is-national-psychic-week-this-year-its-august-1-5/

Now why didn't Don predict that National Psychic Week would start today?????

Out of all the Psychic events, I dont know witch one to go to, Ive heard this one is not very big, its medium sized.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 01/08/2011 10:30:11
I thought it had been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. It seems not though, I suppose it was on the cards.

Let's hope nothing gets stolen at the conference, I just hate nasty little tea leaves, don't you?

Last year there were complaints about the lack of air conditioning at the event. Attendees were heard to complain to the organisers. One said "Bloody phew! t' your air con, its too damn hot in here." His side kick echoed him. But there were few chairs left empty when the event started. During the morning break, medium roast coffee was served. One delegate threw his coffee on the ground in disgust. Another delegate asked "What did you do that for? tell me." Another asked for his beverage to be stirred, the waiter said "Go stir it yourself."

At lunch, a delegate with a cleft lip enquired as to the 'sooth oph the day'. He remarked it was a shame in this day and age that you cannot always tell witch flavour your food is. "Warlocks", Said the chef, who also had a hair lip. Wine was served with the main course. A dinner remarked on the plastic vessel the wine was served in, saying, "I would have expected, considering the price we have paid, the wine to be served in crystal." "Balls! said a rude waiter, "As trolls, oh gee you don't deserve crystal."

Many stars attended the conference. To their horror, scope of the conference was limited due to time constraints.

A satelite event was held just down the road in the 7th house on the left, but there seemed to be little spirit there, despite the main event being relayed to a plasma screen.

Organiser, Sue F Sayer said she can't remember how she coped with the organisation pre dictaphones, let alone laptops.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/08/2011 02:49:00

I thought [National Psychic Week] had been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. It seems not though, I suppose it was on the cards.

Let's hope nothing gets stolen at the conference, I just hate nasty little tea leaves, don't you?

Last year there were complaints about the lack of air conditioning at the event. Attendees were heard to complain to the organisers. One said "Bloody phew! t' your air con, its too damn hot in here." His side kick echoed him. But there were few chairs left empty when the event started. During the morning break, medium roast coffee was served. One delegate threw his coffee on the ground in disgust. Another delegate asked "What did you do that for? tell me." Another asked for his beverage to be stirred, the waiter said "Go stir it yourself."

At lunch, a delegate with a cleft lip enquired as to the 'sooth oph the day'. He remarked it was a shame in this day and age that you cannot always tell witch flavour your food is. "Warlocks", Said the chef, who also had a hair lip. Wine was served with the main course. A dinner remarked on the plastic vessel the wine was served in, saying, "I would have expected, considering the price we have paid, the wine to be served in crystal." "Balls! said a rude waiter, "As trolls, oh gee you don't deserve crystal."

Many stars attended the conference. To their horror, scope of the conference was limited due to time constraints.

A satelite event was held just down the road in the 7th house on the left, but there seemed to be little spirit there, despite the main event being relayed to a plasma screen.

Organiser, Sue F Sayer said she can't remember how she coped with the organisation pre dictaphones, let alone laptops.


How does one even begin to respond to such a mesmerizing post?

Don's talents seem to go....well....One Step Beyond!

One would surmise that he does his best creepy thinking and writing in The Twilight Zone, and not on Ken Kesey's Magic Bus which is more likely the case.

What I really don't understand is why he doesn't make his livelihood trading in commodities/futures, where he would certainly fare spooktacularly.

I wonder if The Water Tower Fame Award went to his head? He has become increasingly prophetic since then. A concussion? Or perhaps just a romantic brush with the notion of becoming a Weather Forecaster?

Nah, he doesn't have a ghost of a chance. His resume is filled with mysterious disappearances. Dry spells also bother him, so  his insistence on predicting "rain only" limits his career chances.

But I have faith in Don, ever seance I saw him start his syndicated Radio Show, "Ask The Healer", on The WOOO Radio Network.

I have tried to slyly "borrow" money from him before, but he always seems to know exactly what I want, in advance, and why. Spookily, even before _I_ know it!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/08/2011 03:09:46
Today, August 3, 2011, is:
National Watermelon Day
http://parkseedjournal.com/2008/08/national-waterm.html

" Watermelons doing here? I told you I wanted oranges! "

Seedy posters wanted to follow this up!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 03/08/2011 09:44:57
Ah! Watermelon Day, now this appeels to me, despite the last pithy post. I shall approach the subject with my usual zest and try not to be too segmented. I should not want the fruits of my labour to be spoilt on this auspicious date. Though I must conseed this time it will be challenging. But I shall enlist the assistance of Baby Spice, with Mel on my side it might be easier, though I don't want that Kournikova girl, so I shall get a moderator to ban Anna. She is a bit tasty though, the apple of her fathers eye and she's got a nice pear.

Now, to prepair my speach. I must get a move on, I have to get a bed for my soon to come Grandchild. It will be needed once he/she has grown out of the cot. Something, as the French would say, 'Apres cot'.

Its no good, I can't figure out what to say. I am grapeling in the dark here, I just don't know what to plump for. Oh man, di are in tricky straits here and that's the truth, would I lie; me?

I can usually do this sort of thing with a passion, but its all turned rather ugly this time. There'll be no star for me!

I'm off, cherryo!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/08/2011 19:40:47
There goes Don again, basketing in the limelight from the fruits of his labors!

You'll never see a band of teenagers cruising past Don's house and pelting it with rotten plums.  (Police describe that as a drive-by fruiting.)

And did you hear about the time Don put an orange in his boxing glove so he could have a fruit punch?

But Don has a sensible plan in life: he will grow fruit trees and live to a ripe old age!


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/08/2011 19:29:32
Tomorrow, August 5, 2011 is
International Beer Day
http://www.internationalbeerday.com/

So let's get ready! Hop to it! Start brewing trouble and enjoy!

(http://api.internationalbeerday.com/badges/ibd-beerheart-badge.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/08/2011 21:38:48

I shall get a moderator to ban Anna. She is a bit tasty though, the apple of her fathers eye and she's got a nice pear.


 [;D]  [;D]  [;D]
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 13/08/2011 20:24:54

Today, August 13, is
International Left-Handers' Day
http://www.lefthandersday.com/about.html

Celebrate your right to be left-handed!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: SeanB on 14/08/2011 12:31:55
Well, i Left it to the last moment to know it was this special celebration for us Lefties, who are the only right thinking people around.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 14/08/2011 17:21:17
Sean, you're right!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 16/08/2011 09:24:05
Tomorrow, August 5, 2011 is
International Beer Day
http://www.internationalbeerday.com/

So let's get ready! Hop to it! Start brewing trouble and enjoy!

(http://api.internationalbeerday.com/badges/ibd-beerheart-badge.jpg)


Curses! I missed out on that one.  Coors, I’m sure I could have brewed up a cocktail of puns in the spirit of this occasion, bud. Wiser in the art of punning than the average man, I may not be, still, ah, art were my way to punification.
Yeast sir, I would have hopped to it. Some may have been light while some larger, none bitter, I hope, but a pale full could have been forthcoming. I could have been the oast with the most.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 20/08/2011 05:31:01


Please beer with me and my line of thinking, Don, but aren't you competing for The Alcohol Of Fame?

Or is the ice cold draft from the window sudsenly giving me a head cold and fermenting my thinking?

At least I'm not foaming at the mouth over this!

Well, I have to go now and mug for the camera. I'm sure glad my problems lately are only pint-sized.




Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 20/08/2011 07:45:24
Well it's been a Hams dinger of a day today and I think I could use a good stiff drink, but seeing that I haven't yet made it to corpse status yet I think I will steer clear of the embalming fluid and stick to the less permanent relaxation plan...and indulge in a bit of the spirits!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/08/2011 01:49:33

(http://www.clipartguide.com/_named_clipart_images/0511-0803-2714-0404_Cartoon_Pickle_Lounging_With_A_Cocktail_clipart_image.jpg)

Hi, Karen! Come join me by the pool for a drink! If you're in a pickle because of today, then my looks should be reassuring!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 21/08/2011 02:01:20
That sounds cool..where are you located, surely not in the High Sierras? Looks like its, down in warmer area and I would love to thank you..... your looks would be just fine young man...
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 22/08/2011 21:13:53

... your looks would be just fine young man...


Why, flattery will get you everywhere, Young Lady!

(http://images.jedessine.com/_uploads/membres/articles/20110416/y6r8e_male03-happy-smiley-smile-smiley-emoticon-000043-facebook.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 23/08/2011 01:28:33
Oooooh la la.......
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/08/2011 03:13:42
(http://www.mymindseye.com/images/Logo02-OohLaLa.png)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 23/08/2011 05:30:43
Awe...very pretty penmanship!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 23/08/2011 23:32:32

Karen, since computers took over my life, my penmanship has gone steadily, steadily downhill!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 26/08/2011 05:35:36
Yes.. I wrote a friend and sent a letter in my lovely penmanship and he said it was hard to read after all the years on a computer.. .. lol....
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 27/08/2011 20:28:48
(http://doit101.com/Penmanship/images/ill034.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/08/2011 02:49:01
Today, August 30th, 2011 is:
National Toasted Marshmallow Day

They must weigh those marshmallows in GRAHAMs!

I bet there's S'more where that came from!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 30/08/2011 02:52:35

Curses! I missed out on that one.  Coors, I’m sure I could have brewed up a cocktail of puns in the spirit of this occasion, bud. Wiser in the art of punning than the average man, I may not be, still, ah, art were my way to punification.
Yeast sir, I would have hopped to it. Some may have been light while some larger, none bitter, I hope, but a pale full could have been forthcoming. I could have been the oast with the most.


While this is far from sad or morose, this post above was specially noted by our BEEReavement Committee.

Certainly not a case of POUR judgement by any means.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 30/08/2011 09:50:02
Today, August 30th, 2011 is:
National Toasted Marshmallow Day

Verily you jest! Who dreamt up this one?

Do you not think it is too marsh to expect people to fork out on this confection in such hard times? Eating too marsh of this could render one liable to frequent visits to the Lavatera. They ar a bic on the soft side for my liking.

Let us raise our glasses in a toast to the late Malcom McLaren who, I am afraid to say, did not repay his debt to me. Mal owed me just a gahstly amount. We wish him sweet dreams.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 31/08/2011 03:49:18
Don, that was sweet of you to say.

You never sugar coat the truth.

And you always treat us with fine punnery.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 31/08/2011 10:37:26
A Punners Lament

As I was browsing through the posts,
Upon the science forum.
I found myself somewhat lacking,
In any sense of decorum.

No matter what was written there,
No matter how serious.
I felt the urge to have to write,
Something quite delirious.

But not for me a simple case,
Of scribing something silly.
Oh no dear reader I had to write
Something cheesy as Caerphilly.

I took the words written there,
And found another meaning.
My puns were ‘oft times very stupid,
My posts quite demeaning.

If only I could be more serious,
Write something educated.
A post of wisdom to make my standing,
Become more inflated.

Alas I fear it never shall be,
I have a nose for a pun.
And so the forum members shout,
'Oi trunky, where’s your bun?'
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 31/08/2011 11:17:30
(http://doit101.com/Penmanship/images/ill034.jpg)

Yes this is much like my writing...By the way while punning away in this thread.. I realized that some peoples handwriting simply makes me feel cursive whoops or like cursing!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 31/08/2011 11:20:10
A Punners Lament

As I was browsing through the posts,
Upon the science forum.
I found myself somewhat lacking,
In any sense of decorum.

No matter what was written there,
No matter how serious.
I felt the urge to have to write,
Something quite delirious.

But not for me a simple case,
Of scribing something silly.
Oh no dear reader I had to write
Something cheesy as Caerphilly.

I took the words written there,
And found another meaning.
My puns were ‘oft times very stupid,
My posts quite demeaning.

If only I could be more serious,
Write something educated.
A post of wisdom to make my standing,
Become more inflated.

Alas I fear it never shall be,
I have a nose for a pun.
And so the forum members shout,
'Oi trunky, where’s your bun?'

Lol..LOL...Thats great! by the way the 30th was also my birthday! lol!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/09/2011 05:33:16
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_UsfhDcgBxwY/TMSrN_S3KXI/AAAAAAAADNo/4p9mTn8qlmk/s1600/happy_birthday_karen_badge.png)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/09/2011 05:45:14

A Punners Lament

As I was browsing through the posts,
Upon the science forum.
I found myself somewhat lacking,
In any sense of decorum.

No matter what was written there,
No matter how serious.
I felt the urge to have to write,
Something quite delirious.

But not for me a simple case,
Of scribing something silly.
Oh no dear reader I had to write
Something cheesy as Caerphilly.

I took the words written there,
And found another meaning.
My puns were ‘oft times very stupid,
My posts quite demeaning.

If only I could be more serious,
Write something educated.
A post of wisdom to make my standing,
Become more inflated.

Alas I fear it never shall be,
I have a nose for a pun.
And so the forum members shout,
'Oi trunky, where’s your bun?'



(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A7lbP7ZfCEo/TY9XiqRluNI/AAAAAAAAF5I/P6lo_PQa5AI/s1600/Rkb+poetry+award.png)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/09/2011 05:56:56
September is
National Piano Month

Tune in and we can tell you the key to what this month is about.

Play a lot, eat with a fork, and keep your pedal to the metal.

Make note of your surroundings. Be sharp. Don't fall flat on your face, it can be a lot of treble!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 01/09/2011 06:43:28
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_UsfhDcgBxwY/TMSrN_S3KXI/AAAAAAAADNo/4p9mTn8qlmk/s1600/happy_birthday_karen_badge.png)
Thank you Demo... how pretty...sweet!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 01/09/2011 14:27:22
National Piano Month!?!?!? Oh! How grand. This is great news baby.

I'm sure Einstein, way before he dabbled in physics, enjoyed the piano. "It will be his forté" said his Scottish uncle. "Eeee bonny lad I've o real good feeling aboot this we bairn." He may have been wrong about Albert's future, but he was a good upright man.

So let nobody put a damper on this month, or pedal any daft puns ((http://bestsmileys.com/clueless/1.gif)). Opps, better put a lid on it a bit sharpish, before some stoolpigeon lets on. I don't want to be laid flat by the Pun Police, especially while I'm wearing a G string........ Don't even think about it... (http://bestsmileys.com/paranoid/1.gif)

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: neilep on 01/09/2011 18:03:08
A Punners Lament

As I was browsing through the posts,
Upon the science forum.
I found myself somewhat lacking,
In any sense of decorum.

No matter what was written there,
No matter how serious.
I felt the urge to have to write,
Something quite delirious.

But not for me a simple case,
Of scribing something silly.
Oh no dear reader I had to write
Something cheesy as Caerphilly.

I took the words written there,
And found another meaning.
My puns were ‘oft times very stupid,
My posts quite demeaning.

If only I could be more serious,
Write something educated.
A post of wisdom to make my standing,
Become more inflated.

Alas I fear it never shall be,
I have a nose for a pun.
And so the forum members shout,
'Oi trunky, where’s your bun?'


Wonderful Don...ewe've found your vocation !
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 01/09/2011 18:36:11
Lol...lol...lol......Now that was completely scaled to fit the appropriate subject...bearing in mind that a note like that could start a crescendo of appropriate punning that would send vibrations through the world of music starting back with Bach and Beethoven...etc....that we would half to take so many rests that. Even a minor note might could start many a new pianist into tickling the ivories!  It would be like a concerto of
unimaginable talent let loose on the
world of music... a grand
performance from every walk of
life....opening new doors with every
press of the keys until even
those bars at the begining are
compiled and added to the many
pages of  sheet music being read by
piano soloists everywhere! Every
chord played with precision and
impeccable timing. It would certainly
set the bench high for anyone just
begining to embark in a carreer of such sustained highs and incredible
lows always keeping their ears alert
so the pieces never sound flat or out
of tune...
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 01/09/2011 18:39:18
A Punners Lament

As I was browsing through the posts,

Upon the science forum.
I found myself somewhat lacking,
In any sense of decorum.

No matter what was written there,
No matter how serious.
I felt the urge to have to write,
Something quite delirious.

But not for me a simple case,
Of scribing something silly.
Oh no dear reader I had to write
Something cheesy as Caerphilly.

I took the words written there,
And found another meaning.
My puns were ‘oft times very stupid,
My posts quite demeaning.

If only I could be more serious,
Write something educated.
A post of wisdom to make my standing,
Become more inflated.

Alas I fear it never shall be,
I have a nose for a pun.
And so the forum members shout,
'Oi trunky, where’s your bun?'


Wonderful Don...ewe've found your vocation !
Yes indeedy he has kind Sir!...lol... precision timing on.    Both of your parts!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/09/2011 19:12:51

At Ye Olde Punning Thread.....



(http://store02.prostores.com/l2designcollective/catalog/SUS01.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 01/09/2011 19:18:27
Like an old player piano......rolling out the tunes!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/09/2011 19:23:26

Wow, Karen, you missed your calling! A punny one!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 01/09/2011 19:56:26

Wow, Karen, you missed your calling! A punny one!
Lol...just depends on the topic sand my brain functioning on any given day...you never know when my tune may completely fail as old as I am its hard for me to keep playing the right tune what with wear and tear on the keyboard.. and wires, that time seems to get me rather out of tune and makes
me get a tad off key if you know what I mean?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/09/2011 05:32:20
(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/photo-8.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: daveman on 03/09/2011 02:34:19
Looks like it needs its 100,000 mile tune up!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/09/2011 05:35:11

You can tune a piano but you can't tuna-fish.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/09/2011 00:09:16
September is
Happy Cat Month!
http://www.littlebigcat.com/blog/its-happy-cat-month/


It's a secret, so don't let the cat outta the bag!

And ask yourself this question: Is your cat finally house broken? Litterly?

(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_tRlky1tMPAI/Sh7qE-QLfbI/AAAAAAAAC5M/XqJLV6RD1-Y/s400/happy-cat.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/09/2011 09:35:42
I don't have a cat! Can I put a fur coat on my tortoises and make out I have a cat?

Ever seen a tortoise up a tree?

Sorry, I'm feline a little tired today. Tabby honest, I'm totally s***ed out! I can't pussyfoot around any more, I have work to do, me owd buddies. Last day at ExCeL, purrfect!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 24/09/2011 02:37:20
Don, we started the poker game, please put more money in the kitty.

And don't drink any whiskery.

Clawing your way to the top may be why you're not feline great.

Glad you could chime in on Happy Cat Month. It's the tail end of September.

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Donnah on 25/09/2011 03:33:44
I'm not going to pussyfoot around, I dropped by fur a little nip and found you cats unravelling the purrrfect thread.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 25/09/2011 21:21:52
DONNAH, nice to see you! I'm so glad you don't play cat-and-mouse-games with us. Always direct and straightforward!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 03/10/2011 17:41:19
October is
Apple Month!
http://windsor.patch.com/articles/october-is-national-apple-month


I couldn't decide whether or not to make spiced apple cider, so I mulled it over.

The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.

She was the apple of his eye and he liked to sit down be cider.

If you're looking for oranges on an apple tree you will have a fruitless search.

An apple farmer with poor yields has to get to the core of the problem.


(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/b58acd03.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 04/10/2011 16:32:51
Now that a peels*** to me. I'm sure a few pithy puns must be lurking around here somewhere.

Will it be easy to find them, or chard. Somer set in my mind, others in the base of my spine or coxis. What a bummer! Ooer, that was a bit strudel.



*** Please note the double pun.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 04/10/2011 21:41:30

I'm sure a few pithy [apple] puns must be lurking around here somewhere.


I'm sure, too. It would be a pity otherwise!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 05/10/2011 10:09:58
I can't wait for Pear month......











(http://www.newscientist.com/blog/lastword/uploaded_images/070905_shapely_pear-776051.jpg)

YES???????? And just what picture were you expecting?

I don't know, some people........... always got their minds in the gutter (http://owlsalive.com/resources/_wsb_161x161_Rock+n+Goals+Les+Dawson.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Karen W. on 05/10/2011 17:02:18
A- pear-ant-ly it ap-pears to be pear season here now as my pear tree is losing its pear in pears I mean pairs...!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 05/10/2011 17:44:52


See, Don? Just say the word and a nice pear walks in to say hi!!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 07/10/2011 12:37:25
Ah yes! And wearing some nice apearal, I'll wager.

Which brings a question to mind; why do I have a shirt but a pair of trousers?

Why not a shirt and a trouser? Or a pair of shirts?

OK, so the trousers go over two legs, but then a bra holds two (eh em, you know what I mean), but its a bra, not a pair of bras.

What's this got to do with punning?????????

Any way, back to the pair pear. A much underrated fruit. Perhaps we should set up a conference to discuss this matter. I'm sure it would be a sensation. Topics could include the use of peartree dishes in biochemical research, pear reviewing scientific research and the application of pearabolas in mathematics. I'm sure the audience would clapp wildly. We could also have a demonstration of how to pare a pair of pears.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/10/2011 04:23:49

Amazing, Don! So things are not always as they appear!

Just my opinion, but I think your exploration of bras and trousers, (NOT to be confused with  _browsers_  that hold up the Internet.) far more compelling for some strange reason. Hm.

Now I hope to pare my waist by eating more of those conference sensations. After all, how can 50 million doctors be wrong???

Thanks for the great education, now maybe we can start a PTA  (Pearent-Teacher Association, too!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/10/2011 04:31:04
Don's Pear Punning Award!

(http://www.giftsforprofessionals.com/images/f8bi9c919031270m/jade-pear-shaped-employee-recognition-award.jpg)

If you lie it on its side, it can double as a peartree dish!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 08/10/2011 04:59:01

I can't wait for Pear month......


It's in December!
http://www.usapears.org/en/Facts%20And%20Nutrition/Pressroom/Press%20Releases/USDA_Declares_December_National_Pear_Month_120110.aspx
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 09/10/2011 11:52:34


It's in December


Can I wait that long? Who knows? Pearhaps I can, I'm sure it will be treemendous.

But what about Loganberries and goosgogs??? I just lurrrrrrrve them. Just one small problem, I can instantly think of a goosgog pun: The weather was rather inclement, so I gave the order to the bird, 'Goose, berry your eggs'. But a loganberry pun?????


Hmmmmmmm......... Ah yes.......

After the harvest I was logan berries into the truck to take to market when a hijacker of considerable disadvantage in height tried to rob me. Well, I was having none of that, but he was too short for me counter as he drew his pistol from its holster. I put my hands up. I did not want this low gun burying me.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/10/2011 05:39:52
(http://bestsmileys.com/fainting/1.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/10/2011 05:58:41
This is
International Newspaper Carrier Day!

Like his counterpart in the postal service, a good carrier always keeps you posted.

(However, the postal service is a mail dominated profession).
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 10/10/2011 06:28:48

 (http://owlsalive.com/resources/_wsb_161x161_Rock+n+Goals+Les+Dawson.jpg)


This is an invasion of privacy! However did you acquire my official Passport photo?????

Harrrruuuummmmppphhh!!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 10/10/2011 15:52:51
This is
International Newspaper Carrier Day!

Sorry, I have to report I have a more pressing engagement.

Edward, bring that 5th columnist over here, now Ed, 'it 'er with this gun, but be sure to eject the magazine first.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 10/10/2011 17:59:08
Do you think International Punning Chimney Sweep's Day might be super-flue-house here?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 11/10/2011 03:42:19

Do you think International Punning Chimney Sweep's Day might be super-flue-house here?


No, but extra-vagcant perhaps?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 17/10/2011 22:16:36
(http://www.halloweenmegasale.com/Images/AnimatedPumpkin.gif)


Halloween's approaching!

Don't forget to pump your kin for any ideas they may have for you!

2 [pumpkin] heads are better than one!

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 20/10/2011 11:47:54
If only your name was Ian, I could say 'Hello Ian'.

Its all a load of old warlocks anyway. Witch day does it fall on? I suppose I shall have to enter into the spirit of the event, it gouls without saying really.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 21/10/2011 03:58:18



"Ghouls without saying"?

I won't fall for that trick or I'll be treated much worse by The Ghostbusters! {fright}


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 22/10/2011 13:04:16

"Ghouls without saying"?



WHOOOOSHhhhh


"Wow!!! What was that?
"I don't know, it went without saying."

Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 24/10/2011 16:49:38
I would write you a letter, but my pen has run out.

****Come back, pen****


Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 24/10/2011 16:53:30
On the first day of Xmas,
My true love sent to me.....

A section of a protrusion from a cliff face in a shallow glass dish spread with agar.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: imatfaal on 25/10/2011 09:59:05
a part-ridge in a petri?
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 25/10/2011 12:39:22
a part-ridge in a petri?

(http://bestsmileys.com/clapping/1.gif)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 01/11/2011 01:50:46

I would write you a letter, but my pen has run out.

****Come back, pen****





When it returns, don't PENalize it just for taking a beak!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 01/11/2011 15:02:01
Have you seen my walking stick?
Yes, it went out for a walk
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/11/2011 05:23:53

Have you seen my walking stick?

Yes, it went out for a walk


Don: stick to your guns, reprimand it as needed, but don't let this become a sticking point in furthering your harmonious relations with the well-intentioned walking stick.



Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/11/2011 05:40:43
(http://i858.photobucket.com/albums/ab143/demografx/23f2e245.jpg)
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 02/11/2011 15:50:50
You left the tap running
How do you know?
Because its miles away now
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 02/11/2011 15:53:11
Senile agitation?

Sounds like stirring up an Egyptian river.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/11/2011 19:52:34
Don, the advertising is out already for the movie:

"See Nile Agitation" !!

Starring Crocodile Dundee
              + Cast of 1,000's of Egyptian Military!
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 02/11/2011 19:57:51

You left the tap running

How do you know?

Because its miles away now


I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: Don_1 on 03/11/2011 09:42:35
I'll thank you not to plug your alternative occupations here. It can be a drain on rescorces to be over flowing with such information.

Anyway, water you talking about, I thought you were in to playing the bass in a group and tending to your crop of plumbs.
Title: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
Post by: demografx on 06/11/2011 02:48:02

I think your ears are clogged. Do you